(You give three guys a video camera and too much free time, and this is eventually what happens...)
CAST: Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell, Michael B. Jordan, Michael Kelly, Ashley Hinshaw, Bo Petersen, Anna Wood.
DIRECTOR: Josh Trank
WARNING: Three would-be superheroes who turn out to be three super-doofs - straight ahead...
IT'S LIKE THIS: Three Seattle teens attend a rave in a rural barn and discover something more disturbing than party animals who haven't bathed in a week: a meteor (or something) that has crashed into a field nearby. Of course, being smart kids who know better than to do stupid things, they immediately jump into the hole and investigate without any kind of special protective suits - which leads to them getting contaminated (or something). Which leads them to acquiring super powers of flight, strength, and speed. Or something. They are: (1) geeky video nerd Andrew (Dane DeHaan), (2) laid-back stud Matt (Alex Russell), and (3) goofy jokester Steve (Michael B. Jordan). And let's just say that they're not exactly Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker, or Clark Kent. Before you know it, our Seattle threesome are exhibiting some rather cool abilities: (1) moving things around just by thinking about it; (2) lifting objects a thousand times heavier than they are; and best of all: (3) flying through the air like Superman.
Before you start thinking that Andrew, Matt, and Steve proceed to don some skin-tight blue spandex suits with red speedos on the outside, let me assure you this is no superhero movie. That would require our boys to do something, you know, heroic. Nope. Instead, they basically spend all day goofing around with their powers. To wit: (1) Matt uses his super-speed to pluck a piece of gum out of some other dude's mouth; (2) Steve uses his telekinesis to freak some little girl out by making a teddy bear come to life and do an impersonation of Ted from, uh, TED (review coming); and (3) Andrew uses his new bird-like abilities to teach the others to fly like a birdie. It's safe to say that three dorks aren't going to be useful in a doomsday scenario. They'd be too busy doing loop-de-loops and figure eights around the Space Needle while screaming "Dude, that is fucking WICKED!!!"
But, as they say, it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. And, sure enough, someone does: while driving home from, well, wherever one day, our boys are tailgated by a dumbass redneck. Before you know it, Andrew does the thing we all secretly wish we could do when being tailgated by some dumb shit: he uses his telekinetic power to force the hick's car off the road and into a ditch. Boo-yah! Except Matt and Steve act all horrified and shit and get all pissy because they have to rescue the redneck now. This leads to Matt, the de facto leader, enforcing some rules about superpower usage. Which Andrew doesn't really care for since that's kind of like abstaining from sex for three years, then going to a whorehouse, and finding out you can't touch any of the whores because management is afraid you might get a little rough with them because you're so frickin' horny. In other words: DENIED.
It doesn't help that Andrew's home and school life is a little (okay, a lot) fucked up. For starters: (1) his dad (Richard Kelly) routinely unleashes cans of Whoop-Ass on him; (2) his mom (Bo Petersen) is dying of cancer; and (3) his schoolmates pretty much treat him like those snooty bitches treated Molly Ringwald in PRETTY IN PINK. Soon, the stress from home and school is driving Andrew closer and closer to the edge - and it's really looking like that incident with the redneck's car may just be the beginning of the heinous shit that Andrew can unleash when seriously pissed.
Will Andrew's abuse at the hands of his dad and schoolmates create a grunge version of CARRIE? Will Matt be able to influence Andrew and pull him back from the edge? What about Steve? Is he good for anything besides cracking jokes every few minutes and being the token black guy? Or will he pitch in somehow and save the day? What happens when Andrew finally blow his top? Will he obliterate Seattle with his superpowers? Will Andrew be able to stop him? And the most important question of all: boys, is that the best you could do with those superpowers? Snatching gum out some dude's mouth? Scaring little girls with flying teddy bears?
Hell, I'd used my telekinesis to rip the uniforms right off the Sounders in the middle of their game tonight. NAKED SOCCER!
BUT, SERIOUSLY: We're running late for the Sounders vs. Colorado Rapids game at 8 PM, so this is going to be a fast one: CHRONICLE is a solidly engaging amalgam of the "Found Footage" and "Superhero" genres. The lead trio of Alex Russell, Dane DeHaan, and Michael B. Jordan create distinct and sharply drawn characters that we can have a strong rooting interest in. In the end, though, CHRONICLE leaves behind the traits of the two genres that ostensibly inspired it, and becomes more of an homage of sorts to CARRIE, with the persecuted Andrew using his fearsome powers against his tormentors.
My only quibble with this film is this: did it have to be told in "Found Footage" style? It could've just as easily been filmed in a straightforward and conventional way. While this format lends some quirks and occasionally interesting viewpoints, it also restricts the film in certain parts and leads to some awkwardness as director Josh Trank struggles to find a way to plausibly record the events. Still, CHRONICLE is an atypical mingling of two genres that have been exhausted in the past few years. With a change in viewpoint and filming style, it could've rated higher. As it is, though, it's a good movie that tells an old story (teens gain super powers) in a new way.
Now, in keeping with CHRONICLE's Seattle setting, it's off to Century Link Field for us. GO SOUNDERS!!!
