TITLE OF ALBUM: SLIVER - MUSIC FROM THE MOTION PICTURE
RELEASE YEAR: 1993
FILM GENRE: MYSTERY/THRILLER/ROMANCE
BACKGROUND: Hot off BASIC INSTINCT in 1992, Sharon Stone jumped right into this adaptation of Ira Levin's 1991 bestseller about a divorced Manhattan book editor who moves into a sleek, skinny highrise apartment building that turns out to have a grim history of fatal accidents. Before long, she discovers that the place is bugged with a hidden surveillance system - and her new lover just might be behind the whole thing, including those fatal accidents. Will she wind up dead like the others - or will she cross over to the dark side?
Well, in the original ending, Carly (Stone's character) crossed over to the dark side and ran off with Zeke (Billy Baldwin), even after it was revealed that he was the killer all along. Unfortunately, test audiences hated that ending and Paramount was forced to quickly re-shoot the ending to something more tame. Too bad, because I've seen the original ending, and it's pretty good. Just waaaaaay ahead of its time.
At any rate, while SLIVER the movie may have been a misfire when it came out, its musical soundtrack was most definitely a smash hit. Please note that this isn't the score of the film, which is the instrumental "mood" music that plays over scenes. That music by composer Howard Shore has never seen an official release, nor an unofficial one. It remains unavailable to this day.
Nope, this album is comprised of the 13 songs that play during various scenes of SLIVER. They are uniformly great, with the best being the tracks by New Age group Enigma, and the peppy, energetic reimagining of Elvis Presley's classic ballad "Can't Help Falling In Love With You" by UB40.
These songs are vibrant, soulful, and hum with a soft intensity - perfectly appropriate for a film that is essentially about a woman who travels to the dark side of love, and consciously chooses not to return (at least in the original ending, which I vastly prefer to the re-shot one). In the end, SLIVER was meant to be a dark, sinister romance - and this soundtrack reflects that...
TRACK LISTING:
1. "Can't Help Falling in Love"
Performed by UB40
2. "Carly's Song"
Performed by Enigma
3. "Slid"
Performed by Fluke
4. "Unfinished Sympathy"
Performed by Massive Attack
5. "The Most Wonderful Girl"
Performed by Lords of Acid
6. "Oh Carolina"
Performed by Shaggy
7. "Move with Me"
Performed by Neneh Cherry
8. "Slave to the Vibe"
Performed by Aftershock
9. "Penthouse and Pavement"
Performed by Heaven 17
10 "Skinflowers"
Performed by The Young Gods
11. "Star Sail"
Performed by Verve
12. "Wild at Heart"
Performed by BIGOD 20
13. "Carly's Loneliness"
Performed by Enigma
FINAL ANALYSIS: Clearly, some care was put into choosing the songs for SLIVER's soundtrack. One rumor I heard stated that Enigma was actually asked to score the whole film, but frontman Michael Cretu didn't want to make such a huge commitment. So the producers settled by having Cretu and his group produce the tracks "Carly's Song" and "Carly's Loneliness" which are basically Sharon Stone's character's themes.
These tracks are the strongest of the album, tying with UB40's vibrant remake of "Can't Help Falling In Love With You" which is also thematically appropriate because Carly is falling in love with someone who may or may not be a killer - but can't help it.
The rest of the songs come from such great artists as Massive Attack, Neneh Cherry, Slid, Young Gods, Verve, and more - and they all bear the same compelling elements as the pieces by Enigma and UB40.
All in all, SLIVER's soundtrack was ahead of its time and paved the way for later soundtracks that are put together with the intent of echoing their movies' themes - and not just a random hodge-podge of songs.
PLOT: Talented art forger Harry Donovan (Jason Patric) agrees to forge a Rembrandt for a shadowy group of international art dealers, only to find himself double-crossed by them and framed for murder. He embarks on a cross-Europe run for his life, with noted Rembrandt expert Dr. Marieke Van Den Broek (Irene Jacob) as his unwilling accomplice, because she's the only one who can identify his painting as a fake. Now, the man who forged the painting and the only person in the world who knows for sure must try to solve the mystery before they wind up dead, too...
