# 497 - NEVER LET ME GO (2009)

NEVER LET ME GO (2009 - DRAMA / ROMANCE) **** out of *****

(the Happy Police have their work cut out for them here...)



CAST: Carey Mulligan, Keira Knightley, Andrew Garfield, Sally Hawkins, Charlotte Rampling, Ella Purnell, Charlie Rowe.

DIRECTOR: Mark Romanek

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some thoroughly depressing plot developments straight ahead.




IT'S LIKE THIS: Hello, folks... Today, I have a riddle for you. How is it possible to for you to like a film that stars one of your favorite actors, is well-written and well-acted, tackles a profound and relevant subject matter that makes you think, has a terrific supporting cast, has a beautiful musical score, is based on highly-praised novel, and is a film that you like very much - but still you avoid watching it as much as possible? How can that be?

Our next review is NEVER LET ME GO, an adaptation of Kazuo Ishiguro's widely-acclaimed novel of the same title. It stars Andrew Garfield, one of my TOP 3 favorite actors. It is very well-written and well-acted (obviously, with Garfield in the lead). It tackles a profound and relevant subject matter that makes you think. Has a terrific supporting cast in the forms of Carey Mulligan, Keira Knightley, Sally Hawkins, and Charlotte Rampling. It has a hauntingly moving musical score composed by Rachel Portman. And it is a film that I like very much. So why then do I come up with a dozen and one excuses to avoid watching it?

The answer is simple: the movie is depressing as hell. Trust me - if you ever needed a film to bring you down - hard - from a Sappy Romantic Comedy-induced sugar high, NEVER LET ME GO is it. This is not a movie that screams "Fun! Fun! Fun!" More like: "Hara-Kiri! Hara-Kiri! Hara-Kiri!" You see, this flick is about an alternate future in which human cloning is as commonplace as Facebook accounts and I-Phones. It seems the primary use of human cloning is to have "back-up bodies" to harvest organs from when the original human gets sick. In other words, the clones are basically a collection of "spare parts" to be used when needed. Which means the clones don't really have much of a life. They are sequestered from the rest of society in "homes" deep in the countryside. And with all the inevitable organ harvesting, they also don't live long. All in all, it sucks to be a clone.

Naturally, our heroes in NEVER LET ME GO are clones. They are: (1) Tommy (Andrew Garfield), doe-eyed hottie who is friends with (2) Ruth (Keira Knightley), slutty tramp who is friends with (3) Cathy (Carey Mulligan), shy gal who secretly loves Tommy. Tommy, Cathy, and Ruth have grown up in Hailsham, which is one of those "homes" I talked about before. Picture an orphanage - but much, much, much more fucked-up. Basically, the kids at Hailsham don't have adoption to look forward to. More like losing their organs, one by one, until they "complete." Which is basically a new-fangled way to say "dying." I told you it was a depressing movie.

Anyhow, Cathy eventually becomes a "carer": someone who helps fellow donors through the process and makes things easier for them. But if you think that taking this special duty exempts Cathy from donating herself, you are sorely mistaken, my friend. Basically, it just buys her a little time - until she starts donating herself. See? This movie is beyond fucked-up. The fact that these terrible things are happening to hotties who look exactly like Andrew Garfield, Carey Mulligan, and Keira Knightley makes it even more wrong. Why, God, why!?!?! These asses are too fine to be killed off.

As if things weren't complicated enough, a love triangle develops between our heroes. Cathy has always loved Tommy, but hides it like it's the Lost Treasure of the Sierra Madre. Plus, Ruth really likes Tommy, so Cathy does what any decent friend would do: graciously stand aside to let Ruth and Tommy be together - and resign herself to masturbating while imagining what Tommy looks like buck naked. Okay, okay, Cathy doesn't actually do that last part. But, come on, if she can't fuck him, what else is she supposed to do? Ahem?

At any rate, while Ruth and Tommy are shagging the shit out of each other, Cathy busies herself with her "carer" duties. And let me just tell you that it is not a pretty walk on a Sunday afternoon. Apparently, a "carer" is like a cross between a psychologist, a nurse, and a stalker. I mean, damn, if I had to give up my organs one-by-one, will someone following me around and asking me if I'm alright over and over again, make any real goddamned difference? Don't think so.

Soon, however, Ruth begins to feel guilty for having stood in the way of Tommy and Cathy - and tries to make amends. Of course, the fact that the bitch has donated, like, three organs already and is on the verge of "completing" - AKA croaking like a fish in the desert - might have something to do with her sudden contriteness. Ruth encourages Tommy and Cathy to try to find out about that "special clause" that allows donors to live as man and wife together for a few years - before the inevitable donations begin. Ruth knows that Tommy and Cathy love each other and thinks they should plead their case.

But is there really such a clause? Or is it just another legend invented to keep the donors in line? And what about the three donations that Tommy has already made? Is it too late for him to finally have a relationship with Cathy? And what about Cathy? How long can she continue to be a "carer" before she must begin her own donations? Can Tommy and Cathy possibly have a happy ending this late in the game?

Now do you see why I hate watching this movie?


BUT, SERIOUSLY: In the opening, we talked about how some movies can be well-made, well-acted, and well-written, but still be less than pleasant experiences - due to the simple fact that they are heartbreaking. An example for me would BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, which is a bold, powerful love story about the forbidden love between two men - but is a movie that I have only watched twice because of how sad it is. While I like BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN and agree it is a very good movie, it is not one of my favorites. NEVER LET ME GO is another such film: everything about is top-notch, but I don't look forward to watching it. I have seen more NEVER LET ME GO than I have BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, and find it more bearable, but it is due mainly to the unique screen presence of Andrew Garfield, as well as Carey Mulligan's ethereal charisma.

