# 106 - AMERICAN ADOBO (2001)

AMERICAN ADOBO (2001 - ROMANCE/DRAMA/FOOD FLICK) ***1/2 out of *****

(Take THE BIG CHILL, mix in some adobo seasoning, and this is what you get...)



CAST: Christopher De Leon, Dina Bonnevie, Cherry Pie Picache, Paolo Montalban, Ricky Davao, Gloria Romero, Sandy Andolong, Randy Becker, Keesha Sharp, Susan Valdez.

DIRECTOR: Laurice Guillen

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some seriously angsty Filipino-Americans straight ahead.


Name any ethnicity swimming in the melting pot that is the United States, and chances are there's already been a film made about that culture. Chinese-Americans? THE JOY LUCK CLUB. Greek-Americans? MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING. Italian-Americans? BIG NIGHT, MOONSTRUCK. African-Americans? Too many to mention.

One ethnicity that has definitely not been explored in American film is Philippine. Until 2001, that is. AMERICAN ADOBO chronicles a year in the lives of several first-generation Philippine-Americans living in the New York City area. They are: (1) Mike (Christopher De Leon), news editor who is unhappily married and longs to return to the Motherland of the P.I.; (2) Marissa (Dina Bonnevie), sleek and snobbish executive who is also a cougar with a musician boy-toy; (3) Tere (Cherry Pie Picache), sweet and gentle old maid whose scrumptious dinners bring the group together on a weekly basis; (4) Gerry (Ricky Davao), meek and reserved dude who is terrified of his mother finding out that he's as gay as a rainbow; (5) and Raul (Paolo Montalban), handsome and predatory lothario who changes girlfriends more often than some people comb their hair.

Mike, Marissa, Tere, Gerry, and Raul were all college buds from Manila, and still remain just as close even nearly 20 years later, living in the Big Apple - and having weekly dinners with native food as the centerpiece. Our movie starts with glisteningly gorgeous (and scrumptious) shots of Filipino food being prepared: meat being sliced, vegetables being diced, custard being whipped. By the time we see Tere presiding over an armada of bubbling pots and pans a few minutes later, we're ready to call for some takeout.

Tere is preparing for another one of her famous dinners. This one is going to be special because an old friend of the group, Lorna (Sal Occoa) is coming to the States for a visit. The gathering starts on a good note, with the (evidently) usual crap happening: (1) Mike bitches about his family and yearns to chuck 'em all and go back to the Philippines; (2) Marissa shamelessly brags about how rich and beautiful she is; (3) Raul brags about what a marauding stud-muffin he is; (3) Raul teases Gerry by implying that he's gay; (4) Tere just smiles graciously through this all, and (5) Lorna silently thanks Jesus Our Lord that she dodged a major bullet by staying in the Philippines and therefore avoided having to mingle with these choads on a regular basis.

Seems like life is also a bit complicated for our tight-knit group of transplanted Pinoys. For example: (1) Mike's wife is seriously getting on his nerves, as are his kids; (2) Marissa's boy-toy Sam (Randy Becker) is cheating so much on her that he should get Frequent Fucker Miles or something; (3) Gerry's been telling everyone that he has a girlfriend named "Chris" who is really a boyfriend named "Chris" - and he's terrified of his old-fashioned Roman Catholic mother back in the P.I. finding out; (4) Raul receives a letter from an ex-girlfriend that she's H.I.V.-positive - and might have passed it on to him (Oh. SHIT); and (5) Tere is growing increasingly heart-broken over her inability to keep dates from standing her up even when she cooks them fabulous adobo dinners.

Will Mike eventually choose to follow his heart back to the Motherland and tell his "Americanized" wife and kids to fuck off? Will Marissa eventually tire of Sam's wandering dick and give it the Lorena Bobbitt treatment? Will Raul test positive for HIV? And if he doesn't, will he finally become a one-woman guy? Or will he go back to fucking anything with a moist hole and a heartbeat? What happens when Gerry accidentally sends nude pics of him and "Chris" to his mum in the P.I.? Will he jump on the first Manila-bound plane to intercept them? Or is he pretty much fucked? What about Tere? Is she doomed to cook adobo for her spoken-for pals forever, while she herself remains, well, unspoken-for? Or is her Prince Charming closer than she thinks?

See for yourself. But, as with all the other food flicks we reviewed this week, don't do it on an empty stomach. And don't be surprised if you end up Googling the recipe for Philippine adobo (or the address of the nearest Philippine restaurant) when this movie is over.


BUT, SERIOUSLY: Being half-Asian, AMERICAN ADOBO resonated with me. While I may not be a transplanted Filipino, but instead a Eurasian who was born in the States and grew up in the Philippines, I still found myself relating to the travails and triumphs of the folks in this flick. Being Eurasian brings you into the orbit of Philippine communities in other countries, and the characters of AMERICAN ADOBO are very accurate representations of the folks that move in those circles.

The central themes of this movie are the importance of family (whether one of blood or one of friends), remembering one's cultural roots, and the sacrifice that Filipinos often make for those families and roots. But it also adds another theme to the (pardon the pun) stew: the need to pursue what burns in your blood - even at the risk of potentially losing family. This is most clear in Mike's storyline. He has obviously become dissatisfied with his life in America (much like the Italian, Primo, in BIG NIGHT) and longs to return home. For most of the film's running time, he is torn between his loyalty to his family (who have become hopelessly "Americanized") and his love for his roots. Eventually, he makes a decision - and it's not an easy one. Christopher De Leon (a veteran of Philippine cinema) makes Mike's arc "crisis" compelling to watch. But when he meets his not-so-unexpected soulmate late in the movie, it is a gloriously wonderful moment

This sense of isolation in a new world is also reflected in Tere's storyline. Here we have a woman who is kind, humble, funny, feisty, intelligent, and one hell of a great cook - and yet she is treated like crap by guy after guy. Cherry Pie Picache movingly conveys Tere's quiet fear that this is going to be her lot in life. The film's best scene shows her and Marissa standing under the Brooklyn Bridge, talking about their lives. Tere tells her friend that her life has become an endless cycle: "Work, Commute, Eat, Sleep. Work, Commute, Eat, Sleep..." And she's afraid that it will never change - and she will only be remembered for her adobo - nothing else. Picache, who played more vixen-ish characters in her Philippine films, inverts that persona here and delivers AMERICAN ADOBO'S best character - and best performance. She makes Tere the kind of woman you want to see find happiness - and when she does at the end (in a final scene that I suspect UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN would emulate three years later) you can't help but almost cheer. Go, girl.

As Tere's polar opposite, Marissa is one of those career girls who is all about looks, money, and glamour. The fact that she's Philippine adds another layer of interest. Juggling appreciation for her mother country (as evidenced by her loyalty to her old friends and their weekly dinners) and a lust for the American way (affairs with younger men, buying expensive things, ruthless ambition), Marissa is an interesting character with many contradictions. Dina Bonnevie, a stunning Eurasian actress and also a veteran of Philippine cinema, makes Marissa vibrant, confident, scared, caustic, sweet, shallow, and genuine - all at the same time. For the most part, she delivers a good performance. There are a couple of scenes where she overplays her character's bitchy streak, and if I had been director Laurice Guillen, I would have asked for re-takes and a more subtle approach. These scenes slightly mar what could've been a flawless performance from Bonnevie. Still, when she's good - she's very good. Especially in the scene under the Brooklyn Bridge with Tere, where we finally see the vulnerable little girl under Marissa's coolly confident facade.

As Gerry, the closeted homosexual who hides his love affair with his boyfriend, Ricky Davao delivers a goofy, funny, and quirkily-touching performance. Unfortunately, we never get to see much of his relationship with Chris until it's almost over. Also, Gloria Romero as Gerry's shocked mother delivers a somewhat melodramatic performance that undercuts what could've been a touching coming-out scene. You almost want to yell at the screen: "Your son's gay, lady! Deal with it! It's not like he told you he's been selling crack to middle-schoolers!" This is another scene where I would've insisted on re-takes and a more low-key approach.

As the last member of the group, the playboy Raul who gets his comeuppance, Paolo Montalban is believably caddish and flippant. He's handsome and charming enough that you can believe him easily bagging almost any girl he sets his mind to, especially the kind with a soft spot for exotic men. And when Raul gets that dreaded letter about his possible infection, the ensuing tumult and confusion is believably played by Montalban.

Bottom line: AMERICAN ADOBO is a reasonably well-made and entertaining flick about the experiences and sacrifices of Philippine-Americans in the States. You don't have to be an immigrant to relate to these people's trials and tribulations as they try to make their way through this crazy world called the US of A. After all, even if we weren't immigrants ourselves, one of our ancestors surely was.

The immigrant experience is the common link between all American families, and AMERICAN ADOBO tells the Philippine version of that story.

MABUHAY!

# 105 - MYSTIC PIZZA (1988)

MYSTIC PIZZA (1988 - COMEDY/ROMANCE/FOOD FLICK) ***1/2 out of *****

(A pizza joint with a waitress who looks like Julia Roberts - only in a movie would that shit go down...)



CAST: Annabeth Gish, Julia Roberts, Lili Taylor, Vincent D'Onofrio, Adam Storke, William R. Moses, Conchata Ferrel, Joanna Merlin.

DIRECTOR: Donald Petrie

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and super-saucy chicks schlepping super-secret pizza sauces - straight ahead.




I remember the first time I saw MYSTIC PIZZA in 1988. I hadn't heard much about it and figured it couldn't be so bad if it was about one of my favorite things on Earth: pizza. Besides - the poster featured some really good-lookin' folks, among them a then-unknown chick named... Julia Roberts. Surely, watching MYSTIC PIZZA would just be a little bit better than spending two hours at the local video arcade getting my ass spanked by the security guard. Draw your own conclusions.

Anyhow our latest food flick revolves around the title pizza parlor in Mystic, Connecticut. From the looks of it, Mystic is peopled with: (1) Portuguese-American fishermen, (2) Portuguese-American fisherwomen, (3) their slutty/rowdy/nerdy offspring, (4) rich WASP douchebags, and (5) their Porsche-driving douchebag offspring. In other words, it's your usual mix of haves and have-nots. Only the have-nots smell like lobster.

