(Red-headed sistahs doing it for themselves -aw, yea...)
CAST: Voices of Kelly MacDonald, Kevin Connolly, Emma Thompson, Julie Walters, Kevin McKidd, Robbie Coltrane, Craig Ferguson, Steven Cree, Callum O'Neill, John Ratzenberger,
DIRECTOR: Mark Andrews, Brenda Chapman, Steve Purcell.
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some prime examples of women's lib - and fiery redheads - straight ahead...
IT'S LIKE THIS: About a month ago, a friend and I were having lunch at a fast food joint and the lady at the counter was, shall we say, a little difficult and caustic - not just with us but with everyone else in line. Later, as we were seated and about to tuck into our artery-clogging meals, I was like, "She's probably just having a bad day." My friend, on the other hand, being far less forgiving and gracious than me, was like: "She a fucking bitch - but what do you expect from a redhead?" At which point I responded: "That's a bunch of bullshit. That's like saying all blondes are ditzes, and all brunettes are smart, and all Asians are bad drivers, and all African-Americans love collard greens, and all Germans are assholes, and all Irishmen are lushes, and all Italians have dicks bigger and longer than the Leaning Tower of Pisa in Italy.... Okay, well, maybe that last one about Italian cocks is 100% true - but all those others are just stereotypes..."
My friend persisted with his view of redheads as the Scourge of Satan, like Cartman in that one episode of SOUTH PARK where the "Ginger Kids" took over the town. I just gave up and ate my Angus Steak Hamburger. I mean, you can only do so much to enlighten people, right? Then a bunch of us saw BRAVE the following day, which is about, um, a redhead - a feisty, tough, sassy, willful Scottish princess of a redhead named Merida (Kelly MacDonald). Afterwards, my friend pretty much turned to me and said, "See?" Then I launched into another lecture about how "a willful, tough, feisty, sassy woman should not be labeled as a 'bitch'!" His response: "Well, if she's pretty, then we'll compromise and call her 'spunky.' Get it? 'Spunky'? Ha ha." Wow. Sometimes I wonder which species of creatures is smarter: straight men - or dung beetles? I'm gonna go with the dung beetles.
Anyhow, as we mentioned above, BRAVE is about Princess Nerida, and it is so-titled because, well, she's kind of courageous. How else would you characterize a girl who would rather shoot arrows in the forest and scale mile-high rock towers instead of playing tea with her dollies and dreaming of her wedding? I guess it's safe to say that Nerida is what we term in modern times as a... tomboy. Which causes her mom the Queen (Emma Thompson) great concern, because she basically wants a Girlie-Girl for a daughter who will marry one of the dipshit princes from the rival clans to secure a peace treaty. No, folks, it's not the most romantic of arrangements. How would you like to be paired up with some random blue-blood aristocrat choad just so your Kingdom can remain conflict-free? He better have a huge dick. Otherwise, the monarchy can just bite me.
Which is pretty much Nerida's viewpoint. Realizing that Queen Mum is never going to back down and will continue to force her to choose one of the princes for a shotgun wedding, our crafty little redhead princess decides to play dirty. She consults a witch (Julie Walters), and asks for a spell that will, ahem, "change" her mother. Let me explain Nerida's logic, folks... You know how, when you were a kid, your parents forced you to do something you didn't want to do? It could've been anything: eating your veggies, doing your homework, going to church on Sundays, or stop piling dictionaries and encyclopedias and other hardbound books over half-open doors so they would come crashing down on your brother's head when he came through the threshold (guilty as charged - I'm not proud of it). My point is, we all entertained the idea of how cool it would be if our parents suddenly, ahem, "changed' and let us do whatever the hell we wanted to do. And that's what Merida is hoping for: a spell that will make the Queen less of a medieval Martha Stewart - and more a medieval Gloria Steinem.
I wish I could tell you that the spell succeeds, but that would be too much to hope for. Nope.... the aftermath of the spell is sure to go down as one of the most colossal fails in the Entire History of Stupid Spells. You see, after eating the "cursed" cherry tart (don't even ask), the Queen suddenly doubles over with shooting stomach pains, and starts moaning and groaning like she's being gang-banged by Russell Crowe, Chris Evans, and Andrew Garfield. She fucking wishes. Nope, the stomach pains are part of the effects of the spell - which ultimately leads to the Queen turning into... a bear. As in Smokey. As in Fozzy. As in Winnie The Pooh. Only a lot bigger. Feel free to pick up your jaw off floor before reading on. I certainly understand. When this particular plot twist occurred during the screening we went to, there was a collective sound of confusion and frustration from the audience that sounded a lot like my cat Guido when he finally realized he would never catch the beam from the laser pointer.
Anyhow, Merida realizes the error of her ways too late. Now, all she can do is watch as the Queen-in-bear-mode stumbles around the castle looking a lot like a drunk salsa dancer, in what I can only surmise is abject confusion and utter horror as to why she now looks like a zoo atraction. But not just any zoo attraction. A very fat zoo attraction. To make matters worse, the King (Billy Connolly), absolutely HATES bears because he once lost his leg to one (again, do not ask). He is understandably perturbed about the disappearance of his wife, and even more confused about the sudden appearance of a fat bear in his castle - which awakens his bloodthirsty side. Meaning, the hunt is on! And he doesn't even know that he is really hunting his wife. Like I said, it's better to keep your questions to yourself and go with the flow here.
