MALEFICENT (2014 - FANTASY/DRAMA) **** out of
***** OR
8 out of 10
( Do these horns make me look fat? Answer wisely, bitches... )
CAST:
Angelina Jolie, Elle Fanning, Sharlto Copley, Lesley Manville, Imelda
Staunton, Juno Temple, Sam Riley, Brenton Thwaites, Kenneth Cranham
DIRECTOR: Robert Stromberg
DIRECTOR: Robert Stromberg
WARNING:
Some SPOILERS and some damn good reasons not to piss off fairies - straight
ahead...
IT'S LIKE THIS:
One of my friends recenly gave me a rather, er, unusual gift: a POP Head
figure of Maleficent, the anti-heroine of our latest review. His reason:
"because you remind me of her..." Which, I guess, means I'm an ice-cold bitch
when the occasion warrants it. Of
course, that's too simple an analysis of Maleficent (and me) - and he knows
it. Because Maleficent can also be the
nicest, most generous person in the world if you deserve it - and so can
I. In short, I guess we give as good as we
get. Tit for tat. But I'm afraid that's where all the
similarities end, since I'm nowhere near as hot as Angelina Jolie.
Sure enough, when we first Ms. Maleficent, she's
actually pretty sweet. She basically is
one of the many fairies that live in an enchanted wood adjacent to your basic
fucked-up human kingdom. Whereas the
fairies are a peacable, kind-hearted group, their human neighbors are -
unsurprisingly - petty, jealous, and selfish.
Led by the particularly-vile King Henry (Kenneth Cranham), all the
stupid humans can think of is how to usurp the gorgeous, resource-rich land the
fairies own - and suck it dry for themselves.
Of course, it doesn't help that Maleficent
herself has earned the ire of King Henry by basically telling him and his
squires to go fuck themselves. As far as
she is concerned, the Fairy Realm will always be the property of the fairies -
and his highness can shove his conquest plans right up his bunghole. Enraged, King Henry basically tells his
subjects that any man who kills Maleficent and brings him her wings will
inherit the kingdom. Nothing like a
powerful bribe to bring people's true colors to light.
Sadly, one of those people is Stefan (Sharlto
Copley), Maleficent's human friend whom she has serious googley eyes for. While Stefan likes Maleficent, he clearly
loves power and wealth more. Soon, he is
using his personal connection to Maleficent to kill her and cut off her wings
as proof of her death. At the last
moment, however, he cannot quite bring himself to kill what is likely the best
lay of his life - and decides to just cut her wings off as she sleeps. Imagine Maleficent's rage when she wakes up
the next morning, feeling a hundred pounds lighter.
So it comes to pass that Stefan inherits the kingdom
for delivering Maleficent's wings to King Henry. Stefan marries Henry's daughter, and they
have a daughter of their own, naming her Aurora. The kingdom rejoices in the same way England
did when William and Kate's own bundle of joy popped out of her. Unlike that celebration, however, King
Stefan's party for Aurora is interrupted by an ice-cold wind - named
Maleficent. Let's just say that this is
the dramatic entrance to end all dramatic entrances.
Our girl Mally saunters into the ballroom wearing a lot of basic black
and the most awesome headpiece I've ever seen.
She basically glides right past the revelers like they're not even there
- and makes a beeline for baby Aurora sleeping in her crib. I don't have to tell you that the look on
King Stefan's face is not exactly one of joy and happiness. More like pants-shitting horror and
desperation. Yes, sir, them chickens
have done come home to roost, son. Fasten
you seatbelts.
I wish I could tell you that Maleficent wishes
King Stefan and his family well, and bids them adieu. But that would be a level of insanity that
even I am not capable of. Nope, our girl
Mally smiles sweetly, bends over the crib, and - you know - casts one bitch of
a spell on poor Aurora, turning her into yapping purple chihuahua. Kidding.
Maleficent curses Aurora by saying she will be pricked by a pin on her
16th birthday, sending her into a sleep like death. Curable only by true love's kiss. And since Bigfoot, Santa Claus, Chupacabra,
Atlantis, and Slender Man are more believable entities in Maleficent's book
than True Love, she's fairly sure that will never happen. In other words, Aurora is soooooo screwed.
