(Jessie dear, wouldn‘t it have been simpler to just, you know, buy a vibrator?)
CAST: Jennifer Westfeldt, Heather Juergensen, Scott Cohen, Tovah Feldshuh, Jon Hamm, Jim Bullock.
DIRECTOR: Charles Hurman-Wurmfeld.
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one straight girl thinking outside the box - waaaaaaaaay outside the box - directly ahead…
Several year ago, I was acquainted with a lesbian couple whom we will call, ahem, “Wilma Flinstone” and “Betty Rubble.” Wilma was statuesque, athletic, with a blonde buzzcut, while Betty was petite, voluptuous, and sporting dark hair down to her shoulders. They made a cute couple, kind of like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie - except Brad Pitt had tits. Hmmmm… maybe I should refer to Wilma and Betty as Brad and Angie.
Whatever. The point is when I asked Betty how she and Wilma met, Betty replied, “I used to see her at the Starbucks near the condo I shared with my ex-husband.” Now, the fact that Betty was married to a man, in itself, wasn’t so surprising. After all, most us really swing both ways to varying degrees. I imagined the swaggering Wilma charming the pants off Betty - literally - and stealing her from Mr. Cuckold. This ain’t exactly a novel premise, folks.
To my surprise, though, Betty told me that she didn’t begin a relationship with Wilma until a year after her husband left her. Turns out Mr. Cuckold was the one doing the cuckolding. The heartbroken Betty spent the next year recovering - and building a friendship with the friendly lesbian named Wilma who also frequented the Starbucks next door. Then, one day, heretofore straight girl Betty decided she wanted to see what it was like to be with another woman, so sick was she with men and the games they play. In other words, it was like a lesbian version of KISS ME, GUIDO - except our ladies took their friendship to the next level. Needless to say, Wilma must have been on cloud nine.
Not sure if Wilma and Betty are still together since I heard they moved down south. I’d like to think they are. Nevertheless, I know that “women-switching-teams” is a fairly common thing these days, and the main reason is usually this: they’re tired of being fucked over by men. They figure another woman will treat them with the sensitivity and respect that is rendered impossible in a man by the glut of never-ending testosterone streaming forth from his testicles. I firmly believe that if someone can figure out how to harness the power of testosterone, we might solve the energy crisis tomorrow. As it is now, though, it just pisses a lot of women off. And rightfully so.
Anyhow, our latest review echoes Betty and Wilma’s offbeat romance: an unlucky-in-love Manhattan lass named Jessica Stein (Jennifer Westfeldt) decides she’s had enough of men, their dicks, and their little-boy games - and impulsively answers a “Woman-Seeking-Woman” ad in the paper. Which leads her to a smokin’ hot lipstick lesbian named Helen Cooper (Heather Juergensen). And a “two-steps-forward, five-steps-back” courtship that eventually threatens to put them both in hot water with their friends and family. Especially with Jessica’s mother (Tovah Feldshuh).
You can’t really blame Jessica for crossing over to the L-side. Consider the type of guys she routinely winds up on dates with: (1) sleazebags who relentlessly eye-fuck her right at the dinner table; (2) tightwads who insist on itemizing the restaurant bill; (3) blatantly-gay dudes who seem to have more estrogen than her; and (4) well, variations on the above. Oh, and when she does manage to land a date with a reasonably promising cachet, he turns out to be already spoken for. Why am I not surprised?
And then as if that’s all not bad enough, at work she has to put up with a chauvinist asshole boss named Josh Meyers (Scott Cohen) whom she used to be involved with. When Josh isn’t ridiculing Jessica at work, he’s ridiculing her at dinner parties. Gets better and better for our lovely Jessica, don’t it? By the time she spots and answers Helen’s ad, you actually wish she’d jumped ship off the SS COCKFEST and onto the HMS RUGMUNCH much sooner.
Especially since the lovely lady who placed the ad is the striking Helen Cooper. Now, while Helen does have male lovers, she seems to favor women. Unfortunately, she seems to be having the same luck with chicks that Jessica was having with men. In other words: slim pickings. Until our naïve Jessica shows up, that is, and suddenly things start to look up for our seductive Helen. Trust me: nothing is more alluring than fresh meat just waiting (and begging) to be devoured whole.
And so begins Jessica and Helen’s tentative dance. Can they build a real relationship? Do they have a future together? Or is this just a phase for Jessica? Does she really want to settle down with a lipstick lesbian - or will she eventually follow the Call of the Penis once more? And does Helen really want to be stuck with an uptight priss who thinks “cunnilingus” is rare form of dialect study? What’s in the cards for these chicks? Will Josh interfere yet again and try to win Jessica back?
Time will tell. One thing I know for certain: wherever Wilma and Betty are, if they’re still together, I’m sure they still look like Brad and Angie - but with more piercings and tatoos.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: In our review for THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT (review # 168), we referenced an interview with talented actor/writer/painter/chameleon James Franco in which he stated he wasn’t interested in romances that followed conventional paths, but rather love stories that haven’t been portrayed as often. KISSING JESSICA STEIN, as with THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT, is one such unconventional love story.
Jumping off from the growing trend of straight women deciding to forge a sexual and emotional relationship with another woman, KISSING JESSICA STEIN takes the standard “boy-meets-girl” template and turns it on its head. Here, we have “girl who normally likes boys-meets-girl”. What also separates this film from your average lesbian romance is Jessica’s conscious choice to explore a lesbian relationship - instead of falling unexpectedly into one. It’s a fresh angle, and it works wonders for keeping us engaged.
Of course, the talented leads have a hand in maintaining our interest. As the titular character, Jennifer Westfeldt exudes wry humor, skittish charm and, later when she realizes her feelings for Helen are stronger than she expected, pensive indecision. There’s a great scene towards the middle of the film, and it is the film’s highlight: Jessica crying, despondent over what to do about her relationship with Helen, and her mother realizing what is happening - and reacting in a very surprising, and touching, manner. The power of this scene has just as much to do with Westfeldt and Feldshuh’s great acting, as it does the sharp writing.
Then there’s Heather Juergensen, who imbues Helen Cooper with a sort of cat-like sexiness and bemusement. Juergensen vividly portrays Helen’s laid-back and sensual nature, but also her moments of frustration in trying to break down the much more guarded Jessica’s defenses. As with the more platonic Frankie and Warren’s relationship in KISS ME, GUIDO, Jessica and Helen’s dance of attraction/retreat is what keeps KISSING JESSICA STEIN racing ahead - and us leaning forward to catch every bit of the action.
All in all, KISSING JESSICA STEIN is a sharp, smart, sophisticated valentine to lesbian love affairs - whether accidental or intentional. For anyone tired of cookie-cutter romantic comedies, this is a gem to discover.