Contrast NEVER LET ME GO with BOY A, my # 1 favorite movie of all time, which also stars Andrew Garfield in a similarly heartbreaking performance. BOY A also has the same bleak tone and downbeat ending that NEVER LET ME GO. However, the reason BOY A has the distinction of being my # 1 favorite film, while NEVER LET ME GO - despite being a quality film - doesn't even place in my TOP 20, is because BOY A has a hopeful tone and moments of joy. These moments are so visceral and vivid, courtesy of the endlessly-talented Garfield's empathic ability to make you feel what he is feeling, that you feel you are walking in Jack Burridge's (Garfield's character in BOY A) shoes. Even when things turn very dark in the end, these moments of joy and hope linger and redeem the film.

NEVER LET ME GO, on the other hand, is continually somber and brooding, with very little moments of light to punctuate the unrelenting gloom. Eventually, the film reaches its heartbreaking ending, and it feels like a heavy weight has been dropped on your shoulders - rather than taken off it. BOY A had a similarly dark and devastating ending, but due to Garfield's powerhouse performance (he won the British Oscar Award for it) and the aforementioned threads of hope in the film, it was a more haunting experience. Bottom line: I have no problem watching BOY A over and over again, even if it is sometimes a painful experience. NEVER LET ME GO, on the other hand, is another story. It is just not an experience I want to go through another time.

That's not to say it is bad film. Far from it. NEVER LET ME GO is based on Kazuo Ishiguro's celebrated novel of the same name. I have not read it, but I am told that it has a surreal, lyrical feel. You can see elements of this in the film here and there, and it works well for the film. In the end, though, the film's relentlessly sad and bleak tone kind of weighs it down. Of course, another likely reason that the film is so hard to watch is also because we care about the characters so much. Garfield, Mulligan, and Keira Knightley do excellent jobs of fleshing out their roles - which are basically innocents who are not long to this world.

Garfield, as always, acts with his eloquent brown eyes and lean physique - reminding us that playing a character is not just about dialogue. It is just as much about was is left unsaid - or said through expression, movement, and gesture. Garfield makes Tommy's gentle nature endearing - and later when his hopes are dashed in a crucial scene towards the end, Garfield also shows the volcanic emotions that have been buried for so long. While he doesn't have the same powerhouse showcase that BOY A gave him (mainly because he has to share center stage with two other leads) this is still a very strong performance that deserves a high place in his body of work.

Ever since her attention-getting role in AN EDUCATION, Mulligan has always registered as someone who is poised and mature beyond her years. Her deep, rich voice has a way of contradicting her fresh-faced features, making her an interesting paradox. This dichotomy is what makes her perfect for the role of Cathy - a young person who has been forced to grow up and take responsibility for those around her. Time after time, Cathy takes the gracious route, from nobly stepping aside to let Ruth get together with Tommy (even though Cathy loves Tommy herself), to taking on the duties of a "carer" to make her life easier for her fellow donors. And when Tommy and Cathy finally manage to get together at long last for a brief period of time at the end of the film, it is a small ray of light through all the darkness. Cathy is my second favorite character in the film, and Mulligan plays her with understated grace.

Knightley has more atypical role - for her, anyway. We have gotten used to seeing Knightley playing the sweet but feisty lead in films like BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM and PRIDE AND PREJUDICE that it comes as somewhat of a surprise to see her play someone as unpleasant as Ruth. Knightley shows her range by playing not only Ruth's selfishness, but also her guilt and contrite desire to make things right for Tommy and Cathy at the end for having stood in their way for so long. Kudos must be given to Knightley for stepping out of her comfort zone by taking on this part that require more from her than to smile and be likable - and doing it well.

Charlotte Rampling and Sally Hawkins are just as accomplished as the three leads. Rampling's icily aloof beauty has not dimmed as she has aged, and she is perfect for the role of the Miss Emily, headmistress of Hailsham, who seems a bit of a mysterious wild card. Is she sympathetic to the donors? Or could she care less if they are all destined to die young? Rampling never allows her character to be read accurately by anyone around her, allowing only small glimpses of softness here and there, which makes her so fascinating. Hawkins, on the other hand, is completely transparent and winning as Miss Lucy, a teacher deeply sympathetic to the plight of her students, but know there is nothing she can do about it. She ably expresses Miss Lucy's conflicted emotions about her wards and their fate - and the film's second best scene (the first best scene is Tommy's emotional meltdown at the end) is when Miss Lucy slowly realizes that the staff of Hailsham have been lying to the students about their purpose in life and withholding the truth from them. Miss Lucy does the painful right thing by telling them everything in a scene that Hawkins plays with exquisite grace and barely-contained emotion. Miss Lucy's role is small but she is my favorite character in the film - and Sally Hawkins makes her mark with it.

Someone said to me that a good film entertains - while a very good film makes you think. We have rated NEVER LET ME GO with **** (very good), and it is because it does make you think. It makes you appreciate that you can choose how to live your life, what to do with it, and who to love. And that is a gift. One that the boys and girls of Hailsham will never have. And while NEVER LET ME GO may not be an easy film to watch over and over again, it is most definitely a very good movie that makes you think.

# 496 - THE ENGLISH PATIENT (1996)

THE ENGLISH PATIENT (1996 - ROMANCE / DRAMA / MYSTERY) ***** out of *****

(Never underestimate the power of love and memory...)



CAST: Ralph Fiennes, Juliette Binoche, Willem Dafoe, Kristin Scott Thomas, Naveen Andrews, Colin Firth, Frank Whatley, Clive Merrison, Nino Castelnuovo.

DIRECTOR: Anthony Minghella

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some star-crossed love among Italian villas and sandswept deserts - straight ahead...





