(Goddamn beautiful Italians... I was getting so HOT throughout this whole movie - and that's even BEFORE the guys stripped down to their Speedos and started shaking their asses on the beach.... God give me strength...)
CAST: Riccardo Scamarcio, Nicole Grimaudo, Alessandro Preziosi, Ennio Fantaschini, Lunetta Savino, Ilaria Ochinni, Bianca Nappi, Elena Sofia Ricci, Carmine Recano, Gianluca DeMarchi, Matteo Taranto, Paola Minaccioni, Mauro Bonafini, Massimiliano Gallo, Giorgio Marchesi.
DIRECTOR: Ferzan Ozpetek
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one really nutty (and sexy) Southern Italian clan straight ahead...
IT'S LIKE THIS: The title of our next review is MINE VAGANTI, which is Italian for "Loose Cannons". Which also just happens to be the title of MINE VAGANTI outside of Bella Italia. But whether called MINE VAGANTI or LOOSE CANNONS, the title is entirely apt because the movie revolves around: (1) a group of bat-shit crazy Italians who just happen (unsurprisingly) to be (2) FUCKIN' SEXY, YO!!! Which could lead to some, ahem, "loose cannons" in the form of premature ejaculation or spontaneous cumming - which, I guess, is the same thing. Just keeping it real. And dirty. And messy. I'm a horndog. Shoot me.
Anyhow, our story revolves around the highly-respected and very wealthy Cantone clan of Lecce, Italy. Now, folks, being a bit of an Italo-Phile (with an Italian maternal surname) I can unequivocally tell you several things about Lecce: (1) they have a decent soccer team with a coach who should really stop drinking espressos or his jugular may just explode on him some day; (2) they have awesome beaches on which I'd love to re-enact one of the sex scenes from AGAINST ALL ODDS (wait a minute - been there, done that, ahem); and (3) everyone who lives there seems to naturally have the glowing olive skin that Americans crave so much they will willingly lock themselves into what are essentially incubators/microwaves - or douse themselves with what is essentially skin paint - to imitate it (thank you, Lord, for making me a half-breed and therefore naturally tan). All three items figure prominently in our story, the last two more than the first one.
But back to the Cantone clan: they are a very rich family that built their fortune on a pasta empire. They consist of the following colorful fuckers, er, figures: (1) macho papa Vincenzo (Ennio Fanstaschini); (2) fluttery mama Stefania (Lunetta Savino), (3) stoic eldest son Antonio (Alessandro Preziosi), (4) bohemian younger son Tommasso (Riccardo Scamarcio), (5) dopey middle daughter Elena (Bianca Nappi), (6) horny aunt Luciana (Elena Sofia Ricci), and - last but in no way the least: (7) wise and diabetic grandma Nonna (Ilaria Occhini). The whole family is converging for a family reunion which brings Tommasso home to Lecce from Rome. Without warning, he confides to Antonio that he is: (1) gay as a Vogue dancer; and (2) planning to tell the whole family about it at dinner that night. To which our stoic Antonio responds with: "Hmmmm..." Ahem. I smell a plot twist up ahead.
Sure enough, just as Tommasso is about to make his bombshell announcement to his gathered nutjobs, er, relatives that evening, who should tap his fork on his glass and steal Tommasso's thunder by announcing that he himself is gay? If you replied, "Surely not Antonio?" then may I inform you that you have won a spot on the Great Sarcasto Mafia Expedition To Maui this summer. Oh, wait... you probably just saw the trailer for MINE VAGANTI. Forget it. We'll send you a postcard. Anyhow, Antonio basically causes all the jaws around the dinner table to basically drop into their pasta bolognese. And just like that, the Cantone family learns that their "Primo Figlio" (First Son) is a "Grande Crema Puffa" (Big Ol' Cream Puff). And just like that, Tommasso grinds his teeth and wonders if the Mafia is active in Lecce - so he can arrange for Antonio to get his ass shot off. Or at least spanked.
Anyhow, this revelation causes Vincenzo to basically collapse from a heart-attack. Not so surprising since he puts the "Ach!" in "Macho". As you can imagine, a Grade A Hetero Alpha Male Italian Stallion like Vincenzo learning that his first-born son is a Grade A Homo Who Loves Italian Sausage (so?) is kind of like me learning that Chris Evans is really a woman in drag. In other words: Shoot. Me. Now. Now, with Vincenzo's health in the balance, Tommasso doesn't dare out himself otherwise there will be another family reunion shortly: in a lawyer's office when Vincenzo's will is read. So, basically, Tommasso has to go further back into the closet and play the "Straight" game once more.
Aside from the fact that Pops is hanging on by a thread, two other matters complicate the already complicated tangle of affairs: (1) smokin' hot family friend Alba Brunetti (Nicole Grimaudo) befriends Tommasso and discovers his "secret"; and (2) Tommasso's boyfriend Marco (Carmine Recano) and their posse of Drama Queen pals (Gianluca DeMarchi, Matteo Taranto, Mauro Bonafini, Giorgio Marchesi) swoop in from Rome, not realizing that the Cantone clan doesn't know Tommasso is a card-carrying member of the Streisand Brigade (AKA fruitier than a warehouse of cherries and peaches). Trust me: you haven't lived until you've seen six Bitchy Italian Butt Pirates try to pass themself off as Horny Italian Stallions Pussy Marauders (or what we Americans clinically know as "Guidos"). There are SOUTH PARK episodes that are less funny. And given that I have literally pissed myself watching SOUTH PARK, that is fucking saying something.
