GIALLO (2009 - HORROR/THRILLER) **1/2 out of *****
(Adrien Brody vs. Byron Deidra vs. Dario Argento)
CAST: Adrien Brody, Emmanuelle Seigner, Elsa Pataky, Robert Miano, Valentina Izumi, Guiseppe Lo Console, Luis Moldenti, and -ahem- Byron Deidra.
DIRECTOR: Dario Argento
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and hilariously ugly serial killers straight ahead....
Dario Argento. If there was ever a director whom American audiences didn't get, it's this guy.
Now, anyone who knows me or follows this blog knows that I love the dude. Ever since I discovered SUSPIRIA and DEEP RED as a kid, I have pretty much seen everything he's put out. Although those two films from the 70's would pretty much form the pinnacle of his career, he would still score with some very interesting films in the 80's and this decade, with at least one of them being arguably better than both DEEP RED and SUSPIRIA - the much-underrated PHENOMENA, which featured Jennifer Connelly in one of her very first roles.
Argento created his best films when he wasn't trying to second-guess his audience - and just concentrated on telling the story that he wanted to tell. This worked with pretty much all his films until TRAUMA (1993) - which, while interesting in some parts, was an overall weak attempt to win American audiences. Bottom line is America will never buy into Argento's schtick. He's far too European, baroque, and - well, let's just say it - fucking weird. For us Argento-philes, that's just fine. However, we are clearly in the minority here. Argento is as alien to the mall crowd as the idea of, I don't know, just keeping your money in the bank and saving it?
Which brings us to his latest effort, the disappointing and frustrating GIALLO. In the BUT, SERIOUSLY portion of this review, I will discuss why I find this film so disappointing and frustrating. I will say this, though: GIALLO looks like another attempt to win over American audiences, very much the same way TRAUMA tried to do (and failed at) in 1993. There are (unfortunate) echoes of the HOSTEL films in GIALLO's ugly torture scenes. For now, though, allow me to break down the loony plot of Argento's youngest effort.
The first clue that Argento is trying to go all American again is in the opening credits: we're treated to a SEVEN-style series of grainy images and eerie visuals. Never mind that this trick was already getting old before SEVEN finished it's theatrical run way back in 1995 - and that pretty much every other serial killer flick since then has played the same card. Anyhow, when the credits finally end, we glimpse a very beautiful shot of Turin, Italy. Night is about to fall and, well, it makes you just want to move to Italy and knock back as many shots of Grappa as you possibly can - off an Italian's hairy chest.
Sorry. Back to the review. Where were we.... Ah, yeah. So we are introduced to Japanese tourists Keiko (Valentina Izumi) and Toshi (Taiyo Yamanouchi) - who are spending their last night in Italy by... watching an opera. Now, don't get me wrong: opera is lovely and all, but if I was a hot Asian chick spending my last night in Italy, I would - how to say this politely? - fuck as many Italian men as possible until my boarding call.
Seems that Toshi is of the same mind, and convinces Keiko to ditch the opera for a kickin' night club filled with Italian studs. Thank. God. At the club, Keiko eventually tires of watching Toshi be a whore and decides to head back to the hotel. Which is just fine with Toshi, because she now has even less competition for the fine-ass Northern Italian men swirling around her. Guess who's going get fucked so hard she's going to have to be taken by wheelchair to her plane the next day?
Not Keiko, that's for sure. Unless you mean "fucked" in the figurative sense. See, our sweet Japanese tourist has the great misfortune of hailing the only taxi in Turin that's being driven by a crazed serial killer. Evidently having seen THE BONE COLLECTOR one too many times, our psycho driver takes Keiko not to her hotel, but to a deserted alley where he gives her the business end of a tranquilizer syringe. Bet Keiko's wishing she'd settled for a dozen, um, Italian sausages back at the club instead.
Turns out our not-so-friendly mystery cabbie has been at this shit for awhile, and poor Keiko is just the latest in a string of abductions that eventually lead to torture and murder. Not exactly the lovely Italian hospitality I'm familiar with. Well, at least he's not killing them for their skins like Buffalo Bill. At least not this week, anyway.
Next to get snatched is Celine (Elsa Pataky), a gorgeous French model who makes the same mistake of taking the wrong cab one night after a fashion show. When she doesn't show up for dinner with her visiting flight attendant sister, Linda (Emmanuelle Seigner), it's time for the local cops to get involved. Linda storms into the Turin questura where she eventually follows a pizza boy (so serious) into the bowels of the building to find the only cop who will help her. Again, I'm not kidding.