IT'S LIKE THIS: Remember Frances Mayes (Diane Lane), the heroine of one our very first reviews, UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN (review # 4)? Remember how she was traveling through the lovely Tuscany region of Italy? Remember how she was charmed by a rundown but lovely Italian villa called Bramasole - and impulsively decided to buy it and live in Bella Italia permanently? Well, Fran has a lot in common with the heroine of our latest review. She is the even lovelier Hannah (played by the Queen of Lovely herself: Juliette Binoche). And the movie is the exquisitely rendered THE ENGLISH PATIENT. The only difference is that Hannah's villa is a lot more rundown than Fran's - and Hannah stays behind in her villa to care for a dying, ahem, "English patient."

Hannah is a Canadian nurse working with the Allies in Italy at the end of World War II. The war hasn't exactly been kind to her. First, she lost her Canadian officer fiancee in battle. Not long after that, she had to watch as her best friend and fellow nurse, Jan, got blown to bits by a land mine left behind by the bloody Krauts. Shell-shocked and grieving, Hannah notices the crumbling Tuscan villa called Villa San Girolamo when they pass by it - and decides to stay there until her “English” patient croaks. "It makes no sense to keep moving him!" she tells her commander. She says she will care for the mysterious man at San Girolamo until he dies - then catch up with the troops in the Northern Italian city of Livorno. But I wouldn't be surprised if Hannah didn't just want some privacy after spending so much time in close quarters with a bunch of hot, sweaty soldiers. Think about it: her own huge villa all to herself - and she has only one roommate: the, ahem, “English” patient.

Anyhow, Hannah and the “English” patient pass the time at the isolated villa talking and telling stories to each other. Pretty soon, we're seeing the “English” patient flashing back to his life before his accident: a plane crash that left him severely burned and disfigured. Apparently, a few years ago, he was the hot and sexy Hungarian map-maker, Count Laszlo Almasy - and looked a hell of a lot like Ralph Fiennes (hence the hot and sexy part). Almasy was stationed in the deserts of Africa, where everything was well until a woman crossed his path. She was Katharine Clifton, and because she looks a hell of a lot like Kristin Scott Thomas, she's pretty hot and sexy herself. Before you know it, Almasy and Katharine are boinking each other's pelvises in an illicit affair so hot and steamy, it might qualify as a weather phenomenon. All this is problematic, though, because Katharine is married to Jeffrey (Colin Firth), a pilot who is head over heels over her. Uh-oh...

Meanwhile, back in the present (if you can call it that), Hannah meets a mysterious Canadian traveler named David Caravaggio (Willem Dafoe) - who shows up unexpectedly at the villa, bearing eggs (don't ask). Thinking Hannah and the “English” patient need some company, he asks to stay at the villa. After some hemming and hawing, Hannah agrees. However, it seems that Caravaggio has a hidden agenda, and it has a lot to do with... the “English” patient. Then, just to make things more interesting, an Indian mine-sweeper named Kip (Naveen Andrews) shows up at the villa to make sure all land mines are detected and deactivated. Let's just say that pretty soon Kip and Hannah are giving each other major googley-eyes...

Speaking of googley eyes, that's exactly what Almasy and Katharine are giving each other in the past. Actually, that's not 100% accurate, because they're actually giving each other more than that: imagine every imaginable sex move under the sun, and that pretty much completes the package. By comparison, googley eyes between Kip and Hannah are downright chaste. Unfortunately, Jeffrey cottons on to the fact that Katharine is doing the "Rumpy-Pumpy" with Almasy - and so begins the countdown to an utterly fucked-up confrontation in the middle of the desert. One word: ouch.

So... how badly will Almasy and Katharine's affair end? And how will things turn out between Hannah and Kip? Will she lose him to an explosion just like Jan and her fiancee? What other secrets is the “English” patient hiding? How will these mysteries affect Hannah? Is Caravaggio right when he says Hannah is in love with her patient? Or is it Kip that she loves? And how does Caravaggio's past tie in to the English patient's? How will all these various threads tie in together? What is the ultimate mystery of the “English” patient?

Find out for yourself. Just don't blame me if you fall head over heels for Juliette Binoche in the process...


BUT, SERIOUSLY: One of the funniest episodes of Seinfeld is the one where Elaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) goes to see THE ENGLISH PATIENT with her date - only to be driven made by how "boring" it was. Obviously, THE ENGLISH PATIENT is a stellar film. It received many perfect ratings from many critics and landed on many of the “TOP 10 MOVIES OF 1996” lists. It also won a slew of Academy Awards, chief among them the Best Supporting Actress honor for Juliette Binoche for her beautiful portrayal of Hannah, the emotionally wounded but resilient nurse who unravels the mystery of Count Laszlo Almasy, the "English" patient. In short, it is a wonderful, breathtaking film that is far from boring.

So why, then, the Seinfeld episode and Elaine's "boredom"? That is simple: THE ENGLISH PATIENT is not a simple film. Unlike many films, it unfolds in a dream-like, languorous way that is not rushed. It slowly fills in the pieces of what starts out a complex and striking mosaic that ultimately turns out to be pretty simple, while trusting the audience to keep up as the story comes together. It puts its faith in the intelligence of the audience - and in the belief that they will pay attention and thereby allow themselves to be drawn into the sensual folds of the tale. Needless to say, many mainstream movie-goers will not have the attention spans necessary for this film, and Elaine's character is clearly one of them. THE ENGLISH PATIENT is a film for adults - not the restless and immature.

