3-D VERSION: ****1/2 out of *****
2-D VERSION: ***1/2 out of *****
(This totally makes up for seeing Jerry O'Connell in a fucking Speedo in PIRANHA 3-D. Thank you, Milla Jovovich and Ali Larter. I love you, both.)
CAST: Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Shawn Roberts, Kim Coates, Wentworth Miller, Boris Kodjoe, Kim Coates, Sergio Peris-Mencheta, Spencer Locke, Kacey Barnfield.
DIRECTOR: Paul W.S. Anderson
WARNING: SPOILERS and some extremely beautiful women - and gross zombies - in 3-D... straight ahead.
There's no logical reason why I should give RESIDENT EVIL: AFTERLIFE, the latest entry in the resilient zombie series, a rating as high as ****1/2 (spectacular). The flick's plot, acting, characters, pacing, and action are all fine, but certainly nothing spectacular. Slap on 'em 3-D glasses, though, and suddenly we're skateboarding on a whole new level of pipe, baby. Seen in "Tres Dimensiones" this movie is like THE MATRIX with flesh-eating puss-bags amped up on some seriously strong espresso. In short, it's an exhilarating blast. But, as I indicated in the ratings above, AFTERLIFE is a good film even without the 3-D aspect. Probably even the best since the first one. Even better, actually.
Which is a good thing, because after the disappointing APOCALYPSE and the unsatisfying EXTINCTION, I was starting to worry about the franchise. With AFTERLIFE, the franchise is rejuvenated by a welcome sense of urgency to the proceedings. At the end of EXTINCTION, Alice (Milla Jovovich) was urging fellow heroine Claire (Ali Larter) to take a small groups of survivors and fly them via chopper from the ruins of Las Vegas to Alaska - where a mysterious signal beckons to any survivors. Meanwhile, Alice heads to the remains of Tokyo, where she believes she will find the the main HQ facility of Umbrella - the corporation that started the whole zombie shit-storm. Cue end credits.... and pretty much a promise that Alice (and the zombies) return.
AFTERLIFE opens with a hypnotic opening shot of Tokyo before the events of RESIDENT EVIL - before the madness started. In the middle of busy Shibuya, "Zombie X" stands in the middle of a busy crosswalk. She's a hot Japanese chick, and she just stands there in the rain with everyone politely walking around. Only in Japan would that shit go down. Anywhere else, she would've been trampled and kicked to the curb - after her wallet was taken from her and her hair set on fire.
Then she turns and locks eyes with a nondescript Japanese man in a suit. He locks eyes back, and cocks his head at her in that special way my cat Casper does when I tell him I will kick his ass if he ever sharpens his claws on my bare leg ever again. Or maybe he was just purposefully attacking me. Hence, the head-cock. As in, "What the fuck is this idiot talking about? I wasn't sharpening my claws. I was trying to find a major artery."
Whatever. Anyhow, the hot Japanese chick suddenly launches herself at the nondescript Japanese man. If you're a pervert expecting this to be a live re-enactment of some kinky Japanese porno vid (Public Sex in Shibuya!), steel yourself for a major let-down. She basically buries her teeth in his neck, killing whatever chance they might have had of swapping body fluids. Well, I guess, technically, they are swapping body fluids. Just not the fun ones. Know what I'm sayin'? Well, as you can imagine, the crowds around them basically freak out and rush off like someone just declared a sale on Clint Eastwood movies at the the Tower Records nearby. Assuming it's still there. It was the last time I was in Tokyo.
But I digress. So, the contagion has begun. Flash forward years and years later, and we find ourselves back where it all started, in Tokyo's Shibuya district. Except now it's a wasteland of the living dead. Also, it turns out that beneath the streets of Shibuya is - oh, why not - the main HQ of the Umbrella Corporation. And judging from the looks of it, things are kind of hectic at the office.
For starters, the boss is kind of an asshole. He is called Albert Wesker (Shawn Roberts), and you can just tell he's a colossal tool because: (1) he wears sunglasses indoors and underground; (2) struts about and poses like he's Keanu Reeves' understudy from THE MATRIX; and (3) talks in such an over-the-top faux British accent that I began to wonder if Shawn Roberts knew he was in a RESIDENT EVIL movie - and not a MONTY PYTHON one.
Anyhow, Albert clearly enjoys bossing people around. Thankfully, his reign of terror ends when Alice and, like, seventy-eight of her clones show up to hand him his ass. After an extended shoot-out with his put-upon minions, all seventy-eight of her clones are decimated. No worries, though, because the real Alice manages to sneak onto Albert's escape chopper/plane/frisbee thingie. There, she tussles with Al and gets an unwelcome syringe jabbed into her jugular for a thank-you.
See, Alice is superhuman due to the Umbrella corporation's past tinkering with her genes - and the shot she just got turns her back into a human being. Which is the worse timing - ever - because the aircraft crashes into a mountain just a few seconds later. That's pretty much the equivalent of suddenly - and very inconveniently - developing lactose intolerance just when Chris Evans commands you to eat up all the whipped cream he's doused his naked torso in. Me, personally? I'll risk the stomach cramps and indigestion, thank you very much. Make way!
