(Olive, honey, I feel your pain - but we both kind of asked for it, didn't we, sweetie?)
CAST: Emma Stone, Penn Badgley, Amanda Bynes, Thomas Haden Church, Patricia Clarkson, Stanley Tucci, Cam Gigandet, Lisa Kudrow, Malcolm MacDowell, Ally Michalka.
DIRECTOR: Will Gluck
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one bewildered, accidental Mega-Whore - straight ahead...
Remember how in our review for MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA (review # 418) I joked that one of its principal characters was my cinematic role model? She is the gracious and elegant geisha Mameha (played by the fabulous Ms. Michelle Yeoh), who mentors the heroine Sayuri on how to become a gracious and elegant geisha herself. Well, Mameha's American equivalent is the heroine of our next review.
She is Olive Pendergast (Emma Stone) and, like Mameha, she is also gracious and elegant, but also highly mischievous, terminally sarcastic, and possesses a drier-than-vermouth sense of humor that people often take seriously - which, in turn, eventually lands her smack dab in the middle of that lovely apparatus called "The Goddamned Rumor Mill". Which makes Olive not so much my Cinematic Role Model - but my Cinematic Alter Ego. But, well, without a dick. And with a much hotter bod.
For me, it started years ago when I was late meeting up with some friends for brunch in Capitol Hill. When asked why I was so late, I deadpanned: "I had a client that just went all night. Dude wore me out. I was supposed to leave his hotel room at midnight, but he wouldn't let me out of bed. It's okay, though. He paid me an extra day's rate. Those fucking Italians are such Stallions."
Obviously, I was kidding. But they, apparently, didn't take it that way. Before you knew it, the following things were happening: (1) some dude came up to me at a party and asked me what my rates were; (2) at a bar, a friend of a friend from that brunch came up to me, asking if the "escort world is competitive" and what he needed to do to "get started" (which, when you think about it, would really have made me like Mameha if I did take him under my wing); and (3) my favorite: a really cute guy (whom we will call Mr. Wonderful) that I hit it off with at a barbeque, asking for the correct spelling of my name to enter into his phone: "Is your name spelled with an H-N at the end, or just an N?" - and before I could respond, one of the dipshits from the brunch "sweetly" interrupted us and answered for me: "It's spelled with a W-H-O-R-E at the end." Thank you very much, you jealous bitch.
Of course, to be fair, I could've nipped the whole thing in the bud when I realized that, Holy Jesus, these fuckers actually do think I'm a prostitute! I mean, when I first cracked the jokes, I never once worried about anyone taking me seriously because, come on, who in their right mind would pay to have sex with me? It's not like I look like Chris Evans, Russell Crowe, Colin O'Donoghue, or Clark Kent. Let me put it this way: I don't have pecs so much as I do "man-boobs", which are exactly what they sound like, and I don't have abs so much as I do "blabs", which are 10% abs and 90% blubber. I ain't exactly a hottie, folks. Which made me confident to josh around about being "Deuce Bigalow: Fat Gigolo". After all, anyone stupid enough to actually believe I was a successful escort deserved everything they got.
All that by way of saying Olive Pendergast has a special place in my heart, because her smart mouth and deadpan humor gets her into all sorts of shit, too. It all starts in the high school's bathroom, where Olive jokingly tells best pal Rhiannon (Ally Michalka) that she fucked some college dude six ways from Sunday. Rhiannon, not being too sophisticated in the art of dry humor, takes that shit as serious as if it were a Congressional Directive. Olive, being the aforementioned mischievous smart-ass, correctly senses her best pal is somehow interpreting this joke as cold hard fact, and understandably twists the knife even deeper. Embellishing the "tryst" with filthy facts that would make even Traci Lords blush, Olive makes it all sound like a rehearsal for a porn film called OLIVE DOES OKLAHOMA.
All of this might've eventually blown over as good old-fashioned "fuck-with-your-friend" fun - except for one rather unfortunate development: inside one of the stalls is another student who overhears the whole exchange between Olive and Rhiannon. But not just any student: Marianne (Amanda Bynes), the leader of the school's God Squad. Olive might as well have been talking dirty in the presence of the Holy Father, The Holy Son, and The Holy Ghost. Or, in this case, the Holy Bitch. Before you know it, the entire student body is gossiping about how Olive drained some frat boy's nuts multiple times over the weekend like she was trying to clock some serious Frequent Fucker Miles.
Further exacerbating the situation is Olive's innate kindness and graciousness - which inconveniently rears its head when gay student Brandon (Dan Byrd) begs her to help him trick the student body into thinking he's straight so they'll stop picking on him. Which translates to Olive pretending she and Brandon have a fuck-a-thon behind closed doors at a huge party. Wait a minute... is this movie set in 2010... or 1910? Brandon, dude, seriously... I went to high school in the late 80's and had a blast. Take it from me: you need to own your Fairy Dust and make magic with it. Not con your peers into thinking you fucked some chick and therefore you're straight.
But whatever. Long story short: Olive does the "good friend" thang and helps Brandon out. The good news (well, not really) is that the whole school now thinks Brandon is straight. The bad news (really) is the whole school now thinks Olive is an even bigger slut than before, which is saying a whole lot since they were already acting like her vagina was the anatomical version of McDonald's - as in: "Millions Served Worldwide!" Sure enough, once the other guys at the school get wind of Olive's racket of fake-fucking anything with a penis, Olive's finds herself, um, rather popular. Which means they are soon paying her with all sort of currency like movie passes, gift cards, and - GASP! - discount coupons to the local "Bed, Bath, and Beyond". Not exactly a week in Maui, but Olive doesn't seem to care.
