(And what, may I ask, is so wrong with bolting every time someone gets too clingy? What, I ask you!?!? WHAT?!?)
CAST: Julia Roberts, Richard Gere, Hector Elizondo, Joan Cusack, Rita Wilson, Christopher Meloni, Paul Dooley, Donal Logue, Jean Schertler, Reg Rogers, Yul Vazquez, Kathleen Marshall.
DIRECTOR: Garry Marshall.
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and serial-wedding-cuckolding shenanigans straight ahead…
In my review for CAIRO TIME (review # 107) I stated that chemistry between two stars can sometimes save a film from being average - or worse: being a piece of shit. There are certain films that, were it not for an electric connection between its leads, would hardly be able justify their release on DVD, let alone in theatres. Yup, powerful chemistry between actors is like Audience Beer Goggles: it completely blinds you to the fact that movie you’re watching is really, well, a dog.
Consider PRETTY WOMAN, that mega-hit from 1990 that even the inhabitants of Mars love. But take away the deliciously awesome combo of Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, and what do you have left? Bullshit of the highest magnitude that would have you believe a cold-hearted tycoon is capable of being melted by a Hollywood street walker. Right. And Cinderella and Prince Charming really did exist and are about to celebrate their Ruby Anniversary.
But put Gere and Roberts back into the picture and suddenly you’ve got CINDERELLA in thigh-high boots, a micro-mini, and a going rate of $3,000 a week. In other words, with Julia Roberts having such a blast in those thigh-highs, PRETTY WOMAN isn’t too far from being a recruiting poster for prostitution. Hell, the first time I saw it even I was ready to try life as a hooker.
Flash forward about nine years, and we find ourselves in similar territory. We have Richard Gere and Julia Roberts reuniting with each other and their PRETTY WOMAN director, Garry Marshall, for another go at Box-Office glory. The trio’s sophomore effort (literally and figuratively) is called RUNAWAY BRIDE - and its basically PRETTY WOMAN in a small town, without the thigh-highs or snooty Rodeo Drive shopgirls. And, technically, Julia Roberts doesn’t play a hooker - just a girl who repeatedly dazzles, woos, beds, and then dumps men at the altar. Hmmmm… Well, I guess she does kind of play a hooker, right?
Whatever. Anyhow, she plays Maggie Carpenter, who - as mentioned above - has made a name for herself in her small town of Hale, Maryland. If you’re thinking that “made a name for herself” translates to being super-successful, you’d be wrong. Unless you mean: “super-successful at making men fall for her, propose to her, then watching her bolt like a horse on acid just as they’re about to meet up at the altar.” In other words, Maggie Carpenter is to weddings, as Elmer Fudd is to rabbit-hunting. Which means she basically sucks at it.
Who’s Richard Gere playing in all of this? Thanks for asking. He is Ike Graham, a weekly columnist at USA TODAY who obviously doesn’t take his job seriously, because: (1) he waits until the last minute to write his shit; (2) then asks total strangers on the street for ideas out of desperation; and then (3) writes an entire column based on the say-so of a drunk asshole from his favorite bar, which (4) apparently, is also his office.
Now, I’d like to be frank here and say that I have about as much sympathy for Ike as I do for people who star in reality shows and then wonder why they’re suddenly national laughing-stocks. For starters, he’s freaking out over writing ONE whole column a week? Hey, Ike… newsflash for you, dude: try writing SEVEN of the goddamned things in a week. Or sometimes even more than that, especially if I’ve been busy socializing with fellow miscreants or having domestic disputes with my cat.
And then there’s taking the word of a drunken, bitter bastard and creating a whole column out of it. In this case, that column revolves around Maggie and her “See Ya!” antics at the altar. Fueled by either indignation or desperation or both, Ike whips out a lacerating indictment of our heroine - without confirming a single fucking thing that he’s been told. Wow. Even my college paper had more stringent fact-checking guidelines.
It comes as no surprise to us that Maggie eventually reads this column on her exploits - and explodes like Mt. Etna. In short order, she does the following: (1) writes a similarly lacerating letter to Ellie (Rita Wilson), managing editor of USA TODAY; (2) points out all the slanderous items in Ike’s column - such as she only cuckolded three guys, not seven, thank you very much; and (3) demands that Ike be handed his ass before being tossed out onto it; or (4) she will sue the newspaper within an inch of its life.
