L' ALDILLA (U.S. Title: THE BEYOND) (1981 - HORROR / "WTF" FLICK) ** out of ***** OR 4 out of 10
(This movie is giving me a headache...)
CAST: Catriona MacColl, David Warbeck, Cinzia Monreale, Antoine St. John, Gianpaolo Saccarola, Giovanni De Nava, Veronica Lazar, Al Cliver, Anthony Flees, Michele Mirabella, Maria Pia Marsala, Laura De Marchi.
DIRECTOR: Lucio Fulci
IT'S LIKE THIS: There's an unintentionally hilarious scene about halfway through L'ALDILLA (Italian for THE BEYOND), wherein our dippy heroine, Liza Merrill (Catriona MacColl) deadpans to her boy-toy, Dr. John McCabe (David Warbeck), that she's so lucky to have recently inherited the dilapidated New Orleans hotel that she did, because she was on the brink of collecting welfare in New York before she found out about her inheritance in Louisiana.
Why is it hilarious? Well, for a fairly simple reason, really. You see, what our dear, transplanted, dopey Liza doesn't know is that there's a problem with the hotel that she inherited. No, it's not festooned with mold. No, it's not infested with termites. No, it's not full of rats. All those things combined would be preferable to the issue plaguing her newly-acquired manse. Liza's hotel has a very, very, very big flaw, folks:
It's built on the Gates of Hell. Or at least one of them. Apparently, there are seven entry ways, total, to Lucifer's crib. At least according to some "mythical" book called "Eibon" - which, presumably, is Latin for "Complete Bullshit."
Liza, dear, looks like you better start practicing filing out those welfare forms, because I have a feeling that this whole "renovate-my-falling-down-hotel" may not pan out. I find that having your property built on a portal to an evil dimension tends to REALLY depreciate its market value. Not to mention your lifespan.
Anyhow, if there's anything odd about Liza's demonic fixer-upper, she doesn't necessarily notice because she's kind of a clueless dingbat. Witness what she says to her cute contractor Arthur (Gianpaolo Saccarola) when he tells her the cost of all the repairs he needs to do to the place: "Remember you have carte blanche, Arthur, but not a blank check, okay?" At which point Arthur just stares at her like she's lost her fucking mind.
Um, I really hate to break this to you, Lizzy, given that you just inherited one lemon of a hotel and all, but "carte blanche" is French for "blank check." So, what you just told Arthur makes no goddamned sense whatsoever. Which would be fine if you were being ironic or just a smart-ass bitch, but you were quite evidently stone-cold serious. Which means I sincerely hope this whole "Horror Hotel" works out against all odds for you - because, sweetie, the outside world is going to eat you alive, otherwise.
Well, that is, if the zombies don't get her first. I forgot to mention that strange things begin to happen around the hotel, which ain't surprising since it's the Gatehouse To Hell, and all. First, the handyman named Joe (Giovanni De Nava) is attacked and killed by something in the cellar. Next, a cleaning lady named Martha (Veronica Lazar) gets attacked by Joe's corpse. Then, Liza starts getting stalked by a creepy blind chick named Emily (Cinzia Monreale) who claims to know the sordid history of the hotel.
See? That's how much of a nitwit Liza is: she can't even get away from a blind person. Will someone please explain to me how the fuck this chick survived for years in New York City?
Whatever. So, eventually Liza, John, and their dipshit pal Martin (Michele Mirabella) start digging into the hotel's past. Soon, they find out that the place was originally owned by some weirdo named Schweick (Antoine St. John) who was lynched back in 1927 for being a warlock or something. Legend has it that Schweick's body was bricked-up in the hotel's cellar - and now it's looking like it may have been released by all the construction work that Arthur and Joe were doing, then killed Joe and turned him into a zombie.
On top of that, Joe's body disappears from the morgue, and his wife Mary Ann (Laura De Marchi) mysteriously gets burned by a lot of acid in a scene so utterly stupid you will think it's a gag. But, nope, the movie plays it seriously. Which, ironically, makes it all that much more hilarious. Oh, and don't even get me started on the scene where dipshit Martin goes to the library to do some legwork on the hotel's architectural blueprints, only to fall from a tall ladder and lay paralyzed on the floor, while a gang of tarantulas (yes, tarantulas - in a library) sidle up to him menacingly like a bunch of schoolyard bullies wanting lunch money - and proceed to eat his face off (yes, you read that right) in an interminable scene that seems to go on for an entire school year.