Our three heroines are waitresses at the local pizza joint. It's the summer after high school graduation - that special time between being a kid and being an adult. They are a trio of slutty/rowdy/nerdy Portuguese-American fishermen offspring. Allow me to introduce: (1) Daisy (Julia Roberts), slutty waitress who is permanently eye-fucking anything with pants; (2) Jojo (Lili Taylor), rowdy waitress who has commitment issues but absolutely no sex issues, meaning she's basically a dude in a chick's body; and (3) Kat (Annabeth Gish), nerdy waitress who cannot wait to leave Mystic in her rearview mirror when she starts attending Yale in the fall.

Acting as a "Tough Love" den mother to these chicks is Leona (Conchata Ferrell), owner of the pizza parlor and the creator of the "Mystic Pizza." Evidently named as such because of its wondrous taste, the pizza is so legendary I wouldn't be surprised if it caused spontaneous orgasms in the local populace. Leona apparently has some secret ingredient in the sauce that she refuses to divulge even to her three surrogate daughters. Hopefully, it's not cannabis attiva because, while that would indeed give the sauce a "mystic" flavor and actually encourage the customers to eat more of it (read: munchies), it is also illegal. Isn't it?

Whatever. The bottom line is that Leona ain't coughing up her secrets anytime soon. To keep their minds off this mystery, our three lovely Portuguese-American heroines occupy themselves with another type of food, which is another one of my favorites: sausage. A-hem. Or, if I'm in a vegetarian mood, zucchini. Double A-hem. And while Italian sausage and zuchinni are unquestionably the best, our ladies are settling for Portuguese-American, WASP, and Yuppie Architect sausage and zuchinni.

Oh, goddamnit, people! Work with me here! I'm talking about SCHLONGS! Yes, our heroines each kick off hot and heavy fuck-a-thons right on cue: (1) Daisy meets a rich jack-ass named Charles (Adam Storke), who looks like a buff Jodie Foster; (2) Jojo continues to play cat and mouse with her fisherman fiancee, Bill (Vincent D'Onofrio); and (3) Kat starts baby-sitting for a married yuppie architect named Tim (William R. Moses) - and almost immediately also starts fucking his brains out.

Hmmmmm... maybe the adjective "slutty" should be used for all three of them - and not just Daisy.

Anyway, the bulk of the film chronicles the rest of that eventful summer. Will Daisy be accepted by Charlie's rich and snobby WASP parents? Is Charlie just slumming with her to piss them off? Or will Daisy realize she is fucking a buff Jodie Foster and freak out? Why is Jojo so afraid of commitment? Will Bill be able to convince her to open her heart to him? Or will she do the "Runaway Bride" thing again? Will Kat's affair with her married (duh, girl) and older (double duh, girl) lover end badly (triple duh, girl)? Or will he leave his wife (ha ha, right) and ride off with her into the sunset? And - most importantly - is that bitch Leona ever going to tell them what the fuck is in that pizza sauce? Or are our three heroines going to have to beat it out of her?

Go forth and find out. Meanwhile, I'm going to try and not be creeped out by the fact that, in this movie, Julia Roberts looks eerily like a cross between Sean Young and my sister. Wow.


BUT, SERIOUSLY: Light, sweet, charming, and thoroughly entertaining, MYSTIC PIZZA isn't exactly a byzantinely-plotted film. It's just a nice relationship piece centered squarely on a trio of likable girls - and very loosely on food. One might argue that this isn't a true food flick, but I think the pizza parlor (and its mystery sauce) recur enough in the plot to keep us just a little hungry. At least, I was.

This is one of Julia Roberts' early flicks, and was released a couple of years before she exploded with PRETTY WOMAN. Even here, you can see the "X Factor" bubbling inside her. Whenever she's onscreen, no one else stands a chance. It also helps that she's been given a character that plays to her strengths: a fiery surface concealing a tender soul, a brash mouth hiding deep sensitivity. In fact, Daisy reminds me of a young Erin Brockovich - a role which would nab Roberts an Academy Award for Best Actress nearly 13 years later. Watching her here looks like practice for later on. As with Erin in ERIN BROCKOVICH, Daisy Abbruzzo is a firecracker with heart - and Julia Roberts steals the movie with her portrayal.

As Daisy's much more intellectual (but not necessarily more intelligent) sister, Kat, Annabeth Gish is a picture of low-key perfection. Sensing that Roberts has the much more showy role, Gish wisely underplays Kat's personality without making her disappear in proximity to Roberts' explosive charisma. The fact that Gish holds her own without challenging Roberts' presence is remarkable, and is a testament to Gish's talent. Also, she succeeds in making Kat endlessly sympathetic, even as she makes decisions that we know will only hurt her badly in the long run. Without telegraphing, Gish ably communicates that Kat is one of those girls who's played it safe all her life - and her affair with the married Tim releases her, for once.

Lili Taylor gets a nice, rambunctiously quirky showcase as Jojo. Her "who's-chasing-who?" relationship with Bill is one of MYSTIC PIZZA'S highlights. Bill as played by Vincent D'Onofrio is such a great and down to earth guy that you can't help but wish Jojo would just get over her fears and just take that leap of faith with him. People do it every day, kid. Taylor makes Jojo's apprehension towards commitment and wavering conviction funny to watch, and she brings her trademark relatability to the role. And, yes, she and D'Onofrio have a good chemistry.

As for the other two men of the plot, both Adam Storke and William R. Moses provide vivid characterizations of, respectively: (1) Charlie, a rich kid who - like the far less wealthy Daisy - is decent inside but is also insecure and lost, and therefore acts out in ways that are destructive; and (2) Tim, another guy who is decent and lost, who begins an affair with the much younger Kat to, I suppose, recapture his youth. Both actors make their characters layered and complex, and while both eventually do behave badly, they retain our sympathies.

The supporting cast is rounded out by: (1) Conchata Ferrell as Leona, who is like a rock-solid surrogate mother for the three heroines; and (2) Joanna Merlin, as Daisy and Kat's exasperated mother whose clashes with Daisy eventually give way to hidden tenderness and understanding. Both women do their roles justice.

Bottom line: MYSTIC PIZZA is like a good slice of pizza. It's warm, tasty, not too filling, and leaves a slight smile on your face. Plus, if you ever wanted to see Julia Roberts before PRETTY WOMAN launched her into the stratosphere, she's in fine form here - literally and figuratively.

REVIEW UPDATE: BABETTE'S FEAST is no more....

Hi, folks... Hope everyone is well and enjoying Hump Night. You know what I mean.

Some bad news... the BABETTE'S FEAST DVD that I rented conked out last night about halfway through - and won't play anymore. As a result, I'm going to have to pull another switcheroo.

Instead of BABETTE'S FEAST, we're going to review another film for the #105 slot. And that film is going to be MYSTIC PIZZA, one of Julia Roberts' first films. Even then, you could tell she had "it."



Please expect the reviews for MYSTIC PIZZA and AMERICAN ADOBO to post tomorrow. Then, with a little luck, all seven New Release reviews will post by Sunday...

Thanks for everyone's patience. Keep smiling!

REVIEW UPDATE: BABETTE'S FEAST and AMERICAN ADOBO

Hello, folks. Got a little busy tonight - and will likely be quite busy tomorrow night, as well. So the last two Food Flick reviews should post tomorrow evening sometime: BABETTE'S FEAST and AMERICAN ADOBO.

No worries, though. On Thursday, we will begin this week's New Release reviews - starting with Sir Bill Murray's GET LOW.

As long as we hit our 365 reviews by our deadline next year, right?

# 104 - BIG NIGHT (1996)

BIG NIGHT (1996 - DRAMA/COMEDY/FOOD FLICK) ***½ out of *****

(If you ever wondered what it would be like if the Super Mario Brothers ever opened an Italian restaurant, wonder no more…)



CAST: Stanley Tucci, Tony Shalhoub, Marc Anthony, Minnie Driver, Ian Holm, Isabella Rossellini, Alison Janney, Live Schreiber.

DIRECTOR: Stanley Tucci and Campbell Scott

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and scrumptious Italian dishes (literally and figuratively) straight ahead….




I love Italy and everything about it - the food, the art, the architecture, the people, and the culture. In fact, I think of my life as comprised of two distinct parts: before I lived in Italy - and after. In Italy I learned the beauty of simplicity, and deriving as much pleasure from the smallest of things - which, in the end, are the biggest. Like friends, family, nature, art, and a really kickin’ shot of grappa.

Italy also taught me a lot about the senses - and how we perceive the world through them. Like the way the sun slices through a row of windows in the mid-afternoon. Or the way a spoonful of limone gelato bursts in your mouth like a song. Or how the colors change in a glass of wine as the night stretches on. Or how someone’s eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles at you.

Basically, Italians are ahead of the game when it comes to happiness. It doesn’t seem to take much to make them happy, and there’s no more beautiful a trait than that. Everything about the country and its people seems larger than life - their gestures, their passions, and - yes - their appetite.

It’s that last bit that is the driving force behind BIG NIGHT. Chronicling the efforts of two transplanted-to-New York Italian brothers, Primo and Secondo (Tony Shalhoub and Stanley Tucci), to keep their flailing restaurant afloat in proximity to the similar but much, much, much more lucrative establishment across the street, owned by their rival Pascal (Ian Holm).

Put it this way: if Pascal’s restaurant is thriving with patrons, Primo and Secondo’s joint is thriving with tumbleweed. And whenever customers do wander in by some miracle of Jehosaphat, they are usually of the boorish and philistinic variety that invariably piss off Primo. The more cool and level-headed Secondo, however, doesn’t have a problem pandering to the philistines if it will mean more business. Obviously, it works for Pascal’s place.

Things go from bad to worse when the bank informs Secondo that they will have to foreclose on the restaurant soon because of non-payment. Naturally, Secondo takes this the same way he would if someone told him that his new chef’s name is Boyardee. Actually, given his lax attitude towards selling out his food standards, that may not bother him. The foreclosure thing does, though. Big time.

As if things weren’t complicated enough for the brothers. In addition to impending foreclosure, they have to deal with the following: (1) Secondo’s illicit affair with Gabriella (Isabella Rossellini); (2) his not-so-illicit relationship with Phyllis (Minnie Driver); (3) Primo’s crush on local florist Ann (Alison Janney); (4) Primo’s growing unhappiness in the America and desire to return to Italia; and (5) Primo’s secret negotiations with an uncle back in Italy to launch a restaurant in Rome. All that to say that our Italian heroes are living interesting lives indeed. Through this all, Primo and Secondo’s loyal waiter Cristiano (Marc Anthony - J. Lo’s husband) stands by them. Probably too entertained by the crazy brothers to look for another job.

