(A little story about Jack and Diane…)
CAST: Jack Nicholson, Diane Keaton, Keanu Reeves, Amanda Peet, Frances McDormand, Jon Favreau, Rachel Ticotin.
DIRECTOR: Nancy Meyers
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and refreshingly wrinkled (literally and figuratively) romances straight ahead…
As the very rare version of SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE’s trailer states above, Harry Sanborn (Jack Nicholson) is the Luckiest S.O.B. on the planet. Make that the Universe. No, sorry… make that the Luckiest S.O.B. in Multi-Verses. How else to describe him? To wit, he is: (1) a super-successful music producer who owns a label called (and I’m not kidding here) Drive-By Records; (2) looks like Jack Nicholson; and (3) even though he is in his early 60’s, he is catnip to women young enough to be his grand-daughters.
That last part is significant to our story. See, Harry has never dated a woman older than 30. I wouldn’t describe his romances so much as “May-December” but rather “January-December.” Suffice it to say, Harry has never seen an “older” woman naked. But that, folks, is about to change. Big time.
As our story begins, Harry and his flavor of the week, Maren (Amanda Peet) are dashing off from the Big Apple to spend a weekend in the Hamptons. Turns out Maren’s mom is a famous playwright and has a house on the beach (make that a famous, successful playwright). Somehow I get the feeling that Momsy wouldn’t approve of her little darling romping through her lovely home with someone who has to take BenGay and Viagra at the same time.
Turns out I’m right. While Maren is off changing into something even more trampy, Harry raids the fridge in nothing but his boxers and unbuttoned-down-to-there shirt. Which is the state that Maren’s Mom, Erica (Diane Keaton), and her Aunt Zoe (Frances McDormand) find him in. Which understandably freaks them the hell out. I mean, don’t get me wrong: Jack Nicholson is an attractive guy for someone in his 60’s. But I sure as fuck wouldn’t want to come home to find him in his underoos in my kitchen. Give me Chris Evans. Give me James Franco. Give me Mike Vogel. Just not someone that wouldn’t be out of place at a retirement home.
Rightfully mistaking Harry for a geriatric perverted burglar possibly high on Ecstacy and glue, Erica calls the police. Which Harry interrupts - by telling her that he’s dating her daughter. Folks, if you thought Erica looked crazed before, you should see how that revelation rings her bell. Kind of like thinking a serial killer is standing in your living room - only to find out he’s actually the babysitter. Talk about a “lose-lose big” situation.
After some initial awkardness and embarassment (to say the goddamned least), our foursome decide to get over the fact that: (1) Harry is not a burglar, but is in fact (2) dating Maren despite the fact that he is (3) older than dirt. They decide to act like sophisticated adults who see this kind of thing everyday. Personally, if my daughter was dating someone 100 years older than me I would ground her for life. Which is probably a good thing I will likely never have children.
At any rate, all this “blasy-blah” attitude goes out the window when Harry fools around just a little too much with Maren after dinner - and winds up getting a heart attack. I think this is the point of the movie where I actually called out “bullshit!” in the theater. I mean, come on… an unrepentant cradle-robber like Harry should have had the stamina to fuck one lousy 30-year old, right? What better exercise is there than fucking someone's brains out and making them cum like New Year's Eve in Rio De Janeiro? After all, we all know it’s the 25-year olds that will wear your ass out. I should know.
Hmmm, somehow that didn’t come out the way I intended.
Whatever. The point is Harry winds up in the hospital where we discover that he had a mild heart attack. After some supremely cringe-worthy moments of a dazed Harry wandering around the hospital corridors with his bare ass peeking coyly (and rather frighteningly) through the back of a hospital gown, we meet Harry’s doctor, Julian Mercer (Keanu Reeves). Turns out Julian is a huge fan of Erica’s work, and is instantly smitten with her.
Erica, for her part, is kind of shocked that a sizzling young piece of smokin’ hot ass is enamored with her. Fortunately, she doesn’t have much time to ponder this conundrum because, in a turn of events more incredible than the plot of AVATAR, she finds herself having to care for Harry under her own roof. Don’t worry… I was flabbergasted, too. Ostensibly, Julian wants Harry to be close by in case he has a relapse. And since Harry refuses to stay in the hospital, the only solution is… to stay at Erica’s place? I’m sure that even the Hamptons has a Days Inn or something, right?
Once again - whatever. So… stuck with one another in a confined (if luxuriously appointed) space, Harry and Erica unsurprisingly begin to snipe at each other like a couple of barracudas in a bucket filled with chlorinated water. Their first night is a disaster. To wit, the following happen: (1) Harry smokes up a chimney, which is a huge “no-no” because (2) Erica is fanatical about her house looking and smelling clean; and (3) Harry stumbles upon Erica while she’s undressing to take a shower; which leads to (4) Erica, once again, freaking the fuck out.
Harry himself is not exactly unscarred by the sight of Erica’s not-so-nubile bod, either. He probably went to bed curled up into a fetal position, having nightmares about what he considers vintage tits. Fortunately, there’s someone else in Erica’s orbit who is totally into cougars - and he is our dear Julian. After a particularly spectacular first date, it starts to dawn on Erica that a young hottie is actually nursing a boner for her.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to set her on fire the way it should. Personally, if I was Erica and a younger man had the total hots for me, it wouldn’t be a question of whether or not I’d go to bed with him, but rather what kind of knots I’d use to tie him to the bedposts. I find that sheepshanks are the best because they’re tricky enough to keep someone restrained, but easy enough to untie quickly if there is an emergency like an earthquake, fire, or someone in your building accidentally setting off the sprinklers in the garage, forcing the whole building to evacuate. Talk about awkward.
