# 562 - THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT

THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (1999 - HORROR / FOUND FOOTAGE FLICK) **1/2 out of *****  OR  5 out of 10

(Next time, just do you research in a library.  Assholes...)

CAST:  Heather Donahue, Joshua Leonard, Michael Williams

DIRECTOR:  Eduardo Sanchez, Daniel Myrick.

IT'S LIKE THIS:  One of my favorite things to do is camping and hiking in the woods.  There's just something about traipsing along pristine mountain paths, surrounded by towering trees and the sounds of the forest that is both primal and pure at the same time.  It's like an oasis of calm and simplicity where one can release all the silly complexities and headache-inducing technologies of the modern world and, you know, just be one with the world as Nature intended.

Unless, of course, we're talking about the particular patch of woods that our next review takes place in.  In which case, the only place I'll be camping and hiking is the parking lot of my local Shopping Mall.  Any place that is filled with concrete and firmly located in the middle of a bustling metropolis.   You see, our next review is the infamous flick from 1999 called THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, which purports to tell us what happened to three exceptionally stupid college students who went into the Maryland woods to film a documentary on a local urban legend - only to disappear from the face of the fucking Earth. 

I used the term "infamous" because the viral marketing (the first major one ever) for this flick made it sound like the movie was actual found footage recovered by a search party looking for the supposedly real-life missing students.  In other words, supposedly THE BLAIR WITCH was 100% factual.   Naturally, word spread like wild fire that this "movie" was essentially the recorded last few days of three jackholes who obviously ran into some foul play.  By the time it came out that the goddamned thing was about as real as FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 8 - JASON TAKES MANHATTAN, the movie had already crossed $100 million at the box office or something.  Whatever it takes to get asses into theater seats, I guess....

Anyhow, now that we've established THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT is not, er, factual, let's discuss the three morons at its center.  First, we have Heather (Heather Donahue), bitchy control freak who saunters around acting like her documentary on some mythical crone called "The Blair Witch" is Oscar-level material, and is just begging to be smacked with a blunt object.  Next, we have Josh (Joshua Leonard), dude who always looks so utterly stoned and yet somehow is also Heather's trusted right hand cameraman, which calls into question her judgement (among many other things that call into question her judgement - more on that later).  And, lastly, there's Mike (Michael Williams), new arrival to the crew who records the sound for Heather's stupid little witch project.  The only sound he should be recording is his own voice, telling Heather and Josh to fuck right off and go into the woods themselves. 

Our trio of dumb shits start the project by traveling to the rural Maryland burg called Burkitsville, which apparently borders the woods haunted by the Blair Bitch, er, Witch.  Heather, Josh, and Mike interview a bunch of townsfolks who give them accounts that vary in length and eloquence but all essentially say the same general thing, which goes a little something like "If you three idiotic fuck-tards go into them thar woods, you ain't never coming out of 'em ever again - 'cause that witchy-bitchy Blair Ho is going to cornhole y'all somethin' fierce."  Or something like that. 

Now, folks, I'm pretty adventurous - but there is a difference between "adventurous" and "stupid."  And if a whole town-ful of folks told me not to go into them thar woods to record a movie on a cranky bitch who would most likely keep me there forever, I think we can safely say that I'm going back to the closest major city and staying there.   Our three soon-to-be-missing nitwits, however, are of a different mind.  And I use that last word very reluctantly.  Actually, maybe we can just chalk this whole affair up to "Natural Selection."

Sure enough, Heather, Josh, and Mike have barely been in the woods a day, when they start having issues.  Specifically, they're lost as fuck among them thar trees - and the map that Heather brought with her is apparently as effective in getting them un-lost as a condom full of pinholes is in preventing unwanted pregnancy.  Furthermore, at night when they are holed up in their tent, they can hear what sounds like a Mariachi band stomping its way through the wilderness.  Then, as if that wasn't disconcerting enough, they start finding stick figures hanging from the trees - like, a whole shitload lot of stick figures.   Like someone's supremely bizarro version of a dreamcatcher.  Yes, folks, I would say our three "protagonists" are officially fucked. 

So... what is stalking Heather, Josh, and Mike through the woods?  Is it the Blair Witch who is angry at them for trespassing on her turf?  One of the townspeople trying to pull a joke on them?  Or something else?  Possibly...  their acting coaches? 

Snap. 

BUT SERIOUSLY:  Quite frankly, THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT is one of the most overrated films ever.  Put simply, this film benefited from a very clever, practically dishonest viral marketing campaign that made it seem as if we were watching the real-life fates of three missing persons.  There  was even a website, if I recall correctly, with police reports and missing persons files that were ultimately fake. If a film tells you that you are watching the genuine recorded last days of three people before they inexplicably disappeared in the woods, then everything onscreen, no matter how mundane and dull, is going to be charged with tension because you think the people involved are moving inexorably towards their genuine doom. 

