(Are you sure that “golden eye“ isn‘t just a cataract? Or a urinal that needs flushing? Just asking…)
CAST: Pierce Brosnan, Sean Bean, Izabella Scorupco, Famke Janssen, Joe Don Baker, Judi Dench, Robbie Coltrane, Michael Kitchen, Tchecky Karyo, Alan Cummings, Gottfried John, Minnie Driver, Samantha Bond, Serena Gordon.
DIRECTOR: Martin Campbell
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and chicks wielding some seriously powerful thighs - straight ahead…
IT’S LIKE THIS: Another week, another wacky megalomaniac intent on world domination. This time it’s MI-6 agent-turned-baddie Alec Trevelyan (Sean Bean), AKA 006. Trevelyan now runs the shadowy Russian syndicate called Janus with the assistance of Soviet fighter pilot-turned-killer dominatrix Xenia Onatopp (Famke Janssen), who literally has thighs of steel which she uses to crush unwary - or just horny - men. Enter everyone’s favorite secret agent to save the day. No, not Jason Bourne. He had another seven years to go before making his film debut. Nope, I’m talking about James Bond (Pierce Brosnan), AKA 007. Bond pursues the trail of Trevelyan and Xenia with the assistance of Natalya Simonova (Izabella Scorupco), scrappy and feisty Russian computer programmer who won the “Survival Lottery” when Xenia and her cronies basically showed up Natalya’s place of work one day and vaporized everyone. I guess Natalya took a coffee break just at the right time, eh? Now, Good Couple (Bond and Natalya) must track down Bad Couple (Trevelyan and Xenia) and find out what’s what - before it’s too late…
THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: You’d think Bond, but Natalya wins this contest. She saves Bond’s ass almost as much as he saves hers. Plus, ya gotta love a woman who is a computer programmer - but still knows how to fire a handgun without being shown how, as well as survive on her own for a good part of the film. Talk about multi-talented.
EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Pierce Brosnan and Sean Bean are great examples of Dark-Haired Stud and Blonde-Haired Stud. Izabella Scorupco and Famke Janssen are great examples of Red Haired Babe and Raven Haired Babe. By the way, Scorupco’s coppery hair in this movie is the shade my hair unfortunately turned into when I covered my gray with my natural shade of Darkest Brown/Black - just before going to Hawaii and spending endless hours in the sea and under the sun. Lesson learned? Salt water and hot sun will react with the chemicals in hair color and lighten your shit up until one day you walk by a shop window and realize you look like Carrot Top’s dorkier brother. Don’t worry - I’m raven-haired again now. But only after an emergency consult with my hairdresser. Learn from my mistake. Cover your gray after you come back from vacation. Unless you want double-takes of the wrong kind. But I digress….
MOST INTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Tons of contenders: (1) the opening bungee-jump scene; (2) the Tiger Helicopter hijack scene with Xenia; (3) the computer station massacre scene where Natalya barely survives; (4) the tank-car chase scene that pretty much levels downtown St. Petersburg; (5) Xenia trying to kill someone with her thighs; or (6) the climactic showdown in the Cuban reservoir. The winner? Natalya’s THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR scene at the computer station. Go, girl!
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY EXCITING SCENE: Bond demands that Natalya tell him everything she knows about Janus. Natalya, not trusting him yet, says she doesn’t know anything. Bond grabs Natalya and yells “I don’t believe you!” Natalya yells back: “I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE!” Ha ha ha. Love that scene for some reason. Bond got owned big time. I love this woman. Oh, and the scene where M (Judi Dench) calls Bond a “sexist misogynist dinosaur” gives me chills, too. That woman rocks, too.
HOTTEST SCENE: Trevelyan trying to prove to Natalya what a stud muffin he is while holding her captive on his train. Sorry, I know he’s evil but if I was Natalya I’d be all over his blonde ass. It’s the bad boy thing, you know?
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Will Bond and Natalya figure out what Trevelyan and Xenia are up to? Will Trevelyan and Xenia outwit them instead? What kind of cool gadgets will Q foist on Bond for this adventure? Will they help save his hide? Will Bond’s American contact Wade (Joe Don Baker) also be able to help? What does the Russian secret weapon called “GoldenEye” have to do with Trevelyan’s plan? What does Natalya know about it - and will she trust Bond in time to help him stop whatever heinous shit is about to go down? And - most importantly - was Natalya’s hair supposed to be as dark as Xenia’s - but got bleached by too much sea water and sun? If so: girl, I feel your pain…
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “GOLDENEYE”: If you like your Bond movies to be a good balance of action and drama, light and serious, with charismatic villains, and Bond Girls who are definitely more than girls.
WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “GOLDENEYE”: If you loathe the James Bond series. Period.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: In the summer of 1989, the 15th Bond film was released. It was titled LICENCE TO KILL (review # 33), and despite being one of the strongest recent entries in the canon, it underperformed at the North American box office - causing it to be labeled a misfire, at best, or an outright bomb, at worst. Our review of LICENCE TO KILL dissects the reasons for its “failure”, as well as its many strengths and eventual widespread recognition as a very good Bond film. The fact remains, however, that it divided audiences sharply when it came out.
Add to that Metro Goldwyn Mayer’s financial brouhaha and the battle over the rights to the Bond franchise, and the result was a delay in production and release of the next Bond film (originally slated for 1991). Eventually, United Artists acquired the Bond franchise and Pierce Brosnan was brought on board when Timothy Dalton (a very good Bond in his own right) declined to come back for a third outing (his first was THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS - review coming). Before you knew it, Bond # 16 (titled GOLDENEYE) was in production, and it looked like the Bond series would go on fighting, after all.
But many quarters were still nervous in the year leading up to the film’s release in November 1995. There was some belief that the six-year gap between LICENCE TO KILL and GOLDENEYE had weakened interest in the series. There was also speculation that strong action franchises like the LETHAL WEAPON films and the Jack Ryan adventures (CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER and PATRIOT GAMES) would give the Bond series some serious competition. Bottom line: there were many folks who feared that GOLDENEYE would open weakly the way LICENCE TO KILL did six years before. It wasn’t until November 17, 1995 that we all knew for sure what the future of the Bond franchise would be.
It was going to be a very, very bright one.
I saw GOLDENEYE one week before its national release in November 1995. A theater near school was having an advance press screening - and a friend and I contrived to pose as journalists and sneak in. We had an inside person in the form of the manager of the theater who was a pal of ours, and arranged for us to get in. My friend and I dressed ourselves up in what we thought journalists would wear (cords, blazers with elbow patches, sensible shoes) and got in line with our notepads. I don’t know if security really thought we were reporters and didn’t bother to check our credentials at the door, or if they were just as excited about the movie.
The point is, we got in. And spent the next two hours in Cinematic Heaven… Put simply, GOLDENEYE is an excellent Bond film - and it dispelled any fears that the Bond series was dead in the water - or even had one foot in the grave. No, sir. It was alive and well - and GOLDENEYE was celluloid proof of that. It has even moved even higher up lately in my list of TOP 10 BOND FILMS to land at # 1:
1. GOLDENEYE (1995)
2. THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH (1999)
3. FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE (1963)
4. QUANTUM OF SOLACE (2008)
5. LICENCE TO KILL (1989)
6. CASINO ROYALE (2006)
7. THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS (1987)
8. GOLDFINGER (1966)
9. FOR YOUR EYES ONLY (1982)
10. THUNDERBALL (1966)
GOLDENEYE gets so many things right. Pierce Brosnan proves to be a worthy heir to the James Bond role, blending light and dark shadings to the character. He has some of Sean Connery’s swagger, Timothy Dalton’s menace, and Roger Moore’s insouciance - blending all of these together in just the right doses. He’s just as effective flirting in a casino with Xenia, as he is having a no-nonsense confrontation with the Russian defense minister played by Tcheky Karyo, as well as his nemesis Alec Trevelyan. Same thing with his scenes with Natalya, which start out grim and serious because of how they are thrown together - then turn melancholy and touching, like the scene on the beach in Cuba where she asks how about his troubled relationship with Alec. This is a scene of surprising depth and nuance, and is well-played by both Brosnan and Izabella Scorupco.
Speaking of Alec Trevelyan, he is easily one of the best villains in the series, right up there with Franz Sanchez (LICENCE TO KILL), Elektra King (THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH), Auric Goldfinger (GOLDFINGER), and Ernst Blofeld (YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE and other 60’s/Early 70’s Bond films). In fact, he’s almost like an “anti-Bond” - Bond’s dark side reflection who is equally handsome and lethal. The difference is Trevelyan is out for his own personal gain and is motivated by revenge, while Bond is loyal to Queen and Country. We’ve talked about how thrillers (and most Bond films are thrillers with action) are only as strong as their baddies - and with GOLDENEYE we have one very compelling baddie.
