BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA (2008 - COMEDY / FAMILY) ***1/2 out of *****
(I wonder if they're going to stop by Taco Bell on the way to the border...)
CAST: Piper Perabo, Manolo Cardona, Jamie Lee Curtis, Maury Sterling, Jose Maria Yazpik, and the voices of Drew Barrymore, George Lopez, Andy Garcia, Cheech Marin, Paul Rodriguez, Placido Domingo, Edward James Olmos, Loretta Devine and more...
DIRECTOR: Raja Gosnell
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some compelling reasons to never bring your pets south of the border - straight ahead...
IT'S LIKE THIS: I have an old buddy whom we will "Matteo." Matteo is about, oh, 5'2" on a good day - but doesn't know it. Nope. He thinks he's about, oh, 6'5" - especially when he's been drinking. Trust me - you have not lived until you've seen a guy who's shorter than Jodie Foster in flats, yelling "YOU WANT SOME OF THIS!?!?" to a towering dude who's taller than Michael Jordan. It's amusing and, well, terrifying to watch - in equal measure. Because of his tendency to think he is bigger than he actually is, I call "Matteo" the following nickname: "My Lil' Chihuahua..." Which he pretends to dislike, but I know him better than he thinks. This one goes out to you, Papi.
Anyhow, the comparison of Matteo's bullish tendencies to the famously feisty small dogs that originated from the Chihuahua region of Mexico is an apt one. Just like my buddy, Chihuahuas are full of spit and vinegar, and are unafraid to take on other dogs that are ten times their size. Chihuahuas are full of personality and flair - and I shudder to think of how the World might have turned out if God Almighty hadn't made them as tiny as they are. Imagine if Chihuahuas actually grew to be the size of German Shepherds? We would have one in the White House right now, sitting in the Oval Office – and I don’t mean on the carpet. The only thing stopping these little shits from taking over the Earth, as I write this, is the fact that you could accidentally step on them and effectively end their World Domination scheme before it even gets off the ground.
Which brings me to our next review, BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA. As the title suggests, the story pivots on a spoiled, pampered mini-pooch named Chloe (voice of Drew Barrymore) who lives in the chi-chi Los Angeles neighborhood of Beverly Hills. Apparently, BH has already been taken over by the Chihuahua breed, judging from all the chicks (and some guys) walking around with these little Mexican ankle-biters in their bags and knapsacks. And let me just say that these dogs are more privileged than your average Kardashian - but a lot less annoying.
One of these folks is Vivian Winthrop-Ashe (Jamie Lee Curtis), a wealthy cosmetics tycoon who owns Chloe - and let's just say Viv spoils and dotes on her like there's no tomorrow. I would say that Viv treats the princessy pooch as if she were her daughter - but that wouldn't be enough. Chloe basically owns Viv. Hell, I have human fashion designer friends who don't have as much clothes as this dog has. Yes, sir... Princess Chloe is living the good life.
And what would any princess be without at least one secret admirer? In Chloe's case, he is the pet Chihuahua of Viv's hunky Mexican landscaper, Sam (Manolo Cardona). The dog's name is Papi (voice of George Lopez) - and he is basically Matteo with a Mexican accent. Papi has it bad for Chloe, and has taken to giving her dead grasshoppers as a token of his affection. Pssssst, Papi: right idea, wrong execution, hermano. Forget the insects - go for the Louis Vuitton doggie knapsack, dude. It goes without saying that all of Papi's wooing attempts have pretty much failed spectacularly.
Then things take a turn for the... well, depending on whose perspective you choose, it could be for the better for the worse. For Papi, it's the better. For Chloe, it's definitely the worse. You see, Viv has to go to Europe on a four-city tour to promote her new cosmetics line, and asks her irresponsible niece Rachel (Piper Perabo) to watch Chloe. And sure enough, the flaky Rachel drags Chloe with her and her equally-useless pals on a road trip to Mexico - where they promptly lose Chloe. And just like that, the pampered, primped, persnickety pooch is lost in a place that she thought only existed in her nightmares: the whole region south of the border.
This is where the "turn for the better" for Papi kicks in: when he and his master Sam learn about Chloe's disappearance, they spring into action and head to Mexico. I mean what better way to impress a girl than to rescue her from dire danger, right? Or at least, from a lot of dirt and questionable tap water. Eventually, Sam and Papi run into Rachel at a Mexican police station, where they reluctantly team up. Seems that Papi isn't the only Mexican with a serious jones for a white chick, as it appears that Sam has got a boner the size of Baja for Rachel. My, my, this is getting interesting, indeed...
Will Sam, Papi, and Rachel find Chloe? What happens when Chloe winds up in the middle of a dog-fighting ring that pits her against the feared El Diablo (voice of Edward James Olmos), a vicious Doberman pinscher? Will she survive the encounter? Or will she be rescued by the chivalrous Delgado (Andy Garcia), a cynical German Shepherd with a dark past? Will Delgado be able to escort Chloe all the way to the Mexico-U.S. border in one piece? Or will the crazy dog-fighting syndicate catch up with them? Will Papi and Chloe be re-united, and sire a bunch of Papitos and Chloeitas? How will this all end?
Whatever. Four words: Yo quiero, Taco Bell!
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Some movies have no higher intention than to entertain and charm. Unlike films like GRAVITY (our most recent review) that wrap themselves in lofty hype and claims to greatness, some movies simply drop all pretensions and take you on a no-frills roller-coaster ride for a couple of hours. BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA is one such film. It is not worthy of Academy Awards - and it doesn't pretend to be, either.
Anyone who loves dogs (particularly small dogs) will take a shine to this film (and its two sequels that went directly to DVD). It helps considerably that all the roles (both human and canine) are perfectly cast. Drew Barrymore’s sweet and innocent voice expertly captures Chloe's prissy and vulnerable sides, while George Lopez's trademark rasp gives Papi a rough-edged appeal. Andy Garcia's distinct persona of gracious-but-also-deadly-when-necessary is conveyed in his voicing of Delgado, the heroic German Shepherd who risks everything to help Chloe get back to the United States, while Edward James Olmos is spot-on as Delgado's evil nemesis, El Diablo. Then there's Cheech Marin and Paul Rodriguez, who are hilarious as Chico and Manuel, a nutty rat-and-iguana duo who pull cons on unsuspecting tourists. All these talented actors make the animal characters come alive with their expert voicing.
The human characters also hold their own against their four-legged counterparts, primarily because they are similarly well-cast. Piper Perabo is fine as the flighty Rachel, who gains a bit of maturity as she struggles to find Chloe. South American hunk Manolo Cardona is equally good as Sam, the humble landscaper who gets inspiration every day from his beloved Papi. Cardona would go on to star and score big in 2009's lovely and bittersweet UNDERTOW, which was a Colombian version of BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (but even better). Finally, we have the wonderful Jamie Lee Curtis playing Viv, Chloe's devoted owner. Viv is in only a few scenes at the beginning and end of BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA, but Curtis infuses the role with her trademark warmth and likability - making it feel bigger than it is.
Ultimately, BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA is a solid film that should entertain kids, their families, and dog-lovers of all ages. Even cat people like us were charmed, and that says something... Go, Papi and Chloe!