However, if you know a horror film isn't real, then you have only its technical merits and characters to get you "scared."  On that score, THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT is barely passable.  Despite all the inexplicably positive reviews this film has received, which I'm sure had to have been from the people and critics who first viewed the film when it was still being passed off as "real", the fact remains that this film is just an average experience.  You have to be able to separate the film from the hype, and THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT doesn't stand well on its own without all its "hot air."  There are those who think that this film "cheated" to get the momentum it needed at the box-office.  I can say for certain it would not have grossed over $130 million if the distributors had used a more honest, straightforward marketing that didn't pretend the film was actual found footage.   The sad thing is this film is regarded as one of the most successful independent films ever, despite not really deserving it. 

That's not to say that there aren't some pockets of creepiness here and there or a few positive elements about it.  Heather Donahue, Michael Williams, and Joshua Leonard as the three leads are natural and likable, since they are basically playing themselves, and their early interactions with the townfolk of Burkitsville, particularly a segment in a cemetery, has a certain foreboding.  Once they're in the woods, however, things get tedious and repetitive as Heather, Mike, and Josh simply literally walk around in circles and just yell at each other in an attempt to show them slowly losing control of their situation.  The same improv technique that directors Eduardo Sanchez and Daniel Myrick allowed their players to use which resulted in natural, occassionally engaging exchanges in the early going, is the same thing that eventually bites them in the ass later on because it just meanders on and on until tension is dissipated.  Better to have used an actual written script to help shape the atmosphere and curtail the excess emoting that is often a downside of improv. 

Also, the sound design of this film is simply mediocre.  In the scenes where the threesome are holed up in their tents, listening in "terror" to the "footsteps" surrounding their camp outside, we can barely hear anything except a few twigs snapping here and there.  Which makes us wonder what the hell the big deal is.  To see another found footage film that handles the exact same sequence in the right way, see WILLOW CREEK  - which was released on VOD and DVD this year and centers on a couple researching the Bigfoot legend in the woods of Northern California, only to encounter much more than they bargained for.  That film is the movie that THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT tried to be. 

The movie's only other saving grace (aside from the likability of its leads and some well-handled early scenes) is the last ten minutes which manages to actually be scary and surprising.  The final shot is also very clever and will make sense to anyone who paid attention to the particulars of the Blair Witch legend that the townspeople shared earlier with Heather, Mike, and Josh.  Unfortunately, though, it comes way too late - and it's not enough to overcome the tedium of the rest of the film. 

In the end, THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT is just not that good of a film.   It gets a passing grade because of some decent elements, but really only benefits from a marketing campaign that was essentially a hoax.  While this film is rightly considered the one that started the whole Found Footage trend, the movie that actually truly set the bar for Found Footage movies is PARANORMAL ACTIVITY (2007), which is much better than THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT.  Sometimes, just because something came before the rest, doesn't mean its the best - or even good. 

# 561 - SCREAM

SCREAM (1996 - HORROR / THRILLER / MYSTERY) ****1/2 out of *****  OR  9 out of 10

(What's my favorite scary movie?  Easy: PEE WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE...)

CAST:  Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, David Arquette, Skeet Ulrich, Matthew Lillard, Rose McGowan, Jamie Kennedy, Drew Barrymore, Henry Winkler, W. Earl Brown, Liev Schreiber, Kevin Patrick Walls, Lawrence Hecht. 

DIRECTOR:  Wes Craven

IT'S LIKE THIS:  If a horror film could ever be bestowed with a Pulitzer Prize, I would vote for this movie as the first-ever recipient.  You're probably wondering if I've lost my mind by making that statement, and I don't blame you.  After all, what's so Pulitzer-worthy about an admittedly very clever, entertaining fright flick about a small Northern California terrorized by a masked killer who, um, uses his (her?) encyclopedic knowledge of horror movies to engage the local populace in a deadly game of cinematic cat-and-mouse?  Well, the way I understand it, Pulitzer Prize-winning anythings must have significant artistic impact in their particular field.  And let's just say that SCREAM has definitely had a massive influence on the Horror Genre - in ways you wouldn't expect.

But let's save that for the BUT SERIOUSLY portion of our review.  For now, let's talk about the peaceful burg of Woodsboro.  We open with local teen Casey Becker (Drew Barrymore) waiting for her boyfriend to arrive at her house one night, while she preps some popcorn for one of their movie nights.  Her, uh, popping is interrupted by a wrong number phone call from someone who sounds a lot like Jack Nicholson, but even more intense, if that's possible.  This apparently turns on Casey, because she starts flirting with the creep.  Didn't her mother tell her not to talk to strangers, especially if she's already dating someone?  Tramp...