Things get even more interesting when their competitor Pascal offers them a chance to save their business - by staging a lavish, no-holds-barred, big dinner that will host some prominent folks in the neighborhood, to include local celebrity Louis Prima. Pascal believes that the dinner will showcase Primo and Secondo’s cooking brilliance - and generate business.

But is Pascal on the up and up? Does he have another motive for helping his rivals? Or is it truly a genuine act of kindness? Will Secondo’s triangle with Gabriella and Phyllis muck things up? What about Primo’s blossoming relationship with Ann? Will the ambitious menu that Primo plans to cook up save the restaurant? Or will it fall flat at the crucial moment? And the most important question of all - what the hell is Marc Anthony doing in this movie?

Get them taste buds ready and find out for yourself. Then book a flight to Italy - ASAP.


BUT, SERIOUSLY: For a film about passionate Italians and the passion of Italian food, BIG NIGHT is a curiously muted and low-key affair until the third act. There is a distinct lack of energy in the proceedings until late in the game, when the “Big Dinner” is about to start. One begins to realize, though, that co-directors (and co-stars) Campbell Scott and Stanley Tucci (who also co-wrote the screenplay) intended this.

The deliberately-paced first and second acts draw us into the rhythms the various characters are on as they go about they’re lives. We’re gradually introduced not only to their personalities, but also the problems and conflicts plaguing them. The rich Italian food culture also infuses the film’s atmosphere. We get glimpses of the fine art of Italian food prep, and the (possibly) even finer art of Italian food service. You see, being a waiter is an art form in Italy. It’s considered a lifelong pursuit that is both noble and admirable. If only American culture would embrace this concept.

All these elements have the cumulative effect of hooking us into the relationships between these folks. Before we know it, we’re along for the ride when Primo and Secondo accepts Pascal’s offer to stage the “Big Night.” Which is essentially an all-or-nothing bet on the future of the brothers’ restaurant.

Of course, it helps that the cast is uniformly committed to their roles. While there’s some broad acting at large here, it’s tempered by finer and idiosyncratic moments that make the characters unique in their own right. As Primo and Secondo, both Stanley Tucci and Tony Shalhoub sketch out distinct personalities - and believably filial relationship. Their interactions have the authentic sometimes-spiky-sometimes-jovial tone of real brotherly connections. As for Pascal, Ian Holm comes dangerously close a couple of times to your typical Italian-American parody, but for the most part he delivers a solid performance. Marc Anthony is quiet and gracious as Cristiano - and perfectly epitomizes the proud, professional waiter that can only be found mostly in Italy and Europe.

As for the female characters, they are all done justice by the actresses playing them. Minnie Driver makes Phyllis warm, appealing, and sympathetic - especially when we know Secondo is cheating on her with Gabriella.

Speaking of Gabriella, Isabella Rossellini emphasizes the character’s pragmatism, cool detachment, and - eventually - hidden integrity. Her confrontation with Pascal at the end, where she forces him to share some info with the brothers, is a beauty to watch. And, a few seconds later, when she turns and thanks Primo for "the most wonderful meal I have ever had - and will ever have," you can't help but fall for her, too. No wonder, because Ms. Rossellini is one ravishing woman who makes Gabriella endlessly intriguing. You see why Secondo would fall for her hard - even against his own better judgement.

Finally, Alison Janney makes Ann a great love interest for Primo. The character’s earthy kindness and open manner are just what he needs to be drawn out of his spiky shell. It helps that Janney and Shalhoub have some solid chemistry between them.

Verdict: stick with BIG NIGHT. It’s a bit slowly-paced for the first two acts, but that’s just to get us acquainted with the large cast of characters who are united by two things: passion, and passion for food.

Buon Appetito!

UPCOMING REVIEWS FOR THE WEEK OF 9/27/10 - 10/3/10

Hi, folks. As promised, here are the titles for next week's Jelly-Bean Grab-Bag of NEW RELEASES (based on release date, anyway... a couple of these have apparently been around awhile...)

# 107 - GET LOW: 2009 (AKA: Bill Murray: Funniest Funeral Parlor Owner Ever)

# 108 - CAIRO TIME: 2009 (AKA: Lost in Translation in Egypt)

# 109 - THE AMERICAN: 2010 (AKA: An American Assassin In Bella Italia)

# 110 - BURIED: 2010 (AKA: Ryan Reynolds In A Coffin Seriously Earning His Paycheck)

# 111 - THE TOWN: 2010 (AKA: Ben Affleck, Auteur)

# 112 - EASY A: 2010 (AKA: Hester Prynne Goes To High School)

# 113 - YOU AGAIN: 2010 (AKA: The Female Of The Species Is Cattier Than The Male)

To all a good night. Have a great week!

REVIEW UPDATE: BIG NIGHT, BABETTE'S FEAST, and AMERICAN ADOBO...

Hello, folks.

Sunday dinner went longer than expected. You know how it is. As a result, only WOMAN ON TOP will post tonight.

Will try my damnedest to get BIG NIGHT and BABETTE'S FEAST posted tomorrow. AMERICAN ADOBO to follow on Tuesday.

In the meantime, please expect next week's list of titles to post shortly.

By the way, while the rest of the food was great, my Ratatouille didn't quite turn out like I expected it to. Perhaps I should've asked Clark Kent for his recipe. Damn it.

Oh, well. Live and learn...

# 103 - WOMAN ON TOP (2000)

WOMAN ON TOP (2000 - ROMANCE/COMEDY/FOOD FLICK) *** out of *****

(Not sure what a sexual position has to do with food, but what the hey?)



CAST: Penelope Cruz, Murilo Benicio, Andrew Feuerstein, Harrold Perrineau, Ann Ramsay, Ana Gasteyer.

DIRECTOR: Fina Torres

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one solid love triangle in search of a better movie to star in - and lots of chilies, straight ahead…




I’ve opined in past reviews about the LLT Syndrome - or “Lopsided Love Triangle Syndrome.” It’s a romantic (or sexual) situation in which a protagonist is torn between two potential mates, with one being an obviously better choice than the other. Usually, movies with the LLT Syndrome are devoid of any kind of suspense as to who will end up with whom. Most romantic comedies or dramas out there involve a triangle suffering from LLT. Who the protagonist rides off into the sunset with is usually more obvious than who the killer in BASIC INSTINCT is.

There have been a number of films, though, that have successfully side-stepped the LLT Syndrome. That is, they presented the protagonist with two paramours worth stressing over. Some examples would be AGAINST ALL ODDS, SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL, SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE, TEQUILA SUNRISE, CASABLANCA, BROADCAST NEWS, SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME, MY BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING and - to a certain degree - SLIVER. These films put their heroes/heroines in a conflicted position as they truly found themselves to be - in the words of that song - “torn between two lovers.”

Now, the Penelope Cruz romantic vehicle/food flick WOMAN ON TOP joins the hallowed list of films with solid love triangles. Unfortunately, it also has a script that is in dire need of at least two more re-writes, and is just not on a par with the intriguing tri-cornered romance at its core.

It’s a pity, because WOMAN ON TOP gives us a triangle that keeps you guessing as to who Brazilian chef Isabella Oliveira (Cruz) will wind up with: her hunky Brazilian-Italian husband Toninho (Murilo Benicio), whose infidelity drove Isabella out of Brazil - or San Francisco TV producer Cliff Lloyd (Mark Feuerstein), an affable guy who finds himself irresistibly drawn to Isabella, and offers her a cooking show as proof of his love.

We are told at the outset that Isabella grew up with a severe motion-sickness problem that is basically incurable. As a result, the following happened: (1) she couldn’t play with the other kids, and instead (2) stayed in the kitchen to help the cook, which led to (3) learning how to cook very well, and (4) wanting to become a chef.

It was in the first restaurant she worked in where she first met the handsome and dashing Toninho. We are told via onscreen narration that Isabella took one look at Toninho - and fell head over heels in love. Given that he sings like a straight Ricky Martin and looks like a Brazilian-Italian Russell Crowe, it’s not hard to see why.

Soon, Isabella and Toninho marry, and she channels all her culinary creativity into his kitchen. Before long, his restaurant is the toast of the stretch of Brazilian coast that they live on. Tourists from the States and elsewhere are so impressed by Isabella’s cooking that they leave her their business cards. In case they ever decide to open a restaurant, I guess, and in case Isabella decides she’s tired of sleeping with a Brazilian-Italian who looks like Russell Crowe. Which, to me, is like saying that you’re tired of breathing. In other words, it makes no fucking sense.

Speaking of sleeping with Toninho, it turns out that, because of her severe motion-sickness, Isabella can only have sex without blowing avocado chunks by… being on top. Yes, folks. We’re supposed to believe that Isabella straddling Toninho is far less nauseating than getting pounded any other way. Whatever. They’re both cute stars. I’ll play along.

So… it also turns out that Toninho is so tired of being, um, ridden that he makes like Spiderman and hops over to the next apartment balcony over. Where he bangs another Brazilian chick in the missionary position that he so craves. Too bad Isabella catches him. And his rationale for cheating on her? He doesn’t like being, um, a bottom. No, sorry… I meant: he doesn’t like being on the bottom. Whew. That’s better.

Long story short, Isabella leaves Toninho and heads for San Francisco. There, she: (1) reconnects with best pal Monica (Harrold Perrineau), a transvestite who must’ve been the inspiration for all the women on SEX AND THE CITY; (2) requests that Monica’s witch/sorceress buddy cast a spell that will make her stop loving Toninho; and (3) meets a nice, clean-cut TV producer named Cliff Lloyd (Mark Feuerstein) who goes immediately ga-ga over her and (4) decides to give her a cooking show. Wow. Looking like Penelope Cruz obviously opens a lot of doors.

So far, so reverse-UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN. Instead of leaving bland San Francisco and running off to exotic Tuscany to start over, our heroine has left exotic Brazil for bland San Francisco. But I guess “exotic” is what is foreign to you - and the yuppies and trannies of Frisco are a whole new world to our little Isabella. It goes without saying that Isabella’s show takes off and makes her a local celebrity. Plus, with a zany and hilarious best friend in Monica, and a hot but sweet boy-toy in Cliff, things are going pretty well for her - considering how well-planned (not very) her escape from Toninho was.

