(Alright, Whitney. Enough with the caterwauling. We get it - you will always loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove him… message received… jeez…)
CAST: Kevin Costner, Whitney Houston, Gary Kemp, Bill Cobb, Ralph Waite, Michelle Lamar Richards, Tomas Arana, Mike Starr, Devaughn Nixon.
DIRECTOR: Lawrence Kasdan
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one seriously ill-advised love affair - straight ahead…
In our review for THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU (review # 265 ), we discussed the “Star-Crossed Romance.” Basically, this kind of film is one in which two people are destined to be together, but are repeatedly thwarted by the Universe. It’s like the Universe couldn’t get a bowling lane on a Saturday night, got fucking pissed off, and decided to take out its wrath on a couple of innocent lovers. Nice, Universe, very nice. Asshole.
Star-Crossed Romances have often translated into big hits and classics: ROMEO AND JULIET, THE BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY, BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, STEAM - THE TURKISH BATH, AGAINST ALL ODDS, and REN & STIMPY. Okay, that last one may not qualify - unless you‘re a deviant. Ahem. The rest of them, however, share the common trait of lovebirds separated by factors beyond their control: fate, culture, society, family, and - in at least one famous case - occupation.
That “famous case” is our latest review, THE BODYGUARD. This movie is famous for three things: (1) Kevin Costner’s “Caesar” haircut; (2) Whitney Houston’s acting debut; and (3) her song “I Will Always Love You” which took over the airwaves in 1992 onward and forever changed the way people declare their love. Let’s just say the “Quiet Method” of saying you love someone went swiftly down the toilet. This song pretty much dictated that you have to shout that shit from the rooftops.
Costner plays Frank Farmer, a former Secret Service agent who is: (1) smokin’ hot; (2) has a haircut that looks like a cross between a Roman Emperor and Steve McQueen; (3) harbors guilt from when Reagan got shot (he wasn’t there, you see); and (4) generally walks around with an expression that looks a lot like he just smelled a whale fart. Not exactly a ray of sunshine, our Frankie.
Frank gets a lot surlier when he’s hired to act as the - care to guess? - bodyguard for a little lady named Rachel Marron (Whitney Houston). Problem is she really ain’t that little, at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. She’s big. Don’t worry - not literally (this ain’t a review for NORBIT or BIG MOMMA’S HOUSE), but figuratively. Big as in famous. See, Ms. Marron is an Oscar-nominated singer/actress who has been nominated for her “performance” in a movie called “Queen of the Night.” Hmmmm… no comment.
Ordinarily, being up for an Oscar would make life a dream for any actress. Unfortunately, there’s this little monkey wrench in Rachel’s life called, um, a “stalker.” Not the garden-variety kind, though. This one likes to send notes with cut-out letters from magazines, with rose bouquets that explode with color. Literally. We’re talking flower bombs here, people, and our Rachel narrowly avoids it.
So… enter Frank. Who is cut from the opposite cloth that Rachel is cut from. Where he is starchy and stiff, she is flowing and silky. In other words, his bolt is named: “Uptight Asshole.” Her bolt is named: “Slutty Singer.” They're so mismatched, you just know the sex is going to be spectacular. And with a singing voice like that, you just know they're going to need a soundproof bedroom. Otherwise, her screams when she cums like a supernova just might cause the San Andrea Fault to cave in. Just saying…
Will Frank and Rachel be able to work together? How can Frank protect her when she refuses to play by his rules? Will her recklessness get them both killed? Can Frank and Rachel really have a true relationship, given that he’s her bodyguard? Who is her stalker? And why does he want her dead? Does he hate her singing that bad?
Dude, just turn off the radio. Jeez…
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Reportedly initially conceived as a project in the 70’s for Steve McQueen and Diana Ross, THE BODYGUARD is a sleek, entertaining romantic thriller that rises above the average mark for three reasons: (1) The sheer star power of stars Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston; (2) writer/director Lawrence Kasdan’s confident direction; and (3) most significantly: Whitney Houston’s songs. Without these three items, this film would have been average at best. As it is, the film shows its underlying weaknesses - a flimsy thriller plot, thin characters, a rather limp climax - here and there. But the three pluses mentioned above keep the audience from picking the film apart too much. At least until later…
Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston make a beautiful couple, and their chemistry together is an interesting and subtle one. The evolution of Frank and Rachel’s romance isn’t as gradual or as affecting as one would hope, but a little too quick and pat. Somehow, though, Costner and Houston manage to keep us engaged. When you can sell two characters, no matter how thin, based on star power and chemistry alone, that’s talent.
In her acting debut, Whitney Houston does very well. Considering she’s essentially playing someone very close to her own experience, you might be forgiven for saying it’s no hard feat. True, but even playing yourself takes talent. If you don’t have the charisma and skill, you’re not going to pull it off. Houston, frankly, pulls it off very nicely.
Costner has been knocked a lot for his performances, and when he strays from him “safe zone” such as in ROBIN HOOD: PRINCE OF THIEVES, these criticisms are hard to dismiss. However, when he sticks to playing thoughtful men of philosophy and action, with a surly sexiness simmering just beneath the cool surface, he’s very good. Frank Farmer is probably a little less dynamic than Costner’s other “hero” characters, but he still manages to keep our interest - in both himself and his romance with Rachel.
The supporting cast of Michelle Lamar Richards, Gary Kemp, Mike Starr, Bill Cobb, and Tomas Arana are all okay in their roles. But this film belongs to Costner, Houston, and the stellar soundtrack, which features some of Houston’s finest vocal work. The songs are so effective that they almost becomes characters in their own right. Especially glorious is “I Will Always Love You” in which Houston takes Dolly Parton’s quietly mournful original song from the 80’s - and turns it into a defiant declaration of love.
On that note, let’s close this review with the divine Ms. Houston, making her final declaration…