The complex tapestry of THE ENGLISH PATIENT is anchored by three main stories - all romances. First, there is the forbidden affair between Laszlo Almasy and the married Katharine Clifton, and – second – we have the tentative romance between Hannah and Kip. One relationship takes place in the past, the other unfolds in the present. However, both mirror one another and are linked by the third romance - which is the platonic connection between Almasy (now the "English" patient) and Hannah as his caregiver. As Hannah pieces together Almasy's past based on his clues from his scrapbook, the past and present converge. David Caravaggio's appearance as an "avenger" adds further intrigue to the tapestry. Director/writer Anthony Minghella, adapting from Michael Ondaatje's surreal and hypnotic novel, does a fantastic job of weaving these various threads into a striking pattern.

The thing is, despite THE ENGLISH PATIENT's initial impression as a very complex tapestry, it really revolves around a fairly simple notion: that love can move mountains and reach forward and backwards through time. The two poster taglines used for the marketing of THE ENGLISH PATIENT are simple one-liners that echo the true nature of the film: (1) "In Love, There Are No Boundaries"; and (2) "In Memory, Love Lives On." Throughout the movie, the various lead characters dance in and out of each other’s orbits as they clumsily try to make their way to each other. The pleasure of this film lies not only in seeing these characters become one, but also in watching how they get there - and how they change and remove their boundaries to let the other one in. It's not always graceful or pretty, as real life can attest, but that's all the better because their "dances" have the ring of truth.

Another lovely theme that runs through THE ENGLISH PATIENT is that of gift-giving as a form of human connection. Almasy, Katharine, Hannah, Kip, and Caravaggio use gifts as ways to bridge the gaps between them. Katharine shyly gives Almasy some drawings to paste into his scrapbook, which he first turns down - not out of ungraciousness, but more for fear of letting her close to him. Later, he realizes his mistake and touchingly accepts her gift. Then, later, he buys her a simple thimble at a Cairo market - and in a heartbreaking scene much later in the film, discovers her wearing it at a crucial moment. Then there's the cup of olive oil that Hannah shyly gives to Kip to wash his hair with - and the awkward but lovely moment where they just stare at each other afterwards. Later, Kip returns the favor by taking Hannah on a midnight excursion to a local chapel with beautiful murals illuminated by a torchlight. It's the loveliest scene in this film - and one of my favorite scenes in any film, ever. Then there is Caravaggio's gift of eggs to Hannah when he first arrives at the Villa San Girolamo. Essentially, the act of giving gifts changes and alters these characters' boundaries, as circumstances bring them closer and closer together. This proves that, as the poster tagline states, in love there are no boundaries.

The second marketing tagline is "In Memory, Love Lives On." This is most germane to the central storyline of Almasy and Katharine. She continues to live on his memory, despite her (SPOILER alert!) tragic death. The words and images she created for him live on in his journal. The same goes for Hannah, who fears that she is cursed because every person who loves her and whom she loves, ends up dying – and she now fears the same thing will happen to Kip because he loves her. Indeed, her pivotal decision to stay behind in the abandoned Villa San Girolamo and care for Almasy, also seems to come from a refusal to remember those she has lost (her fiancee and then her best friend) for fear of hurting even more - and a determination to keep everyone else in the world out. However, the arrival of Kip and Caravaggio into her cloistered space forces her (and Almasy) to remember and engage the living once again. Also, later in the film when Kip loses his beloved boss to a land mine, Hannah realizes that loss is universal - and that everyone loses something. It becomes her turn to comfort someone else. She also realizes that remembering is part of moving on.

Speaking of Hannah, it's quite interesting to note that the wonderful actress who plays her, Juliette Binoche, was nominated for Best Supporting Actress (which she won) in 1996 - and not Best Actress. In the novel and the film, Hannah is clearly the heroine. Yet, the Hollywood publicity machine trumpeted Katharine Clifton as the heroine, likely because it is a more "glamorous" role - and because Katharine is the true love interest in the story. Kristin Scott Thomas is terrific as Katharine, and her performance is just as interesting and flawless as Binoche's portrayal of Hannah - but I would have much preferred if Hannah would have been rightfully seen as the heroine of THE ENGLISH PATIENT. It's Hannah who is the film's true emotional center (with Katharine more of a major supporting role) and Binoche plays her with the perfect amounts of hardness and softness, innocent and child-like one moment, then cool and wary the next, then back again. However, this quibble about how the female leads were categorized by the Academy doesn't change the fact that both Scott-Thomas and Binoche are spot-on in their portrayals of these two very different and very interesting women.

In the titular role of the "English" patient, Ralph Fiennes is also ideally cast. Fiennes has always excelled at playing frosty, hard-ass characters whose chilly exteriors mask volcanically explosive interiors. Here, he expressively conveys all of Laszlo Almasy's buried passion and frustrated desire with fluent gestures and eloquent glances. Fiennes and Scott-Thomas' chemistry is not the explosive kind that you might expect, but more of a simmering variety that is absolutely perfect for this couple who circle each other warily while trying to contain their desire for one another - until it can no longer be contained. I would daresay that Count Laszlo Almasy is a career-defining role for Fiennes. We're quite glad that he will be playing the new M in the James Bond franchise.

As for the rest of principal cast, Willem Dafoe, Naveen Andrews, Jurgen Prochnow, James Whatley, Clive Merrison, and Colin Firth are all just as ideally-cast as the three main leads. Dafoe manages to balance both light and dark in his portrayal of the mysterious (and possibly vengeful) Caravaggio, while Andrews has the right mix of boyish charisma and steely professionalism to make Kip alluring and attractive to Hannah. Then there's Firth as the cuckold husband of Katharine: Jeffrey Clifton. We're so accustomed to seeing Firth as a romantic lead in films like BRIDGET JONES' DIARY 1 & 2, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, and EASY VIRTUE, that it is something of a surprise to see him play a less assured and idealized character like Jeffrey. However, he proves his range by making the character both sympathetic and pitiful at the same time.