On the subject of baddies, model-turned-actress Famke Janssen delivers a memorable henchwoman in the form of Xenia Onatopp. Gorgeous, unpredictable, and sexy in a very cat-like way, Onatopp makes for a formidable ally to Trevelyan and a dangerous foe to Bond and Natalya. Her modus operandi of crushing men with her thighs is a unique one and instantly sets her apart from all the other henchwomen who came before her. It also helps that Janssen attacks the role with gusto and sells the character, however over-the-top she may be. Janssen would use this role as a springboard to equally strong work in big studio movies like X-MEN (and its sequels), I SPY, HIDE AND SEEK, THE GINGERBREAD MAN, TAKEN, DON’T SAY A WORD, and CELEBRITY, as well as smaller indie fare like LOVE AND SEX, CITY OF INDUSTRY, 100 FEET, and THE WACKNESS.
As far as the film’s main Bond girl, Natalya Simonova is my #1 Bond Girl of All Time. As played by the gifted Izabella Scorupco, Natalya is the perfect heroine even for a non-Bond movie. The great thing about Natalya is how “Hitchcockian” she is: an ordinary woman thrust into an extraordinary situation. She’s no mercenary like Pam Bouvier (LICENCE TO KILL) or a trained agent like Jinx Johnson (DIE ANOTHER DAY), Camille Montes (QUANTUM OF SOLACE), or Eve (the latest Bond film SKYFALL - due next year). Natalya’s just a computer programmer living a humble, routine existence - until the Janus syndicate wipes out her friends and co-workers and forces her to go on the run, using only her wits to stay alive. She instantly becomes our “eyes” into this world of espionage.
Natalya represents the class of Bond Girl that Kara Milovy (THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS), Vesper Lynd (CASINO ROYALE), and Dr. Christmas Jones (THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH) belong to. They’re all minding their own business when they get pulled into the fray that Bond ignites. The difference between Natalya and those ladies, though, is Natalya gets a surprising amount of solo screen time away from Bond. During these scenes we get to see her at her most resourceful and resilient. Prime examples are the attack on the Severnaya computer station that she barely survives, and her subsequent lone journey through the wilds of Siberia back to civilization where she must elude the villains and figure out what’s going on. She connects with Bond quite by chance - but by the time she hooks up with him, she’s already survived a lot on her own.
Izabella Scorupco is so good as Natalya, that she could’ve gone on to forge a major Hollywood career after GOLDENEYE. She was subsequently offered the female leads in L.A. CONFIDENTIAL (which Kim Basinger won an Oscar for) and THE MASK OF ZORRO (which launched Catherine Zeta Jones). Instead, however, she turned down both roles and pretty much chose a more low-key life. You have to admire someone like that. I’m just thankful that Scorupco accepted the role of Natalya Simonova. I heard at one time that supermodels Elle MacPherson and Paulina Porizkova were each offered the role at some point. Both are fine actresses, but I just don’t see either of them bringing the same intriguing blend of strength, smarts, and soul that Izabella Scorupco brought to the role. That’s the mark of a great performance.
The supporting cast is great, with Judi Dench delivering a nicely pragmatic and assertive female M. It was very smart of the producers to insist on giving Bond a female boss. In this film, Dench imbues the M-Bond relationship with a somewhat maternal vibe. You can’t help but see her as the mother figure trying to control and mentor a gifted but volatile son in the form of Bond. This interesting connection between the two characters would develop in subsequent Bond movies. I can’t wait to see how SKYFALL, the latest Bond film in production now, will further explore the M-Bond dynamic.
In the end, director Martin Campbell and his perfectly-cast performers deserve major kudos for not only reviving the Bond franchise after a period of uncertainty, but also giving us one of the strongest entries in the series. GOLDENEYE marks a golden debut for Pierce Brosnan in the role of the world-famous super spy - and paved the way for the Bond franchise to successfully transition into the 21st century…
And it gave us Natalya Simonova, the Best Bond Lady ever.
Now check out GOLDENEYE’s opening credits below. I remember first watching them in that press screening back in 1995, me and my buddy posing as baby-faced reporters, and having that delicious feeling that we were about to witness something grand. We were right...