Anyhow, Casey's slutty behavior soon catches up with her when her mystery caller turns out to be some psycho who wants to play "name-that-scary-movie!" with her.  Let's just say that Casey and her boyfriend Steve (Kevin Patrick Walls) don't exactly clean up at the game and end up vivisected and eviscerated.  Wait, is it possible to do those two things at the same time to a human body?  I guess you can in a Wes Craven flick.  At any rate, if you were expecting Casey to live past the first ten minutes of this flick just because she's played by Drew Barrymore, then consider yourself punked.  Fool.

It would be the understatement of the century to say the townspeople are just a wee bit freaked out by the brutal murder of two of their own.  The students of the local high school, in particular, are especially concerned since, well, Casey was one of their peers.   They are:  (1) Sydney Prescott (Neve Campbell), sweet, spunky, and virginal good girl who is our most likely candidate for "Final Girl"; (2)  Billy Loomis (Skeet Ulrich), brooding hunk who is intent on popping Sydney's cherry and who look like he's been stealing Johnny Depp's DNA; (3) Tatum Riley (Rose McGowan), smart-ass best pal of Syd's who wields her razor tongue like a blunt weapon; (4) Randy Meeks (Jamie Kennedy), movie-geek who knows waaaaay too much shit about horror flicks to go unnoticed as a prime suspect; (5) Stu Macher (Matthew Lillard), goofy bastard who is Billy's lapdog and Tatum's fucktoy.  Understandably, these young 'uns are all worried that Casey and Steve's killer hasn't been caught - and anyone of them may be next. 

Trying their best to contain the situation are the adults of Woodsboro.  They include:  (1) Sheriff Burke (Joseph Whipp), stolid lawman of the town; (2) Deputy Dewey Riley (David Arquette), doofus second-in-command who makes Barney Fife look like Dirty Harry; (3)  Mr. Prescott (Lawrence Hecht), Sydney's Dad who decides to conveniently go out of town just as the murders intensify (ahem); (4) Kenny (W. Earl Brown), fat cameraman who seriously needs to go on a kale and tuna diet; and last but probably the hottest: (5)  Gale Weathers (Courteney Cox), ice-cold tabloid reporter (I didn't realize they had tabloids in small towns) who would sell her grandmother for breaking a top story.  Actually, Gale and Kenny aren't so much attempting to contain the situation, as they are outright inflaming it.  

Things get worse when the killer comes after Sydney while she is waiting for Tatum to pick her up at home.  Unlike Casey from before, though, Sydney really doesn't feel like flirting with an unknown stranger over the phone and basically tells the killer - whom from hereonout we will refer to as "Ghostface" because of the mask he wears - to go fuck himself.  This basically sends Ghosftace into a rage and he busts into Sydney's house and gives chase.  Fortunately, Billy's arrival scares off the killer.  Unfortunately, when Sydney embraces him out of love and gratitude and joy, a cell phone falls out of his pocket.  At which point, Sydney gives him the Stinkeye To End All Stinkeyes. 

You're probably wondering what is the significance of Billy dropping his cell phone - and the reason for Sydney's ensuing reaction?  Well, folks, this film is set in 1996, when cell phones were about as common as Facebook users, which is to say, not at all.  So for Billy to suddenly show up with a cell phone, just after Sydney was terrorized by a killer using one...  well, you do the math.  Sure enough, Billy is soon hauled into the police station and questioned and is rapidly taking over Randy's title as "Most Likely To Slice And Dice."  Things take a turn for the hilarious when they check Billy's cell provider and clear him of making the killer's call.  Awkward. So if he didn't call and threaten Sydney, who did?  Hmmmmmmmm....

As you can see, tensions are high in not-so-good-ol' Woodsboro - and it needs to be be released ASAP.  Yes, folks, it means exactly what you think: Awesome House Party.  Never mind that the sensible thing to do would be to lock you and your family in your house and not emerge until the headlines blare that Ghosftface has been caught.  If the characters of a horror film did the sensible thing, the Horror Genre wouldn't exist.  And so it goes: Stu and Tatum throw a "There's a Killer in Town!" party and invite everyone they know.

But what if one of them is the killer?  If so, who could it be?  Tatum, the "loyal" friend?  Stu, the "goofy" party guy?  Billy, the "misunderstood" hunk?  Kenny, the "tub of lard" cameraman?  Or is it Gale, the "ice-cold bitch" herself, who just might be manufacturing a story to cover?  Is she that ice-cold of a bitch? Or maybe it's just Randy himself all along?  Or what about Deputy Dewey Riley?  Is he really a bumbling doofus?  Or is that genial dork facade all just an act?  Who is Ghostface? 