Another lovely aspect of THE ENGLISH PATIENT is the evocative score by Gabriel Yared, which also won an Academy Award for Best Original Score. The haunting strings and flutes echo the film's African and Egyptian settings, while also lending the surreal, dreamy atmosphere we mentioned before. Yared's music does a lot towards subtly underscoring the emotional intensity of Almasy, Hannah, Katharine, Kip, and Caravaggio - as well as the threads that bind them together. Definitely a score to play on a romantic interlude with someone you love.

Ultimately, THE ENGLISH PATIENT is a film that is not for the short of attention. It is too languid and meandering for that kind of audience. For those patient folks willing to be surprised and enchanted, however, it is a treasure.

REVIEW UPDATE: The Final Five - and Review # 500...

Hello, folks... with the posting of the terrific FRIED GREEN TOMATOES, we are down to our final five reviews. Please note them below:

# 496 - THE ENGLISH PATIENT (AKA: Juliette Binoche, I Think I Love You...)

# 497 - NEVER LET ME GO (AKA: Andrew Garfield, I Will Always Love You...)

# 498 - THE STEPFORD WIVES (AKA: Stepford, Connecticut - I Would Have To Be Insane To Love You)

# 499 - MICHAEL CLAYTON (AKA: George Clooney, You Already Know I Love You...)

# 500 - ???????????????????

Our "Mystery Review" for # 500 will be revealed on the day it posts. This was a recommend from a friend, and I’m glad I listened to him. The film is terrific. And it speaks directly to the experiences of our forefathers - wherever they may have originated from before arriving here in America. What is the movie, you ask? Well, I will keep that card close to my chest for now. But here are three clues:

1. It stars the lovely and wonderful Charlotte Gainsbourg and the handsome Vincenzo Amato...

2. It is partly set on Ellis Island, New York, and partly in Sicily, Italy (what a combo)...

3. And here is an image collage from the movie:

Any ideas? Hmmmmmmm.....

Anyhow, please expect the reviews for THE ENGLISH PATIENT, NEVER LET ME GO, and MICHAEL CLAYTON to post tomorrow… then our final and 500th review will post next weekend.

Have a great weekend, all… ; )

# 495 - FRIED GREEN TOMATOES (1992)

FRIED GREEN TOMATOES (1992 - COMEDY / DRAMA / ROMANCE) **** out of *****

(Ah, the Deep South... where nothing is awesome unless it's been deep fried to death in an ocean of hot sizzling oil...)



CAST: Mary Louise Parker, Kathy Bates, Mary Stuart Masterson, Jessica Tandy, Chris O'Donnell, Cicely Tyson, Tim Scott, Lois Smith, Stan Shaw, Gary Basaraba, Grayson Fricke.

DIRECTOR: Jon Avnet

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some compelling reasons to go take a culinary vacation in Alabama - straight ahead



IT'S LIKE THIS: Humbly speaking, I circled the globe several times when I was younger. I've been to more countries than I would care to share, for modesty's sake. But there are only four places on this Earth whose names (or mere mention of them) suddenly make me as hungry as a cat in a tuna cannery. They are: (1) the Philippine Islands, which I always associate with scrumptious visions of adobo (meat stewed in garlic, soy sauce, and vinegar), sinigang (fish or meat and vegetables stewed in a sour tamarind fruit broth), leche flan (Spanish custard but done with Philippine flair), and lumpia (egg rolls so deliciously bite-sized that you could ingest 100 of them without realizing it); (2) Spain, which colonized the Philippines for over 3 centuries and passed on their culinary traditions to the islanders, and where I am always haunted by images of tapas of all sorts and sizes; (3) Italy, which is basically synonymous with pastas and pizzas and gelatos of all shades of the culinary rainbow; and last but not the least: (4) the American Deep South, where I spent some time in my twenties, and where I must have gorged on every possible fried food there is to sample - including fried pickle (the mind reels) and... fried green tomatoes.

That last bit is germane to our next review, because, well, it's the fucking title of the movie. And there are at least two scenes in the flick where the characters chow down the stuff like it's Southern Crack. Can't say I blame them... because that shit looks good, son. Anyhow, our story starts in modern-day (read: 1992) Alabama where me meet one of our heroines. She is Evelyn Couch (Kathy Bates). Evelyn is one of those lovely, elegant ladies who is always gracious and kind and patient and letting things slide. We first glimpse this tendency for stoicism and sacrifice when the crazy aunt she and her husband Ed (Tim Scott) are visiting in a nursing home throws some blunt objects at her.

Anyhow, Evelyn leaves Ed alone with the old biddy - and retires to the nursing home's lounge to stuff her face with the Nestle corporation's entire line of candy products starting with Mr. Goodbar. Fortunately, before she can eat herself into a sugar frenzy, she is interrupted by Ninny Threadgoode (Jessica Tandy), a temporary resident of the nursing home. Ninny basically pirouettes in and starts chatting up Evelyn in that way of crazy old ladies everywhere, which basically means that Evelyn has to give Ninny her full attention lest she get bitch-slapped.

Ninny spins the yarn of her sister-in-law Idgie Threadgoode (Mary Stuart Masterson) and Ruth Jamison (Mary Louise Parker), two best friends from the 1930's who ran a bustling cafe called The WhistleStop in a small town nearby. Apparently, Idgie was your classic unpredictable wild child, while Ruth was your average good girl. Naturally, these two clicked like Andrew Garfield's small but perfect ass and the Spiderman costume he covered it with. In other words, a match made in heaven. Seems Idgie rescued Ruth from her abusive asshole husband and helped her raise her son, Buddy Jr. (Grayson Fricke), who is named after Ruth's dead childhood sweetheart - who was Idgie's beloved older brother. No wonder Ruth's husband is such a douche to her - she named his son after a ghost who used to fuck her.