Speaking of Toninho, he’s been moping around like a Brazilian-Italian Maximus since Isabella’s departure. He eventually follows her to San Francisco, where he is shocked to discover that his wife is now the object of lust for every straight guy in the Greater San Francisco Area - which would be about, oh, eighty-seven (and that’s including Cliff). Dismayed that he has eighty-seven new rivals to contend with, Toninho contrives to be added as a back-up singer (don’t even ask) to Isabella’s cooking show (I said: don’t ask). In this way, he hopes to win her heart back - and steal her away from Cliff.

Does Toninho succeed? Will Isabella be able to forgive him for basically keeping her as a slave in his kitchen back in Brazil? Will she able to forget that he basically banged another woman within twelve feet of their bedroom? Will Toninho learn from his mistakes and use a motel further out, next time? Will Cliff not take this sitting down and fight for Isabella’s hand? Or will Toninho kick the crap out of him? Is Cliff more formidable than we realize? Does Toninho really love Monica, even if he/she/it has a dick bigger than his?

That all remains to be seen. Let me just warn you that this is one love triangle that will keep you on your toes. Even before Monica counsels Cliff wearing nothing but a bustier and garter belt. You have to see it to believe it.


BUT, SERIOUSLY: As I mentioned in the intro, WOMAN ON TOP is half of a good movie. The triangle between Isabella, Toninho, and Cliff is surprisingly solid and - dare I say - suspenseful. Both Toninho and Cliff are layered characters and are not your usual good guy/jerk pairing that you usually find in romantic comedy triangles.

Just when you think Cliff’s going to win, the tides turn in favor of Toninho. And just when you think Toninho is in there, the plot credibly gives Cliff the edge. The result is true uncertainty as to how it will all end. Director Fina Torres and screenwriter Vera Blasi deserve credit for crafting a triangle that is constantly shifting and changing like a prism - and keeping us dangling with anticipation. Indeed, this is the main reason that WOMAN ON TOP scores a *** (above average) rating.

Unfortunately, the rest of the script could have used some additional tweaking. The main flaw is the pseudo-magical element that is woven into the story that doesn’t quite work. The whole “spell” business undermines what could’ve been a realistic romance. The intent might have been to lend some quirkiness to the proceedings, and give it some ethnic flavor. However, Torres and Blasi could’ve done this in other ways. As it is, the pseudo-mystical leanings are handled in a such slap-dash way that it weakens the narrative.

Another reason this film comes across better than it has any right to, is the cast. Penelope Cruz holds her own as Isabella, and makes it credible that two good men would fight over her. As her repentant husband, Toninho, Murilo Benicio is quite good, making you root for him even with the mistakes he’s made in the past. He doesn’t try to downplay the character’s flaws, but actually accentuates them in a winningly vulnerable way.

As Cliff, the third leg of the triangle, Mark Feuerstein is equally likable. Another actor might have played Cliff as smug and self-involved, but Feuerstein side-steps these potential pitfalls by giving the character a “gee-whiz” sense of enthusiasm and innocence which is not feigned, irritating, or obnoxious. He comes across as a decent guy who is also trying to balance his ambitions at the TV studio.

Finally, Harrold Perrineau almost steals the whole show as Monica, the hilariously droll transvestite who becomes a “soul sister” to Isabella - and provides both Toninho and Cliff with vital advice needed to win Isabella’s heart. Who ends up winning is up for you all to discover. Let’s just say that getting there is going to be a roller-coaster ride.

Bottom line: WOMAN ON TOP could’ve been better, but it could’ve been worse, too. With some more rewrites (and jettisoning that silly “magic spell” plot thread), the rest of the story would’ve matched the solid love triangle at its core. As it is, though, it’s a good example of a movie about a heroine who truly is torn between two lovers.

REVIEW UPDATE: Food Flicks...

Sorry for the delay, folks. In honor of our food theme this week, I've decided to cook dinner for some pals. I will be serving a Multi-Mediterranean theme dinner with Ratatouille (from Provence in the South of France), Insalata Caprese (From Capri in Bella Italia), and Chorizo De Lentiles (from the plains of Spain). For dessert? Home-made Panna Cotta with Apricot and Blueberries (AKA Cooked Sweet Cream from Bella Italia).

Actually, we just wanted to eat and christen my new dinner table (Got a crazy-great deal on it! Thanks, Bob!)

So... all that by way of saying that the last of the Food Flick reviews will have to post tomorrow evening. After dinner tonight, please expect the reviews for WOMAN ON TOP and BIG NIGHT to post.

Thanks for understanding, folks. Writing about food all week has taken its toll.

Buon Domenica!

# 102 - EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN (1994)

EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN (1994 - ROMANCE/COMEDY/DRAMA/FOOD FLICK) **** out of *****

(If there ever was a promotional video for Chinese food - and how to cook it - this would be it…)



CAST: Sihung Lung, Yu-Wen Wang, Chien-Lien Wu, Kuei-Mei Yang, Sylvia Chang, Winston Chao, Lester Chit Man-Chan, Chao-Jung Chen, Ya-lei Kuei, Yu Chen.

DIRECTOR: Ang Lee

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and potential uncontrollable jonesing for General Tso’s Chicken - straight ahead…




Before Ang Lee helmed BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, a masterpiece about one very complicated relationship, he helmed another masterpiece about a very complicated relationship. Or, rather, a network of very complicated relationships. The film was released in 1994 and is titled EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN. Chronicling the ups and downs in the lives of a famed Taipei chef and his three very different daughters, EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN was such a success not only in the Far East, but also the rest of the world, that it spawned several western remakes.

There was SOUL FOOD (1997), which put an African-American spin on the drama. In 2001, there was TORTILLA SOUP, which told the same exact story - but with a Hispanic-American flavor. As good and entertaining as these films were, they still don’t equal the original Taiwanese film that inspired them. EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN is a modern classic of the Food Flick Genre, and all the spin-offs, rip-offs, and clones that came after just don’t compare. Well, TORTILLA SOUP comes very close - but it’s still no EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN.

Our story revolves around Master Chef Chu (Sihung Lung). He’s retired from a highly-successful career running one of Taipei’s most renowned restaurants. He still cooks, though. Religiously, and - as we see in the opening credits - with the passion and dedication of a true artist. And the weekly showcase for his efforts? Dinner with his three grown daughters, who still live with him.

Before you start freaking out and asking why in the holy hell three grown women would still be living at home with Pops, let me assure you it’s not that bizarre. See, in Asia (as in Italy and Spain), it is very common for sons and daughters to live with their parents until they get married. Actually, it’s more than common - it’s expected. America and Northern Europe seem to be the only areas of the globe that believe in tossing children out onto their asses as soon as they hit 18.

Chu’s daughters are: (1) Jia-Jen (Kuei Mei-Yang), eldest daughter and dowdy-dresser who is still heartbroken from a disastrous affair almost a decade ago; (2) Jia-Chien (Chien-Lien Wu), ambitious middle daughter and savvy airline executive who inherited her father’s cooking talent and hides her feelings; and (3) Jia-Ning, youngest daughter still in college who also works at Wendy’s. Yes, folks… the youngest born of Taipei’s best chef works at Wendy’s. No wonder there’s usually tension at the dinner table during these weekly meals.

The girls are concerned for Chu, because it appears that his cooking skills have been slipping a little lately. But they don’t have much time to ponder this, though, because each of them have their own dramas to deal with: (1) Jia-Jen has to put up with the attentions of a hunky new volleyball coach at the school she teaches at - then a series of mysterious love letters from a secret admirer; (2) Jia-Chien is planning to move out of Chu’s house and buy her own flat, but conflict comes with a job offer to move to Amsterdam - as well as the appearance of Li-Kai (Winston Chao), corporate negotiator who becomes romantically interested in her; (3) and Jia-Ning finds herself attracted to her best pal’s boyfriend (Chao-Jung Chen).

Chu’s got romantic travails of his own: the return of his next door neighbor, Madame Liang (Ya-Lei Kuei). Madame Liang is like an Italian chick in a Chinese crone’s body: she’s unexpectedly aggressive, flirts like a champ, and just won’t take no for an answer. Hard to tell if Chu is falling for her - or simply wanting to keep her from going Full-Tilt Banshee on him. Things are further complicated when Madame Liang’s daugher, Jin-Rong (Sylvia Chang), and her grand-daughter, Shan-Shan (Yu-Chien Tang), enter the old man’s orbit.

As the story unfolds, complications arise and passions are aroused. Meanwhile, we get shot after shot of scrumptious and mouth-watering Chinese food being prepared. It’s almost a relief to switch back to the drama going on between all the characters because you don’t feel the same compulsion to lick the screen as you do when the scene involves food. Electric shocks to the tongue are not fun. On that, you can trust me.

So… will Jia-Jen find out who her secret admirer is? Will the answer make her rejoice? Or send her into remorse? Will Jia-Chien move to Amsterdam to further her career? Or will she finally embrace her God-given cooking skills and show her Pops that his talent will not end with him? Will Jia-Ning choose her best friend over her growing forbidden love for her best friend’s boyfriend? For that matter, what about Chu’s own secret love? Is it Madame Liang - or someone completely unexpected?

See for yourself. But have a friend tie you down so you won’t jump at the screen with your tongue sticking out every time a scene of Chu or Jia-Chien cooking appears onscreen. You’ll thank me later…


BUT, SERIOUSLY: Following in the footsteps of Ang Lee’s previous effort, THE WEDDING BANQUET (1993), EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN explores the same themes as that earlier film: the importance of family, the complexity of love, and - yes - the power of good food. Actually, EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN takes that last bit even further. The result is a film that is warm, entertaining, profound, exhilarating, and hunger-inducing - all at the same time.

Director Ang Lee deftly introduces and juggles his extended cast of characters. His technique is to show each character engaging in some sort of activity unique to him/her for a few seconds - then cutting away to let what we saw sink in. He does this over and over again until we start to paint a picture of each role. For example, a series of simple shots of each of the daughters going about their daily lives is all we need to start building a picture of who they are. Relying purely on visuals, we are able to deduce that Jia-Jen is not really the aloof ice queen that she’s initially portrayed to be - and has frissons of fire underneath. We intuit that the coolly confident Jia-Chieng has everything that a young, rising executive could ask for - but is still vaguely dissatisfied and missing something. We sense that Jia-Ning is smart - but not as smart as she thinks she is, especially when she falls for someone she never thought she would. Or, as someone once said, the heart makes fools of us all.

