(Work that ghost-face make-up and kimono, girlfriends…)
CAST: Ziyi Zhang, Gong Li, Michelle Yeoh, Ken Watanabe, Kaori Momoi, Youki Koudoh, Suzuki Ohgo, Koji Yakusho, Cary Hiroyuki-Tagawa, Ted Levine, Eugenia Yuan.
DIRECTOR: Rob Marshall
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some smokin’ hot escorts, er, hookers, er, courtesans, er, geishas, er, whatevers - straight ahead…
IT’S LIKE THIS: Let me clarify something upfront: Geishas are not prostitutes. They do not sell their bodies for sex. Nope. Instead, they sell their, ahem, “artistic” services such as, uh, dancing, playing music, pouring tea, doting, flattering, chatting, and basically showing their, um, clients a good time. Oh, and when they are teenagers, a bidding war is held over their, uh, “mizuage“. If you’re thinking that’s some sort of rare type of miso soup, allow me to let you down hard: “mizuage” means “virginity”, folks. Yup. Basically, a bunch of rich guys throw down their yen (a lot of it) to see who gets bragging rights for popping that Geisha’s cherry.
Well, I guess they kind of are like hookers then, huh?
Whatever. Anyhow, our next review chronicles the “Cinderella” story of grey-eyed Japanese chick Sayuri (Ziyi Zhang as an adult, Suzuki Ohgo as a child) as she goes from being a humble fishing village orphan, to the persecuted maid of a Kyoto okiya (geisha house), to finally becoming a geisha herself. Apparently, these chicks were the supermodels of their time - and the hottest of them all is Hatsumomo (Gong Li), an icily dangerous diva who is like Elektra King, Catherine Trammell, and Hannibal Lecter in Kabuki make-up. Hatsumomo is the queen of her okiya, and doesn’t particularly cherish the idea of Sayuri dethroning her anytime soon. Things get even more interesting when Sayuri falls in love with The Chairman (Ken Watanabe) after he buys her some flavored ice one day (don’t ask).
Then, as if all that wasn’t complicated enough, Sayuri acquires a mentor in the form of super-kind and graciously elegant Mameha (Michelle Yeoh), who is basically the most-loved geisha in the whole city (as opposed to Hatsumomo, who is the most beautiful but also most-feared). When Hatsumomo gets wind that her nemesis Mameha is grooming Sayuri as her protege, things get even more intense in the okiya - even more intense than the upcoming soccer game this Sunday between bitter rivals AC Milan and Inter-Milan. And when we’re talking about something trumping those hot-blooded Italian calcio fanatics, that’s saying something.
Let’s sit back and watch the fur fly, shall we? Ladies, on my mark, let the catfights begin…
Sayuri, Mameha, and Hatsumomo…
THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Mameha, all the way… Love, love, love this chick. Basically my cinematic role model. As in: when I run into a sticky situation, I think: “What would Mameha do?“ Seriously. Not that I always succeed in emulating her. But, hey, at least I try…
EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: This is basically the Ziyi/Michelle/Gong show. Those cheekbones are probably the most-requested in Beverly Hills plastic surgeons’ offices. Oh, and Ken Watanabe is probably the hottest Japanese guy I’ve ever seen - in or out of Japan.
MOST INTENTIONALLY TOUCHING SCENE: The ending. And that’s all I’m going to say…
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY TOUCHING SCENE: The protective Mameha apologizing to Sayuri for not doing a better job of protecting her from The Baron (Cary Hiroyuki-Tagawa), Mameha’s sleazy danna (sugar daddy). And also Mameha taking Sayuri under her wing - and teaching her everything she needs to know about being a Geisha - in record time. Go, sisterz…
HOTTEST SCENE: That ending. Again, that’s all I’m going to say… Oh, and the scene where Mameha teaches Sayuri how to stop a man in his tracks - with just one look. Let’s just say a certain dude on a bike goes ass-over-teakettle when he catches Sayuri’s “let’s-get-it-on-homey” bedroom eyes. Ouch.
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: So… will Mameha succeed in transforming Sayuri into the most successful Geisha ever? Will Hatsumomo just stand by and let that happen? Or does she have something up her sleeve? And does Mameha have her own “wild card”? If so, what is it? What happens when Hatsumomo takes Sayuri’s friend Pumpkin (Youki Kudoh) under her wing? Is she going to drive a wedge between the friends? Or will their friendship survive? Speaking of friendship, how long can Mameha go on protecting Sayuri from Hatsumomo? And what happens when Hatsumomo finds out about Sayuri’s secret love for the The Chairman? Can Sayuri still have a happy ending? Well, let’s just say that if The Chairman becomes her danna, he’s the one who’s going to get a bunch of Happy Endings. Ha ha…
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA”: If you loved the novel by Arthur Golden (as I do). And if you have ever lived in Japan (as I did). And if you love Japanese culture and tradition (as I do). And if you love complex, layered female characters that are played by gorgeous and talented actresses (as I do). Then this is your early Valentine’s present…
WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA”: If you didn’t like the novel. Or if you don’t get Japan. Or if you don’t like female-driven films. Or if you were one of those that had an issue with three Chinese actresses playing Japanese characters. In which case, go see CONTRABAND, instead
BUT, SERIOUSLY: As I mentioned at the beginning, geishas are not prostitutes. According to Japanese tradition, they are something between a hostess and a performance artist - with a dash of courtesan mixed in. However, one could also argue that someone who sells her virginity to the highest bidder and actively seeks a wealthy man to have her as his mistress… well… isn’t entirely innocent, either. In any case, the mysterious art of being a geisha was tackled majestically in Arthur Golden’s stunning 1997 bestseller “Memoirs Of A Geisha.” It landed on many readers’ Top 10 lists (including mine - it is #6), and was filled with rich, lyrical prose and vivid, complex characters - especially the women.