Anyway, in the present day, Evelyn is so inspired by the saga of Idgie and Ruth that she begins to feel empowered. She does the following: (1) stop eating, like, 100 candy bars every day; (2) start exercising; and most important of all: (3) stop attending gay-ass feminist classes where she and her fellow mid-life crisis victims are forced to examine their vaginas in front of each other. I wish I was kidding about that last part, but it is my sad duty to report that is actually part of the film. They don't actually show it (thank you, Jesus) but they do talk about it and we see the heifers lower them panties to the ground in preparation. It's enough to make a straight man go gay - or at least so says Chris Evans' Twin.

Meanwhile, just as Evelyn's storyline starts to heat up, so does Ruth and Idgie's. Ruth's abusive asshole husband goes missing, and Idgie is accused of killing him and hiding the body - since she once told the bastard that she would kill him if he ever beat up Ruth again. Well, if the shoe fits... What happens when Idgie is put on trial? Is she taking the blame to save someone else who really did the killing? Was it Ruth? Or their loyal handyman, Big George (Stan Shaw)? Or is it George's mother Sipsy (Cicely Tyson)? Or is it... someone else? How will Idgie's story from the past affect Evelyn's in the present? Will one woman draw strength from the other? If so, how? And the most important questions of all: what is the best cornmeal to use for fried green tomatoes? Should you dip the tomatoes in the egg wash first? Or should you do it after you dip them in the cornmeal? And what the fuck is up with this new trend of using Panko breadcrumbs? Is this a new Yuppie way of doing a classic Southern recipe? Would Idgie and Ruth approve?

Whatever. Just get me some. Right now.


BUT, SERIOUSLY: In our previous reviews, we've talked about "Warm Blanket Movies." Basically, these films celebrate friendship, family, and ties that bind us all together. Films like MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING, STEEL MAGNOLIAS, SUNSHINE CLEANING, AWAY WE GO, THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT, LOST IN TRANSLATION, THE DESCENDANTS, SLIDING DOORS, and many others are prime examples of this genre. They do not emphasize action, suspense, spectacle, or plot twists but, rather, relationships and connections. The people, in essence, are more important than the plot.

FRIED GREEN TOMATOES is one of the most entertaining of the "Warm Blanket Movies", not only because of the deft way it expounds on the themes mentioned above, but also by making us laugh and, yes, tear up in the process. The film also has a graceful structure, with Evelyn and Ninny's growing friendship in the present echoing the tight-knit bond between Ruth and Idgie in the past. It's arguable which thread is stronger, since both are very solid and so well-written and well-acted. But, ultimately, it's because both stories are so strong that the movie retains a nice balance.

Contrast FRIED GREEN TOMATOES with the similarly-structured POSSESSION from 2002 starring Gwyneth Paltrow and Aaron Eckhart: in that film, the plot thread involving Paltrow and Eckhart's modern-day sleuths paled in comparison to the moving, romantic thread in the past with Jennifer Ehle and Jeremy Northam's Victorian poets - resulting in an imbalance that hampered the film. Whenever we would switch back to modern-day London with Paltrow and Eckhart, the film dragged because they were not as interesting as Ehle and Northam, their counterparts from the past. With FRIED GREEN TOMATOES, this does not happen, because the characters and situations in the present are just as interesting as the ones from the past.

What is also great about FRIED GREEN TOMATOES is not just the main plot threads, but also the little gems and nuggets that director Jon Avnet and his writers insert here and there. There's the popular scene of Evelyn finally standing up for herself and ramming the car of two airheads who stole her parking spot at supermarket. Then there's the lovely scene where Ruth accompanies Idgie on a late-night train raid to give canned goods to homeless and starving families. There's also the touching scene where Evelyn very thoughtfully surprises Ninny on her birthday with some friend green tomatoes - Ninny's favorite food. My favorite "gem", however, is when Idgie approaches Smokey Lonesome, a vagrant dining at the Whistle Stop Cafe. Smokey, used to being treated like dirt, thinks she is about to ask him to leave. Instead, Idgie takes him for a walk and comforts him, telling him a lovely story that teaches him he's just as good as everyone else around him. This perfectly illustrates the essence of Idgie (kind and fearless), but also the essence of the film itself, which states that our strength ultimately lies in what we do for others.

Mary Stuart Masterson is simply wonderful as Idgie, turning her into one of my most favorite movie characters. Masterson is a bravura blend of humor, fire, and hidden fragility - she is amazing and delivers a career-defining performance and a classic character. Idgie grew up in the Deep South (a very traditional place) in a time when women were expected to stay in the kitchen, and be seen and not heard - and where lesbianism was definitely not smiled on. In the novel the movie is based on, "Fried Green Tomatoes At The WhistleStop Cafe" by Fannie Flagg, Ruth and Idgie had a more obvious romantic connection.

However, director Avnet chose to downplay the lesbian connection between Ruth and Idgie, despite the wishes of his leads, and left their characters' connection more ambiguous. There is still a very strong emotional bond in the film between Ruth and Idgie, though, and somehow the cinematic version is all the more heartbreaking because of the "Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name" aspect that pervades it. Especially towards the end when all of Idgie's unspoken love for Ruth bubbles up in one heartfelt line during a crucial scene: "There are so many things I want to say to you...." Ultimately, Mary Louise Parker proves to be a great foil for Masterson, making Ruth the gentle Yin to Idgie's fiery Yang. These two are a great, memorable screen couple.