Two words: guess again.  : )

BUT SERIOUSLY:  On the face of it, SCREAM is an excellent film.  It is an engaging mystery and  a terrifying horror film filled with sharp humor.  One of the reasons it succeeds is because it infuses the chills and thrills with some light comedic moments, but another reason it truly succeeds is because it never forgets that, first and foremost, it's a full-blooded fright flick and it never lets its self-awareness take over and blunt it's edge.  Witness what happened with 2012's THE CABIN IN THE WOODS, which was marketed to be the next "game-changer" like SCREAM was in 1996.  That movie tanked after a decent opening because it let the hip cynicism get out of control and muddy the waters.  Audiences know when they're trying to be force-fed something - and spat it out.  Indeed, we can't stand that movie - either as a comedy or a horror film.  It just shouldn't exist.  SCREAM, on the other hand, is a true modern classic. 

SCREAM's plot isn't anything we haven't seen before: masked killer terrorizes small town because of mysterious hidden agenda.  But, as we've talked about many times before, the film soars because of that magical thing that can transform a hoary cliche into a fresh jolt: execution.  Writer Kevin Williamson's script caught lightning in a bottle and basically captured the nostalgia for slasher/horror flicks of the past and blended it with post-modern, knowing attitude of the late 90's - and produced a story that is remarkably well-wrought.  Still, the film could've floundered if helmed by the wrong director.   Fortunately, Williamson's script got the attention of one of the genre's royalty: Wes Craven.

Craven had given us classics and near-classics like LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (1973), THE HILLS HAVE EYES (1977),  DEADLY BLESSING (1981), and NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984) - and his skill at presenting and sustaining an entertainingly scary atmosphere is what cements SCREAM's effectiveness.  The wrong director could have easily delivered a less-than-dynamic film, despite Williamson's strong script.  Fortunately, the stars also aligned with Craven's handling of this film, because he gives us an exhilarating roller-coaster ride that is made all the more exciting because the figures in it are all sharp, believable, and relatable - essayed by a top-flight cast.

Neve Campbell is the perfect blend of vulnerable and steely as Sydney Prescott, who has joined the pantheon of famous "Horror Movie Final Girls" that includes Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis from the HALLOWEEN films, Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) from the ALIEN films, and Nancy Thompson (Heather Langenkamp) from A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 1 and 3.  Campbell's unique aura that blends sadness with sweetness is key to making us root for Sydney very early on.  Without a strong, vivid central heroine to anchor this film, it may not have been as effective as it was - despite a strong script and director.  Happily, Campbell is more than equal to the task - in fact, she's perfect. 

Her co-stars are similarly good in their well-shaped parts.  Rose McGowan, Jamie Kennedy, Matthew Lillard, and Skeet Ulrich are all perfect in their roles as Sydney's friends, especially Ulrich who brings the right blend of "boy-next-door" and "dark-and-mysterious" to Billy Loomis, Sydney's boyfriend who may or may not be the killer.  Kennedy, Lillard, and McGowan also get their own comedic and dramatic moments in which they shine - particularly Lillard in the climax of the film.  Not surprisingly, practically everyone in this young ensemble used SCREAM as a springboard to further their careers.  They're a talented bunch.

Of the "older" castmembers, Courteney Cox and David Arquette fare the best as, respectively, rabid and tough-minded reporter Gale Weathers and goofy but also smarter-than-he-looks Deputy Dewey Riley.  These two characters form one of my favorite cinematic romantic couples, since they are seemingly polar opposites but are actually similarly determined and feisty.  It's nice to see the icy, formidable, take-no-prisoners, no-nonsense Gale be melted easily by the "aw-shucks" charms of Dewey.  And whereas almost everyone else underestimates or makes fun of Dewey, Gale actually treats him with kindness and respect and sees past his laid-back, loose facade to the intelligent person within - and Dewey similarly sees past Gale's chilly "ice-princess" exterior to the brave person beneath.  Their deepening romantic relationship is explored even further in the sequels, and to even greater effect (especially in SCREAM 2).  Love these two and their lovely comedic rapport that is also somehow touching.  Not surprisingly, Cox and Arquette fell in love during the filming of this movie and married not long after.  Watching them onscreen together, and seeing their wonderful chemistry, it's easy to see why they became a real-life couple just like the characters they play. 