TRACK LISTING:
1. Opening Titles
2. Tricks Of The Trade
3. The Dealers
4. The Creation
5. Rubbing It In
6. Research
7. On The Run Again
8. Tokens Of Rembrandt
9. A Note
10. Re-Creation
11. Police Search
12. Harry's Gift
13. The Reveal
14. Forgive Me
15. The Eyes
16. To Catch A Train
17. The Truth
18. Interlude
19. Front Page News
20. A Murder?
BACKGROUND: INCOGNITO came out in 1998, and was meant to be something of an homage to Alfred Hitchcock's chase thrillers. With talented, attractive leads in Jason Patric and Irene Jacob, and an intriguing plot revolving around art forgery, romance, intrigue, and murder, it seemed like INCOGNITO couldn't miss.
Unfortunately, while INCOGNITO is an above-average thriller, it has some very glaring flaws. Most notably in the second and third acts, where Harry Donovan makes some colossaly bone-headed decisions that no normal human would make. Clearly, he's just pushing the plot forward in the most synthetic way. Too bad, because the first act is perfection in its graceful set-up of INCOGNITO's central conflict: a forger who finds himself ensnared in a trap because he's just too good of a forger - and the woman who gets pulled into the fray because she's too sharp for her own good.
Fortunately, the movie is saved somewhat by a lush, classy, vibrant score that is suspenseful, sinister, romantic, and quirky all at the same time. In fact, the way I first heard of INCOGNITO was through its musical score, which an online magazine had rated pretty highly. I saw the movie and enjoyed it quite a lot, mainly due to how the atmospheric music enhanced the plot. It didn't hurt that Irene Jacob is one fucking gorgeous woman.
At any rate, the 23 tracks on the album form a very inclusive package of the movie's music. The best tracks are:
1. OPENING TITLES
As the title implies, this music plays over the film's main titles. It is composed of an eerie blend of strings and keys that sets the tone perfectly for the mystery to come.
2. TRICKS OF THE TRADE
Louder, and more vibrant without being bombastic, this track plays over the scenes of Harry Donovan arriving in Europe to begin his prep work for the forgery. A blend of strings, horns, and orchestral tones, this track is magnificent.
4. THE CREATION
This track is more or less a softer version of TRICKS OF THE TRADE, and plays over the scene where Harry finally cracks the method he needs to forge the painting: using his father's face as a model. What's great about INCOGNITO's score is how tracks sort of mirror one another. One is usually more soaring and brash, while the the other is quieter and more intimate. Composer John Ottman uses this "twinning" technique through the album.
16. TO CATCH A TRAIN
Obviously meant to evoke a Hitchcockian feel with that title (TO CATCH A THIEF, anyone?), this track is mainly strident strings that evoke a sense of danger and menace. Appropriately, it plays over the scene of Harry intercepting Marieke's departure for Venice - and basically kidnapping her. The music emphasizes the suspense and uncertainty of the scene, while retaining the trademark aloof elegance that runs throughout the album...
FINAL ANALYSIS: The score for INCOGNITO is a remarkable, unexpected musical journey for a thriller. It is a complex piece that is both baroque and modern at the same time. The movie it's attached to may ultimately stumble in its second and third acts - but the music for it never falters for a moment. As such, it practically saves the movie.
SCORE: ****1/2 out of *****
SAMPLES FROM YOUTUBE:
2. TRICKS OF THE TRADE
# 4 THE CREATION
Great, atmospheric music for a movie that could've foundered without it...
CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER (2011 - ACTION/SUPERHERO FLICK) ****1/2 out of *****
(Gotta love men in spandex - especially if they have nice pecs and ‘ceps…)
CAST: Chris Evans, Hayley Atwell, Tommy Lee Jones, Hugo Weaving, Sebastian Stan, Stanley Tucci.
