MOVIE RATING SCALE:

***** (Spectacular) 10

****1/2 (Excellent) 9

**** (Very Good) 8

***1/2 (Good) 7

*** (Above Average) 6

**1/2 (Average) 5

** (Below Average) 4

*1/2 (Mediocre) 3

* (Awful) 2

1/2 (Abysmal) 1

0 (Worthless) 0


Monday, October 6, 2014

# 567 - EVENT HORIZON


EVENT HORIZON (1997 - HORROR / SCI-FI THRILLER) ***1/2 out of *****   OR  7 out of 10

(It helps to know where the "Point Of No Return" is BEFORE you pass it.  Jackholes...)




CAST:  Sam Neill, Laurence Fishburne, Kathleen Quinlan, Joely Richardson, Richard T. Jones, Jason Isaacs, Sean Pertwee, Jack Noseworthy, Noah Huntley, Holly Chant, Barclay Wright.

DIRECTOR: Paul W.S. Anderson





IT'S LIKE THIS:  There are certain occupations in horror films that basically guarantee death - none more so than being a member of  "Search And Rescue Team".  Based on films like PREDATOR, ALIENS, VIRUS, and our next review, EVENT HORIZON, if you are part of a rag-tag bunch of men and women whose job it is to go into the fray to help out folks who are seriously imperiled, chances are good - nay, excellent - that you and your buddies will be the ones needing to be rescued.  Soon.  Hell, I'd rather flip burgers.  In a burger joint, the deadliest thing I have to worry about is grease fires and cholesterol.  

Our next "31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN" review is called EVENT HORIZON because the space ship at the center of the plot is called the, um, "Event Horizon".   By the way, if you look up the meaning of the term "Event Horizon" you will find a lengthy, wordy definition that a dumb shit like me doesn't have the patience or intelligence for. To paraphrase, though, I guess it translates to... "the point of no return".  Which is pretty appropriate, because the "Event Horizon" was designed specifically for a special mission: to attempt interstellar travel through a wormhole created by ship's special "gravity drive."  

The mission started out fine.  The "Event Horizon" traveled to the orbit of Neptune, where it activated the gravity drive that opened up the wormhole - and catapulted the ship to Alpha Centauri in the next galaxy.  At least that was the plan...  Unfortunately, the "Event Horizon was never heard from again.  Now, this is a very bad thing, admittedly.  However, imagine how much worse it would've been if the "Event Horizon" had traveled to, uh, Uranus and had tried to, er, deeply penetrate the, um, wormhole there... 

Giggle.  Yes, I need help.  No, I don't plan to get any.  

Anyhow, seven years go by with no word from the "Event Horizon."  Then suddenly a space station orbiting Earth receives a distress signal coming from... Neptune's Orbit.  How much do you want to bet it ain't coming from the Jetsons?  Yup, sure enough it turns out that "Event Horizon" has mysteriously returned to the point where it disappeared seven years ago.  Unfortunately, the distress signal is all the ship is emanating.  There is no other transmission or signs of life.

This is where our ill-fated group of gung-ho "search and rescuers" come in.  They are onboard the rescue ship called "Lewis & Clark" - which frankly is pretty boring-sounding compared to - dun da DUN DUN! - the "Event Horizon."  The "Lewis & Clark" is on its way to rendezvous with the long-missing ship in the orbit of Your Anus.  I mean, Neptune.  Sorry.  Ha ha. 

Anyway, our soon-to-be-dead-meat heroes are:  (1)  Dr. Weir (Sam Neill), hunky Aussie who helped invent the gravity drive on the "Event Horizon" and is along for the ride because of his expertise (presumably, it's not because of not-so-sparkling personality); (2) Captain Miller (Laurence Fishburne), gruff and bossy commander of the mission whose voice makes my knees turn to jelly from desire; (3) Medical Officer Peters (Kathleen Quinlan), mousy doctor who left a disabled son on Earth for the privilege of investigating the "Event Horizon" (stupid woman); (4) Ensign Cooper (Richard T. Jones), obnoxious douchebag who is a walking encyclopedia of "douchebag cliches"; (5) Lieutenant Starck (Joely Richardson), hot British warrant officer who is like Ripley minus the balls; (6) Medical Assistant D.J. (Jason Isaacs), serious and gloomy med tech who knows way too much Latin for his own good; (7) Ensign Smitty (Sean Pertwee), acerbic Brit who is addicted to porn and pinups; and last but certainly the dopiest: (8) Justin (Jack Noseworthy), baby-faced doofus whom the whole crew has labeled as "Baby Bear."  Don't even ask.

Eventually, our not-so-lucky eight space travelers dock with the "Event Horizon" and do a search of it.  In a completely unforeseen, totally unpredictable, waaaaay out of left field plot twist, it turns out the "Event Horizon" is completely empty and devoid of life.  Imagine that.  I was expecting Capt Miller and company to discover the missing crew doing a conga line and gargling margaritas.  Maybe that's why they couldn't respond to the transmissions from the Earth Station and the "Lewis & Clark": they couldn't hear them over the sounds of Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine.  So disappointed.  