However, as we discussed before, despite its healthy sense of humor, SCREAM knows what it is at heart: a full-throttle horror film.  Accordingly, it gives us a first-rate parade of scary setpieces that starts with the now-classic opening.  Anyone who watched this film when it first came out in 1996, likely remembers being floored by that first sequence of Drew Barrymore's Casey Becker being terrorized by the killer and (SPOILER ALERT) losing big-time to him.  Barrymore reportedly was offered the lead role of Sydney Prescott that eventually Neve Campbell took, but felt that if she played someone who is killed off within the first ten minutes, then a resulting atmosphere of unease would ensue - one wherein anything can happen to anyone.  And she was right. 

Other great setpieces include the first attack on Sydney while she's home alone waiting for Tatum to pick her up, as well as Tatum's own confrontation with the killer later on when she mistakenly leaves the party to get some beer from the isolated garage of Stu's house.  Unlike many horror films and thrillers that open big, but kind of peter out towards the finale, SCREAM saves its best setpiece for its climactic reveal.  Anyone who is a connosieur of Gialli (Italian thrillers) will recognize the mark of Dario Argento in the revelation of Whodunit.  It's a twist that The Italian Hitchcock has used repeatedly in his films, starting with his first classic from 1970, THE BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE - and Williamson and Craven employ it again here.  Last year, we talked about how the Italian Gialli of the 60s and 70s considerably influenced the modern American Horror Film and Thriller genres - and SCREAM is further proof of that. 

At the beginning of our review, we also mentioned how SCREAM has had a powerful impact on the Horror Genre - not just the Slasher Sub-Genre.  Essentially,  it deserves significant credit for reviving not just the Slasher sub-genre, but also re-awakening the whole Horror Genre in general. 

In the early-to-mid-90s, Horror films were pretty much dead in the water.  They either went straight to video, or were barely marketed during theatrical release.  The Thriller Genre, on the other hand, was doing fine in the wake of THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS' success, with entries like SEVEN, COPYCAT, and MALICE doing strong at the box-office - but the only notable horror hit of the early-90s was Bernard Rose's brilliantly-creepy adaptation of Clive Barker's novella, "The Forbidden", which was turned into CANDYMAN on the silver screen.  But other horror entries around that time like THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS (interestingly enough, also by Craven), HIDEAWAY, NIGHT OF THE DEMONS, HALLOWEEN 5 & 6, and others, all underpderformed or barely got theatrical releases.  Quite frankly, not many of them were any good to begin with.

SCREAM's unexpected massive success in 1996 (to the tune of $100 million-plus in the U.S. alone) changed all that.  So low was the confidence in the Horror Genre at the time, that SCREAM was marketed as "Wes Craven's New Thriller."  It was as if the studio was almost embarassed or afraid to label it as a horror film because of how it might affect the box-office.   Turns out they had little to worry about: SCREAM opened modestly ($6 million in its first weekend) - but then grew and grew and grew as wonderful word of mouth spread - until it finished its North American run with a domestic box-office take just upwards of $101,000,000. 

The effect on Hollywood was instantaneous and immediate: studios suddenly wanted a piece of the Post-Modern Slasher Pie, and started greenlighting their own entries.  In the ensuing years, similarly-plotted (if less brillantly-executed) flicks like I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER, URBAN LEGEND, I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER, VALENTINE, URBAN LEGENDS: FINAL CUT, CHERRY FALLS, HALLOWEEN H20, and others followed.  Then, of course, there were SCREAM's own sequels, SCREAM 2 & 3, which were the best of the bunch.  

However, SCREAM did much more than just revive slasher flicks: it paved the way for other sub-genres within the Horror Genre to become marketable, too.  The newfound consumer confidence in horror movies that SCREAM bestowed is likely what allowed THE SIXTH SENSE to get made (even though it is more of a thriller), as well as THE HAUNTING remake, STIR OF ECHOES, WHAT LIES BENEATH, & HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL - all of which turned a profit.  It's also very likely what generated the massive interest in THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT - which, despite being really quite average, started the whole Found Footage Sub-Genre and led eventually to PARANORMAL ACTIVITY and all the other Found Footage films we are seeing to this day. 

Supernatural twists on the revived slasher template that SCREAM brought, like FINAL DESTINATION and its equally-successful sequels, also followed - which further upped the Horror Genre's profile.  Then SAW took SCREAM's tropes and made them uglier and (unfortunately) kicked off numerous sequels, eventually birthing the whole Torture Sub-Genre which includes HOSTEL and its sequels.  The newly-reinvigorated horror landscape also made it easier for 28 DAYS LATER to be received by worldwide audiences - which kicked off (for better or worse) the whole Running Zombie Sub-Genre which includes remakes of DAWN OF THE DEAD and DAY OF THE DEAD, and eventually WORLD WAR Z, not to mention original entries like LAND OF THE DEAD, DIARY OF THE DEAD, and SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD with slow zombies.  The renewed interest in the Horror Genre also led producers to begin remaking classic slasher films from the 70s and 80s, some more successful than others:  THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, BLACK CHRISTMAS, HALLOWEEN, FRIDAY THE 13th, PROM NIGHT, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, and MY BLOODY VALENTINE all got "re-imagined" for 21st century audiences. 