To protect his little tyke, King Stefan sends his
baby into the deep woods to be cared for by three of the most incompetent
babysitters this side of Jonah Hill from the remake of ADVENTURES IN
BABYSITTING. They are three of the
dumbest fairies ever to strap on some wings:
(1) Flittle (Lelsey Manville); (2) Knotgrass (Imelda Staunton); and (3)
Thistletwit (Juno Temple). Actually,
that last name is appropriate for all three of them - I don't know why the
other two felt they even needed to have different monikers. These three imbecile have barely enough fairy
brain cells among them to generate a mild spark, let alone an actual
thought. Let alone an actual intelligent
thought.
Long story short, Maleficent and her bitch
boy/crow Diaval (Sam Riley) have to intervene to ensure baby Aurora doesn't
fall off a cliff, starve to death, die of thirst, or end up a twit
herself. After all, what good is Mally's
curse if Aurora dies before she turns sixteen.
Maleficent has to protect her investment, you know.
But what happens when Maleficent finds herself
beginning to care for Aurora as she grows into a young lady (Elle Fanning)? Will Maleficent's
natural goodness come to the fore? Or
will she continue to hold on to her anger and desire for revenge for Stefan's betrayal? Will she make the right choice and
re-discover her heart and humanity? Or
will she remain on the dark side? And
what happens when a handsome prince (Brenton Thwaites) enters the picture? Will he provide "true love's
kiss?" Or does true love lie
elsewhere? Ahem?
BUT, SERIOUSLY:
In recent years, we've seen some interesting revisionist takes on our
classic fairy tales. In 2012, BRAVE told
the tale of a headstrong princess at odds with her more traditional mother -
and how they bridged the gap between them through adventure and courage. There was no handsome prince or male lead to
save the day. The women did it
themselves. In 2013, FROZEN took a
similarly-atypical route, giving us two princess sisters who, like BRAVE, are
separted by a curse but manage to re-connect through a quest and feats of
bravery. There was a handsome prince
this time, but his role was a clever bit of misdirection and he ultimately
turned out to be the villain. And the
male lead (a lowly hunter) was more of a comic relief and "Her Boy
Friday" type of sidekick.
Now, in 2014, the trend continues with
MALEFICENT, a re-telling of the "Sleeping Beauty" fairy tale from the
"villain's" perspective. And
if you're going to have someone play a complex role that is neither hero nor
villain, but a little bit of both, you would do well to cast Angelina
Jolie. Jolie is one of the few modern
actors who is both a very good actress and a true star presence. Contrary to popular belief, the two are mutually
exclusive. There are many good actors
who don't have the power to hold a screen audience with their mere
presence. And there are many stars with
powerful screen presence who are incapable of deep performances. The only two current actresses I can see
playing MALEFICENT are Jolie and Charlize Theron, who played a somewhat similar
but more evil character in SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN.
MALEFICENT is, at its heart, a love story. However, just like BRAVE and FROZEN before
it, this movie spins a more platonic, familial connection. Whereas BRAVE showed the bond between mother
and daughter, and FROZEN explored the connection between sisters, MALEFICENT
shows a more complex type of love - one that has shades of maternal affection,
friendship, and sisterhood, all at once.
As Aurora, Elle Fanning is the perfect combination of open innocence,
sunny glee, and tender vulnerability. We
have to understand why MALEFICENT's icy wall would be melted with ease by
Aurora, and Fanning's skill and likability, it is very clear why. Like the previous revisionist films, this
love story has no room for a prince - and the one here is quite, well,
marginalized.
Supporting performances from Sharlton Copley,
Lesley Manville, Juno Temple, Imelda Staunton, Brenton Thwaite, and Sam Riley
are all on target. Riley, in particular,
is quite good as Diaval, the crow whom Maleficent gives human form to in order
for him to be able to act as her emisarry.
Diaval and Maleficent have a nice, combative rapport that Jolie and
Riley bring to life. Thwaite is as
engaging as Fanning in his limited role of the prince who may or may not be her
savior. (hint: don't get your hopes up.)
Ultimately, though, just as BRAVE and FROZEN
belonged to its female leads, so too is MALEFICENT owned by its complex
(anti)heroine and the girl she slowly learns to love more than herself. It's a wonderful story arc, and the
hypnotically-arresting Jolie and immensely sweet Fanning both make it an
emotionally-rewarding ride.
