(What beach was she jogging on where that bottle turned up? Because the bottles that wash up on my beach only have one message on them: HEINEKEN...)
CAST: Kevin Costner, Robin Wright-Penn, Paul Newman, Robbie Coltrane, John Savage, Jesse James, Illeana Douglas, Raphael Sbarge, Viveka Davis, Rosemary Murphy.
DIRECTOR: Luis Mandoki
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and potentially rage-inducing endings right up ahead...
When I was in college in Michigan several lifetimes ago, two of my roomies were a couple I will call "Ken and Barbie." I nicknamed them as such because, well, they were fucking perfect. Ken was the apple of Barbie's eyes, and had no rivals for her affection. Barbie, on the other hand, had one rival for Ken's heart: Kevin Costner. Yes, you read that right and, no, Ken wasn't having an illicit fling with KC in between classes. That's more my style.
Anyhow, Ken had what is commonly referred to as a "Man-Crush" - on Costner. Basically, he admired KC's decision after college to chuck a safe existence in business marketing to pursue his passion for films and acting - which were Ken's own passions. Like Costner, Ken was a business major and was at crossroads himself: move to L.A. to be an actor, or surrender to a life of security? Needless to say, Barbie just patiently tolerated her "competition" but wasn't too thrilled about the prospect of living on ramen noodles and Spam in LA-LA-land, waiting for Ken to get his break.
Not sure what path Ken ultimately took, as I (irony) moved to L.A. before he did and lost touch. But I still have vivid memories of him spazzing out whenever Costner popped up on the TV. This dude would literally curl up on the couch with a dreamy look on his face, whispering in a kewpie doll voice, "My Kevin..." At this point, I would inevitably turn to Barbie and declare something like, "And you say I'm the fruit. Your future hubby might just have more sugar than me, sweetheart. Take my advice - opt for a long engagement."
Truth is, I have no doubt that Ken was 100% straight, and that his "attraction" to Costner was simply based on the actor's "rags-to-riches" background - something he wished to emulate. Indeed, I know a lot of other men - straight as an arrow - who feel the same way. KC just has this "everyman" quality that draws people to him: women want him, men want to be around him, and, well, certain other men want him, too. Ahem.
It's this relatable/approachable quality that Costner brings to MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE, which is about two-thirds a good movie, and one-third a disappointing one. Matching him in the magnetism department is Robin Wright-Penn (well, Robin Wright by now, I guess). Their performances and easy chemistry together are one of the film's chief assets.
Based on the best-selling novel by Nicholas Sparks, MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE chronicles what happens when divorced newspaper researcher Theresa Osborne (Wright) discovers a - what else? - message in a bottle while jogging on a Cape Cod beach. Theresa is immediately hooked by the letter - addressed to a mysterious "Catherine" from "G" - despite the fact that it reads like the lost pages of a particularly syrupy Harlequin novel.
Even after returning to the Windy City, where she works for the Chicago Tribune, Theresa is still haunted by the letter. She reads it out loud to her female co-workers (Illeana Douglas and Viveka Davis), who promptly swoon and sway like an invisible finger just pressed their G-spots. Her boss, Charlie (Robbie Coltrane), rightfully mocks them and basically tells all three of them to wake the fuck up - before going behind Theresa's back and publishing the letter in the Tribune. He does this to either: (1) further ridicule Theresa and her pals, or (2) find out how many romantic idiots live in the Cook county area, or (3) both (1) and (2) combined.
Well, Charlie gets his answer to # 2 when hundreds of letters pour in to the newspaper offices in reaction to the Harlequin novel pages/message in a bottle. I guess Cook county and the greater Chicago area are pretty much doomed, then. Theresa and her flunkies are immediately assigned by Charlie (probably as further punishment for being such hopeless dingbats) to wade through the letters and sort out the nutjobs from the serious letters. Like there's going to be a difference. Come on. Well, that's not entirely fair, because it turns out at least two of the letters don't read, "OMG! OMG! OMG! That was, like, soooooooooooooo romantic! OMG! OMG! OMG!" Nope, a couple of them are actually sane and lucid and alert Theresa to the fact that two similar messages in bottles have been discovered in other spots along the Eastern seaboard.