No bigger fool than Chu, though, whose unexpected soulmate is the most surprising of all. It certainly surprised me. I won’t reveal her identity here, but suffice it to say, this plot twist subscribes to the adage that says, “Love is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” Chu’s romantic subplot is vital to the quirky nature of the film - and also in making it easy for him to let go of his daughters and live a life of his own.

The entire cast is terrific. The standouts are Sihung Lu as the confused and troubled patriarch, and Chien-Lien Wu as Jia-Chien, who is every bit as stubborn and fiery as her father - and just as talented in the kitchen. The most compelling scene in the film shows Jia-Chien having to choose between moving to Amsterdam to be the first female Vice President of her company - or staying in Taipei to pursue her love of cooking. Which is in her blood.

Quietly terrific, but also larger-than-life where it needs to be, EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN is a modern masterpiece that reminds us that the best things in life start at home - especially the kitchen. Ang Lee creates a bewitching film that will put a smile on your face - and a growl in your stomach.

# 101 - RATATOUILLE (2007)

RATATOUILLE (2007 - ANIMATED/FAMILY/FOOD FLICK) ****1/2 out of *****

(They couldn't use a cat? They couldn't call it CATATOUILLE? My cat is organizing a protest as I write this...)



CAST: Voices of Patton Oswalt, Janeane Garofalo, Lou Romano, Ian Holm, Will Arnett, Brian Dennehy, Peter O'Toole, Peter Sohn.

DIRECTOR: Brad Bird

WARNING: Minor SPOILERS and some frighteningly creative rodents straight ahead...




Several weeks ago, I was at a cafe until almost midnight doing a combo of socializing (sharing lattes with a pal) and working (finishing up some reviews). After getting booted out by the cafe staff so they could close up, my and pal and I parted. He went one way, I went the other with my I-Touch blaring. Listening to Eddie Money and Ronnie Spector's TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT - which never fails to get me dancing - I boogied my way up the darkened sidewalk and along the closed store-fronts. Thank Jehosaphat it was close to midnight, and there was nobody around, because I might have gotten arrested on suspicion of DUI - Dancing Under The Influence.

I was right at that point where Ronnie Spector sings "Beeeeeee my little baaaaaaabyyyyyyy..." and was executing a moonwalk/ass-wiggle combo in tune with it - when I came to a dead halt. The cause of my unscheduled brake? My eyes had caught a flash of movement behind the glass front of one restaurant nearby.

It was a RAT, folks. A fat fucker of a rat.

It was running down the inside of the restaurant's front windows. Then it jumped on a nearby table, scurried across it, and jumped onto the floor. And then it dashed towards the darkened rear of the restaurant. Right before it disappeared into the shadows, I swear the bastard turned and looked right at me standing like a dumb shit outside - and smirked. Then it dashed into the dark.

I stood on that sidewalk for a full minute, staring into the restaurant, thinking: "Did I just fucking see that? Did a rat just dance like a Showgirl across the restaurant that... I... have.... eaten... at... SO... MANY... TIMES... BEFORE!?!?!?"

Needless to say, this perturbed me. And based on the counsel of a good friend, I knew I had two choices: either inform the Health Department, or have a little heart-to-heart with the owners of the restaurant. Now, I know I'm no angel, but I like to think that I treat people fairly and with respect (unless they really deserve otherwise), and I'd conversed with the owners on the times I'd eaten there and found them to be nice people. I felt that I should give them a chance to save themselves. So I told them about the rat - and ordered them to fix it. Better me than the Health Department.

Later, when I told someone else about what I'd seen, he laughed and said: "It's just like that movie RATATOUILLE! Where the rat becomes a chef. Maybe it's running the kitchen there!" Well, given that the food at that place is merely okay, maybe using a rat for a chef is just not worth the risk. Just a thought...

In the case of RATATOUILLE, the rat in question is Remy (voice by Patton Oswalt), who is a French rodent but sounds thoroughly American. Remy and the rest of his clan live within the floorboards of an old crone's cottage in rural France. Remy, however, is different from his Dad (voice by Brian Dennehy) , his brother Emile (voice by Peter Sohn), and the rest of the ravenous rats in their community. See, Remy has a passion for food - as well as being creative with food. Unlike Emile who would sooner tear into an apple core without further thought, Remy would consider the different ways he could transform that apple core.

In other words, Remy is a misfit in the rat community. Unlike them, he is fascinated by humans, their quirks, and - above all - their eating and cooking habits. To him, food isn't just something to eaten without thought, but to be created and savored and shared. Basically, Remy is like Tony Manero from SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER - only he doesn't want to dance. He wants to cook. And his inspiration is a cookbook called "Anyone Can Cook," written by Remy's idol, Chef Gusteau. Turns out Gusteau was a famous chef whose reputation was destroyed by feared food critic Anton Ego (Peter O'Toole).

When an unfortunate series of events forces the rats to leave the cottage, Remy is separated from them and finds himself in the sewers of.... Paris. Fortunately, Remy managed to snag a copy of "Anyone Can Cook" before he and his clan fled the old crone's cottage. And out of this book comes the ghost of Gusteau to counsel Remy on how to fulfill himself. Which starts with the two of them going to Gusteau's restaurant - which is still open - and spying on the kitchen staff.

The staff is top-lined by: (1) Skinner (Ian Holm), tiny and tyrannical head chef who is obviously the Napoleon Complex poster boy besides, er, Napoleon; (2) Horst (Will Arnett), steely and scary sous chef who is rumored to have a killer thumb, and (3) Collette (Janeane Garofalo), tough but tender assistant chef who is basically Kate Armstrong from NO RESERVATIONS but, well, French; and (4) the new janitor, Linguini (Lou Romano), bumbling and clumsy dishwasher/janitor whose mother Italian mother was once involved with Gusteau. Ahem.

Anyhow, through a rather startling series of events, Linguini finds himself being credited with creating a particularly scrumptious soup recipe. But the problem is that he didn't actually create it - Remy did it, by hiding under Linguini's hat and controlling him like a puppet - by pulling his hair. Yes, folks. Linguini is now basically Remy's cooking bitch.

Meanwhile, though, Skinner's attorney brings the unfortunate news that Linguini just might be the late Gusteau's son - and therefore could legally own the restaurant. As Skinner works madly to unravel this bit of into, Lingiuini's "cooking skills" are garnering attention from the food critics and patrons throughout Paris. Unfortunately, Skinner also suspects that there's some other reason behind Linguini's success - and determines to find out what.

Will Skinner discover that Linguini's been tutored this whole time by... a rat? What will the public do when they find out? Will Linguini and Collette spark a romance between them? What happens when Remy's clan shows up to try to share in Remy's food glory? Will Remy be able to prove Gusteau's adage: "Anyone Can Cook"? Or will he just have to settle for being just another rat in Paris?

See for yourselves. Me? I may never eat out again. And the whole time we were watching this, my cat Casper kept rolling his eyes and going, "Pshaw! I'd look better in a chef shirt. White on white, baby! Besides, that fucking rat doesn't know what the hell he's doing!"

He was so angry, I had to give him a few lines of catnip to snort up. Poor thing...


BUT, SERIOUSLY: This movie, to put it simply, is sublime. Just like biting into an expertly-cooked plate of ratatouille. As with any wonderful dish, RATATOUILLE is full of complex and contradictory flavors that blend together to become an unforgettable movie-going experience.

On the surface, it appears to be an amusing "fish-out-of-water" premise as both an ungainly dishwasher and a brilliantly-talented rat join forces to survive in their new environment. But it's also a deeper examination of the nature of being artist and controlled by that right hemisphere of our brains. As Remy himself says in one scene: "I don't want to just eat - I want to add to the world." This is the fire that burns in the heart of every creative person - the drive to make something that's not for our own consumption or benefit, but for others and the world's.

The voices that give life to the characters are all stellar. They are so singular and unique to the characters they are playing that I was surprised to discover names like Patton Oswalt, Janeane Garofalo, Lou Romano, and Ian Holm among them. It's a testament to how well they "act" that you don't immediately recognize their voices. Patton Oswalt touchingly illustrates both Remy's "other-ness" and brilliance, as well as his powerful need to be something more than just a scavenger. Any right-brained person with a creative streak will feel his pain - and his growing joy as he creates gastronomic art that is truly wondrous.

Lou Romano finds all the soft spots in Linguini, but also the surprisingly rigid ones. In his "hands," the character is endlessly sympathetic and appealing. Janeane Garofalo as Collette brings out both her strong and soft sides, and her voice acting is so superb that I didn't know it was her until the end credits. Ian Holm as the villainous chef Skinner is another voice I didn't immediately nail, but it's a pleasant surprise and Holm doesn't go the easy route of playing Skinner as too over-the-top.

Finally, the most touching performance comes from Peter O'Toole as the fearsome critic Anton Ego. Watching Anton be humbled and slowly realize that he is in the presence of true cooking brilliance is simply beautiful, and his monologue about the nature of artistry - and the risk of great art as well as the need to protect it - is an unforgettable scene.

Finally, there's the food itself - which takes on an other-worldly look and feel with the animation. It all just looks even more scrumptious. And if this film doesn't inspire you to try to cook ratatouille - like Clark Kent did recently - then you're probably one of those fast food people who should be watching SUPER SIZE ME instead.

Now, I'm going to cook ratatouille myself. Of course, it probably won't be as good as Clark's.

VIVA SATURDAY!

Hello, all. It's a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful Saturday with the sun shining like a fiery coin in the sky. Time to have fun. After all, the weekend is ours and ours alone.

It's a been a busy, busy week. So, with the exception of the review for NO RESERVATIONS, I've not been able to post anything else. It's all good, though. That's the reason I changed the format of the reviews from one a day to seven in a week - to give me flexibility to write and still have a life.

At any rate, please expect the following reviews to post today: RATATOUILLE, EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN, and WOMAN ON TOP. The following reviews will post tomorrow: BIG NIGHT, BABETTE'S FEAST, and AMERICAN ADOBO.

Yes, folks. I decided to take SOUL FOOD off the list and replace it with AMERICAN ADOBO. I figured SOUL FOOD is essentially a re-do of EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN, and I didn't want too much duplication. We'll review SOUL FOOD in a future line-up.