For the present day storyline, Kathy Bates and Jessica Tandy hold their own. Bates' crowd-pleasing and audience-endearing performance is one of her best. Evelyn is a character that most of us can relate to: someone who swallows a lot of outrage and abuse under a gracious exterior - until enough is enough. The aforementioned scene where she demolishes the car in the supermarket parking lot is one of the most popular scenes in filmdom because it marks the shift in Evelyn, from put-upon victim to assertive person. Who hasn't dreamt of finally standing up for themselves in such a way? Bates sells not only the scene, but the character altogether. Jessica Tandy matches Bates' warmth, scene for scene, and proves to be an appropriately whimsical partner to the similarly quirky Evelyn. Tandy even manages to make Ninny a bit mysterious and elusive - which pays off beautifully in the film's final scene and its haunting twist. Bottom line: just as Masterson and Parker meshed well as Ruth and Idgie, so too do Tandy and Bates click as Evelyn and Ninny.

No ensemble film set in the Deep South would be complete without a colorful gallery of supporting characters. They are essayed by a wonderful group of actors: Stan Shaw, Chris O'Donnell, Cicely Tyson, Ray Basaraba, Tim Scott, and Grayson Fricke. O'Donnell is particularly heartbreaking (and handsome) in his small but very important scene as Idgie's beloved older brother, Buddy. Ultimately, FRIED GREEN TOMATOES is like a warm quilt made up of many beautiful and engaging pieces, and the supporting players are just as important as the four leads.

In closing, please soak in one of the songs from the FRIED GREEN TOMATOES soundtrack: Paul Young's version of "What Becomes Of The Broken-Hearted?"

TRIVIA: "What Becomes Of The Broken-Hearted?" was originally supposed to be the theme song for THE BODYGUARD, intended to be sung by the late, lovely Whitney Houston. However, when the producers and music supervisors of THE BODYGUARD learned that "What Becomes Of The Broken-Hearted?" was being used for FRIED GREEN TOMATOES (which was also in production at the same time), they didn't want to have any duplication. So BODYGUARD star/producer Kevin Costner chose instead to remake Dolly Parton's "I Will Always Love You" for co-star Houston. Other folks behind the decision also felt from the beginning that, thematically, "What Becomes Of The Broken-Hearted?" was not appropriate for THE BODYGUARD, because it is a lighter, more upbeat song that conveyed a different kind of loss. They felt that "I Will Always Love You" was more fitting for THE BODYGUARD, because it is a somber ballad about sacrifice, and walking away from someone you deeply love because you love them enough to do what's best for them - even if it means sacrificing your own feelings. This is a key theme of THE BODYGUARD - and the lyrics for "I Will Always Love You" are essentially a bittersweet, noble farewell from one lover to another. In the end, this decision proved very successful for Costner and Houston's film, because Whitney Houston's haunting version of "I Will Always Love You" is now one of the best-loved songs in film history - and THE BODYGUARD went on to become a worldwide hit.

However, for FRIED GREEN TOMATOES, the more upbeat "What Becomes Of The Broken-Hearted?" is absolutely perfect...

From FRIED GREEN TOMATOES: Paul Young's "What Becomes Of The Broken-Hearted?":




And, a bonus: from THE BODYGUARD, the late, lovely Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You...":

# 494 - ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE (1969)

ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE (1964 - BOND FLICK # 6 / ACTION / THRILLER / ESPIONAGE) ****1/2 out of *****

(Hold the presses, folks: James Bond's been taken off the market - well, at least, for a few hours...)




CAST: George Lazenby, Diana Rigg, Telly Savalas, Gabriele Ferzetti, Bernard Lee, Desmond Llewellyn, Ilse Steppat, Angela Scoular, Joanna Lumley, Catherine Von Schell.

DIRECTOR: Peter R. Hunt

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and jaw-dropping plot developments (Bond marrying, ahem) straight ahead.



IT'S LIKE THIS: James Bond now looks a lot less like Sean Connery and hell of a lot more like George Lazenby. While you folks debate whether or not that is a good thing, allow me to break down the plot of ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE: our favorite British poonhound Bond is on assignment in Portugal and Switzerland and once again runs afoul of that nefarious fat fuck Blofeld (this time essayed by Kojak, er, Telly Savalas). Meanwhile, elsewhere, a certain dazzling, mysterious beauty named Teresa "Tracy" DiVicenzo (Diana Rigg) is preparing to nab that most elusive of elusive prizes: Bond's penis all to herself. Yes, folks, this is the Bond movie where our favorite pussy marauder finally gets nabbed by a wily, seductive, dangerous, soulful chick. And, yes, right around the moment Bond proposes to Tracy in a remote barn in the middle of a blizzard (don't ask), hell freezes over.

So... what is that rotund asswipe Blofeld up to this time? What is up with the ten hot chicks that he's got holed up in his "allergy clinic" on an isolated Swiss mountaintop? Is he really treating their allergies? Or are they unwitting pawns in yet another one of this bald bastard's unending cycle of world domination plans? And what about Bond? Has he really finally met his match in Tracy? Will he really marry her? And how will that union end? Even if they are soulmates who finally do stop running from one another and meet each other halfway, can anyone really be married to James Bond without becoming a target for the bad guys? And the most important question of all: why did you have to step down, Sean Connery? WHY?!?!?

Oh, well... time for more pre-New Year's cocktails...