Quite simply, SCREAM's success made the Horror Genre, and all its sub-genres, profitable and feasible again.  To this day, horror movies are still going strong because of the "Domino Effect" of this movie's influence.  This momentum has been continued by successive hits, like a cinematic Tsunami that is kept rolling and rolling by powerful winds.  But none of it would have been possible without SCREAM's initial impact.   Essentially, it saved horror movies.  For that, it deserves a special place in the pantheon of the Horror Genre. 

Welcome to the 31 Days of Halloween...

Hello, folks...

Just a quick, slightly tardy welcome to our Halloween commemoration.  As previously discussed, we will post 1 Horror Movie Review per day until October 31.  SCREAM should've posted yesterday, but things got just a tad too busy, so it will post today along with THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT.   Then we should be back on track...

Get those costumes ready.... : )

31 Days Of Halloween...

Hello, folks...

With the posting of our last Summer 2014 Movie review, THE NOVEMBER MAN (review # 560), we bid an official goodbye to summer and a warm welcome to...  Halloween.

As mentioned previously, we will review 1 horror film a day for the month of October, culminating with the review for the 1978 John Carpenter horror classic, HALLOWEEN, on, well, Halloween.  Please expect the 31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN reviews to start posting on October 1, one a day until October 31. 

Please find below again the movie listing. There have been a few tweaks based on suggestions. 

# 561 - SCREAM (1996)

# 562 - THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (1999)

# 563 - FRIDAY THE 13th (1980)

# 564 - ANNABELLE (2014)

# 565 - BURNT OFFERINGS (1976)

# 566 - EVENT HORIZON (1997)

# 567 - TOMB OF THE BLIND DEAD (1972)

# 568 - AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON (1981)

# 569 - THE BEYOND (1981)

# 570 - SALEM'S LOT (2004)

# 571 - PUMPKINHEAD (1988)

# 572 - ROSEMARY'S BABY (1968)

# 573 - I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (1997)

# 574 - THE SURVIVOR (1981)

# 575 - PARANORMAL ACTIVITY (2008)

# 576 - ONE MISSED CALL (2008)

# 577 - A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984)

# 578 - DRACULA UNTOLD (2014)

# 579 - CREATURE (1985)

# 580 - CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD (1980)

# 581 - THE OMEN (1976)

# 582 - SHOCK WAVES (1977)

# 583 - MIRRORS (2008)

# 584 - THE SECRET OF CRICKLEY HALL (2012)

# 585 - WILLOW CREEK (2014)

# 586 - SILENT HILL (2006)

# 587 - THE DEAD (2010)

# 588 - 28 DAYS LATER (2002)

# 589 - STAGE FRIGHT (1988)

# 590 - DARIO ARGENTO'S DRACULA (2012)

# 591 - HALLOWEEN (1978)

# 560 - THE NOVEMBER MAN

THE NOVEMBER MAN (2014 - ACTION / THRILLER / ESPIONAGE) **1/2 out of *****  or  5 out of 10.

(I guess this is what James Bond does in the off season...)

CAST:   Pierce Brosnan, Luke Bracey, Olga Kurylenko, Eliza Taylor, Caterina Scorsone, Bill Smitrovich, Lazar Ristovski, Amila Terzihemic, Mediha Musliovic, Will Patton, Tara Jevrosimovic.

DIRECTOR:  Roger Donaldson

WARNING:  Some SPOILERS and somewhat uncovincing Bond-Bourne-Taken shenanigans straight ahead...

IT'S LIKE THIS:   We were going to end our Summer 2014 reviews with THE HUNDRED FOOT JOURNEY and AS ABOVE SO BELOW, but decided to just shelve them for later.  THE HUNDRED FOOT JOURNEY is about the eternally-lovely Helen Mirren running some restaurant in rural France while competing with the Indian restaurant next door.  Or something.  Anyhow, we're saving that flick for another special "Food Movie Week" like the one we did a few years ago.  And the reason we nixed AS ABOVE SO BELOW is because it's a horror movie and, well, we're going to be reviewing a shitload of those (31, to be exact) starting October 1.  No worries, though, because we will dust off that review when the time is right.