Also, as mentioned before, because I'm so busy, all the planned BONUS REVIEWS will have to be worked into next week's regular schedule of reviews. We will be tackling a Jelly-Bean Grab-Bag of New Releases: GET LOW, THE AMERICAN, CAIRO TIME, BURIED, YOU AGAIN, EASY A, and THE TOWN - in which Ben Affleck proves again what a good director he is. Official schedule for next week to post tomorrow night.

So... the weekend has started - now get out there and make it a memorable one!

MILESTONE REVIEW - # 100 - NO RESERVATIONS (2007)

NO RESERVATIONS (2007 - ROMANCE/COMEDY/FOOD FLICK) ***1/2 out of *****

(I think I just met my gastronomic soulmate, and she’s an even scarier chef than me…)



CAST: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Aaron Eckhart, Abigail Breslin, Patricia Clarkson, Brian F. O’Byrne, Bob Balaban, Lily Rabe, Jenna Wade.

DIRECTOR: Scott Hicks

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one seriously hot - but also seriously formidable - chef straight ahead…




Watching NO RESERVATIONS - a remake of the 2001 German hit MOSTLY MARTHA - is like gazing upon an excellent plate of Coq Au Vin or Boeuf Bourguignon: it looks great, was obviously put together with care, and you just know it’s going to be a sinful pleasure. And, of course, being a food flick about an aloof and exacting chef at a popular French restaurant in Manhattan, NO RESERVATIONS parades mouth-watering dish after mouth-watering dish in front of us. Don’t be surprised if this movie has the same effect on the appetite that WILD THINGS had on the libido. Or, in my case, GLADIATOR.

Our heroine is chef Kate Armstrong (Catherine Zeta-Jones), who runs her kitchen like fiery Four-Star General. But let’s be clear that while she expects a lot from her staff, she treats them fairly and with respect. The “fiery” part comes into play whenever an irate customer criticizes her or her staff’s cooking. Then the claws come out - and there are few things more terrifying in this world than a pissed-off woman who looks like Catherine Zeta-Jones. Beautiful people are intimidating to begin with - even before the temper tantrums.

We get a first glimpse of Kate’s ability to put a schmuck customer in his/her place when one such putz dares to criticize her foie gras as “not cooked long enough.” Let’s just say that by the time Kate is done verbally annihilating him, even his wife looks ready to laugh out loud and call up the nearest divorce attorney. This dismays Paula (Patricia Clarkson), the restaurant’s owner, to no end. Clearly, she’s one of them entrepreneurs who believes that customers are always right - no matter what gargantuan assholes they may be. Even more clearly, she regards Kate the same way someone regards the pit bull they just adopted: while it is a handsome creature with probably a lot of skills, and while they may have some degree of admiration for the creature, the know it will most likely explode at some point and rip someone’s throat out.

Anyow, Kate’s world is suddenly turned upside down when her sister is killed in a car accident. Zoe (Abigail Breslin), Kate’s niece, survives the crash. Kate subsequently finds out that her sister named her as guardian for Zoe, should anything happen. And, well, it’s happened. For a single control freak like Kate who craves her own space, this is just like being told that an entire Little League Team will be using her flat like a clubhouse. But, being a class act underneath that flinty exterior, Kate gracefully does the right thing. Even if it occasionally involves being tempted to slam back an entire bottle of Pinot Noir in frustration.

Needless to say, Zoe’s transition to life with Aunt Kate isn’t exactly a smooth one. This is largely due to the fact that Zoe is, well, a First Class Brat. Try as Kate might to placate and welcome her niece, Zoe responds by: (1) refusing to eat anything Kate eats - not even when Kate stoops to preparing Fish Sticks; (2) throwing a hissy fit whenever Kate doesn’t produce her favorite scarf (or other whim) in time; and (3) generally behaving like a pretty strong argument for remaining single and childless (or at least, just childless) for the rest of your life. Perhaps Kate should remind dear Zoe that Kate had no say in the contents of that fucking will. So Zoe should just be a tad grateful - or else.

As if having an ungrateful little brat muscle in on your personal space wasn’t bad enough, Kate discovers that, while she was away trying to do the right thing for Queen Zoe, an over-grateful large brat has muscled into her professional space. To put it plainly, in Kate’s absence Paula hired a temporary sous chef so that Leah (Jenny Wade), the real sous chef who is also about to explode with child, can download the baby in peace. His name is Nick Palmer (Aaron Eckhart) and, not to put too fine a spin on it, he’s a goddamned lunatic.

Given to singing opera and arias right there in the kitchen, Nick is one of those white boys who are about as exotic as Brad Pitt but go around acting like they have an Italian last name. Last time I checked, Nick, you were still a cracker - and no amount of time spent in Italy banging hot Italian chicks and getting their fathers to teach you how to cook will ever change that. Just keeping it real, dude. Paula affectionately terms his behavior as eccentric and exuberant. Kate, on the other hand, interprets it as severely-arrested development. Long story short, the Kate-Nick pairing is even less of a hit, if that’s possible, than the Kate-Zoe pairing. I know Kate told her therapist that she doesn’t have much luck with relationship but - all together now - DAMN.

So… will Kate and Zoe eventually warm to one another? Will they learn how to live together? And what about Kate and Nick? Will Nick stop behaving like a Mediterranean-wannabe long enough for Kate to see that he’s actually a decent white guy underneath? Or will they continue to clash in the kitchen? Do they not realize that they have so much sexual tension between them to power Long Island for a week? Maybe even a month?

Find out for yourselves. But - trust me on this - don’t do it on an empty stomach. You just just might take a bite out of your significant other.


BUT, SERIOUSLY: Light, with some gravity where needed. Sweet, with just the right dollops of tartness. Satisfying, but not too heavy on the palate. NO RESERVATIONS is like the perfect dessert. Like it’s predecessor MOSTLY MARTHA, this film draws you into the story and - yes - the food. Unlike that original German film, though, the American remake wisely streamlines the story and makes the character arcs more graceful.

Gone is the awkward subplot about the mystery father, which served only to set up a road trip to Italy. Don’t get me wrong - Italy is the most beautiful place to drive through, with the nicest and most beautiful people in the world. But for the purposes of the original film, it took away from the intimacy of the developing relationships. NO RESERVATIONS wisely jettisons this plot thread, allowing the film to focus on the gradually-blooming connections between Kate, Nick, and Zoe. Watching Kate slowly dismantle Zoe’s defenses, just as Nick deftly disarms her own, is a pleasure to watch.

As Kate, Catherine Zeta-Jones is not afraid to play up the character’s fiery temper. But she also wisely tempers it with a touching melancholy, sense of fairness, and an admirable dedication to her craft. To call Kate a bitch would be a gross simplification: she’s only a diva to those who ask for it. Treat her well, she’ll treat you well. Tit for tat. Gotta love that. Zeta-Jones sells the character, effortlessly.

Similarly, Abigail Breslin plays Zoe as a real child. Not one of those cinematic kids who don’t behave in any realistic way, and more like little adults. In Breslin’s hands, Zoe is a mix of determination, sensitivity, and - yes - budding cooking talent. Remind you of anyone? This is one of the pleasures of NO RESERVATIONS - discovering the hidden levels within the story. We are never told explicitly that Zoe takes after Kate - but we see it and sense that in twenty years’ time, she just might be inheriting Aunt Kate’s bistro.

Aaron Eckhart makes Nick warm, affable, and winningly quirky. Eckhart’s performance hints at an Italian trapped in a WASP’s body, and he never makes the mistake of over-playing Nick’s vivaciousness. He knows when to play it large like an Italian, and when to play it quiet and real like, well, Nick. The only thing that keeps NO RESERVATIONS from rating **** (very good) is the fact that Nick could have been a little more complex. Compared to Kate and Zoe, he is a relatively straightforward and penetrable character. Although the intent was obviously to contrast him with the two complex females, he still could have used just a touch of a "rough edge" himself. But Eckhart does very well with what he is given - which is essentially a smoother and cleaner-cut version of the character he played in ERIN BROCKOVICH.

As for the supporting cast, Patricia Clarkson, Jenny Wade, and Lily Rabe are all fine as, respectively, the restaurant’s two-faced owner, Kate’s pregnant sous chef, and an aspiring actress who moonlights as a waitress (with attitude). They are all vivid, memorable, and exceedingly lovely. Also, I should make special mention of the beautiful score by minimalist composer Philip Glass - which is almost like another character. Please note, though, that the vibrant main title theme that recurs throughout the film is not part of the original soundtrack. It was actually borrowed from the original score of MY LIFE AS A HOUSE (1999) - which is available through I-Tunes. Track name is “Building a House.”

Verdict: NO RESERVATIONS is just as good as MOSTLY MARTHA - and in terms of graceful plotting, it’s even a little better. And the food just looks more scrumptious, somehow.

I’m getting hungry again.

REVIEW UPDATE: The Food Flicks...

Happy Tuesday, folks...

Life is great, but busy - so please expect the first of the Food Flick Reviews (and Milestone Review # 100) to post tomorrow. That would be the lovely and underrated NO RESERVATIONS.

Also, since life is great but busy, I'm afraid that the BONUS REVIEWS that I promised for this week, will have to be worked into next week's review schedule. Next week's reviews will all be new releases, among them GET LOW, THE AMERICAN, CAIRO TIME, and BURIED.

So... time for my nightcap and, uh, night-tap.

Have a great evening, folks...

UPCOMING REVIEWS FOR THE WEEK OF 9/20/10 - 9/26/10

Well, we've come a long way, folks. And we're on to our hundredth review. Almost a third of the way to our goal of 365 reviews in 365 days.

What better way to celebrate the milestone than through a smorgasbord of food? Cinematic food, that is. Yup, this week's reviews will be centered on food-themed flicks. Hope you brought an appetite.