It was only natural that the popular novel would be turned into a film, and the legions of fans could hardly wait. Anticipation for the release of MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA was further stoked by the controversial casting of Chinese/Chinese-descent superstars Ziyi Zhang, Gong Li, and Michelle Yeoh in what were clearly Japanese roles. Many people seem to take issue with this, citing ethnic and literary inaccuracy, at best, to perpetuating the “Asians all look the same” stereotype, at worst. I am not one of those people. If anything, the main reason to see MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA are the strong performances of Li, Zhang, and Yeoh. The fact that they are not Japanese does not detract one bit from their showcase. And that’s a good thing, because the film itself, while a solidly good experience, is not perfect. The novel was near flawless, but in transferring the story to the screen, the feel of the story has changed a little.
As a romance, MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA is a very restrained one. Ken Watanabe is an intensely charismatic and handsome leading man, and Sayuri’s love for his character The Chairman, which she carefully hides from everyone around her, is certainly intriguing. But, unless you’ve read the book, you never know until the last five minutes whether or not he feels the same way for her. For most of the film, they circle one another in a sort of tentative dance that is both bashful and wary. As a result, the love story aspect of the film is curiously low-key and muted. Of course, at the very end, when (*SPOILER ALERT*) The Chairman confesses to Sayuri that he’s loved her all this time, and was actually the one who sent Mameha to protect and mentor her, all the simmering emotions and buried desire finally click into place and take off - creating one of the most rewarding endings out there. Unfortunately, for a romance to be considered a true romance you have to know it’s a two-way street well before the ending.
However, taken as a sort of exotic meditation on female empowerment and women’s roles in old Japan, MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA is a stronger film. And when you get down to it, this movie is more about Sayuri, Mameha, and Hatsumomo - and their relationships with each other and the society around them - than it is about Sayuri and The Chairman. These three women are rich, layered, and fascinating - and screenwriter Robin Swicord does a great job of transferring their essence from the novel. It also helps considerably that the three actresses chosen to play them, despite all the hoopla surrounding their casting, are all perfect for the roles, regardless of their nationality.
Sayuri is a compelling heroine who juxtaposes earnest and sincere qualities with surprisingly sly and guileful ones. This actually makes her a credible adversary for the ruthless Hatsumomo, and her crafty intelligence also comes in handy when interacting with the various male characters within her world who are essentially using her - she’s using them right back, and they don’t even know it. And she’s also smart enough to recognize that being a geisha is the same thing as being in a cage - it may be a beautiful cage, but it’s still a cage. Ziyi Zhang captures all of Sayuri’s facets and keeps us firmly in her corner, blending fragility, strength, wisdom, and cunning in perfect doses.
As the formidable Hatsumomo, the cat-like Gong Li delivers another memorable turn. It’s a credit to her performance that Hatsumomo doesn’t comes across as a one-dimensional and unpleasant bitch. In our review for YOUNG ADULT (review #), we talked about how Charlize Theron vividly portrayed such a repellent character that you eventually couldn’t stand to even look at her despite her physical attractiveness - all you could see was the inner ugliness. In MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA, Li does the exact opposite: while Hatsumomo is certainly amoral and ruthless, Li imbues her with so much nuance, charm, and intelligence that you can’t take your eyes off her. If anything, the more devious Hatsumomo becomes, the more seductive and fascinating she is. The difference between Li and Theron’s characters is this: Hatsumomo actually has some class and a functioning brain - Mavis Gary (Theron’s character) doesn‘t.
Also, despite their polar opposite standings as protagonist and antagonist, Sayuri and Hatsumomo actually share one very striking thing in common: both of them want to pursue their own lives and loves - which their traditional roles as Geishas strictly forbid them to do. Put simply, they don't want to be fenced in. Indeed, a lot of Hatsumomo's "villainy" can be partially attributed to her simply not willing to play by the rules that the men have set. In a way, she was just ahead of her time - and Sayuri actually muses at one point whether or not she and Hatsumomo are all that different in the end. Both want to be free to do their own thing - but their society sadly doesn't want them to.
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA’s best character, though, is Mameha - the kind, gracious, and elegant veteran geisha who acts almost like a fairy godmother to Sayuri and shows her the geisha ropes, so to speak. Mameha was my favorite character in the novel, and when I heard Michelle Yeoh was cast in her role, I was overjoyed. Cool, poised, intelligent, witty, classy, and somewhat mysterious, Yeoh is one of my favorite actresses and is perfect as the similarly-enigmatic Mameha. Indeed, she brings a potent combo of ethereal star power and earthy humility to the role that instantly marks any scene she’s in as a highlight. Especially great is the “training sequence” that shows Mameha schooling Sayuri on the art of geisha-dom and stopping a man in his tracks with a “single glance”. If Zhang and Li were any less effective, Yeoh would’ve easily stolen the movie from them. As it is, they are all equally terrific.
The supporting cast is fine, with Youki Kudoh and Kaori Momoi the standouts as Pumpkin, Sayuri’s okiya friend, and Mother, the actual owner of the okiya. But in the end, MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA belongs to the geishas themselves - and the beautiful and talented actresses who play them. Without them, this may not have turned out as good as it did.
In closing, a little humor: MAD TV's hilarious and very very wrong spoof of the MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA trailer. I haven't laughed so hard since, well, last night...
