(Basic Training = Good Times; Basic Training With Sir Bill Murray = Nirvana...)
CAST: Sir Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, Warren Oates, John Larroquette, P.J. Soles, Sean Young, John Diehl, John Candy, Conrad Dunn, Glenn-Michael Jones.
DIRECTOR: Ivan Reitman
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and rambunctious Bill Murray militaristic shenanigans straight ahead...
I spent nearly a decade in the military, believe it or not. I wish I could say that my primary motivation was to serve my country, but I did it to see the world on Uncle Sam's dime. The patriotic service was just a nice bonus. And, boy, did I ever see the world... By the time I decided I wanted to be able to wear my hair longer in all the colors of the rainbow - ahem - nearly ten years later, I'd literally circumnavigated the globe - and seen things and places I never thought I'd see. Needless to say, I had a lot of fun in the military.
One of my most fun times ever in the service was right at the beginning - at Basic Training. Stuck with fifty other guys in a six week-long course filled with over-the-top screaming drill sergeants, unspeakably-early wake-up calls, and surprisingly good Chow Hall food, I inexplicably had the one of the biggest blasts of my life. I met some memorable people and made some good friends.
Which was surprising, considering the first thing my Dad told me when I said I was joining the Air Force was: "When you go to Basic, watch... that... mouth. Especially with your Drill Sergeants." Gee, thanks, Dad. But I think I know when I to unleash my Inner Whore and when to keep him chained in the basement. Or maybe he was talking about my terminal sarcasm. Who knows?
Anyway, all that by way of saying that STRIPES has a very special place in my heart for the following reasons: (1) it stars Sir Bill, (2) it's fucking hilarious, (3) it reminds me of my own Basic Training experiences, and (4) it climaxes in Italy - my favorite country in the world. Everyone should climax in Italy - or with an Italian. Or three. Ha ha ha. Yes, I know I need help. No, I don't intend to get any.
So.. our hero is John Winger (SIr Bill), a charming rogue who, in one particularly bad day, loses all of the following: (1) his job, (2) his car, (3) his apartment, and (4) his girlfriend. While being consoled by best bud Russell (Harold Ramis), John sees one of those Army propaganda sound-bites on TV - and gets the brilliant idea to join up. Russell, on the other hand, thinks this might be just a bit of a rash decision. But being the good friend that he is, he accompanies John to the Army recruiting center. Or maybe he just doesn't want to miss a goddamned second of the debacle that's about to unfold.
The meeting with the recruiter goes surprisingly well. This was obviously before the days of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" because the Army dude basically asks John and Russell if they are cocksuckers. Well, he actually he uses the word "homosexual." But come on: we know what he's getting at. For their part, John and Russell say they are not cocksuckers, but are willing to learn how to if it will get them into the Army. For his part, the recruiter determines that he's either dealing with: (1) exceptionally clever gay dudes, or (2) exceptionally stupid straight guys. He decides on the latter.
Before you know it, John and Russell are on their way to Basic Training with a rag-tag bunch of trainees. Johnny and Russ's comrades are: (1) Ox (John Candy), a dude so fat that he must have inspired the "shaking-water-cup-as-the-T-Rex-approaches" scene in JURASSIC PARK; (2) Cruiser (John Diehl), an aw-shucks type from Oklahoma who claims to be a ladykiller, but who is also woefully unaware of the homosexual subtext of his nickname; (3) Psycho (Conrad Dunn), a combative asshole driven insane by the fact that his real name is Francis; and (4) Elmo (Judge Reinhold), a putz who is what they are talking about when they say "There's one in every platoon."
Leading the platoon is Drill Sergeant Hulker (Warren Oates). He's your typical beast: crusty, hard-boiled, and with a permanent squint/glare. I don't think he's so much a graduate of the "Tough Love" school of leadership as he is of the "Tough Shit" academy of abuse. Naturally, he butts heads with John. Of course, John doesn't help things by: (1) defying Hulker's authority at every turn, (2) encouraging his new buddies to defy Hulker's authority at every turn, and (3) and, well, #1 and # 2 pretty much cover it.