# 100 - NO RESERVATIONS: 2007 (AKA: CHEFS WHO LOOK LIKE CATHERINE ZETA-JONES AND AARON ECKHART. WHAT NUMBER DO I CALL?)

# 101 - RATATOUILLE: 2007 (AKA: RATS IN A RESTAURANT - WHO WOULDA THOUGHT?)

# 102 - EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN: 1994 (AKA: PRETTY STRONG ARGUMENT AGAINST HAVING DAUGHTERS)

# 103 - WOMAN ON TOP: 2000 (AKA: GIRL POWER CHEF)

# 104 - BIG NIGHT: 1996 (AKA: I FEEL LIKE HAVING SOME ITALIAN SAUSAGE TONIGHT. SOME ITALIAN FOOD WOULD BE GOOD, TOO...)

# 105 - BABETTE'S FEAST: 1987 (AKA: THANKSGIVING DINNER, DANISH-STYLE)

# 106 - SOUL FOOD: 1997 (AKA: FOOD WITH RHYTHM...)

Also, there will be three bonus reviews this week: GET LOW, BURIED, and CAIRO TIME. To be posted whenever time allows.

Now, I'm getting hungry....

# 99 - LOST IN TRANSLATION (2003)

LOST IN TRANSLATION (2003 - COMEDY/DRAMA/BILL MURRAY FLICK) ****1/2 out of *****

(Now I know where the band Coldplay got their inspiration for their song LOVERS IN JAPAN...)



CAST: Sir Bill Murray, Scarlett Johanssen, Giovanni Ribisi, Anna Faris, Catherine Lambert, Akiko Takeshita.

DIRECTOR: Sofia Coppola

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and unexpected - and unlikely - soulmate pairings straight ahead...




"Everyone Wants To Be Found..."
- Poster Tagline for LOST IN TRANSLATION


There's a scene in THE ENGLISH PATIENT where Hannah (Juliette Binoche) eagerly tells Count Almasy (Ralph Fiennes) that the new visitor to their rundown Northern Italian villa is from the same area in Quebec that she's from. Almasy ridicules her by saying something to the effect of "If you were home in Quebec, would you make such a big deal out of it?"

Hannah's innocent and heartfelt reply? Something along the lines of: "When you're away from home, who you are and where you come from become important." Basically, her point is that similarities with others that we might overlook when we are at home - become sacred when we are in a new and strange environment. As someone who's spent most of his life overseas, I can vouch whole-heartedly for this.

It's this idea that is at the heart of the simply stupendous flick LOST IN TRANSLATION.
We open on a shot (no kidding) of a beautiful female ass encased in sheer panties. Before we can get too attached to it, though, we switch views to... Sir Bill Murray's tired mug in the backseat of a cab. Which is still an okay substitute because, well, it's Sir Bill.

Bill plays fading movie star Bob Harris, who's in Tokyo on one of those quickie commercial jobs where he just has to smile next to a pack of Japanese cigarettes or beer - and then collect a cool million or two for his troubles. Nice work if you can get it, eh? Anyhow, Bob arrives at the Tokyo Park Hotel, which is insanely expensive and where I was once almost thrown out for loudly mimicking the bellhops' delivery of English. Trust me: the Japanese are the most patient and polite people - until they hear "Prease tell me where I can buy some reopard plint bikini bliefs because the ones I blought with me a totarry boling and prain and I want to rook fry" one too many times. Then they demand to see your room key and tell you go back to the El Cheapo shoebox ryokan on the other side of Tokyo that you are actually staying in. Ahem.

But I digress.... So, to say that Bob is a little jet-lagged would be like saying the Japanese occasionally like to eat gross and slimy things. It doesn't help that he is greeted by an armada of Japanese PR people who seem to have had Red Bull pumped directly into their veins. They ain't got nothin' on a pack of rabid Jack Russell Terriers with their nuts locked in a vise grip.

It further doesn't help when Bob discovers that the tyrannical director of his commercial actually has a Red Bull can for a heart. And to add insult to foreign injury, Bob has to put up with being recognized in the hotel's club - and then talked about as if he's not even sitting there. Plus he has to deal with a wife back in Los Angeles who harangues him by fax over "carpet samples."

And then, just because the outlook isn't grim enough for Bob, his agent makes him stay longer in-country for an appearance on a TV show that is like "The Johnny Carson of Japan." Now, I lived in Japan for over two years, folks. And any Japanese show that is described in such a way is one to run screaming from, because: (1) it most likely has no remote resemblance to Johnny Carson, and (2) watching it just might mean you have only seven days left to live. Like THE RING - only somehow more horrifying.

But the real atrocity is that the rabid team of PR gremlins decide to do Bob a favor by sending an escort up to his room. Now, the chick is reasonably attractive. Unfortunately, she has a personality that makes Mrs. Voorhees from FRIDAY THE 13TH look like Snow White. She basically rapes Bob right there on the floor of his hotel room - after taking out every single lamp within kicking distance.

Fortunately, things start to look up when Bob unexpectedly runs into Charlotte (Scarlett Johanssen). Scarlett is accompanying her celebrity photographer husband John (Giovanni Ribisi) while he's in Japan to take photos of... well, it's never made clear who. John's assignment takes him frequently out of Tokyo, forcing Charlotte to spend a lot of time by herself at the hotel - and wandering the surreal environs of the city with a "WTF?" expression constantly plastered on her face.

It doesn't help that one of John's actress friends is also staying at the hotel to promote her godawful-sounding flick, MIDNIGHT VELOCITY. She is Kelly (Anna Faris), and is easily the most irritating organism this side of a screaming throng of Justin Bieber fans. Kelly is one of those Hollywood bimbettes that is forever gushing about the newest colon cleanse that she's discovered - that is, when she's not babbling about how fast her metabolism is. Fucking anorexics....

Needless to say, despite their age difference, Bob and Charlotte are drawn to each other like a dropped anvil and a stretch of pavement. If they hadn't met each other when they did, they probably would've either: (1) drunk themselves into oblivion, (2) smacked Kelly and John around until they begged for their lives, or (3) fled the country together. Now, that they've found each other, they spend a lot of time just hanging out, talking, opening up to each other, and - even though it's never stated outright - falling in love.

But is this the real thing? Are they drawn to each other just because they are two lost Americans in Japan? Or is it really love? What about their respective spouses? Should they just remain friends? Or should they take it further? What happens at the end of the week when they must part ways? And what happens when Charlotte catches Bob banging the lounge-singer tramp who was butchering "Scarborough Fair" earlier?

Well, folks, if there's anything that I've learned in this life, it's this: sex is easy, but love is complicated. Especially when one of you is, um, a cougar. And that's all I'm saying.



BUT, SERIOUSLY: I was still living in Italy when LOST IN TRANSLATION came out, and didn't see it immediately. However, acquaintances who'd just returned from the States had seen it there, and they told me they hated it. I was a bit surprised, since the trailers looked great and the talent involved is, well, talented - especially Sir Bill Murray. Based on their critique, though, I didn't go to see LOST IN TRANSLATION when it finally reached Italy. I thought I'd wait for it on DVD.

Six months or so later, I rented the DVD - and subsequently discovered three things: (1) my acquaintances who saw and hated LOST IN TRANSLATION were idiots, but (2) I was an even bigger idiot for listening to them and (3) not giving the film a chance in theaters. Suffice it to say, this is one of my favorite movies now.

The reason cited by the choads for not liking LOST IN TRANSLATION was simple: nothing happens in it - and, therefore, it's boring.

To be fair, the above critique is totally understandable - if the critic is used to and favors generic formula films that refuse to color outside the lines, or think outside the box. I should've questioned their opinion of the film more, given that this couple's favorite movie is NATIONAL TREASURE and ARMAGEDDON. Not to be a snob or anything, but those films, while entertaining, are definitely of a very specific formula. They're about as far removed from LOST IN TRANSLATION as they can possibly get.

LOST IN TRANSLATION is a quiet film. But that doesn't mean that nothing happens in it, and it is definitely not boring. Anyone who thinks so isn't paying attention - or doesn't have the patience or attention span to do so. Quite a lot goes on, but writer/director Sofia Coppola wisely lets silences and gestures speak louder than words. And the most important bit of dialogue is kept from our ears: Bob's whispered farewell (and more?) to Charlotte at the very end. More on that later....

A lesser romance would have followed a more conventional and predictable path, with all the tried-and-true story beats touched on. Indeed, my acquaintances complained about how Bob and Charlotte never had sex - which pretty much tells you the level of their intelligence. Introducing sex into the delicate mix of their relationship would have cheapened the whole thing.

Major kudos should go to Sofia Coppola for crafting a sensitive screenplay that understands love is the strongest when it is on borrowed time. And when it dare not speak its name. There's a reason why she won the BEST SCREENPLAY OSCAR at the 2004 Academy Awards. Her script is brilliant because of its understated understanding of the human heart.

Anyone who travels a lot knows that unexpected connections and unlikely kindred spirits are part of the journey. Instead of trying to make it last forever, you just have to enjoy it while it lasts. It's this moving theme that Coppola captures beautifully with the help of a perfect cast. They express so much by holding back a lot. But it's the two leads who shine the brightest.

Sir Bill Murray is perfect as Bob Harris, a guy who hides a reservoir of feeling under a cool, impassive surface. Playing a man who is clearly not entirely happy about where he is at that point in his life, Bill manages to make Bob's plight compelling and not at all cliched. And his sense of emptiness is mirrored by Charlotte's own.

The scenes of Bob gradually opening up to Charlotte are beautiful to watch. There's nothing more electric than watching two people who were meant for each other click - even if they may not necessarily be aware of it themselves. By the end of the movie, though, there is no question that they realize it.

As the young, intelligent, but still a bit naive Charlotte, Scarlett Johanssen definitely establishes herself as more than just a sexy body and a beautiful face. Without saying too many words, she ably conveys her growing disillusionment with her husband, and her quiet sense of panic about the direction her life is heading. She also conveys her growing affection for Bob with a wonderful array of non-verbal gestures that are more expressive than ten pages of dialogue.

Each averted glance, each melancholy smile, each sad laugh, each soulful glance - says a lot about what she's feeling inside. She may not understand herself what she's feeling, but it's crystal-clear to the audience: Charlotte is falling in love with Bob.

But the beautiful thing about LOST IN TRANSLATION is that, true to a movie about a love that dare not speak its name, we are never told explicitly that Bob and Charlotte have fallen for each other. We can only infer it through their eloquent gestures and expressions.

Which leads me to that wonderful, wonderful, wonderful final scene of Bob whispering in Charlotte's ear - before he leaves Japan. We are never told what he says. We just see her tearful, but yet also joyous, reaction to it. Does he tell her he loves her, too? Do they make plans to meet up in the States? Is he planning to come back to Japan with her sometime? We will never know. Nor should we. Because it's none of our business.