As you can imagine, Olive's notoriety is met with a vehement response from the God Squad. As in: Marianne and boy-toy Micah (Cam Gigandet) basically launch a tactical smear campaign against our heroine, complete with protests featuring signs blaring "HARLOT!", "JEZEBEL!", "TRASH!", and "QUEEN OF THE TRAMPY WHORE-BEASTS!" Okay, I made up that last one - but you know they only didn't use it because they couldn't find a sign big enough to fit the fucking thing. Fortunately, Olive has at least one supporter/admirer in goofy dork Woodchuck Todd (Penn Badgley), so named because he wears the school mascot uniform at basketball games - and looks hella hot doing it. What is it about a hot guy in a dorky full animal costume that just brings out the horny tiger in me?
Anyway, Todd is the only one who sees Olive for the sweet and gracious person that she is, and stands up for her against Marianne and the rest of the God Squad. But is he enough to turn the tide back in her favor? Of course, Olive doesn't help matters but deciding to fuck with her haters even more by sewing a bright red "A" on her wardrobe like Hester Prynne in THE SCARLET LETTER, and proudly walking around school looking like, in the words of her own parents (Stanley Tucci, Patricia Clarkson), a "high-end stripper".
Will Olive be forever classified as "Class Hussy?" Or will she correct this "Comedy of Whorrors" and set the record straight before the God Squad exorcises her permanently? Will Olive's parents be able to provide her with some guidance? What about Olive's favorite teacher, Mr. Griffith (Thomas Haden Church)? Will he be able to help? Or will it be up to Woodchuck Todd to be Olive's savior? Or is Olive doomed to wear that Scarlet "A" until the end of time? Should we change the title of this movie to EASY LAY?
Who cares? Along as Todd doesn't mind the whole "Accidental Whore" thang, who gives a flaming jalapeno fart what everyone else thinks? Ride off into the sunset and have fun with that Woodchuck costume, kids...
BUT, SERIOUSLY: For a period between 1984 and 1987, American teen cinema was ruled by John Hughes. The creator of such young adult hits as SIXTEEN CANDLES, WEIRD SCIENCE, THE BREAKFAST CLUB, PRETTY IN PINK, FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF, and SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL, Hughes wowed an entire generation of teenagers with his singular combo of goofy humor, surprising smarts, and sweet sensitivity. Very few teen films since then have been able to capture this potent combination. A few that have managed to do so are I LOVE YOU BETH COOPER, THE PERFECT SCORE, JUNO, and 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU. To this hallowed list, we add one of the strongest throwbacks to the John Hughes movies of the mid-80's: the terrific EASY A.
With its sharp script, snappy dialogue, and well-drawn characters, EASY A is something of a modern classic. Regarding the characters, they are all fairly atypical and don't fit too snugly in to any one niche. The result is a fresh rather than stale feel. Too many teen comedies peddle caricatures instead of characters: The Sweet Heroine, The Studly Jock, The Geeky Nerd, The Mean Bitch, and The Bland Best Friend, just to name a few. In EASY A, the players are all given quirks and offbeat traits that keep them from becoming stereotypes - and make them feel like unique characters.
Emma Stone delivers a star-making performance here as Olive Pendergast, a girl who is smart enough to march to her own drummer and buck the popular opinion, but also vulnerable enough to second-guess her actions occasionally. Her droll wit combines nicely with her self-deprecating and approachable demeanor to make her instantly likable. A lot of Olive's appeal comes from Stone's own unique appeal. She's beautiful, but in a very down-to-earth way that is disarming. She's smart and sarcastic, but in a winningly funny way. Put simply, Stone is a delight - and her work here coupled with her subsequent work in THE HELP pretty much signifies that a star is born.
Penn Badgley leads the supporting cast as Olive's equally quirky love interest., Todd. Badgley proved what a magnetic actor he is in THE STEPFATHER and the TV show GOSSIP GIRL, and he goes a lighter, goofier route in this film. Whether he's clowning around in the Woodchuck costume as the school mascot, or singing a goofy Happy Birthday song to a patron at the restaurant he works at, or just chatting amiably with Olive between classes, Todd proves to be a refreshing hero: laid-back but tough, cocky but sweet, innocent but smart. Badgley matches Stone's energy and charisma, scene for scene, and they make a highly compatible couple.
The rest of the supporting cast is perfect right down the line. Amanda Bynes manages to avoid making Marianne into a bible-thumping stereotype by showing some unexpected softness late in the film. Similarly, Ally Michalka as Olive's best friend Rhiannon sidesteps turning her into your basic raunchy best friend by giving her some surprisingly conservative traits and reactions. Meanwhile, Patricia Clarkson and Stanley Tucci portray Olive's parents as just as unconventional as their daughter. They never once turn into stereotypical "crazy" parents, but instead come across as fun, open, pragmatic, and understanding. Thomas Haden Church and Lisa Kudrow are similarly atypical as teachers at the school who are ensnared in the rumor mill that Olive accidentally kickstarts. Cam Gigandet, Malcolm McDowell, and Dan Byrd are fine in their smaller roles.
In the end, EASY A doesn't pretend to be an in-depth examination of gossip and how easy it can spread and mutate. Instead, it takes an innocent incident, blows it up in the sharpest and funniest of ways, then lets its smart and appealing heroine find her way out of it. With the help of a smart and appealing hero. Sometimes, that's all you need to create a very good film. Along with a strong cast led by Emma Stone and Penn Badgley.
In closing, some tunes related to EASY A: Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" and Natasha Bedingfield "Pocketful of Sunshine"... Go, Olive and Todd!