BUT, SERIOUSLY: Many fans agree that ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE is an atypical and near-perfect Bond film. It is atypical, because it does the unthinkable: allow Bond's heart to finally be captured by a woman. And the fact that Tracy DiVicenzo is clearly very deserving of the title of "Mrs. Bond" is even more delightful - Tracy is my #2 favorite Bond Girl of all time (she was my # 1 until Natalya Simonova appeared in GOLDENEYE). Contrast Tracy's plot thread with a similar one in CASINO ROYALE (2006), where Bond falls in love with Vesper Lynd. In my opinion (and I am not alone), that romance didn't work at all because Vesper was such a dull and uninteresting character and played so opaquely by Eva Green, that Bond's attachment was inexplicable. Diana Rigg, on the other hand, takes the role of Tracy - and runs with it. Rigg understands that in order for Bond to believably fall in love with her, the audience must fall in love with her, too. Rigg turns Tracy into a dazzling mix of sexy audaciousness, sharp intelligence, and unexpected vulnerability, and makes her one of the most memorable and exciting figures in the Bond canon.

Thankfully, in ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE, we can understand 100% why an inveterate player like Bond would fall for Tracy: she's exactly like him (seductive, frisky, driven, unpredictable, intelligent, ruthless, cunning, soulful) - and can see right into his heart. Not only does she understand him, but she also accepts him for who he is. That is the true test of love: accepting someone for who they are and not trying to change them. Bond and Tracy's soaring but short-lived romance is one of the most powerful (and tragic) relationships in not only Bond history, but cinematic history, as well. Tracy was such a compelling character, that when the script for THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH was being written, the producers instructed the screenwriters to model the role of Elektra King after Tracy. They wanted a sort of "Tracy-gone-very-bad" when it came to Elektra. Both characters share many traits that Bond falls for: courageous, creative, brilliant, driven, resourceful, compassionate, energetic, soulful, ruthless, deadly. Except Elektra went all the way to the dark side. Nevertheless, the producers wanted to give the sense of Bond thinking he's found Tracy again - but Elektra turns out to be a villain.

The plot is also refreshingly down-to-Earth and believable in comparison to the fun but highly implausible YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE from 1967. Much like grounded entries like THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH and CASINO ROYALE followed over-the-top entries like TOMORROW NEVER DIES and DIE ANOTHER DAY, this film brings the action to a relatable level. There are times when it feels like you are watching a straigthforward action/thriller and not just a Bond film - a first, at the time, for the series. Telly Savalas and Ilse Steppat make for formidable baddies, with Savalas bringing his own distinctive flair to the iconic role of Blofeld. Gabriele Ferzetti is solid as Tracy's Italian Count father, while Bernard Lee and Desmond Llewellyn are their usual fine selves as M and Q, Bond's loyal coterie.

We mentioned earlier that the film is near-perfect. If the movie has a flaw, it's Bond himself. Or, rather, the actor that plays him. After YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE, Sean Connery decided to step down from the role that made him world-famous. The producers decided to have an Australian model with very little acting experience named George Lazenby take over the role. In my opinion, this was a mistake. Lazenby is not bad, but he pales in comparison to Connery, to say the least. Lazenby is very handsome - but star quality and X-factor charisma are not about looks. They go way beyond just looking good. There are many highly attractive people who are blank and don't have the first clue of how to hold the silver screen, while there are just as many people who seem average or so-so looking - but ignite the screen with their "presence." Then there are people are who are stunningly attractive AND also electrify a room when they enter it - which is a dynamite combination. Bottom line: Lazenby is not one of them. Sure, he is quite handsome to look at, but he doesn't have the sexy aura and dangerously unpredictable quality that Connery could unleash so easily and without even thinking. If Connery had remained in the role in this film, the movie would've been all the more powerful. Imagine Connery's thoroughly rakish Bond being undone and seduced by Tracy. It would've been wonderful and even breathtaking.

Still, Lazenby doesn't hinder the film. All the other elements are so right on point, that they make up for his relative blandness in the central role. All in all, ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE is an excellent Bond film that paved the way for similarly serious and tragic outings like THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH and CASINO ROYALE. Even with its central flaw, it is classic Bond – and a classic in its own right.

Review Updates... Counting Down to Review # 500...

Hello, folks...

Hope everyone is gearing up for a great New Year's. We can hardly wait around here.

Anyhow, as discussed before, we will be ending our reviews on # 500. We'd initially thought about going all the way to # 503 to accomodate the rest of the Bond films. However, # 500 seems like a nice, clean number to stop on. So we will review one last Bond film, ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE, then we will review five films that are personal favorites of mine, friends, family, and viewers. As much as I would love to continue this blog, there are many new and exciting writing projects (and other creative projects) in 2013 and beyond that require our time and attention. Life is busy and getting busier, and so we must adjust accordingly. It has been a rewarding journey. A very rewarding one. The blog will stay up for historical and entertainment purposes. Hopefully, more of the latter. : )

With that in mind, please find below the revised schedule for our last six movies:


# 494 - ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE (1969)

# 495 - FRIED GREEN TOMATOES (1992)

# 496 - THE ENGLISH PATIENT (1996)

# 497 - NEVER LET ME GO (2009)

# 498 - THE STEPFORD WIVES (1972)

# 500 - ????????????????????

Our 500th and final review will be revealed on the day it is posted. In the meantime, everyone have a wonderful New Year! Felice Anno Nuovo, Buon Anno, Manigong Bagong Taon!!!











And in anticipation of our New Year's Eve celebrations... our party anthem: Pink's "Raise Your Glass":

In Memoriam...

Hello, folks...

We'd hoped to get the final Bond Movie reviews posted this weekend. However, the tragic and unspeakable events in Newtown, Connecticut last Friday morning have cast a pall over the country - even the world. Out of respect for the fallen and their grieving relatives, we will observe a period of silence until Christmas.

Please expect the last Bond Movie reviews to post after then. Thank you.