DIRECTOR: Joe Johnston
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one patriotic superhero - straight ahead…
Growing up I was somewhat of a Superhero Comics Fan. My faves were the following three: (1) Aqua man - because I love the sea; (2) Superman - because he can leap tall buildings with a single bound; and (3) Captain America - because, well, that costume is fucking awesome. I remember creating a Captain America costume as a kid and owning Halloween night with it. Try dressing up like that in Southeast Asian country that has a serious love/hate relationship with Americans. Let’s just say it was an interesting Halloween…
To my knowledge, Aquaman hasn’t been turned into a live action film yet. Superman has had many cinematic iterations, from the great (SUPERMAN, SUPERMAN 2), the good (SUPERMAN RETURNS), to the WTF? (SUPERMAN 3 and 4). Captain America straddles the divide between the never-filmed Aquaman and the oft-filmed Superman: prior to this year’s big-budget cinematic adaptation which is our next review, the Cap had only seen the silver screen once before in 1990. It was a forgettable (which is putting it mildly) flick starring Reb Brown as Captain America. While Brown was certainly fine physically, acting-wise he’s no Chris Evans.
Which brings us to this year’s long-awaited, much-anticipated adaptation of everyone’s favorite patriotic superhero. But before Captain America became Captain America, he was runty Steve Rogers from Brooklyn. Basically Steve has Chris Evans’ perfect head and face - on a body that looks like the live action version of Alfalfa’s from that cartoon THE RUGRATS. I wasn’t fucking around when I said this guy is a runt. If it weren’t for the fact that he has the face of a Roman God, they probably would’ve sent him back to Lilliput or the Shire or some shit.
You got to give credit to ol’ Stevo, though. He doesn’t let the fact that he weighs about a buck-and-a-quarter keep him from trying to enlist in the army during America’s time of need in 1942. With that bastard Hitler fucking shit up in Europe, the US of A is in dire need to young men to fight the good fight. In fact, Steve’s best friend Bucky (Sebastian Stan) has already been recruited and is prepping to ship out to England. Let’s just say that Steve would sell his left nut for the same opportunity.
Problem is, being a 90-pound runt with a Roman God’s head, Steve gets more rejection slips than a screenplay for SHOWGIRLS 2. To his credit, Steve keeps plugging away with good ol’ American can-do spirit. Sure enough, his luck changes when army scientist Dr. Abraham Erskine (Stanley Tucci) overhears Steve giving a passionate speech to Bucky about how he has the right to fight for his country just like anyone else twice his size.
Moved by this, Dr. Erskine pulls some strings and gets Steve into the army. Much to the chagrin of Colonel Chester Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones), who can’t understand why someone who weighs less than his own forearm is in his platoon. Neither can Special Agent Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell), who has legs longer than Steve’s height. Soon, it becomes clear why Dr. Erskine extended the special treatment to Steve: he needs an under-sized but good-hearted young man to be the subject of an experiment.
That experiment involves the following: (1) strapping Steve into some sort of metallic coffin; and then (2) zapping the fucker with a bazillion bolts of electricity. This results in the following: (1) a much taller Steve stepping out of the metallic coffin with some (2) pretty fucking awesome pecs and (3) stupendous biceps and (4) killer abs, which leads to (4) the women (and some men, ahem) in the theatre audience having spontaneous orgasms right in their seats.
Anyhow, Dr. Erskine is pretty ecstatic that his experiment worked. He cautions Steve, though, to remain the good man that he is, and not let the fact that he now looks completely like Chris Evans change him into a marauding poon-hound. Thanks for being a spoilsport, doc. What good is it looking like that if you have to be a saint? Geeez… Oh, and I should mention that Peggy pretty much eye-fucks Steve and his new bod every chance she gets. Can’t say I blame her.
So… not long after Steve’s transformation from runt-with-a-gorgeous face to big stud-with-a-gorgeous-face, the U.S. Army gets wind of the dastardly shenanigans of one Johann Schmidt, a Nazi fucker who has a reeeaaaaally bad sunburn (you’ll see) and is understandably pissed-off about that. So pissed he decides to destroy the whole world with some sort of ancient power source called the Tesseract. Look I didn’t write the script okay? If I did, we’d have nothing but Chris Evans working out in his sports briefs for two hours.