Turns out, though, that Alice survives the plane crash. As for Albert... well, who gives a shit about that MONTY PYTHON-worshipping mutha-fucka. So we follow Alice as she stumbles out of the wreckage, looking fashionably bruised and her hair just a little mussed by the catastrophic crash. We should all look that hot when surrounded by burning metal. Being the determined and resourceful chick that she is, Alice soon finds herself a cute little bi-plane and is headed north to Alaska. Presumably, she is trying to join up with Claire and the other survivors from EXTINCTION. But I wouldn't be surprised if it was really because Alice had heard that the ratio of men to women up there is, like, 147 to 1 or something. Girl, you are going to see more sausage than a barbeque grill on the Fourth of July. Italian's the best!
Upon arriving at the coordinates where Claire and the other survivors fled to, Alice finds nothing but a field full of empty airplanes. Clearly, she wasn't the only one who flew north in search of greener pastures - and more plentiful, ahem, sausage. Except all the people are missing. Alice is even more puzzled when she discovers the chopper that Claire and her posse escaped in. But where the hell are they?
Alice doesn't have to wonder long, because Claire soon pops up - looking all wild and feral with some sort of electronic spider stuck on her chest. Turns out the "spider" is some sort of drug dispenser that pumps Claire's veins with some sort of memory-wiping agent. With the fucker stomped to oblivion, her memory starts to come back - but not enough to tell Alice what happened to the other survivors. So, our two exceedingly lovely heroines decide that they have no choice but to travel down the West Coast trying to find them - and any other survivors.
Yes, this means exactly what you think it does: ROAD TRIP, BABY!!!!!
Will Claire's memory come back? Will she and Alice find the other survivors? And when they do find a different group of survivors holed up in a Los Angeles prison, will they help one another to battle the hundreds of thousands of zombies just bursting to get in? And what is the mysterious threat that's within the prison itself? What's with the ship called ARCADIA just hanging off the coast? Is it a safe haven? Or a deadly trap? Will Albert Wesker show up again to torture us with his MONTY PYTHON accent? And, most importantly: are Claire and Alice ever going to share a kiss?
That’s for you folks to discover. And don’t forget ‘em 3-D glasses. Milla and Ali look even hotter popping out of the screen.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: As I mentioned in the intro, RESIDENT EVIL: AFTERLIFE is a good film - but the 3-D aspect makes it a spectacular one. I daresay that, as a 3-D experience, this movie rivals AVATAR for sheer exhilaration and thrills. Of course, AVATAR’S visuals were more over-the-top and attention-grabbing, but AFTERLIFE takes unexpected elements - and transforms through 3-D technology into something unexpectedly breathtaking. An example would be the absolutely stunning scene were Claire and Alice battle the Nemesis in the prison’s shower room with broken pipes spaying water everywhere. With the 3-D effects, it becomes an endlessly surreal and hallucinatory experience.
Another dazzler would be the opening scene in busy Shibuya, pre-outbreak, with the hundreds of umbrella-covered pedestrians - and the infected woman in their midst. Raindrops never looked so beautiful and hypnotic. And don’t even get me started about the numerous zombie battles that are even more terrifying with decaying hands reaching out of the screen for you. By their very nature, zombie films are about claustrophobic dread and the fear of being torn and eaten alive. Putting it all in 3-D just makes the terror all the more palpable.
Still, the best 3-D effects would be wasted on a sorry script and plot. Fortunately, AFTERLIFE provides a strong foundation on which to build stunning setpieces - whether in 3-D or 2-D. The main plot thread - Alice and Claire’s desperate search for other survivors and, ultimately, safety - is strong and dynamically-realized. We’re with our two heroine every step of the way as they embark on their quest. And when they find the disparate group of survivors hiding within that L.A. prison, we share their joy and relief, even if it is to be short-lived in the end. Also, the final act which deals with the group’s efforts to reach that mysterious ship off the coast - and their experiences on the ship, itself - are gripping and suspenseful. Paul W.S. Anderson never short-changes the story in favor of the effects.
As Alice and Claire, Milla Jovovich and Ali Larter bring the perfect blend of beauty, intelligence, gravitas, and hidden layers to their roles. These women are definitely more than eye candy, and in a summer where one of the biggest hits was the female-driven SALT with Angeline Jolie, it’s great to see the Fall movie season getting started on a similar note - with a movie featuring two tough (but still human) women at its center.
As for the men, Wentworth Miller doesn’t get much to do with his enigmatic convict role, but he does well with what he’s given - and I suspect he’ll be a lot busier in the next installment. Boris Kodjoe is a light and refreshing presence as Luther, the celebrity athlete who used to pose in luxury watch ads before the infection destroyed the world. He’s a nice combo of chutzpah and humility. Kim Coates, on the other hand, plays a hissable former movie producer who can’t get through his thick skull that the world he lives in now doesn’t give a damn about his past status as a Hollywood player. Needless to say, his ultimate fate isn’t a pretty one - and thank goodness for that.
Finally, Shawn Roberts as the main villain, Albert Wesker, is a solid and menacing presence. My only complaint though, as I mentioned before, is the British accent that he employs. While serviceable and far from the worse I’ve heard, it’s still a bit too tongue-in-cheek for a character that already threatens to be too over-the-top. Not that I’m in any position to give a talented actor like Roberts any advice, but I would’ve underplayed a little. Still, he delivers a competent performance - and is one good-looking guy: those cheekbones were just meant for villainy.
So, bottom line... RESIDENT EVIL: AFTERLIFE is a trip, man! Get thy ass to us a movie theater right now!