So, that left us with an opening, which we gladly filled with THE NOVEMBER MAN, Pierce Brosnan's attempt to show that he's still got some Bond game in him yet.  Given that SKYFALL came out almost two years ago, and BOND 24 hasn't even begun shooting yet and won't be released until next November, and we've pretty much already worn out our entire James Bond Blu-Ray collection during our regular Movie Nights, we're seriously jonesing for some Bond-like action and starting to get the shakes form 007 withdrawal.  So when THE NOVEMBER MAN came out on its opening weekend, starring someone who, you know, actually used to be Bond, we were all over that shit like Garfield on freshly-baked authentic lasagna.  Imagine our immense disappointment, however, when it turned out be more like stale Chef Boyardee.  But more on that in the BUT SERIOUSLY portion of our review...

Mr. Brosnan plays ex-CIA agent Peter Devereaux.  Imagine James Bond, but more impatient and with grayer hair.  We first meet him during a training session in Montenegro with young upstart agent David Mason (Luke Bracey), who disobeys Devereaux's orders and ends up screwing up the op and getting an innocent bystander killed.   To make matters worse, the innocent bystander is just a kid.  Not exactly the best result, I'd say.  Disgusted by the whole cluster fuck, Devereaux ups and turns in his retirement papers and goes off to be a barista in Switzerland or something.  To be fair, though, it looks like he owns the cafe, too.  So I guess it's not too bad of a comedown.

Anyway, if a cynical ex-CIA agent could just retire peacefully and run a cafe on the shores of some Swiss lake, undisturbed by intrigue and mystery and his former boss, Handley (Bill Smitrovich), unexpectedly showing up with the offer of "one last job," then there wouldn't be a goddamned movie - and we would be better off throwing another Bond Marathon party and doing shots everytime Denise Richards spouts techno-babble in THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH.  Thankfully, Handley does shows his fat mug at Devereaux's coffee shop and - yeah, baby - offers him "one last job."

Sure, Devereaux hems and haws and acts like he's as happy in Switzerland as Garfield in a pan of lasagna.  But we know better.  After all, once a spy, always a spy. Right?  Soon enough, Devereaux is passing on the barista duties to his second-in-command and hightailing it back into the Spy Game.  He winds up in Moscow, where he is assigned to extract deep-cover operative (and ex-gal pal) Natalia Ulanova (Mediha Musliovic) because her cover has been blown.  Big time.  Before Natalia rushes to meet Peter, she manages to steal some incriminating photos from the office safe of a certain pervert named Arkady Federov.  This wouldn't be so bad, if it weren't for the slight inconvenience of Federov being just, oh you know, the President of Russia.  God, I hope Putin doesn't watch this flick.  That dude's dangerously-pissed off enough at the Western World as it is.

Anyhow, Natalia hands off the incriminating evidence to Devereaux - right before she gets popped in the chest by a not-so-stray bullet fired by, of all people, David Mason.  Remember him from the cluster fuck operation that opened this film?  Yes, folks...  he's baaaaaaaaaaack.  And ready to fuck up even more shite.  Turns out Mason's been holding a grudge against Devereaux for flunking him in his training - and is ready to even the score, professionally and personally.  Seems the CIA is pitting Mason and Devereaux against each other - but for what purpose? 

Well, Devereaux starts to investigate and eventually identifies one of the women in the pictures that Natalia stole as one Mira Filipova, a Balkan refugee who mysteriously disappeared a few years ago.  It seems that President Federov is very interested in tracking her down because of some dirt she has on him.  But where has she disappeared to?  One person who may know is Alice Fournier (Olga Kurylenko), an Eastern European social worker who once handled Mira's political asylum case.  Unfortunately, right around the time Devereaux tracks down Alice, a vicious assassin named Alexa (Amila Terzihemic) finds her, too - and all hell breaks loose.  And let's not forget Mason who is also looking for Alice and Mira.  Add his ass to the mix and you've got all the ingredients you need for yet another cluster fuck. 

So... where is Mira?  And what does she know that could ruin President Federov?  Does Alice know something that can help?  If so, will she share it with Devereaux?  Or Mason?  Will Alexa pop a cap in all their asses?  Or will one of Federov's secret service goons do it for her?  Will the baddies comes after Devereaux and Natalia's daughter, Lucy (Tara Jevrosimovic)?  And the most important question of all: why the fuck is this movie called THE NOVEMBER MAN?  It came out in the summer, for fuck's sake.

Whatever.  Just start shooting the next Bond movie already! I'm getting tired of bland substitutes!

BUT SERIOUSLY:  Earlier, we joked about how THE NOVEMBER MAN promised to be like freshly-baked lasagna but wound up more like stale Chef Boyardee.  Joking aside, the metaphor is very apropos.  The trailers and press for this flick, while not really promising anything we hadn't seen before, at least hinted at a possibly-solid espionage thriller that combines elements of the Bond and Bourne franchises - with a little bit of TAKEN 1 and 2 mixed in.  Unfortunately, though, while it certainly does juggle all those elements, it does so in a very unremarkable way.  The end result is a very strong feeling of deja-vu and, ultimately, a sense of "why bother?"