At any rate, the important questions: will Steve/Captain America put a stop to Schmidt’s dastardly plans? Will Peggy lend a hand? What about Colonel Phillips? Will he finally respect Steve now that his pecs are bigger than the Cascades? What about Bucky? Will he get pulled into the fray somehow? Will Steve be able to protect his friend? Will the US of A prevail? Will America win?
What the hell do you think? Go, CAPTAIN AMERICA!
BUT, SERIOUSLY: This summer has seen two Avengers superhero flicks so far: THOR and now CAPTAIN AMERICA. While THOR was quirky, sassy, and breezy, CAPTAIN AMERICA goes for a more sincere, earnest, almost nostalgic approach. This is completely appropriate because the movie is set in 1942, when World War II was heating up - a time in our history when we were still relatively innocent. A smart-alecky attitude such as the one exhibited in THOR would have been incongruous and anachronistic.
In fact, watching CAPTAIN AMERICA, you can’t help but feel the same old-fashioned magic of movies like RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK and INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM. Director Joe Johnston manages to make the milieu of WWII New York and Europe both realistic and surrealistic at the same time. The result in a hypnotic atmosphere that seems to take you back in time.
The cast, led by the smashing Chris Evans, is terrific. I remember all the press that surrounded the race to find the perfect actor to play Steve Rogers/Captain America. I have to say that I was completely surprised when his name came up amidst the men being considered to take the lead. Not because he wasn’t right - he’s very right - but because he’d already found success playing another Avengers superhero with Johnny Storm/Human Torch in FANTASTIC FOUR and its sequel. To my knowledge, there has never been a case of a studio double-dipping and using the same actor to play two different superheroes, because audiences often associate the actor with the role he plays and may have trouble accepting him in another such role. Unless there’s something special about that actor.
And Chris Evans is one such actor. He’s like a prism, revealing many sides and colors depending on the figurative light that hits him. He can be serious, playful, heavy, light, goofy, earnest, vibrant, dangerous, mellow - all in equal measure. The guy has range, in addition to being handsome, and it doesn’t really surprise me that Marvel Studios chose him out of the extensive list of names they considered. They clearly have faith in him if they’re having him play this completely different character from the one he memorably essayed in the FANTASTIC FOUR movies… And his classic Italian-Irish good looks are perfect for the role.
In the role of Steve Rogers, Evans tamps down his natural ebullience and vivacity and channels earnest seriousness. This is a character who, despite being physically-limited, is not afraid to stand up to someone three times his size. He is truly David vs. Goliath - which is the whole World around him. One of the most attractive traits in someone is courage, which takes many forms, and Steve Rogers has it in abundance. Evans also effectively shows us Steve’s good heart - before and after his transformation - and his drive to do the right thing without making it seem trite or boring. That’s harder than you think.
Matching Evans scene for scene is a stellar supporting cast comprised of Tommy Lee Jones, Hayley Atwell, Hugo Weaving, Stanley Tucci, and Sebastian Stan. Jones is hilarious and does his best crusty-yet-caring bit as Colonel Phillips. The scene where Phillips first sees Steve (in his smaller form) at basic training is priceless. The best comedy is done without words, and Jones proves that adage with this scene. Meanwhile, Tucci makes the most of his brief time as Steve’s mentor, who urges him to never lose his decency: “whatever you do, stay what you are - a good man”. Sage words that form the emotional center of the movie.
Weaving is a very solid as Johann Schmidt, the ruthless Nazi who will stop at nothing to fulfill his agenda. He makes for a formidable villain - and makes a good nemesis for Steve Rogers/Captain America. Evans and Weaving also have a nice combative chemistry you find in the best action thrillers (think Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman in DIE HARD). Meanwhile, chemistry of a more brotherly sort is present with Sebastian Stan as Steve’s best friend Bucky. Evans and Stan make the duo into a believable pair of pals. They even look alike, which helps the fraternal vibe they exude everytime they are onscreen.