So is Weir, who was obviously expecting at least someone to grill about the ship's seven-year disappearance.  Soon, however, it becomes clear that while there are no other humans onboard besides our eight morons from the "Lewis & Clark", there might be something that is... no longer human.  Sure enough, Weir starts having visions of his dead wife, Clare (Holly Chant).  Sure enough, Capt Miller starts having visions of Edward Corrick (Noah Huntley), a crewmember from a previous mission whom he failed to save.  Sure enough, Peters starts seeing visions of her disabled son Denny (Barclay Wright).  Sure enough, Cooper starts acting like an insufferable asshole just begging to be knocked off in the worst way possible.   Here... I'll do it.  

To make matters worse, an accident causes the "Lewis & Clark" to malfunction and lose life support systems, forcing our Unlucky Eight to board the "Event Horizon" on an extended basis while Cooper and Smitty conduct repairs.  Unfortunately, whatever is on the ship with them has some dastardly plans and soon it's looking very likely that the "Event Horizon" didn't go to Alpha Centauri like Weir had programmed it to - but to somewhere much, much, much more fucked-up.  Clearly, the "Event Horizon" has brought something back...

What is it?  Where did it come from?  Where was the "Event Horizon" for the last seven years?  What did it bring back with it?  And why does it know everyone's secrets and fears?  Why is it showing such terrible things to them?  What is its diabolical master plan?  Besides killing them off one by one, that is?

Who cares.  These nitwits should've known what they were asking for by signing up for such a dangerous job.  Should've just been a burger-flipper on Earth Station.  


BUT SERIOUSLY:  The way writer Philip Eisner reportedly pitched EVENT HORIZON to the studio is "THE SHINING... in space" - and it's a very apt description.  EVENT HORIZON is, of course, not on the same level as that classic, but it has enough parallels to draw a solid comparison.  In fact, had director Paul W.S. Anderson modified his approach to telling the story and rewrote or completely removed one particularly obnoxious character, this could've actually been a classic like THE SHINING and ALIEN - the two films it seems to emulate.  

Ironically, the movie starts on the wrong foot.  Instead of the ominous, creepy opening that the story deserved and needed (think the way ALIEN opened), Anderson starts everything with cheesy credits and techno music that actually seem to signal we're about to watch a bad movie.  Then, to make matters worse, our very first scene is actually on the empty "Event Horizon" itself, with empty water bottles and assorted other debris floating around - which robs the story of some momentum, mystery, and foreboding.  

Why Anderson and Eisner chose to open the story in this thoroughly misguided way is puzzling,  Anyone who knows good suspense/horror/thriller storytelling knows that what we can't see and can only imagine is far more frightening than what is shown plainly to us.  Basically, our first look of the inside of the long-missing "Event Horizon" should've been in tandem with the "Lewis & Clark" crew's first look,  later in the film.  That way we are discovering things at the same time they are - essentially, we are in their shoes.   Think of ALIEN and how we didn't find things out - the derelict ship on the planet, the egg chamber, the fact that the alien can bleed acid - until the crew of the "Nostromo" found them out.  It was more visceral and compelling that way.  

Then we meet the characters, who are all generally okay - with the huge exception of Cooper, who has got to be the most annoying, irritating film character I've seen in awhile.  Actually, it's too much of a stretch to call this caricature a "character."  Essentially, the role is the stereotypical "hip, wise-cracking, would-be comic relief" with the unfortunate problem of simply not being funny.  Richard T. Jones overplays Cooper's cockiness without giving us any nuance or "accents" to compensate.  Never does he come across a believable human being, but more like the writer's badly-calculated attempt to please certain demographics.  It's frustrating to see the tension constantly hampered by Cooper's stupid comments.  The role might've worked if the script had tried to give him other things to do besides posture.  As it is, we kept hoping for him to be killed off fast.

Fortunately, the rest of the cast compensate for Jones' flawed (to say the least) performance.  Laurence Fishburne can do no wrong in my book, and he is probably one of the most commanding screen presences today.  He turns Capt Miller into the kind of guy you want on your side in a battle - smart, decisive, no-nonsense but still human.  Sam Neill does a lot with his complex role, and ably plays Weir's light and dark sides.  My wishful first choice for the role of Hannibal Lecter has always been Sam Neill because he has the capacity to make evil seem sexy and attractive - and that quality serves him well here.  Kathleen Quinlan, Joely Richardson, Sean Pertwee, Jason Isaacs, and Jack Noseworthy are all competent in their various roles as the rag-tag members of the crew.

About a third into the film, Anderson finally does a course correction and finds the right track to tell the story in.  The slow burn approach that ALIEN and THE SHINING favored begins to build here, and the atmosphere and tension begin to improve - if also undercut occasionally by Cooper's stupid, witless remarks.  Fortunately, the central premise of EVENT HORIZON is so compelling and creepy that it withstands Anderson's early missteps in laying out the story, and Cooper's insufferable presence.  

In the end, EVENT HORIZON is an atmospheric, imaginative fusing of elements from THE SHINING and ALIEN with a little bit of 2001.  Had Anderson re-thought his initial storytelling method and also axed or rewrote the character of Cooper, this film might actually risen to the classic status that those films enjoy.  As it is, it is merely a solid, good film.