Things get spicy when John and Russell make the acquaintance of two comely (as opposed to homely) MPs: Stella (P.J. Soles) and Louis (Sean Young). I mean what would Basic Training be without your covert, furtive liaisons? I could write a whole Skinemax series on the subject. I'm surprised no one's tried to assassinate me yet with all the dirt I have on them.
As if Hulker's annoying presence wasn't enough to deal with, there's also Colonel Stillman (John Larroquette). Clearly, Stillman is one of those military dipshits who rose as high as he did simply on the strength of Daddy's golf buddies. It sure as hell wasn't on his intelligence level, which appears to be commensurate with - or even slightly less - than your average Datschund.
Long story short, John and his buds eventually do graduate from Basic Training - and do it with style. So impressed is the Base Commander with this rag-tag bunch of not-quite-G.I. Joes that he immediately has them assigned to his special Top Secret project in Bella Italia!!! Not too shabby for a first assignment, eh?
Turns out the project involves an RV that is souped up to be some sort of spy vehicle. Sure enough, like bulls attracted to the nearest china shop, John and Russell secretly commandeer the RV to meet up with Stella and Louise, who have flown out to Italy on an international booty call. Hey, you do what you have to do. This pushes Colonel Stillman to rally up Sgt. Hulker and the rest of John's buds for a recovery mission. Sadly, the Russians end up capturing Stillman and company. And now, it's up to John and Russell - with the help of Stella and Louise - to rescue them all.
Will Johnny and Russ succeed? Will the Russians capture them, too? Will Colonel Stillman have their asses for stealing the RV? Or will he just have their asses because he's, well, an experimental kind of guy? Will Stella and Louise decide to reward our heroes with a good old fashioned military orgy? And will Ox film it all?
Carry on and find out, privates. Ahem.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: There have been many military comedies before STRIPES, and there have been many since them. But few have equaled this classic in terms of clever, raunchy humor - or sheer fun. Goldie Hawn's similarly-themed PRIVATE BENJAMIN from the previous year is on about the same level, just told from a more feminine viewpoint. But besides STRIPES and PRIVATE BENJAMIN, there aren't that many worthwhile - let alone terrific - Basic Training comedies.
The cast is aces. Sir Bill Murray is clearly having a ball as John Winger - a guy whose refusal to conform is what ironically makes him the perfect leader. Sir Bill doesn't try to smooth down the character's edges, but boldly plays all of 'em for sheer cinematic gold. This is the kind of guy you want on your team - someone who goes his own way, but somehow also inspires others to follow him.
As John's more cautious buddy, Harold Ramis is a perfect foil to Sir Bill's zany bite. They make a great comedic team, and it's obvious why they reteamed for GHOSTBUSTERS - they have great comedic chemistry. As the overweight Ox, John Candy is memorable and funny - especially in a mud-wrestling scene with six hot babes. John Diehl as the innocent Cruiser is appealing and surprisingly vulnerable. You just want to protect the guy. Conrad Dunn as Psycho is appropriately brash at the beginning, but turns credibly nice when he gets to be pals with his platoon-mates.
As the authority figures standing in John's way, Warren Oates and John Larroquette seem to initially be playing similar characters. But whereas Larroquette's Stillman is introduced as a jerk and continues to be one, Oates' Hulker gradually thaws and reveals hidden levels of decency - which pay off at the climax in Italy. And as John and Russell's love interests, P.J. Soles and Sean Young as the right mix of sexy, fun, and smart.
All in all, STRIPES is a major comedic success. Its humor is edgy and ahead of its time, and is hilariously realized by a talented cast. I hope to Heaven they do not remake this one. But if they do, they'd better cast Sir Bill as Sgt. Hulker.