So... can Princess Merida reverse the spell on her mother before it's too late? Or is the Queen pretty much toast when the King catches up to her in bear form - and turns her into a rug? Which of the three dipshit princes will Nerida choose as a husband? What valuable lesson is she supposed to glean from this whole fiasco? Besides reading the fine print of any spell she gets from sketchy-looking witches, that is?
Whatever. I just want to know who does her hair.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Recently, a friend of mine took me to the opera. It was Giacomo Puccini's TURANDOT, which was the most unusual and unforgettable of love stories and is now my favorite opera. It was about an icy, aloof, and ruthless princess named Turandot who is pursued by all the men in the land - but she is determined not to give herself or her heart to any of them. Princess Turandot - ever sharp, clever, and crafty - puts her suitors through a rigorous test and trial: they must solve three enigmatic riddles she gives them. Whoever solves them, wins her hand and her heart. Any man who doesn't solve the riddles is promptly beheaded. Suffice it to say, Princess Turandot's riddles are so mysterious and oblique that no man has ever been able to solve them - or survived the test. And she doesn't expect any man to ever do so.
Then, one day, a nameless man appears in the castle - and determines that he will be the one to solve Turandot's mystery and melt her frosty heart. Before you know it, Turandot and the enigmatic suitor are locked in a battle of wills - who will win in the end? Will Princess Turandot's riddles mystify him? Will he end up just like all the other men before him who lost their lives trying to win her? Or has Princess Turandot finally met her match? Basically, TURANDOT reminded me of an opera version of THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR with a dash of BASIC INSTINCT and THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH mixed in (three of my favorite films). Just like those three movies, TURANDOT has a mysterious, hypnotic, and alluring female lead who refuses to play by the rules - and locks horns with the men around her while being three steps ahead of them the whole time.
In her 1990 book "The Heroine's Journey," Maureen Murdock discusses what happens when "strong women say no." In fact, that is the title of one of the chapters. Murdock writes about the complications and turmoil that women face, both internal and external, when they dare to buck the system and go against the status quo. Like TURANDOT, THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR, THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH, and BASIC INSTINCT, this dilemma is also at the heart of BRAVE, which examines what happens when a willful and strong-minded princess refuses to follow tradition - and decides to carve her own niche. Princess Merida, as voiced by Kelly MacDonald, is a striking screen presence and she holds the film on her shoulders as effortlessly as any male hero. As Pixar Studio's first female action hero, Merida stands tall next to all the other classic characters that came before her.
The animation of BRAVE, as to be expected from Pixar, is marvelous. The images are at once vivid and dreamy, occupying that surreal middle ground between reality and fantasy. Especially vibrant is the detail the artists bring to Merida's flame-colored hair, which you may sometimes forget is animation. Then there's the sequence where Merida scales a towering rock pinnacle, which is both exhilarating and soothing at the same time. Anyone who's ever rock-climbed and cliff-jumped will know what I'm talking about. Then there are the sequences where Merida follows the "will-'o-wisps" through the woods and other locations. These scenes are created in such a way that the audience is easily transported into BRAVE's world. The animators create a milieu that is almost three-dimensional and visually hypnotic.
However, BRAVE is more than just eye candy. It also tells a worthy story - one that doesn't often reach the silver screen in this day and age of films that portray a woman's ultimate victory as finding a man and having a big wedding. Princess Nerida has absolutely no interest in marriage, but is more keen on finding herself and her own path in life. BRAVE is notable for not having a male lead, which is highly unusual for this kind of film. Even somewhat similar films like MULAN and TANGLED had male love interests to add a conventionally romantic theme. BRAVE, on the other hand, is much more interested in telling a "mother/daughter" love story. Indeed, one of the chapters in "The Heroine's Journey" is titled "Healing The Mother/Daughter Rift," and BRAVE is a sterling example of its precepts.
BRAVE examines the differences between Princess Merida and the Queen (voiced wonderfully by Emma Thompson). One is young, impetuous, passionate, and determined to forge a new path. The other is older, measured, cautious, and comfortable with tradition. The conflict lies in both of them trying to change the other's views. The misguided spell that Princess Merida casts on the Queen, which turns her into a bear, is a plot device to have the two women rely on each other and meet one another halfway in order restore order to the Kindgom. Through the course of the story, mother and daughter learn to appreciate each other's viewpoints. The Queen learns that if you love someone you have to give them the freedom to chart their own course through life, and that is what she must do for her daughter. The Princess learns that tradition and custom also has its place in the order of things, and that passion and drive is all the more powerful and formidable when combined with logic and strategy.
Billy Connolly, Craig Ferguson, Kevin McKidd, Robbie Coltrane, and Julie Walters all provide great vocal support as the various supporting characters. In the end, however, this movie belongs to Princess Merida and the Queen Mother, whose story about healing the "mother/daughter rift" turns BRAVE into a wonderfully atypical story to be enjoyed by the whole family - but especially mothers and daughters everywhere. Go, girls!