As you can see, it's looking like Liza should have just turned down the inheritance of the hotel and remained in New York. But can the hotel be saved? Can the world be saved? Can John and Liza shut the Gates of Hell? But what about the other six portals elsewhere? Is Schweick really the Devil? Is Emily friend or foe? Can she help somehow? Why does Liza's hairstyle look like she stole it from a rabid poodle?
Who cares. Her frizzy hair is the most compelling thing about this flick.
BUT SERIOUSLY: In our recent review for the Spanish horror movie TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD (review # 568), we talked about the EuroHorror Sub-Genre that includes those surreal, quirky, often bizarre fright flicks from Continental Europe. TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD, as well as the three other films from the BLIND DEAD series, are good, entertaining examples of this sub-genre. Just like any other sub-genre, however, there are also some not-so-great, tedious entries. Our latest review, the Italian offering called L' ALDILLA (U.S. Title: THE BEYOND) is a prime example.
Interestingly enough, L' ALDILLA is actually celebrated in many film geek circles. Why, I have no idea. Its proponents like to call it disturbing and nightmarish, as if those things were enough to make it a good, or even just average, movie. Admittedly, L' ALDILLA does have some sequences here and there that are eerie, but they don't hang together or create any rising tension. Things just... happen... without rhyme our reason. Fans of this flick like to chalk that up as being "surreal" but I submit that it's really just extremely lazy and sloppy storytelling. You can give a film a surreal, dream-like feel while still making it feel like it's going somewhere, has purpose, and makes some sort of rudimentary sense. L' ALDILLA is not that kind of film.
A good example of that kind of film is Dario Argento's INFERNO (1980), which came out a year or so before L' ALDILLA. Fellow Italian director Lucio Fulci, who helmed L' ALDILLA, appears to be trying to copy many of the Argento's tropes here: a mysterious book that deals with an obscure myth; multiple cursed abodes that affect all those who cross its thresholds; dark secrets hidden in a flooded cellar; gory deaths affecting anyone who comes close to uncovering the abode's closely-guarded secrets. The difference between Fulci and Argento is that, for all Argento's occasioal narrative flaws and overemphasis on visual style, he knew how to tell a story onscreen.
Fulci has shown that he can do this, too, in films like ZOMBIE (review # 88 ), CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD (review coming), SETTE NOTTE IN NERO (part of our Giallo Retrospective last year), and THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY - which were average (THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY) to above average (ZOMBIE, CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD) to very good (SETTE NOTTE IN NERO). With L' ALDILLA, however, Fulci is too intent on copying Argento's style on INFERNO and, to a lesser extent, SUSPIRIA - so much so that he neglects the story. Argento was a very stylish director, but he never forgot about his stories and tried to make them somewhat fathomable, leading to satisfying movies.
L'ALDILLA is far from satisfying and it's plot is a mess. However, I can't call it frustrating, because that word implies interest that is not rewarded. I can honestly say that we could't generate much interest in this movie. The only thing that keeps it from a mediocre rating (*1/2 out of ***** OR 3 out of 10) or lower are some of those aforementioned eerie scenes that, individually, occasionally work. The attack of the zombies on Emily in her secluded home and Mary Ann getting locked in the morgue with Joe's dead body are a couple that come to mind. Unfortunately, Fulci doesn't make these scenes build upon one another to propel the story forward. The ending and final shots are also somewhat creepy and ominous, but there's absolutely no build-up to it. The ending just comes out of nowhere abruptly. The movie has many interesting ideas - but none of them are explored satisfactorily.
British actress Catriona MacColl is a lovely woman and often plays the lead in Fulci's EuroHorror movies (she was the lead in CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD and THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY). She always manages to be likable, even when dealing with a thin character and ridiculous dialogue, as she does here (that "carte blanche" line is particularly cringe-worthy - kudos to MacColl for not sounding ridiculous saying it). David Warbeck is okay as her investigative sidekick, while sub-genre stalwarts like Al Cliver and Veronica Lazar make amusing appearances. Lazar appeared in INFERNO just a year before in 1980, further strengthening this movie's (misguided?) link to that much better film.
In the end, L' ALDILLA is just not the one of the better Lucio Fulci films. While Fulci was never as stylish and savvy as Dario Argento cinematically, he was still capable of creating very good films, as we saw in SETTE NOTTE IN NERO, and some decent ones (ZOMBIE, CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD, THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY). With L' ALDILLA, he stumbles because he appears so intent on copying Argento's style, that he forgets his own. As a result, L' ALDILLA becomes a below average experience, despite all its hugely-mislaced fanfare.