Finally, Hayley Atwell is great as Peggy Carter, the British agent who falls for Steve while he’s still in smaller form, and goes on to risk her career later to help him fulfill his potential as Captain America. The scenes between Steve and Peggy before he transforms are marked by a growing mutual respect. So much so that by the time Steve becomes Captain America, he and Peggy have already “crossed that line” emotionally. It doesn’t matter that he now has a much larger body. Their attraction is based on mental and emotional matters, not just the physical.
Indeed, the chaste romance between Steve and Peggy feels a lot more natural to the story than, say, the one between Thor and Jane in THOR, and many other superhero flicks that seem to include a romantic subplot between the hero and the female lead only because it is required. Neither does CAPTAIN AMERICA beat the Steve/Peggy angle to death the way the SPIDERMAN films did with Peter Parker and Mary Jane’s relationship. The writers of CAPTAIN AMERICA wisely realize that the best romances are the ones that are conveyed through subtlety, understatement, and melancholy. There’s actually an element of suspense to how Steve and Peggy’s attraction will turn out, and I haven’t felt that way about a superhero romance in a long time. It helps that Evans shares real electricity with Atwell that just emanates from the screen.
The action scenes are all dynamically-handled by director Johnston. The highlights are: (1) a POW rescue scene where Steve Rogers first spreads his wings as Captain America, (2) a moving train interception in the Alps that marks an emotional turning point for Steve, and the best one: (3) the climatic battle between Captain America and Schmidt. There’s also a touching scene between Steve and Peggy where they have to communicate only by radio and… well, I won’t spoil it - except to say that Evans and Atwell know how to convey a lot with their eyes and facial expressions. Great, great scene…
So, in the end, CAPTAIN AMERICA is the best superhero film this year. As far as the Marvel adaptations, it’s also the best one in my book. Even better than IRON MAN. Yeah, I said it…
Marvel Studios, you guys picked the right guy. Now let’s see that sequel….
(Pretty strong argument for never ever becoming the bride, eh?)
CAST: Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne, Melissa McCarthy, Chris O‘Dowd, Ellie Kemper, Wendi McClendon-Covey,
DIRECTOR: Paul Feig
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and five outta control bridesmaids - straight ahead…
Know that saying “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride”? Well, if our next review is any indication, that doesn’t really seem like such a bad thing. Our movie is called BRIDESMAIDS, and it’s been a long time coming. Basically, it’s an irreverent, tart, and raunchy take on the whole wedding planning process which was treated with such respect and delicacy in rom-coms like MY BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING, BRIDE WARS, 27 DRESSES, FATHER OF THE BRIDE, THE WEDDING PLANNER, THE WEDDING DATE, A WEDDING, MONSOON WEDDING, MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING, etc., etc., etc., etc…..
What sets BRIDESMAIDS apart from all the other flicks above? Well, let me ask you this: how many of the aforementioned movies features a bride shitting her pants from food poisoning during a bridal fitting? I’ll let you folks ponder that shit while I run off and have a quickie with my flavor of the month….
…..okay, I’m back and puffing on a ciggy. Now, I ask you again which of the previously mentioned titles shows any of the following: (1) a bride squatting in the middle of the street and crapping herself while wearing acres and acres of lace and taffeta, (2) a bridesmaid puking in the toilet of the atelier (fashion house), (3) another bridesmaid puking on top of the other bridesmaid’s head because she can’t hold it in anymore, or (4) yet another bridesmaid using a sink as a, well, crapper?
None of them. That’s how many. Basically, BRIDESMAIDS is the kind of movie you’d get if you took MY BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING and let it breed with THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY. The resulting offspring would be the movie that we are about to review.
Basically, the set-up is fairly standard: Lillian (Maya Rudolph) and Annie (Kristen Wiig) are best friends. Lillian is getting married, which Annie reacts with a mixture of joy and dismay over, mainly because: (1) she’s joyous that her best pal will finally be hitched, and (2) she’s dismayed because she has yet to find such a sucker. The dismay part grows even further when Annie meets Helen (Rose Byrne), a chick so hot that she could make straight women and gay men pledge loyalty to the V. And I don’t mean “victory“. Helen is smart, rich, gorgeous - and is intent on planning Lillian’s wedding down to the last minute detail. Did I mention she’s also a bit of a controlling biyatch? No? Well, she is.