He is Detective Enzo Avolfi (Adrien Brody), one of those rogue cops that you only seem to encounter in the movies. To add to his "quirk" factor, Enzo is also: (1) actually a transplanted American-Italian from New York; (2) talks with a hammy Noo Yawk accent; (3) suffers from mysterious flashbacks to some childhood trauma involving his mother; and (4) is investigating a series of abductions of beautiful foreigners in Turin lately - and is the person best-equipped to rescue Celine. Which makes him Linda's Prince Charming, as far as she's concerned.
Will Linda and Enzo be able to track down the killer before Celine gets the Keiko treatment? Will we discover why the killer's nickname is "Giallo" - the Italian word for "yellow"? Is it because he's a coward? Or just because he likes to wear yellow make-up? What dark secret from Enzo's past is tormenting him in the present? Does he have more in common with Giallo than he realizes? Why is Giallo so goddamn ugly? And who is "Byron Deidra," that, ahem, actor playing him?
One hint: anagram. Now figure it out for yourselves. All I'll say is that dude is one ugly motherfucker - and coming from an ugly motherfucker like me, that is saying something. Either that, or the make-up artist should be replaced.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: In the intro, I mentioned that I found GIALLO to be disappointing and frustrating. Disappointing, because Argento is so blatantly trying to ape such substandard films like the HOSTEL and SAW flicks with his ugly torture scenes, in an effort to be "current.". And frustrating because there are moments in GIALLO of sheer beauty and poetry that echo some of Argento's earlier and much better works. Had the rest of GIALLO lived up to these sporadic moments of quiet genius, we might have had another strong entry in the Argento canon. Unfortunately, GIALLO is average at best.
It's heartening to see Oscar-winner Adrien Brody gracing an Argento film with his presence. I don't see many modern actors of his stature making the same career move. Unfortunately, Brody is saddled with a rather preposterous character who, in the end, doesn't do much besides strut around and growl. Or this could be ascribed to Brody's acting choices, which in my humble opinion, was misguided. I think a more understated performance would have been more appropriate.
As Linda, Emmanuelle Seigner is a little stiff and histrionic in parts, but she manages to keep the character afloat and somehow retain our sympathies. I wish the character would have been given more to do besides follow Enzo around like a sidekick. At least Argento and his writers allow her to figure out some key points in the mystery herself, instead of Enzo.
As the imperiled Celine, Elsa Pataky falls victim to some of the things that hinder Seigner's performance. Even given her constantly-terrorized state, Celine's reactions to the killer's attentions are rather shrill and over-the-top. However, as with Seigner and Linda, Pataky manages to keep us invested in Celine's fate - all the way to the ambiguous ending, which is rather surprising for an Argento film.
Finally, the real reason that GIALLO remains an average-at-best Argento entry is due to the ridiculous presentation of its killer. If the adage that "a thriller is only as good as its villain" is true, then we have to look no further than this movie's bad guy for it's main weakness. I will go ahead and spoil it for you all that Adrien Brody also plays the killer - under the pseudonym Byron Deidra, and some frankly laughable prosthetic make-up. The guy comes across as a loony cartoon instead of a credible threat. Add to that the fact that revealing Giallo's face too soon dispels any sense of urgency to the mystery (which was always the strongest point of Argento's best films), add you pretty much have a near-lost cause with this movie.
I say "near" because there are still moments in GIALLO that capture the spirit of the old Argento films. Linda's arrival at Celine's flat before the mayhem starts is one such moment. We follow Linda as she walks around and quietly takes in the sheer beauty of Celine's place. The subtle poetry of this scene sharply contrasts with the later horrors to be unleashed on the sisters.
Another scene is the brief opera interlude that Keiko and Toshi witness in the opening. Just like with Linda and Celine, this deceptively beautiful and vibrant snippet is a harbinger of darker things to come. Indeed, Argento seems to be purposefully juxtaposing images of beauty and horror throughout GIALLO.
The best scene, though, and one that almost raises GIALLO above the average mark is Celine's attempted escape sequence from Giallo's underground lair. This entire set-piece is suspenseful, exciting, and - yes - beautiful. Watch for the part where Celine manages to make it outside - but instead of immediately running, she takes the time to tremulously touch a nearby leaf on a tree... As if to be able to do so again is a wonderful privilege. And it is. It's a very Italian touch - and is the kind of thing that makes Argento fans as loyal to him as they are.
Unfortunately, that escape sequence is weakened when Giallo enters the scene again. The guy just looks so laughable that he ruins the considerable suspense this potentially terrific scene has generated. Another potentially-exciting scene deals with a third-act twist that sees Giallo forcing a major character to become his accomplice. But, as with Celine's attempted escape, the sheer stupidity of the killer's looks and behavior scuffles any suspense. Too bad, as this could have given us a stronger climax.
Next time, Dario, keep your killer in the shadows. Where he belongs. Especially if he looks this silly. Stop trying to cater to American audiences. You're an Italian - do things the Italian way!
