HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA (2012 - COMEDY / ANIMATED / FAMILY) ***1/2 out of *****
(Is this place part of the Westin family of resorts? Didn't think so...)
CAST: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Adam Samberg, Selena Gomez, Cee Lo Green, Fran Drescher, Molly Shannon, David Space, Jon Lovitz.
DIRECTOR: Genndy Tartakovsky
WARNING: Some very good reasons to NOT do the backpacking thang in Transylvania - straight ahead...
IT'S LIKE THIS: I've always wanted to visit Transylvania, mainly to see what the fuck is up with all the Dracula-hoopla. I know he's a fictional character, but if you believe certain sources, he was based on a real-life historical dude from Eastern Europe named Vlad Tepes - also known by the exceedingly warm and fuzzy nickname "Vlad The Impaler." Apparently, Vlad was a bit of a dick, and if you pissed him off, he'd have you impaled on a tall stake - while he ate his dinner below your flailing, thrashing corpse and enjoyed your torment. Like I said: total dick. Anyhow, this is the vicious, bloodthirsty dude whom the literary figure of Count Dracula was based on.
However, if you were to go by our latest review, HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA, you'd think ol' Drac was nothing more than your average over-protective, anal-retentive, slightly OCD, kinda cute, middle-aged father and entrepreneur. You see, in this flick, Dracula (Adam Sandler) runs a ritzy (for creaky ol' Transylvania) hotel resort that caters only to monsters. You know how some cruise ships will only let you on them if you're a flaming homo like me? Well, this is the horror movie version of a gay cruise. Well, come to think of it, depending on what some of the queens are wearing and have been drinking, those cruises are horror movies themselves. Meow...
Anyhow, Dracula's rationale for creating this Holiday Inn of Horrors is pretty simple: he wants monsters of all kinds to have a safe haven from their worst enemies ever: humans. Yes, folks, these scary creatures are scared of... us. Well, at least Dracula is. Apparently, Drac's wife, Martha (Jackie Sandler) was killed by an angry lynch mob not long after she gave birth to their daughter Mavis (Selena Gomez), and since then he has loathed us humans with the force of Casper and Guido hating their walking leashes (deal with it, boys). This has resulted in Daddy Drac forbidding Mavis from ever leaving the hotel and exploring the outside world. Which, for a teen - vampire or human - just coming into her own, is kind of like the Kiss Of Death.
All is well for a few centuries, though, while Drac plays gracious host to his clientele of freaks and bizarros, especially his best pals: (1) Frankenstein (Kevin James); (2) Frankenstein's mouthy wife Eunice (Fran Drescher); (3) Murray the Mummy (Cee Lo Green); (4) Griffin the Invisible Man (David Spade); (5) Wayne the Werewolf (Steve Buscemi); and (6) Wayne's wife Wanda (Molly Shannon). These guys never fail to drop by the Hotel Transylvania every year as if it were the Grand Wailea on Maui. Except they don't get to attend the Maui Film Festival right on the Wailea's front doorstep, natch.
Then everything goes to hell and a handbasket when the last thing anyone expected to ever happen in a million years suddenly, uh, happens: a human stumbles onto the front doorstep of the Hotel Transylvania. But not just any human: a dork of a human. He is Jonathan (Adam Samberg) and is one of those twentysomething world travelers whose most prized possessions are his bong and his backpack. And he is so clueless that the first thing he thinks when he walks into the hotel and sees all the monsters and ghouls around him is that someone must be throwing a Halloween party a little early.
Needless to say, Dracula is a little concerned. After all, he created the Hotel Transylvania so that monsters could escape the persecution of humans. What would his clients and his best pals think if they knew their ranks had been infiltrated by a mortal? Being a fast thinker, Dracula covers Jonathan from head to toe in gray make-up and forces him to act like a zombie - at least until he can sneak him out of the place. Of course, you don't have to be psychic to predict that Jonathan and Mavis end up crashing into each other - and have the same reaction that I had when "Chris Evans' Twin" and I met. Which is basically a look that says: "Before the week is over, I will tie you to the bedposts and drain your nutsac and make you like it."
Except, as we mentioned before, Dracula is your basic overprotective Pops - and he would have a hissy fit from Hell if Mavis were to so much as hook-up with just a monster. Can you imagine the tantrum he would throw if Jonathan, a smelly human, were to ask for her hand in marriage? How will he handle this? Can a vampiress and a dorky backpacker have a future together? Will Dracula's friends and clients find out that Jonathan is masquerading as one of the undead right in their midst? How will this vacation end?
Hard to say. Just don't be surprised if this movie inspires an actual Hotel Transylvania in, uh, Transylvania...
BUT, SERIOUSLY: We’re headed to a screening shortly so I have to keep this short. HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA is a reasonably good animated film that takes the familiar charm of the classic monsters and gives it a comic, contemporary zing. The fact that the main players are played by Adam Sandler and his usual cohorts like Kevin James, David Spade, CeeLo Green, Adam Sandberg, and Steve Buscemi, as well as new cohorts like Fran Drescher and Selena Gomez, further adds some kick to the proceedings.
While it doesn’t quite have the staying power of classic animated films like FINDING NEMO, TOY STORY 1-3, or SHREK (the film this movie is most similar to), HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA has enough clever moments, enough funny setpieces, and just the right amount of emotional texture to give it a solidly good rating. It also has some great songs on the soundtrack. Definitely a great family film for the Halloween Holidays. And, yes, Halloween is a Holiday.