Fortunately, there are three other bridesmaids to sweeten the pot and they are: (1) Rita (Wendi McLendon Covey), a housewife who is just aching for that bachelorette party; (2) Becca (Ellie Kemper), a newly-wed who views any single chick like a total sympathy case; and (3) Megan (Melissa McCarthy), a butch chick partial to cullottes and manly shirts whom you’d instantly peg to be a lesbian - except for the fact that she is forever talking about dick and conquering it. Talk about mixed signals.
At any rate, our lovely sextet of bridal chicks embark on that hellish path called “wedding planning” which involves: (1) getting food poisoning from a Brazilian restaurant that Annie insists they go to; (2) dumping their innards out at the subsequent bridal fitting which doesn’t exactly please the snooty proprietors; and (3) ruining their Vegas-planned bachelorette party when Annie gets drunk on scotch and high on Xanax on the plane, pissing off an Air Marshal that Megan was totally macking on (don’t ask).
So… in other words, not exactly the most uneventful bachelorette party. Or would-be bachelorette party, that is. It doesn’t help that Annie herself pretty much caused all the above incidents to happen, which really pisses off Lillian. After all, how would you want to be remembered at the fashion house you bought your wedding dress from. I certainly wouldn’t want to be referred to as “The Bride Who Had The Brazilian Barbeque Splatters”.
Will Annie and Lillian’s friendship be saved? Or will Helen become Lillian’s new BFF? What other disasters are waiting in the wings for our bridal chicks? And will Annie be able to turn it all around? What happens when she meets a hot Irish (don’t ask) state trooper named Rhodes? Will he be the beacon she needs to finally get her act together? Or will she give him food poisoning, too?
Tune in and see. Just don’t blame me if you decide to get your girlfriends together and have a bachelorette party - even if nobody is getting married.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: In our last review for HORRIBLE BOSSES, I drew a distinction between that film and last year’s mega-hit THE HANGOVER. The former while certainly funny and amusing, also sported a premise so implausible that it prevented the film from reach truly hilarious heights. The latter, on the other hand, had a hook that was completely believable, allowing us to exist in the moment with the characters - making the humor more than just hilarious. It became timeless. And there’s a difference between a timeless comedy and a merely funny one.
Further proof of that distinction arrives with our next review, the timelessly hilarious BRIDESMAIDS. The reason this movie works so well is because, just like THE HANGOVER and unlike HORRIBLE BOSSES, the central premise is a believable one: the infighting between a group of bridesmaids and the ensuing comic results. BRIDESMAIDS also has the distinction of being a wedding comedy where the central relationship is between two girlfriends. While there is a male lead in Chris O’Dowd’s Irish cop, the emphasis is on the friendship between Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig’s character.
By anchoring the comedy in believably human relationships and situations, the humor rings true and is never unbelievably outlandish. My issue with HORRIBLE BOSSES is that, while funny, the heroes decide to kill off their bosses far too quickly. As a result, you don’t embrace the ensuing hijinks as thoroughly. With BRIDESMAIDS, on the other hand, that isn’t the case. This is one hilarious movie.
However, the characters and the actors playing them deserve just as much credit as the plausible plot. Kristen Wiig turns Annie into a refreshingly imperfect, yet still lovely, heroine. Unlike the “perfect women” leads of other wedding romantic comedies, she and Maya Rudolph as Lillian make for relatable leads. These aren’t flawless supermodels but real women.
Rose Byrne as Helen is one woman who could be a flawless supermodel, but her cool, perfect beauty is used against type here. Instead, she is portrayed as the predatory and duplicitous one of the group. But you don’t cast Rose Byrne in a movie without using those sensitively gorgeous eyes and, sure enough, when Helen “turns good” later in the film, Byrne uses those unforgettable peepers of her to great effect. I would marry this chick in a heartbeat. And anyone who knows me knows I’m allergic to marriage.