It's their story. But it's also the story of anyone who's ever met an unexpected soulmate in an unlikely place.

As LOST IN TRANSLATION'S poster reads: "Everyone Wants To Be Found..." And while we will never know what the future holds for Bob and Charlotte, we are just glad that they found each other. In this crazy world, that's something...

# 98 - GHOSTBUSTERS (1984)

GHOSTBUSTERS (1984 - COMEDY/HORROR SPOOF/BILL MURRAY FLICK) **** out of *****

(I ain't afraid of no ghosts. But when the fuckers suddenly start lifting objects that even ten live men can't - then, yes, bitches: I am afraid of ghosts...)



CAST: Sir Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, Sigourney Weaver, Dan Aykroyd, Ernie Hudson, Annie Potts, Rick Moranis, William Atherton, David Margulies.

DIRECTOR Ivan Reitman.

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and slimy specters fighting Sir Bill Murray for the hand of one statuesquely gorgeous brunette - straight ahead...




Comedy/horror films have to walk a fine line between the yuks and the screams. Very few of them succeed. And when they do, it's often because the creators had to choose more of one over the other. SCREAM (1996) was a sardonic send-up of the slasher genre that also managed to be a scary, full-blooded horror/thriller in its own right. Basically, SCREAM is a horror film with a lot of humor - but it knows what it wants to do, first and foremost: scare the crap of the audience. And it succeeds.

GHOSTBUSTERS, on the other hand, is a comedy with a lot of horror in it. Granted, the horror is very tongue-in-cheek, but it's definitely there. But, unlike SCREAM, this movie wants to, first and foremost, make the audience laugh out loud. Like SCREAM, GHOSTBUSTERS wisely gives precedence to one element over the other. The creators probably remembered that ancient Chinese proverb: "The person who chases two rabbits - loses both." And it works.

Our story gets off to a strong start with an attack on a librarian in the New York Public Library. Nope, the perpetrator is not a disgruntled patron pissed off over an unfair overdue charge. It's a ghost. Naturally, this makes the news, and soon our heroes are making a beeline for the library to investigate.

They would be: (1) Dr. Peter Venkman (Sir Bill Murray), laid-back charmer of a scientist who is the ringleader of his quirky team; (2) Dr. Raymond Stantz (Dan Aykroyd), eager-beaver scientist who's the scientific equivalent of a fan-boy; and (3) Dr. Egon Spengler, scientist who's the "cool-head" that serves as a leash to the bulldog that Peter can sometimes (okay, more than just "sometimes) be.

Our trio specializes in paranormal phenomena, and they're hoping to use the library incident as definitive proof that ghosts exists. You see, our guys are not very respected at the University they work for. Sure enough, when the library attack doesn't pan out the way they want it to, the University basically throws them out on their asses. This ruffles only Raymond and Egan, though, because Peter is one of those eternal optimists who is always looking on the bright side. And in this case, the bright side tell him that they should open their own business as professional ghost-eliminators. Also known as.... Care to guess?

Jesus H. Christensen, people, work with me, here! They're called GHOSBUSTERS! Sheesh....

At any rate, while our heroic trio is slowly putting up their shingle, lovely cello player Dana Barrett starts experiencing some paranormal phenomena in her apartment. Specifically, eggs randomly explode and fry themselves on her kitchen counter. Not aware of any special feature that would allow her countertop to double as a skillet, Dana consults with Venkman and his team. Oh, and the fact that she glimpses a demon inside her refrigerator screaming, "ZOOL!!!" might be another motivating factor.

Needless to say, there hasn't exactly been an onslaught of prospective clients beating down the Ghostbusters door, so Venkman and co. accept Dana's request for help. The fact that Dana also is a tall, alluring, hypnotically-gorgeous brunette with killer legs and even more lethal cheekbones, who just happens to look exactly like Sigourney Weaver, may have to something to do with Venkman's enthusiasm.

Is the haunting in Dana's apartment an isolated incident? Or is it related to other hauntings and specters suddenly popping up all around Manhattan? And if so, what's it all leading to? Who is "ZOOL"? And what will happen when a government agent (William Atherton) starts poking his nose around the Ghostbusters HQ? Will he inadvertently release all the ghosts that our heroes have managed to quarantine? And if so, will it spell the end of humanity?

The answers are for you to uncover. Let me just warn you that these ghosts are fucking gross. I've seen dogs with far less slobber.


BUT, SERIOUSLY: Wisely playing the horror in a tongue-in-cheek fashion, and even more wisely underplaying the humor, GHOSTBUSTERS nails the perfect tone for this movie. It's serious enough for you to be hooked by some of the strange goings-on, but also droll enough that you don't take it all too seriously.

Sir Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, and latecomer Ernie Hudson are all perfect as the Ghostbusting quartet. They all play off well against one another. As always, Bill is hilariously deadpan and roguish. Aykroyd makes his character's naivete and enthusiasm interesting to watch. Ramis is perfect as the cool, logical one of the group. Ernie Hudson brings a welcome, street-wise attitude to all the science-techno-paranormal jargon.

As the imperiled Dana, Sigourney Weaver is great. Just like she did in ALIEN, she manages to make her character strong and capable and never weak - even when she's in damsel-in-distress scenarios. Rick Moranis is a hoot as Dana's nerdy neighbor who gets pulled into the fray because of his proximity to her. Finally, William Atherton is suitably smug and hissable as the government bureaucrat whose arrogance unleashes hell on New York City - literally.

Verdict: GHOSTBUSTERS is the perfect comedy/horror spot. It does this by: (1) emphasizing the comedy without forcing it, (2) playing the horror in an ironic and tonue-in-cheek way, and (3) having a cast that knows exactly what it's doing. Everyone is on the same page, and they all successfully walk that fine line between being serious and being hilarious. Of course, with a genius like Sir Bill at the head of the group, how could it be anything but a smash?

# 97 - CADDYSHACK (1980)

CADDYSHACK (1980 - COMEDY/SPORT/BILL MURRAY FLICK) *** out of *****

(Caddy vs. Gopher. Watch out. Especially since the Caddy is Sir Bill Murray. And the Gopher is, well, Satan...)



CAST: Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Michael O'Keefe, Ted Knight, Cindy Morgan, and Sir Bill Murray.

DIRECTOR: Harold Ramis

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and Bill Murray-Gopher internecine warfare straight ahead...




I feel about the sport of Golf the same way that I feel about Brad Pitt's appeal: (1) I know a lot of people like it, (2) I admit I find it superficially attractive, but (3) in the end, I just don't understand how it can inspire so much rabid zeal and endless enthusiasm. Also, it doesn't help that I seriously suck at it. Golf, that is. Not Brad Pitt. At least, not that I remember.

Needless to say, any film about Golf better have something else going for it if it crosses my path. TIN CUP managed the miraculous feat of engaging me because of: (1) Kevin Costner's rascally charm, (2) Renee Russo's feisty appeal, and (3) Ron Shelton's droll and witty script. Similarly, CADDYSHACK avoids the critical cold shoulder from me - barely - because of: (1) Sir Bill Murray's loony charms, (2) Rodney Dangerfield's mercilessly sardonic tongue, (3) Chevy Chase's droll visage, and (4) that demented Gopher. Without these four elements, CADDYSHACK would be the equivalent of cinematic Chinese Water Torture for me.

The plot isn't exactly Shakespeare. Just a straightforward - if somewhat insane - chronicle of the shenanigans at one particular Country Club. We follow the trials and tribulations of a variety of characters - golfers, caddies, the bimbos they drool after - during one eventful summer.

Our extended crew includes: (1) Danny Noonan (Michael O'Keefe), teenager gunning for a - really - "Caddy Scholarship" when he's not finding a moist spot to bury his penis in; (2) Ty Webb (Chevy Chase), hunky golf pro who has a surprising Zen streak; (3) Al Czernik (Rodney Dangerfield), ruthless entrepreneur who tells it like it is - and woe betide anyone on the receiving end; (4) Judge Smails (Ted Knight), dickhead rich Judge who fancies himself as the King of the Country Club; (5) Lacey Underall (Cindy Morgan), hottie niece of Judge Dickhead who has the hots for Ty and, judging from her name, is a frustrated Bond Girl; (6) Maggie O'Hooligan (Sarah Holcomb), girlfriend of Danny's who needs to marry him, pronto, if for no other reason than she needs to get a new last name - fast; and (7) last but not least: Carl Spackler (Sir Bill Murray), grounds-keeper who's declared a fatwa/jihad on (8) and the most cunning and crafty gopher this side of a secret medical experiment.

Like I said, we're not exactly dealing with a byzantine story here. CADDYSHACK is preoccupied with only four plot threads: (1) Danny's efforts to try to secure that "Caddy Scholarship," (2) Ty and Danny's efforts to smooth out their sex lives with Lacey and Maggie, (3) Al and Judge Dickhead's rapidly-deteriorating rivalry on and off the course, and (4) Carl and the Gopher's rapidly-escalating battle of wits and wills.

Who will win the Caddy Scholarship? Will Danny and Ty win the hands of their lovelies? Will Judge Dickhead get his comeuppance at the hands of wicked Al? Will the golf course survive the Carl-Gopher conflict? Or will it all come tumbling down? And when it does, will developers do the American things and build a shopping mall where the golf course used to be?

Check it out for yourself, but make sure you know what a screamed "Fore" means before you do so. It'll save you confusion.


BUT, SERIOUSLY: While not as funny as many folks make it out to be, CADDYSHACK is still an amusing ride due to the talents of Sir Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield, and Chevy Chase. Anyone who likes Golf will likely rate this flick higher, but for someone like me who really can't fathom the appeal of the sport, it is merely an above-average comedy.

Had it not been for the three aforementioned comedians' plot threads, I would have rated this as **1/2 (average). When they are onscreen, together or separately, the movie's energy picks up. When they are not, we are stuck with the Danny storyline which, frankly, is neither interesting or funny enough to keep your attention. As it is, the whole plot pivots on Danny and his "dilemma," with Sir Bill, Dangerfield, and Chase simply on the sidelines. Had they been made the center of the film, CADDYSHACK would be a lot stronger than it is.

Bottom line: CADDYSHACK is nowhere near as good as it's often made out to be. But what's good about it is due largely to Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield, and Chevy Chase - who give the film the bite it needs to be sporadically interesting.