(Really? Really?)
CAST: Jeff Bridges, Hallee Stanfield, Matt Damon, Barry Pepper.
DIRECTOR: The Coen Brothers
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one utterly flummoxed armchair critic - straight ahead…
There is a category of film that I have christened the “Meh Movie.”
What is a Meh Movie? Well, allow me to enlighten: A Meh Movie is a flick that seems to be loved by every, man, woman, child, vegetable, mineral, and marine mammal on Earth - with the notable exception of you and a few other hold-outs. When you folks watch these movies, though, your immediate response is not: “THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME!!! CAN‘T WAIT TO SEE IT AGAIN!“ Nope. After watching these films, your response is one word:
“Meh.”
Basically, it’s as if you’re in INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS: everyone has been converted, and if you’re not careful, you could be next, bucko. Or, in more relatable terms (to us whorish Scorpios, anyway), it’s like finally bedding that hottie you’ve lusted after for weeks and then finding out he’s about as fun in the sack as folding laundry. In other words: “Meh.” Next.
Now, please understand that Meh Movies are not necessarily bad. If fact, many of them are average or above average - even good. They’re just not the unforgettable classics that the majority of audiences makes them out to be. In a word, these flicks are overrated. Way overrated. Wait… that’s two words.
Whatever. Be honest with yourself: you know you have your own list of Meh Movies. My own are: THE FUGITIVE, IN THE LINE OF FIRE, BIG, CONTACT, CASINO, THE ROCK, KNOCKED UP, THE SIXTH SENSE, UNBREAKABLE, SIGNS, and any other film that M. Night Shyamalan will pull out of his ass in this lifetime.
Our next review falls under that category. It’s a remake of a classic Western from the 50’s, has a prestigious cast, and is helmed by two of the most talented directors in the world: Joel and Ethan Coen. In other words: tilt-bingo-jackpot. Right?
To 98% of the world, maybe. To this lowly armchair critic, it’s about as painful as watching my cat compulsively move the entire contents of his litter box from one side to another. Seriously, I cannot begin to express how much this movie bored me. I agreed to go to it because I was with a group of friends who really wanted to see it - and I was raised to treat everyone with respect, and meet them halfway. Maybe my parents should have raised me to use the phrase “Fuck that shit” more often.
Anyhow, the story revolves around some brat named Mattie Ross (Hallee Stanfield), who is out to avenge the death of her father at the hands of some outlaw named Tom Chaney (Josh Brolin). She contrives to have legendary lawman Rooster Cogburn (Jeff Bridges) help track down Tom, even offering to pay for his services. Given that Mattie is barely fourteen, you can forgive Cogburn for not taking her seriously.
Just because one sidekick is not enough in movies these days, Mattie ends up recruiting doofus marshal LeBoeuf (Matt Damon), who looks like he graduated from an early version of the Barney Fife Academy of Law Enforcement. It’s utterly appropriate that this guy’s name is basically the French translation of “Beef” - because he’s about as smart as a cow.
Apparently, the dramatic crux of TRUE GRIT is our trio of Mattie, Cogburn, and LeBoeuf chasing Tom through some of the ugliest country terrain I have ever seen in a movie. This is one flick with zero eye candy whatsoever. Those of you expecting pretty travelogue scenery, or expecting Jeff Bridges looking like he did in AGAINST ALL ODDS better get that cold shower ready, because you’re about to get a nasty surprise. He looks and sounds more like Billy Bob Thornton’s character in SLING BLADE.
Will they catch Tom? Will Mattie ever let up with her “smart-beyond-her-years” nagging of her pitiful sidekicks? Will Cogburn and LeBoeuf finally lose it and pistol whip Mattie then toss her into a ravine?
God, I hope so. That kid can whine.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Anyone who knows me or follows this blog know that I do not favor Westerns. I tend to find them dull and uninteresting. While what I look for in movies is entertainment coupled with some emotional and psychological insight, something about movies set in the Old West just sabotages those things for me.
That’s not to say I haven’t liked some Westerns in my time. There have been four that I’ve counted as good to very good films: (1) 3:10 TO YUMA, because of Russell Crowe’s almost supernatural charisma; (2) SILVERADO, because of Kevin Costner and Kevin Kline’ star power and Lawrence Kasdan stellar storytelling skills; (3) THE QUICK AND THE DEAD, because of director Sam Raimi’s determinedly tongue-in-cheek send-up of the genre and - again - Russell Crowe and Sharon Stone’s almost supernatural charisma; and (4) UNFORGIVEN, because Clint Eastwood is someone who can transcend genre with his stories and acting.
I haven’t seen the original TRUE GRIT, and have absolutely no desire to. Watching the current TRUE GRIT does nothing to change that. True to a Meh Movie, this film is technically well-made and well-acted. But I never found it even remotely interesting or engaging. There were occasional flashes of humor but, as with all Westerns besides the above four, I never forgot I was watching a movie or actors just spouting lines - not full-blooded characters.
Speaking of the actors, they’re okay. But their performances are just that… performances. I never forgot for a second they were acting. The fact that Jeff Bridges, an actor I admire, recently got an Oscar Nomination for this role is a bit disconcerting, when there have been more deserving performances this year.
Matt Damon is clearly having fun with his role but, again, is obviously acting. While he provides some comic relief, it wasn’t enough to pull me into the story. Then there’s Hallee Stanfield, an actress who will clearly go on to better things. Here, though, she’s playing one of those kid characters that exist only in the movies: smart way beyond her years, super-eloquent, and thoroughly unbelievable. Anyone who knows me or follows this blog knows there’s nothing more that I love than a believably strong female character whose humanity is never compromised by her tougness.
Unfortunately, the way Stanfield plays Mattie is almost a caricature. A caricature with other facets to her, but still a caricature. As with Bridges and Damon and their characters, I never once believed in her character, despite being positioned as a strong female lead. She actually got on my nerves with strident attitude and incessant nagging. Too bad they didn’t have duct tape in those days.
As far as the direction, well, with the exception of a quirky scene in the last act of the film involving an all-night horse ride to get a snake-bitten Mattie to a doctor, the direction is surprisingly generic for a Coen movie. Their distinctive traits are missing from TRUE GRIT.
Bottom line: this movie wasn’t bad, but in my opinion it is nowhere the near the stellar film that everyone seems to think it is.
In other words: “Meh.”