Ellie Kemper and Wendi McLendon-Covey provide warm and solid support as Becca and Rita, two of the other bridesmaids. But it is Melissa McCarthy as the hilarious and surprisingly wise Megan who steals the show. McCarthy shapes Megan into an instantly iconic comedy character. Megan is someone who clearly doesn’t belong in one niche. Instead, she has layers that keep surprising us. Brash, funny, raunchy, irreverent, but also unswervingly loyal and generous, Megan ends up being Annie’s saving grace. The best scene in the whole film is when Megan visits Annie at home and talk some sense into her. Oh, and watch for the end credits. You’ll see.
Chris O’Dowd matches Kristen Wiig in the “lovely-but-not-perfect” department as Rhodes, the Irish cop who finds himself drawn to Annie. I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to see a comedy where the male and female lead are not sleek, perfect, and blindingly gorgeous. These two are definitely attractive and great to look at, but in a way that is not unapproachable. Let’s hope for more of this “against-type” casting.
In the end, BRIDESMAIDS stands well apart from the pack of wedding-themed rom-coms with its down-to-earth approach to its characters and situations, as well as an emphasis on the various relationships and quirks of the people that push the plot forward.
Like THE HANGOVER, it’s an instant modern classic…
(Pretty strong argument for being self-employed, eh?)
CAST: Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis, Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston, Colin Farrell, Donald Sutherland.
DIRECTOR: Seth Gordon
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and three bosses from hell - straight ahead…
I thought THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA (review # ) was a hilarious film. Watching an icy, imperious, high-powered fashion editor played with glacial perfection by Her Royal Highness Meryl Streep, terrorize her lowly assistants played by Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt, was an utter hoot. Fortunately, I’ve never had a boss quite like Dame Streep’s character, and so it was easy to find the film funny.
Now, imagine the premise of THE DEVILWEARS PRADA, then multiply it by three by making the protagonists three guys who have three different bosses - all colossal assholes. Then tweak it even more by having the three dudes fight back by… conspiring to kill off their bosses. Suddenly, we’re playing on a completely different field here, boys and girls. The kind that Alfred Hitchcock could’ve mined for thrills.
But, no… HORRIBLE BOSSES goes the comedy route. Apparently, murder is a laughing matter. And it’s even funnier when your, ahem, “murder consultant” is Jamie Foxx. But before we get to him, let’s meet our three heroes/would-be murderers. They are: (1) Nick (Jason Bateman), an ambitious corporate climber with a raging psycho for a boss (Kevin Spacey; (2) Dale (Charlie Day), nebbish dental tech whose lascivious maneater boss (Jennifer Aniston) permanently has her tongue stuck in his ear; and (3) Kurt (Jason Sudeikis), a mellow sales rep whose beloved boss (Donald Sutherland) has just croaked from a heart-attack and been replaced by his coke-snorting tool of a son (Colin Farrell).
Guess what these guys talk about at Happy Hour? First two don’t count.
At any rate, Nick, Dale, and Kurt eventually decide that they have two choices: (1) quit, or (2) kill their bosses. Guess which one they choose. Yup: enter Jamie Foxx as our “murder consultant.” His name is Dean Jones, but given that is the most unlikely moniker for a “murder consultant” he goes by the much edgier identifier of, ahem, “Mo-Fo.” Which is good, because the bar that Mo-Fo hangs out in looks like the kind of place that would sooner beat a “Dean Jones” into a pulp than serve him anything.
Long story short, Mo-Fo advises our three murderous dipshits to make their bosses’ deaths look like accidents. “Keep it simple,” he counsels them, as if they were asking for advice on how furnish their man-caves at home. Before you know it, Nick, Dale, and Kurt are hatching a plan to bring their bosses down - literally.
But will it work? Will our doofus trio actually pull it off? Or will one (or more) of their bosses realize their dastardly plan? And if so, what will the do about it? Do our heroes have something up their sleeve? And how will they use it? And the most important question of all: does Mo-Fo cause any commotions when he goes to class reunions. Such as in:
CLASSMATE: Hi, Mo-Fo, I used to play soccer with you. I’m a dry-cleaning store owner. What are you up to?
MO-FO: I’m a murder consultant.
CLASSMATE: (after a five-second pause). I think I see old Tommy Hinkhouser over there. I’m gonna say hi. Be right back…
(classmates vamooses it the fuck outta there….)