Well, if you thought one letter was enough to get Theresa and her ladies-in-waiting all fired up, imagine the insanity that two more would push them to. Soon, Theresa is making like Nancy Drew on Red Bull and pouring over every single clue to try to trace the letters to their provenance. Soon, she discovers that the letters were all written by one Garrett Blake, who lives in the Outer Banks of North Carolina - which, given the way some people talk about them, sounds like they're the Hawaiian Islands of the East Coast or some shit.
Long story short, Theresa is given clearance by Charlie to follow-up on the story. Obviously, Charlie knows this all can - and will - only end badly, and wants ring-side tickets to the whole debacle. Upon arriving in the Outer Banks, Theresa quickly learns that: (1) everyone there is a fisherman or a boat builder or fucking one or the other or both at the same time; (2) Garrett's dad is a letch who looks a lot like Paul Newman, despite answering to the name of Dodge; and (3) Garrett is kind of a hottie who looks a lot like Kevin Costner, despite answering to the name of, uh, Garrett.
You don't have to be nuclear physicist to figure out that Theresa and Garrett eventually get involved. And you certainly don't have to be one to figure out that Theresa doesn't immediately come clean to him about her reasons for being in his hometown. And you definitely don't have to be one to surmise that when Garrett finds out about Theresa's secret agenda, he's going to be one pissed-off boat builder. How will Theresa tell him? Will he find out, ahem, some other way? And when he does, will their relationship survive the fact that Theresa is, well, a city girl with a big mouth and Garrett is, uh, a country boy with seven words in his vocabulary?
Find out for yourself. But watch out for sugar poisoning.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: As I wrote in the intro, MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE is, for most of its running time, a good film. Sure, there are sections where the pace could've been picked up, and some scenes that should've been tightened. However, the positives of the film far outweigh the flaws - at least until we hit the climax. But more on that later...
As I also mentioned earlier, the two main reasons this film remains compelling despite its flaws are Kevin Costner and Robin Wright's performances. While I believe that Garrett's role should have been tweaked more (more on that below), Kevin takes what he's given and runs with it. Robin Wright is simply luminous as Theresa and deliver an empathic performance that brings us into her character's head. Without saying too much, she keeps us on the same wavelength as her: from her discovery of the letter, to her investigations in tracing its source, then to finding Garrett and forging a relationship with him.
Concerning Garrett, I feel that he should have been written as more impenetrable in the beginning - basically making it more difficult for Theresa to get to know him. As I wrote before, Costner works with what he was given - and does it well. However, if he'd been given a more formidable character to play, watching Theresa gradually disarm and thaw him would've been a more satisfying relationship arc to witness. As it is, their initial interactions have a somewhat meandering quality which, while true to real-life encounters, does not help the film's sometimes wandering pace. As it is, Garrett opens up to Theresa too quickly. Better to have made her work for it.
Still, this doesn't hamper the film as much as the ending does. I don't intend to SPOIL it, but suffice it to say, I completely disagree with it because it nullifies all the emotional groundwork covered by the first two-thirds of the film. I haven't read the book and do not intend to, but I have to wonder if the ending made more sense in it than in the movie. I hope so, because the cinematic version doesn't work at all. Suffice it to say, I've seen a similar ending in another Nicholas Sparks adaptation. I hope he's not planning to make this his signature ending. And in the case of MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE, it actually hinders what could have been a good film, making it merely above average.
At least the supporting cast lends a solid assist to KC and Robin. Paul Newman is engagingly crusty as Garrett's recovering-alcoholic dad, and has some great father-son scenes with Costner. Clearly, Dodge is one of those "tough love" fathers. Robbie Coltrane is also similarly hard-boiled as Charlie, Theresa's cynical boss. However, watch for the scene where he gives Theresa a congratulatory present for her promotion: with just one simple sentence and a wistful look, Charlie reveals layers of hidden affection and years of pining for Theresa, who reacts with a mixture of surprise and wistfulness of her own. With this bit of acting, both Coltrane and Wright prove that, sometimes, the most interesting things are the ones left half-said - or just unsaid...
Or, in the case of this movie, unwritten. Like a new ending. Sigh.