The three leads certainly can't be faulted.  Pierce Brosnan wears the role of "world-weary spy" like a second skin, and his years playing James Bond with layers and complexity serves him well here.  He manages to give the paper-thin, borderline cliche role of Peter Devereaux some gravity that a less talented performer would not have been able to.  Just imagine how much better this film would have been overall if Brosnan had been given a real meaty role to play rather than sketchy one that he had to flesh out on his own. 

Luke Bracey is a fresh face and is okay in his role of "brash protege" to Brosnan's "seasoned pro."  Unfortunately, the compelling conflict between Mason and Devereaux that is hinted at early on in the film is never given full flight.  There is a nice, mean scene where Devereaux confronts Mason and his new girfriend Sarah (Eliza Taylor), wherein Devereaux brutally pays Mason back (through Sarah) for killing Natalia earlier.  This brief scene hints at how much more effective this movie would've been if it didn't try to play it safe through most of its running time. Indeed, this segment feels like it belongs in one of the meaner, grittier James Bond films like LICENCE TO KILL and QUANTUM OF SOLACE that unapologetically took no prisoners.  This sequence really stands out all the more because the rest of THE NOVEMBER MAN is so bland.  In the end, though, Bracey is also stuck with even less of a character than Brosnan, and does what he can with it - but with less success. 

The person who really saves this film and allows it to get a passing grade is OIga Kurylenko who plays the mysterious Alice Fournier, who may or may not hold the key to the mystery.  Kurylenko was the best thing in the underrated and misunderstood Bond film QUANTUM OF SOLACE (2008), and her character here feels a bit like a softer reworking (albeit a welcome one) of the enigmatic, dangerous woman she played in that movie.  Whenever she's onscreen, Kurylenko gives this movie some much-needed energy and emotional pathos.  THE NOVEMBER MAN's most satisfying moment is when Alice defends herself against the relentless assassin, Alexa, without relying on any of the men around her - and finally makes a big revelation at the end.  Kurylenko's subtle talents gives this movie what little true feeling it has.  As with Brosnan's untapped abilities, imagine how this movie would have turned out if he and Kurylenko would've been given some real material to work with.  It would have rivaled even some of the best Bond movies. 

Beyond the respectable turns of Brosnan, Kurylenko, and Bracey in their lead roles, the various characters supporting them, both good and bad, feel rather generic and almost inter-changeable.  The actors playing them do the best they can to make their parts stand out but they too often blend into the background - instead of popping and being memorable like the side-players of the best of the Bourne and Bond films.  Also, the script is strangely all over the place and is remarkably graceless and clunky.  I joked to my friend that this movie was "half of a good movie."  What I meant was there are many potentially-great idea here, but they're all half-baked.  While some important revelations and developments (such as the true identity of Mira Filipova and Mason's conflicted regard for Devereaux) are handled very clumsily and without the proper weight they deserve.

THE NOVEMBER MAN's script also can't decide whether to focus on Mason and Devereaux's rivalry, or Devereaux and Natalia's past romantic history, or Mason's relationship with Sarah, or Devereaux's connection to Alice, or Devereaux's link to his daughter, or the whole Mira Filipova angle.  As a result, none of these elements are adequately addressed.    If any one of these threads would have been teased out sufficiently to form the central narrative cord of THE NOVEMBER MAN, it would've been a sharper, more potent story.  I mean, subplots are fine and even necessary to enrich and enhance a tale - but you have to know what the true beating heart of your story is, and always return to that as the movie unfolds, ultimately coming full circle back to it for an emotionally-satisfying ending.  Even the final shot of this film, which could've closed the film on a somewhat strong note, is fumbled royally. 

That THE NOVEMBER MAN is ultimately a disappointment is made even more puzzling by the fact that it was directed by Roger Donaldson, who helmed one of my favorite thrillers of all time, NO WAY OUT - which essentially launched Kevin Costner's career in 1987.  That film was the textbook example of how to create a taut, suspenseful narrative that energetically combines emotional depth and thrilling setpieces.  By contrast, THE NOVEMBER MAN feels tired and routine - a complete 180 from NO WAY OUT's pulse-pounding pace and atmosphere. 

All in all, though, THE NOVEMBER MAN at least shows that Pierce Brosnan has still got some fire in him, and could still knock one of out of the park if given better material.  And it also shows that Olga Kurylenko is not only capable of elevating potentially-mediocre material - but is also deserving of being recognized as one of the best actresses to have emerged from the Bond Franchise and grace other films.  Go, Olga...