(Work those Dress Grays, Alec baby…)
CAST: Alec Baldwin, Hal Holbrook, Lloyd Bridges, Susan Hess, Eddie Albert, Ron Rifkin, Cameron Dye, Patrick Cassidy, Peter Nelson, Timothy Van Patten, Joseph Kell, Jason Beghe.
DIRECTOR: Glenn Jordan
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and pre-Don’t Ask Don’t Tell shenanigans straight ahead…
Alec Baldwin is a hilarious motherfucker.
That is a fact. But it wasn’t his films that revealed just how much of a crackhead goofball he is. More often than not, he was stuck playing the handsome, strong-jawed leading man. In other words: “Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…” Nope, it wasn’t until Baldwin started hosting Saturday Night Live that the world realized the hidden comic genius behind that leading man face and bod. Indeed, every single time he’d bound out to greet the audience with his opening monologue, one thought would invariably go through my mind: “Ooooooh, I’m going to have fun for the next hour.”
With Baldwin attracting more comedy fans with his portrayal of sexy but loony TV executive Jack Donaghy on “30 Rock,” his reputation as “Hollywood’s Most Unexpected Goofball” was pretty much cemented. So much so that it’s hard to remember a time when we could actually take this guy seriously. And trust me: that is a compliment of the highest order.
Yet, that’s how Baldwin started his career - playing serious men whose senses of humor weren’t exactly their defining characteristics. After starring as the looney preacher on the primetime soap KNOTS LANDING, but before moving on to films like BEETLEJUICE, WORKING GIRL, MIAMI BLUES, and THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER, Baldwin played the lead in a TV movie called… DRESS GRAY. And watching this flick, you could tell that Baldwin had the “X Factor” to make it - bigtime - in films.
What you wouldn’t be able to predict from watching DRESS GRAY, though, is that this guy would go on to make us almost wet ourselves laughing with his demented hijinks on SNL and “30 Rock.” You’d have to be downright psychic to predict that.
You see, Baldwin plays serious-minded and iron-willed Ry Slaight, an upperclassman at the Ulysses Grant Military Academy. Slaight finds his nice and orderly life thrown into turmoil when a freshman recruit - or “plebe” - turns up drowned on the riverbank next to the school. Initially viewed as an, ahem, “swimming accident,” that verdict quickly goes underwater when it is discovered that the victim, Cadet David Hand (Patrick Cassidy), was an expert swimmer. No, scratch that - he was a champion swimmer. So why, then, did the goober drown.
Then there’s the autopsy, which reveals some rather interesting facts: (1) David was actually held underwater until he croaked; (2) there was semen in his urinary track, which indicated he’d just fucked someone’s brains out; and (3) whoever that someone must have then turned the tables on David and - how shall I put this delicately? - buttfucked him six ways from Sunday. And that “someone” is most likely an upperclassman at the academy, as evidenced by an insignia left behind.
As you can imagine, the Commanding Officer of Grant Academy, General Hedges (Hal Holbrook), takes this news like he would after being told that the Department of Defense is changing Battle Dress Uniforms from olive/brown to flaming pink/cream puff yellow. Basically this means that there’s a killer in the academy somewhere - and if he’s not gay, he likes to fuck ‘em. Which, to most people, is the same thing. Silly, naïve bastards.
Anyhow, our hero Ry has a connection to David. To wit, he: (1) had a run-in with David because David was basically a treacherous prick who almost deserved what he got; and (2) used to date David’s glamorous fashion designer sister, Elizabeth (Susan Hess). For these reasons, Ry turns into one of the Hardy Boys and starts digging into David’s death - determined to find out who his “secret lover” at the school was.
Unfortunately, General Hedges is not too keen on Ry basically threatening to expose the school as a hotbed of rumpy-pumpy man-sex, and basically sends the Army Intelligence Corps to spy on Ry as he and Elizabeth play Nick and Nora. Or David and Maddie from MOONLIGHTING. Eventually, abusing his power, Hedges manages to convince the top brass at the school - and David’s powerful judge father (Eddie Albert) - that Ry himself was David’s lover - and therefore, his killer.
Will Ry be able to dig himself out of this hole? Will he be able to expose David’s real lover/killer? Is it someone close to Ry? One of his friends? What information is contained in David’s letters to Elizabeth? Will it save Ry? Or damn him? How far will Hedges go to protect the Academy’s reputation? Will Elizabeth defy her powerful father to help Ry? Or is blood thicker than water? Will David’s father play along with the school’s cover-up just to hide the fact that he’s son was a, well, a butt pirate?
This is a judge from Louisiana. What do you think?
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Just as sharp, smart, and sleek as a cadet’s well-pressed uniform, DRESS GRAY is a solid mystery based on the Lucien K. Truscott IV’s bestselling novel that keeps you hooked from the opening scene all the way to the revelation of “whodunit.” Credit must also be given to Truscott, director Glenn Jordan, and writer Gore Vidal for tackling a subject matter way before it become a hot topic for debate: homosexuality in the military.
With the long-awaited and much-welcome abolishment of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” this past December, DRESS GRAY’s subject matter takes on added interest. What’s even more interesting about this movie, though, is that its sole gay character, David Hand, is actually supremely unlikable. He betrays his only friend at the school, refuses to help his platoon mates, and repeatedly tries to assert his authority over everyone - including Ry and all the other upperclassmen. Gay activists may take issue with this, as they did with the portrayal of the female lead of BASIC INSTINCT as a bisexual killer. My response: it’s a movie - relax. There’s no rule that says gays have to be portrayed positively in every single film.
Portraying David in such a negative light is necessary to make it clear that anyone could’ve killed him in a sexual rage. It’s distinctly possible that his sexual assault was an act of revenge. Given everything he did, it’s entirely plausible. Patrick Cassidy does an all-too-good job of portraying David’s superhuman confidence, and you have to give him credit for making you dislike the character as much as you do.
The rest of the top cast, led by then-rising talent Alec Baldwin, is just as good. As I wrote earlier, Baldwin clearly shows here that he’s got the shoulders to carry a movie on. Ry Slaight is a very interesting character: smart, but also naive; serious, but still playful; crafty, but not dishonest. He holds the screen like the future movie star that he is.
Equally impressive is former model Susan Hess as David’s sister Elizabeth. Initially suspicious of Ry due to the content of David’s letters, Elizabeth gradually begins to realize Ry had nothing to do with David’s death - as General Hedges, her father, and their cronies would have everyone believed. Hess’s cool beauty is perfect for the glamorous, poised but still human Elizabeth. Aside from Baldwin’s “X-Factor” and the strong mystery plot, Hess’s gracefully modulated performance is another factor that makes DRESS GRAY a compelling ride.
Veteran actors Hal Holbrook, Lloyd Bridges, Eddie Albert, Ron Rifkin, and Lane Smith are all strong as the various men in power who would want nothing more than for David’s death to go away - even if Ry is wrongfully blamed for it. The fact that Baldwin blows them out of the water - as good as they are - is further proof of his chops.
All in all, DRESS GRAY is a classy, intelligent mystery that was way ahead of its time. The frank discussions about homosexuals and their affairs with straight men lend the movie an edginess that is hard to find in even recent films.
