(It's like Sir Bill Murray donated his brain to science - and they put it in a fat cat who loves lasagna, hates Mondays, and has a love-hate relationship with his owner.)
CAST: Breckin Meyer, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Stephen Tobolowsky, Evan Arnold, and the Voice of Sir Bill Murray.
DIRECTOR: Peter Hewitt
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and sublime fat feline humor filtered through the Bill Murray translator - straight ahead...
Remember that 1993 movie SLIVER? Where Sharon Stone played a woman who moves into an apartment building that turns out to be bugged with hidden video cameras? Even the apartments themselves? Remember how her every move was watched - without her knowledge - by a smokin' hot pervert who looked a lot like Billy Baldwin? Well, that's exactly how I felt while watching GARFIELD.
Chronicling the adventures of single dork Jon Arbuckle (Breckin Meyer) and his feisty fat cat Garfield (voice of the God formerly-currently-futurely known as Bill Murray), GARFIELD struck such a chord with me. I felt like Sharon in SLIVER - only not as gorgeous. I started peeking behind my light fixtures and tapping my mirrors, looking for electronic glass threads and lenses. Meanwhile my cat, Casper, just watched me the whole time - shaking his head sadly, and definitely in judgement.
Why did I suddenly feel like the star of SLIVER 2? Well, how else to explain the similarities between GARFIELD and my own so-called life. To wit, I am a single (well, single-ish) dork who owns a fat (more like stocky, really) cat who is also feisty (actually, more like diabolical). With each passing scene, I became more and more convinced that the makers of this film were watching me and Casper (named after the "friendly" ghost - what a crock of shit) from some war room, filled with monitors, deep in the bowels of my building. Watching me and Casper re-enact THE WAR OF THE ROSES and the Brangelina fight scenes from MR. AND MRS. SMITH.
Fortunately, common sense prevailed (miracle of miracles) and I reminded myself that GARFIELD is based on the beloved and long-running comic strip featuring that celebrated fatty of a cat who hides a soft heart under a sardonic exterior and humongous rolls of blubber. Too bad - because I kind of liked the idea of hidden video cameras in my flat, with a pervert who looks like Billy Baldwin watching my every move. If you're going to get stalked, at least let the stalker be a hottie, right?
Anyhow, our movie starts with a series of setpieces that give us a flavor of Jon and Garfield's domestic life. Basically, it's quickly established that Garfield is: (1) spoiled, (2) ravenous, (3) lazy, (4) sounds exactly like Bill Murray, and (5) has Jon wrapped around his claws - sometimes literally. In other words, Mr. Arbuckle is, uh, pussy-whipped. In both sense of the term. You see, Jon also has a major crush on Liz Wilson (Jennifer Love Hewitt), Garfield's va-va-voomish veterinarian. So rock-solid is Jon's hard-on for Liz that he's constantly dreaming up reasons to drag Garfield to the clinic.
It's during one of these contrived-by-sledgehammer appointments that Jon finally musters up the courage to ask Liz out. Or as Garfield himself succinctly puts it: "Look, just ask her out. So she can reject you. And then we can move on with my life." Spoken just like a fucking cat. Anyway, before Jon can follow Garfield's advice, Liz springs a surprise on him. Literally. And it's a four-legged one. Which is a delicacy in some Southeast Asian countries. I'm talking about a dog, and this one is named... Odie.
Needless to say, Garfield takes this development pretty much the same way that he'd take the news that the alien from ALIEN is moving into their house. Actually, disregard that - because the alien from ALIEN and Garfield actually have a decent chance of hitting it off and engaging in a PlayStation marathon together. Odie, on the other hand, will be lucky if Garfield doesn't wrap him in a newspaper and sell him to a Filipino family down the street. And before you P.C. police start crapping your pants in outrage, please note that I'm half-Philippine, grew up in the islands, and therefore know what the fuck I'm talking about. Most of the time, anyway.
Anyhow, it goes without saying that Garfield pretty much turns into Julia Roberts from MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING - and kicks off a tactical campaign of terror against Odie, who fills in the Cameron Diaz role. Basically, these two fleabags are dueling over the affections of Jon - who is basically Dermot Mulroney's counterpart in this movie. Only Breckin Meyer is, well, a lot cuter than Dermot Mulroney. Hmmm... Maybe they should have cast him instead in MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING. Then I would've understood what all the explosive estrogen warfare in that movie was about. I mean, ladies, come on... if you're going to duke it out over a guy - at least make sure he looks like one of the following specimens: (1) Russell Crowe, (2) Chris Evans, (3) Daniel Craig, (4) Sam Worthington, or (5) Clark Kent. And - maybe - Breckin Meyer.
