(When did train engineers and conductors start looking this fine? Did I miss something?)
CAST: Denzel Washington, Chris Pine, Rosario Dawson, Kevin Corrigan, Jessy Schram, Ethan Duplee, Kevin Dunn, T.J. Lewis.
DIRECTOR: Tony Scott
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one train in serious need of automatic brakes - straight ahead.
Throughout cinematic history, there have been actor-director collaborations that have yielded some quality entertainment. Witness the Russell Crowe-Ridley Scott partnership that gave us GLADIATOR, A GOOD YEAR, BODY OF LIES, and ROBIN HOOD. Then there’s Ridley’s brother Tony, who has Ridley’s sense of style and gift for visual storytelling. But who is Tony Scott’s Russell Crowe? Well, that would be one Denzel Washington, of course.
Scott and Washington’s films together have included CRIMSON TIDE, MAN ON FIRE, DÉJÀ VU, and THE TAKING OF PELHAM ONE TWO THREE. While their movies may not necessarily have the dramatic heft of those that sprung from the Ridley-Russell union, they are nonetheless sleek and entertaining. And with Washington in the lead roles, a certain gravity is usually lent to the proceedings that ordinarily would not be present.
Their latest project together is, like PELHAM, set on a train. This time, though, there are no hijackers led by John Travolta. Nope, the main villain of this piece is a piece of machinery: a runaway freight train the length of the Chrysler building with several cars of combustible, toxic material - headed straight for heavily populated areas. In other words, not the best time to be living near railroad tracks in Southeastern Pennsylvania.
The train, presciently nicknamed “The Beast,” is set in motion when the dumbfuck fatso named Dewey (Ethan Duplee) piloting it jumps out of the cab for a second to adjust the tracks up ahead. The idiot put the gears in idle while he does whatever the hell he does. Unfortunately, the vibrating of the train jostles the gear stick forward… into full throttle. Which speeds the train up. Which makes Dumbfuck Dewey run after it. Or try to, anyway. Actually, “waddle after it” would be more accurate.
Needless to say, he doesn’t catch up to the locomotive - and it speeds away along the track. Anyone who didn’t see that coming, given that this Dewey looks like he lives at Krispie Kreme, should leave the theatre immediately. Because you may not be able to handle the other thrills and twists that UNSTOPPABLE has up its sleeves. Seriously.
When the train yard manager finds out what has happened, she is initially unconcerned. She is Connie Hooper (Rosario Dawson), and evidently is used to Dewey fucking up in this manner. Her lack of concern lasts for about, oh, fifteen minutes - at which point she finds out that Dumbfuck Dewey didn’t actually leave the train gears in idle like he thought - and The Beast is now under full power and accelerating.
Ooooops.
Where is Chris Pine and Denzel Washington in all of this? Well, while Dumbfuck Dewey has been setting off a potentially catastrophic disaster, our heroes have been getting on each other’s nerves. Pine plays Will, a rookie conductor who is being shown the ropes on another train by Frank, Denzel’s character. Frank is a little miffed that the train company is forcibly retiring its personnel to make way for younger folks like Will because, I guess, they’re hotter. Psssst, Frank… maybe you ought to do the following: (1) exercise; (2) stop smoking; (3) eat right; and (4) wear at least SPF 15 when you are outdoors. That way you will look forever young and fool the corporate shitheads that you are still 25. Just a thought. Don’t take out on Will. It’s not his fault that he’s a Drool Inducer.
But I digress. Anyhow, Will and Frank get pulled into the fray when their train just barely manages to escape collision with The Beast. Frank gets the brilliant idea to chase down The Beast and do the following: (1) hook up to it from behind and (2) hit the brakes to (3) slow it down enough for (4) someone to jump in the cab and (5) hit the fucking brakes.
Given that both Connie and the company’s separate ideas to stop The Beast have been about as successful as HOWARD THE DUCK, there really aren’t that many options left. Which is why Connie basically gives Frank and Will the greenlight to go ahead and play hero. Or, as Will says to the corporate dickhead (Kevin Dunn) who tries to stop him: “We’re gonna run this bitch down!”
Will Frank and Will actually manage to run the, ahem, bitch down? Or will it join the other attempts to stop The Beast in a file called “Plans That Looked Good on Paper Only”? Will Will and Frank stop bickering enough to get to know one another? Do they even have time to trade quips and stories before The Beast reaches their hometown? And how will our boy Will react when he finds out Frank has two hot daughters who work for Hooters? Will he abandon the mission and go get laid instead?
I would. But maybe that’s why I will never be a hero.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Just like DÉJÀ VU, CRIMSON TIDE, MAN ON FIRE, and THE TAKING OF PELHAM ONE TWO THREE, Tony Scott and Denzel Washington’s latest is a very good action-thriller that is lean, mean, and kinetic. Just like the runaway train at the center of the plot.
In a lot of ways, UNSTOPPABLE has a lot in common with SPEED (1994). That Keanu Reeves-Sandra Bullock film dealt with a speeding bus that couldn’t drop below 50 - otherwise a bomb planted by the villain would explode. UNSTOPPABLE doesn’t have a human villain, unless you count the corporate executives who constantly make the wrong decisions that just create more jeopardy. Instead, the baddie is the faceless and relentless train known as The Beast. Painted red and moving like a rocket, the train takes on a sinister aura of its own, making you forget that it’s not alive.
While the action is breathless and very propulsive, this movie would not be as good as it is without a tight script that still gives its characters sufficient room to breathe and maneuver in. Denzel Washington is his usual solid self as Frank. This time, though, he gives his character a goofy and loose demeanor that contrasts with his serious approach to his work. While he can be a hard-ass, he can also be surprisingly flexible. This contradiction make Frank a very compelling lead that you want to see succeed.
Chris Pine’s Will is a more brooding character. Then again, he’s dealing with some particularly hairy domestic issues involving his wife (Jessy Schram), so its understandable that he’d be a little more dour than the more upbeat Frank. Will’s seriousness comes in handy when he has to step up and perform some truly heroic stunts in the third act. Because the character’s intensity has been carefully established, his actions in the latter part of the film are completely logical.
Rosario Dawson lends terrific support as Connie Hooper. Stuck mostly in the control room of the train yard, her primary communications with Frank and Will occur by radio. She becomes sort of their “guardian angel” as they attempt to pull off the near-impossible tasks of chasing down The Beast - and yanking it to a stop. Connie is the only major female character involved in the mission (Will’s wife is really more on the sidelines), but she is written with such force and passion, and Dawson hits all the right notes with her performance, that you don’t mind one bit.
In summary, UNSTOPPABLE is great entertainment that will keep you on the edge of your seat and your heart in your throat - but still respects your intelligence with a droll wit that provides occasional laughs. Hats off to not only Scott and Washington, but also to Pine and Dawson. Bravo, folks…