So... how will the Cantone clan deal with all this drama? Will Vincenzo die from his heart condition? Will he continue to banish Antonio from the family? Or will he just accept the fact that his first born adores cock? How will Tommasso come out of the closet now? Will he continue to masquerade? Or will he muster up the courage and out himself? What about Marco and the rest of the Rome Pink Parade? Will they force Tommasso's hand? What about Alba? Will she give Tommasso the support he needs to make the right decision? Or will his beloved Nonna be the one to guide him down the right path? How will this family reunion end? HOW?!?!
Well, with a little luck, it'll end with another dance number of Marco and co. in Speedos dancing their asses off on a beach. Or will that be saved for the sequel? Hmmmmmm.....
BUT, SERIOUSLY: One of my Top Five Favorite Directors is Ferzan Ozpetek, the Turkish-Italian auteur who has given us such stellar fare as LE FATE IGNORANTI, SATURNO CONTRO, CUORE SACRO, and two of my favorite films of all time: LA FINESTRA DI FRONTE (review # 311 ) and HAMAM: IL BAGNO TURCO (review # 251 ). While elements of humor were woven through those past efforts - especially LE FATE IGNORANTI - Ozpetek's latest is probably his warmest and most humorous film to date. MINE VAGANTI is nothing short of a delight that is both sweet and tart in equal measure.
Essentially an ensemble piece, MINE VAGANTI uses the comic framework of a family dealing with the bombshell of one son's homosexuality, while the other son (also a closet homosexual) wrestles with how to break his own secret, to deal with the more dramatic issues of fulfillment, regret, happiness, memories, and loyalty. Given the Cantone clan's traditional Southern Italian culture (and the generally "macho" Italian male mentality), Antonio and Tommasso's sexual identity is perceived as scandalous. MINE VAGANTI's main dramatic (and comic arc) is how various characters come to eventually view their homosexuality as not much of a big deal - and eventually realize that there are more important issues out there.
But MINE VAGANTI, just like the rest of Ozpetek's stellar oeuvre, has more going under the surface. The movie can't be considered just a "gay" film because it not concerned exclusively with Antonio and Tommasso's dilemma. The film is a tapestry that weaves in other plot elements including lost loves, family conflict, and some tantalizingly atypical friendships. Chief among these subplots are Alba's storyline with Tommasso. If this were an American movie, Alba's character would have been just a plot device: a sweet pretty thing only there to help fool everyone else in the Cantone family into thinking Tommasso is straight.
Here, Ozpetek wisely paints Alba in many complex shades (icy, direct, formidable, scary, sarcastic, tender, compassionate, brilliant) and has her react to the events around in her in some surprising ways. Nicole Grimaudo is absolutely hypnotic as Alba and has a definite chemistry with Riccardo Scamarcio as Tommasso - even though they are playing sexually incompatible characters. They bond with their common isolation: Tommasso is isolated from his family by his secret "life", while Alba chooses to emotionally isolate herself from those around her - and seen as an aloof ice princess. Their intriguing relationship is the film's emotional fulcrum - and the rest of the film and the colorful supporting characters pivot around it. And I am officially a huge fan of Nicole Grimaudo - she's a real find. Where has this woman been? I'd love to see her be the next heroine (or villainess) in the next Bond movie.
Carmine Recanto is equally magnetic and compelling as Marco, Tommasso's lover from Rome who walks right into a tornado when he (and the rest of Tommasso's gay friends) when arrive at the Cantone villa in Lecce. While the rest of the crew (more on them below) are generally there for comic relief, Recante turns Marco into a quietly charismatic and intelligent figure that you can understand Tommasso being irresistibly drawn to. There's a reconciliation scene between Marco and Tommasso that is especially moving - primarily because of the strong electricity between Recante and Scamarcio. Essentially, the Tommasso-Alba thread and the Tommasso-Marco thread hold this film together.
The rest of the cast is just as good as Scamarcio, Grimaudo, Recante, with Ennio Fantaschini extremely amusing and exasperating as the traditional Southern Italian patriarch who desperately needs to get with the time. Alessandro Preziosi brings and interesting melancholy to his role of Antonio, the son who uses his brother Tommasso's courage to muster up his own. The dinner scene where Antonio interrupts Tommasso's speech to make his declaration is played by Preziosi with class, wit, sadness, and dignity. Great scene. Lunetta Savino, Elena Sofia Ricci, Illaria Occhini, and Paola Minacconi are vivid as the bewildered femmes of the Cantone clan, who are just as floored by Antonio's revelation - but do a better job of hiding it than Vincenzo does. Occhini deserves special mention for her portrayal of the family matriarch who is probably the most sympathetic (along with Alba) to Tommasso and Antonio's plight.
If Grimaudo, Recante, and Scamarcio are the film's heart, it's funny bone is comprised of Gianluca DeMarchi, Matteo Taranto, Mauro Bonafini, and Giorgio Marchesi. While these guys are playing fairly broad characters bordering on gay stereotypes, you cannot deny they are hilarious. Especially in one scene where they secretly giggle like schoolgirls that none of the Cantone clan suspected they were gay - then the maid walks in and catches them. DeMarchi, Taranto, Bonafini, and Marchesi take the film's wry humor and turns it goofy and loony everytime they are onscreen. It's a nice combination. Another hilarious moment is when Davide levels Domenico b saying he wasn't nicknamed "Queen of Briefs" because he's a lawyer. Priceless.
In the end, MINE VAGANTI is just as good as IL BAGNO TURCO and LA FINESTRA DI FRONTE - but warmer and more humorous. It's breezy, smart, soulful, and sexy - in other words, it's quintessentially Italian...
