(Can I have some of that amnesia so I can forget this movie?)
CAST: Rachel McAdams, Channing Tatum, Sam Neill, Jessica Lange, Scott Speedman, Wendy Crewson.
DIRECTOR: Michael Sucsy
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some damn good reasons to not lollygag at a stoplight - straight ahead…
IT’S LIKE THIS: Remember how in our review for THE GREY (review # 431) we talked about the gargantuanly studly accomplishments of two friends of mine? How one climbed Mt. McKinley, the Alaskan mountain that is the highest point in North America? And how another climbed Mt. Whitney, the Californian mountain that is the highest point in the Lower 48? Well, compared to the fucked-up shite the hero of our next review goes through, those two amazing hikes were just Sunday strolls along Waikiki Beach.
Our next review is THE VOW, and its hero is Leo (Channing Tatum). No, he doesn’t climb Mt. Everest or anything like that. That might actually be easier than the dilemma facing him: his wife Paige (Rachel McAdams) has had her memory of their last five years together erased after a truck brutally rear-ends their car because they’re so busy smooching and giving each other googley-eyes at a stoplight instead of, you know, paying any attention to the fucking stoplight changing. In a way, you can’t really blame the truck driver. All together now: GET… A… ROOM!
Anyhow, Paige sustains a grievous head injury and now doesn’t remember a goddamn thing of her and Leo ever meeting - let alone being married for five fucking years. I don’t have to tell you that’s gotta suck. Think of all that groundwork that Leo made just to get in Paige‘s pants, let alone getting her to say “I do“ - all down the toilet now because… well… because they wouldn’t just GET… A… ROOM! To make matters more complicated, Paige’s snobby rich parents (Sam Neill, Jessica Lange) swoop in to try re-assert their control over her - and basically shove Leo out of the picture. Then there’s Paige’s ex-fiancee Jeremy, whom she actually does remember - a fact that Jeremy The Prick uses to his advantage. It’s bad enough that Leo has to try to make Paige “fall” for him again - but he also has to put up with the Rich Parents From Hell and The Ex-Fiancee From The Planet Of The Assholes.
Like I said, climbing Mt. McKinley and Mt. Whitney are looking pretty easy in comparison…
THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: Leo. In addition to her memory, Paige seems to have also lost all of her IQ points in the accident. Leo, dude, you may want to just get a new wife. Seriously.
EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams are so “Ken-and-Barbie” perfect that it’s actually boring. So, I have to go with Sam Neill as Paige’s controlling Dad on this one. The man just gets better and better with age. No wonder they call him “The Thinking Person’s Hunk”.
MOST INTENTIONALLY TOUCHING SCENE: The “Stealth Wedding” in the art museum wherein Leo and Paige get married. Still not as awesome as a beach in Hawaii, though. I’m just saying…
MOST UNINTENTIONALLY TOUCHING SCENE: Paige’s mom’s explanation about why she forgave her husband. Jessica Lange rocks this scene…
HOTTEST SCENE: Channing Tatum shows his ass in this, but - just like the rest of the movie - it’s just so… blah. He’s cute - but he’s no Chris Evans or Russell Crowe. In fact, Sam Neill, fully clothed, beats Channing Tatum, butt-nekkid. Any day. So, basically, this award goes to any scene with Sam Neill in it…
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: Will Paige ever remember what it is about Leo she fell in love with? Will Leo succeed in making her remember? Or are Paige’s memories of their life pretty much gone? Will he have to accept the unacceptable and just hold his head high and walk away? Or will he continue to fight for a chick who is, well, a bit of a waste of space - even before her head got scrambled by the accident? And what secrets are Paige’s parents keeping from Leo? And how will Jeremy affect the course of events? Will Leo finally do the right thing and shove his foot up Jeremy’s ass? That might actually make for a more exciting movie. Seriously.
WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “THE VOW”: If you are such a hopeless romantic that you can put up with some seriously weak execution. And if you are a serious Rachel McAdams/Channing Tatum fan. You would have to be to put up with this crap.
WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “THE VOW”: If you like your romantic dramas to actually ring true - and to capture what made the true stories they’re based on so remarkable. Because this movie drops the ball on that one. Majorly.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: We’ve talked about in past reviews how some trailers make a movie look much better than it is. These previews get you all hyped up and excited - only to let you down with a resounding thud when you finally see the entire movie. There are too many examples of this “Trailer/Movie” disparity. THE VOW is yet another one. Based on the true story of Kim and Krickitt Carpenter, and how a brutal car accident wiped out the latter’s memory of her life with the former, and the arduous task he faced of making her “fall in love with him“ all over again, THE VOW was brimming with promise. The trailers and premise were so effective that they rocketed the film to a North American debut of $41.2 million. And THE VOW seems primed to capture the #1 slot all over again this weekend. All that despite mostly lukewarm-to-middling reviews.
Clearly, THE VOW’s powerful potential is giving it some serious momentum at the box-office that’s blinding audiences to its flaws. The simple fact remains it doesn’t live up to that potential. Despite a compelling idea based on a remarkable real story, THE VOW is a surprisingly hollow and artificial experience. Needless to say, the ball is dropped here - big-time. And, sadly, it is largely due to its leading lady, writers, and director.
Rachel McAdams was very likable in WEDDING CRASHERS, RED EYE, THE NOTEBOOK, and THE FAMILY STONE. In THE VOW, she gives her first disappointing performance. The way she plays Paige simply feels false. You don’t buy for a single moment her predicament. McAdam’s performance just doesn’t have the nuance and depth that it should have. Instead, she inexplicably goes the cutesy and superficial route, showing the same facile qualities that used to irritate me about Meg Ryan’s performance in SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE. As a result, the character of Paige becomes less and less interesting as THE VOW goes on - until it becomes puzzling why Leo would go through so much trouble to win her back. Had McAdams been more dynamic and compelling, it would be a very different story. Unfortunately, she hinders the film in a very big way with her flat portrayal. We have to understand why Paige is so special that Leo would fight endlessly for her. McAdams doesn’t show us why.
It doesn’t help that the writers and director Michael Sucsy reduce Kim and Krickitt Carpenter’s amazing true story to a stale soap opera. Everything unfolds in such a dull and mechanical way that you might question whether you are watching the same movie the trailer advertised. Needless to say, quite a disappointment. What the Carpenters went through was so profound that it should’ve been transferred to the big screen with care and feeling. Instead, we get an extended episode of THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS.
The film’s saving grace, surprisingly, is Channing Tatum. I’ve never had much of an opinion of Tatum. I was not impressed by his body of work before this, having registered him as bland presence in his previous films, and when I heard he was cast in THE VOW opposite McAdams, I remember losing interest somewhat. I thought, at the very least, McAdams would balance him out and raise his game. Ironically, however, it is Tatum that makes up for McAdams’ misguided performance. Despite some mumbled line delivery that will make you turn to your friend for clarification, Tatum turns Leo into a sympathetic and quietly compelling character. He invests the role with some of the depth and passion that McAdams should have done with hers. In the end, though, Tatum can’t tow the line alone - because any romance has to be a partnership. Especially one that, according to Leo and Paige, is “once in a lifetime”.
The reason THE VOW rates a **½ (average rating) is not only because it is saved somewhat by Tatum’s “wild card” performance, but also because of a nice scene late in the movie where Paige’s mom gives her a speech about love and forgiveness. This scene feels like it belongs in a stronger, better, and more mature movie - and Jessica Lange nails each line with heartfelt intensity. Had the central love story between Leo and Paige been treated with the same passion, THE VOW would have certainly rated much higher.
In the end, Kim and Krickett Carpenter deserved a better film than this. If you’re going to call a romance a “once in a lifetime love”, you better make sure it truly is. As it is, Leo and Paige’s romance feels just as generic as a hundred other screen romances. And that is simply not good enough. Generic equals average - and that is, unfortunately, what THE VOW ends up being. Despite that great trailer…