But I digress… Anyhow, the unexpected happens rather, uh, unexpectedly. See, Harry and Erica begin to discover that they actually like each other’s company. After a wonderful late-night pancake session that reminded me of one of my own funner bootie calls, our two senior citizens (let’s face it - they are) realize they are - oh, holy shit - falling in love. Now they’ve done it.
Do Harry and Erica have a future together? Can someone like Harry who has a Pavlovian response to chicks younger than 30 really have something genuine with a woman who is older than most buildings in downtown Seattle? Or will Erica get her heart broken? Is Julian a better choice for her, despite being nearly 20 years younger? Will Harry fight for Erica and make the leap for her? Or are they doomed to share nothing more than some midnight pancakes and some seriously hilarious “December-December” sex? Is it enough when Harry says to her, “Erica, you’re the funniest person I ever had sex with.”
Shit, if I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me…
Whatever. I still think Erica needs to do the following: (1) forget about Harry; and (2) tie Julian to a bed with sheepshank knots and harvest his sperm for the next, oh, twenty years or so.
Can you tell I’m horny?
BUT, SERIOUSLY: I reviewed Nancy Meyers’ IT’S COMPLICATED (review # 12) at the very beginning of this crazy adventure - and found it seriously lacking. On the surface, IT’S COMPLICATED looked like it couldn’t miss: (1) a top cast featuring Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin, Steve Martin, and John Krasinski; (2) a love story that promised to further explore the territory that SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE so wonderfully explored a few years earlier; and (3) a writer/director who knows who to deliver entertainment not geared specifically to audiences too young to know what the term “Baby Boomer” means.
Unfortunately, IT’S COMPLICATED turned out to be (to me, anyway) a rather facile and disappointing affair (no pun intended). Those expecting something as terrific as SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE (including me) were monumentally let down. IT’S COMPLICATED isn’t even a tenth of the overall quality of SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE. And given Meryl Steep’s involvement, it’s simply mind-boggling.
The problem with IT’S COMPLICATED is that we never get a sense of the love that Jane (Streep) supposedly feels for Jake (Alec Baldwin). The script never fleshes out their relationship beyond the clandestine affair that they end up having. While sex is indeed an intrinsic part of love, it is not the only thing. Love is also about friendship, trust, sacrifice, kindness, understanding, honesty, vulnerability, laughter, tears, anger, forgiveness, and loyalty. We see all these things in Erica’s relationship with Harry in SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE. In IT’S COMPLICATED, all we see is the sex. And that is not enough, folks. Not in a real relationship.
At its core, SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE is a story about two people who are blindsided by the connection that suddenly springs up between them. Life is not the only thing that happens when we’re making other plans - love happens the same way.
I remember an older friend once saying to me that love knows no rules. His actual words were something like, “It might be someone who knocks you over the head the minute you see them - that ‘first sight’ kind of thing. Or it might be someone you’ve known for awhile, someone you never even considered. But one day, even though you’ve seen them a thousand times before, you suddenly can’t take your eyes off them. Either way - it’s going to happen when you least expect it.”
And he was right. His words also perfectly capture the conundrum that Harry and Erica find themselves in. Neither is what the other ever considered they would love. And yet, here they are…
While Keanu Reeves, Amanda Peet, Frances McDormand, and Jon Favreau all nail their vivid supporting roles, this story belongs to Keaton and Nicholson - and the characters they play.
As Harry Sanborn, Jack Nicholson turns in a fantastic performance that combines rakish charm, self-deprecating humor, and touching sincerity. You have to believe that Harry would be able to bag women as young as a third of his age. Otherwise, the movie just won’t work. With Nicholson in control of the role, you buy it completely. In the hands of another actor, Harry might have come across as a pompous, sleazy asshole. Fortunately, Nicholson constantly emphasizes Harry’s tendency to poke fun at himself just as much as Erica and Zoe do. Nothing is more attractive and winning than someone who knows how to laugh at himself - and Nicholson smashingly sells the character this way.
Diane Keaton is simply a revelation. She received an Academy Award Nomination for Best Actress for the role of Erica Barry - and deservedly so. As written, Erica is always cool and in control - until her carefully planned-out world is upended by the arrival of Harry in her life. Keaton movingly conveys the sadness and vulnerability beneath Erica’s no-nonsense and composed surface. The scene outside the Manhattan restaurant where she and Harry have their first fight as a couple is simply heart-breaking, and deserved to be used as an Oscar clip during the Academy Awards to showcase Keaton’s bravura performance. I can watch this scene a thousand times and still be affected immensely by it. It's that beautiful. As is Keaton and her performance.
But that isn’t the only scene in SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE that deeply resonates. Others include: (1) Harry and Erica bonding over midnight pancakes, when they first begin to open up to one another; (2) Harry and Erica talking in her bedroom, with Harry telling her he thinks of her as his “soulmate”; and (3) Erica and Maren having a soulful mother-daughter talk on the beach, when Erica tells Maren that she can’t go through life hiding her heart for fear of it getting broken - basically telling her that love is always a chance we take, the biggest leap of faith of all.
All these scenes are deeply-ingrained in my memory, and is a testament to the power of this story. It doesn’t hurt that Hans Zimmer (composer for GLADIATOR, BLACK RAIN, HANNIBAL) delivers one of his most hauntingly romantic music cues, composed of a few mournful piano notes. When it comes to movie music, sometimes less is more - and Zimmer’s themes for SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE perfectly symphonize that.
Contrast this with IT’S COMPLICATED, which doesn’t have a single scene of emotional honesty worth remembering. As I wrote in its review, the only thing at stake for Jane was the quality of her sex life. In SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE, the only thing at stake is the well-being of Erica’s heart. Which, really, is everything.
I simply love this movie… and I think Jack and Diane are spectacular in it.