Guess what happens to Ike? Yup, Ellie basically bows to Maggie’s wishes. Of course, it doesn’t help that the Ellie is Ike’s ex-wife. It further doesn’t help that he basically patronizes Ellie and treats her like they’re still married - read: like shit. Fuck, I’d fire him, too - with or without the threat of Maggie’s lawsuit. And just like that, the great Ike Graham is reduced to a severance package and a bitch of a job search ahead of him.
Fortunately, Ellie’s new husband, Fisher (Hector Elizondo), is also Ike’s best friend (I don’t even want to know how that happened). Fisher is a fashion photographer who regularly works for GQ, and he manages to secure Ike a feature gig - writing about Maggie and her upcoming fourth marriage to Bob (Christopher Meloni). Fisher, being a good friend, wants to give Ike a shot at redemption - and vindication. Basically, Ike will document Maggie’s new would-be wedding. And if she runs again, then he’ll have proven his point - and will be back on top again. Or so he thinks.
Needless to say, Ike jumps all over Fisher’s offer and books it for Hale, Maryland to basically start stalking Maggie. And the race is on…
As you would expect, Ike and Maggie don’t exactly hit it off when they finally meet. Let’s recall that this guy basically trashed her in print in front of the entire nation - if not the world. And let’s not forget that this chick pretty much ruined him professionally - possibly permanently. In other words, people have stabbed each other in the eyes for less. And, yet, this is supposed to be the basis of an, ahem, “romantic comedy?”
Good luck with that, dipshits…
Will Ike be vindicated? Will Maggie bolt a fourth time? Or will she go through with it just to prove Ike wrong and ruin him for good? Or will Ike and Maggie fall for each other? Will Ike inadvertently cause Maggie to run? Or is he doing it intentionally as payback? Does Maggie have a secret agenda of her own? Why do men keep falling for Maggie anyway? I mean, I know she looks like Julia Roberts and all, but come on! Is she that good in the sack?
And most significantly: couldn’t the writers think of a better third-act twist than the one they toss onto us like one of those 100 lb. salmons at Pike Place Market?
Whatever. I need to drink a whole bottle of vinegar as an antidote to this movie.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Just going to come out and say it: if it weren’t for the star power and chemistry between Julia Roberts and Richard Gere, RUNAWAY BRIDE would be very average - if not even mediocre. What further saves the movie is the colorful and vibrant supporting cast. What’s interesting about this film is how it feels more like an ensemble rather than just a star vehicle for its leads. RUNAWAY BRIDE rises as high as it does because everyone in this film looks like they’re having a blast.
Julia Roberts manages, as usual, to make us believe in her character. Maggie Carpenter clearly has commitment and trust issues, but Roberts actually sells the reason why the character does what she does - even if she may not necessarily be aware of it herself until late in the game. And in doing so, she also sells the character. As Ike Graham, Richard Gere is both more laidback and animated than he’s been in awhile. In contrast to his role of Edward in PRETTY WOMAN, Ike is a more explosive and openly charming personality - and Gere wins us over with a combo of brash charisma and surprising sweetness.
As mentioned before, the supporting cast is a strong one. Joan Cusack, Paul Dooley, Rita Wilson, Hector Elizondo, Christopher Meloni, Donal Logue, and Jean Schertler - just to name a few - all knock their roles out of the park. Joan Cusack is the standout, though, as Maggie’s best pal who may harbor envious feelings towards her more vibrant and charismatic best friend.
Still, as good as everyone is, it can’t be denied that the script for RUNAWAY BRIDE has a serious flaw that’s enough to keep it from rising from being an above-average romantic comedy to an outright good one: that third-act twist that would have us believe that… well, I’m not going to spoil it. Suffice it to say, director Garry Marshall and his writers had the chance to turn this movie’s third act into a compelling one with an undeniably great hook: Ike and Maggie slowly fall in love - which ironically just might actually make her bolt a fourth time, and prove Ike right to the world. Except his feelings for Maggie have changed...
The movie is actually proceeding down this path - until it decides to chuck all the good groundwork that its leads and supporting cast have covered by throwing us a twist that looks, feels, and rings patently false. Sure, it makes for some cutesy montage sequence set to peppy pop songs - but its all dishonest. What a shame.
Fortunately, the film regains its footing, somewhat, because of two things at the very end: (1) a lovely reconciliation scene between Maggie and Ike that is touching and as honest as you can expect from a romantic comedy these days; and (2) a funny, vibrant end credit sequence that almost makes you believe in happily ever after.
Had Marshall and his writers found a more truthful way to handle the third act, RUNAWAY BRIDE would have scored higher than above average (***). But, taken as it is, it is still a pleasant and diverting film which proves that if you have the right leads and a solid supporting cast backing them up, you can get away with almost anything.