But I digress. Again. Shocker. Anyway, back to Garfield and PROJECT: FUCKING GET RID OF ODIE RIGHT NOW! It goes without saying that it's never good to piss off a cat. I have the scars to prove it. It also goes without saying that a determined cat is like a force of nature: you can fight it all you want, but you'll only end up with claw marks down your back. Well, I guess that also could've been from the three-night-stand I had over Labor Day weekend. Can't really remember. Tequila is a very effective brain-cell killer. And my increasingly shitty memory is proof.
Yes. I digressed again. Back to the review... So, sure enough, Garfield succeeds in tossing Odie out of the house. Unfortunately, instead of sticking close to the front porch, Odie demonstrates that lovely tendency of dogs the world over to chase any goddamned thing that gets their attention. Yup, Odie and a passing vehicle basically elope and run away. The next morning, Jon is so despondent over the missing mutt that he... forgets about the hot date he has with Liz that day.
Now, I don't know about you, folks. But if the girl I basically lusted after my entire natural life suddenly agreed to come over to my place for dinner, and I also discovered that my pet dog had vanished on the same day, I would... well... I'll just say this plainly, okay? Fuck the dog. Yes, folks: Fuck. That. Dog. My loss is that Filipino family's gain. I'll say a little prayer for him - while I'm lying breathless and sweaty in bed with my date still tied to the bedposts. Scratch that. I won't say a prayer at all - I'll just roll over and go to sleep. Natch.
Anyway, Jon is not a horndog like me. So he basically freaks out like a champ, and spazzes even more when Liz shows up. Fortunately for him, Liz is also inexplicably enamored by Odie, so she joins Jon in searching for him. Even more interestingly, Garfield starts to show some signs of - gasp! - remorse and realizes that he must right the wrong he's wrought. And Peter Piper Picked a Pack of Pickled Peckers. Or is that "Peppers?"
Who cares. Anyway, Garfield basically makes like Julia Roberts in the third act of MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING - all contrite and guilt-ridden and desperate to do the right thing. Will he be able to find Odie before Jon and Liz do? And what will happen when Jon discovers that it was Garfield who let Odie out? Will a crazy TV show host (Stephen Tobolowsky) who's allergic to cats find Odie and turn him into his, um, bitch? Or will Garfield hand him his ass? And - most importantly - will Jon ever get to ask Liz to dress up like a Betty Crocker housewife while he wears a plumber's jumpsuit unzipped to his navel to reveal his hairy chest?
I'm just asking. I think I need to call someone. I wonder if Billy Baldwin is home.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: When he played himself in a cameo in ZOMBIELAND, Bill Murray joked that he regretted his turn as Garfield's voice in GARFIELD. I also read somewhere else that he meant this. If this is accurate, and if he ever - by some miracle - stumbles across this blog, I'd like to assure them that the movie is actually quite good. It's funny enough, engaging enough, and - with Breckin Meyer and J. Lo Hewitt - sexy enough.
In short, Bill Murray has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Especially considering he's the main reason the film works. His trademark droll humor gives some serious bite to Garfield's quips. And when Garfield has to show tender streaks, Sir Bill pulls that off, too. I've heard it's challenging for actors to express themselves sufficiently when doing voice work. If that's true, you wouldn't know it from the way that Mr. Murray brings Garfield to life. Just like that lovable fat cat, he makes wit look easy and effortless. It's a great "performance" and he should give himself credit for that.
As for the rest of the cast, Breckin Meyer is an unexpected choice for the role of Garfield's alternately loving and harried owner, Jon Arbuckle. But it works beautifully. Mr. Meyer gives Jon a boy-next-door earnestness and golden heart. Add to this mix good looks that are appealing rather than intimidating, and it's easy to see why Liz would be drawn to him. Speaking of Liz, Jennifer Love Hewitt matches Breckin Meyer's sunny presence, and just like him, she successfully plays against her beauty to make her character approachable and human. Indeed, the reason GARFIELD works well beyond as a showcase for the sarcastic cat, is the blooming relationship between Liz and Jon. They anchor the story in a place that we've all been to: the thrill of meeting the right person - and building something with them, step by step.
Bottom line: GARFIELD is a good film. Of course, I also happen to love: (1) cats, (2) Garfield, (3) Sir Bill Murray, (4) Breckin Meyer, and (5) Jennifer Love Hewitt. So there may be a bit of an objectivity problem, here. And someone not so enamored by the aforementioned five factors may not rate it as high. But, as opined recently in Sir Bill's newest movie GET LOW: "Can we help we what we love?"
Like a white, stocky cat who rolls his eyes at you when you come from work saying, "Daddy's home, Casper!" - and then proceeds to sharpen his claws on your laptop bag. Fucker. Gotta love him.
