(Never underestimate mega-hotties wearing glasses, especially when they're called… Clark Kent)
CAST: Christopher Reeves, Margot Kidder, Gene Hackman, Glenn Ford, Marlon Brando, Susannah York, Valerie Perrine.
DIRECTOR: Kenneth Branagh
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one damn good reason to schtup a guy who wears red speedos and glasses (but not at the same time) straight ahead…
IT’S LIKE THIS: Shit’s brewing (AKA Armageddon is happening) on the planet Krypton, and its Prez and First Lady, Jor-El and Lara (Marlon Brando and Susannah York), put their infant son Kal-El in some sort of bizarre escape pod - and send his ass to… Earth. There, Kal-El is adopted by Mr. and Mrs. Kent (Glenn Ford and Phyllis Thaxter), who christen him… Clark. Clark grows up into a ultra-smokin’-hot hunk who wears glasses and goes around acting all “aw-shucks” and shit. He becomes a reporter at the Daily Planet, where he clashes with star reporter Lois Lane (Margot Kidder). Lois thinks he’s just your basic nice guy, but she is so damn wrong it’s not even funny. You see, underneath Clark Kent’s nice-guy suit is more than just awesome chest hair. He’s also wearing a red cape, red speedos, and blue tights with a giant S on it. Yes, folks, he is SUPERMAN!
THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Superman, duh. And sometimes, Clark Kent. Think of them as two sides of the same hot mo-fo.
EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Christopher Reeves as Superman/Clark Kent. It’s debatable which persona is hotter: the steely superhero you wish would spank you silly, or the bespectacled “aw-shucks” dude you wish you could spank silly. Either way, count me in.
MOST INTENTIONALLY HAIR-RAISING SCENE: Lois Lane hanging by a seat belt from an incapacitated helicopter - only to be rescued by our hottie in Red Speedos.
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY HAIR-RAISING SCENE: Villain Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman) bathing in a pool then ordering bitch-boy assistant Otis (Ned Beatty) to fetch him his robe. Gene Hackman is a good-looking guy - but he ain’t no Clark Kent.
HOTTEST SCENE: Pretty much any scene where Clark Kent is looking for a phone booth to undress in. Yes, I know I’m a degenerate.
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: What does Lex Luthor want? Why are he and Superman mortal enemies? Will Lois and the rest of the world get caught in the crossfire? Will Superman triumph? Or will our bald baddie somehow figure out the effect Kryptonite has on him? Will Lois put her neck out for Superman? And will she ever figure out that the sizzlin’ hot dude who wears glasses and works down the hall from her is actually… Superman? I did. Almost immediately.
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “SUPERMAN”: If you like action/superhero flicks that combine a child-like sense of awe and wonder, then this movie is for you. Ditto if you’re a Chris Reeve fan. Because this movie is all him.
WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “SUPERMAN”: If you don’t like Superhero flicks, then this will be like watching a Japanese training video on how to train chimpanzees.
FINAL ANALYSIS: SUPERMAN does a terrific job of combining a “coming-of-age” story, a romance, and a superhero adventure - and does it seamlessly. The reason the film has such timeless appeal, though, is because the “coming-of-age” angle is very strong. Watching Clark Kent navigate his way through the world and find his path is this film’s most compelling thread. The scene where he stands in a field with Ma Kent before he leaves the farm to strike out and make his mark, is ripe with visual power. Indeed, there is a sense of wonder and awe to this film that is not present in the very recent reboot called SUPERMAN RETURNS (review coming as a substitute for CONDORMAN). I think it’s because SUPERMAN came out in 1978, before movie audiences got cynical. Watching this movie, you can’t help but feel like a kid again. That’s a great feeling.
The cast led by Christopher Reeve is perfect. All the roles as ideally cast, right down the line. The major standouts are Margot Kidder as the feisty, brave, mouthy Lois Lane, whom Clark Kent/Superman can’t help but fall for. Gene Hackman is also a hoot as Lex Luthor. Hackman wisely plays the character with a light touch. Too dark a portrayal would’ve upset the delicate balance between serious and playful that this film gets so right.
In the end, SUPERMAN remains one of the best superhero flicks, primarily because of Christopher Reeve’s flawless portrayal - as well as those of his fellow cast members. It also stands the test of time because of how vividly and cleverly it weaves the core story of a young man finding his place in the world, with an exciting superhero tale.