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Some critics have made it sound like HORRIBLE BOSSES is this year’s THE HANGOVER. Not quite. Although it’s obvious that the producers were using somewhat of the same template with their approach: three friends caught in a situation that would normally be considered dire, but is played for laughs. In THE HANGOVER it was the search for a missing friends after a Bacchanalian bachelor party. In HORRIBLE BOSSES, it’s trying to kill of three difficult employers.
HORRIBLE BOSSES is funny enough, but it’s nowhere near as hilarious as THE HANGOVER - or even as funny as many critics themselves are making it out to be. The main reason is because the central premise is just far too unbelievable. THE HANGOVER was one of those rare comedies that actually sprung from a completely plausible scenario: three friends get so drunk that they forget where they left the fourth one. As a result, the characters and situations were relatable and that is crucial for comic gold.
HORRIBLE BOSSES is more like comic silver. It’s just not possible for us to believe that three educated guys would resort to murder to get rid of their bosses. The result is humor that must be taken with a grain of salt. Not thigh-slappingly funny, but not lame either. It is a solid enough comedy that is highlighted by decent performances from everyone involved. The standouts are Charlie Day, Jennifer Aniston, and Jamie Foxx. These three mine their roles for maximum laughs. Everytime their characters are onscreen, HORRIBLE BOSSES climbs a notch. It’s because of them that this reaches a fairly high rating of ***½ (good).
In the end, all I have to say is this: don’t believe the hype: HORRIBLE BOSSES is not the funniest comedy of the year. Go in expecting that and you will be sorely disappointed. However, go in expecting solid entertainment that will divert you for a couple of hours (while not exactly suspending your disbelief), then you will do just fine.
Hiya, folks... please find below a list of movies and music scores that we will be reviewing between now and the end of July:
Movies:
# 372 - HORRIBLE BOSSES (AKA: The Devil Wears Wal-Mart)
# 373 - BRIDESMAIDS (AKA: Another Reason To Never Get Married)
# 374 - CAPTAIN AMERICA (AKA: Chris Evans' Pecs For Dessert)
Music:
# 3 - INCOGNITO (AKA: Music To Forge Paintings By)
# 4 - SLIVER (AKA: Music To Fuck By)
From INCOGNITO's score:
From SLIVER's soundtrack:
Have a great week, folks. I had hoped to get some pics put up from a dive today, but we cancelled it and postponed it to August. Please expect the pics then...
Composer: Hans Zimmer (with songs from UB40, Iggy Pop, Greg Allman and others)
Genre of Film: Action/Thriller
TRACK LISTING:
1. Livin' On The Edge Of The Night - Iggy Pop
2. The Way You Do The Things You Do - UB40
3. Back To Life (Jam On The Groove Mix) - Soul II Soul
4. Laserman - Ryuichi Sakamoto
5. Singing In The Shower - Les Rita Mitsouko/Sparks
6. I'll Be Holding On - Gregg Allman
7. Black Rain Suite: Sato - Hans Zimmer
8. Black Rain Suite: Charlie Loses His Head - Hans Zimmer
9. Black Rain Suite: Sugai - Hans Zimmer
10. Black Rain Suite: Nick & Masa - Hans Zimmer
BACKGROUND: One of my favorite films is BLACK RAIN, because it is a riveting action/thriller set in Japan, which used to be my favorite country in the whole world before Italy took its place. But it's not just because it's set in Japan that BLACK RAIN has a special place in my heart. It's also directed by my favorite director: Ridley Scott. Scott directed one of my other favorites: GLADIATOR.
Another thing that both GLADIATOR and BLACK RAIN have in common are the terrific, influential scores that were composed by that German musical genius: Hans Zimmer. By the time GLADIATOR was made, Zimmer was already an established talent. Back in 1989, though, he was just getting started, having provided the scores for RAIN MAN and A WORLD APART. BLACK RAIN would be the film score that would put him on the map. This music's combo of strident and soulful, energetic and thoughtful, sinister yet benevolent is the same template that would later be copied by countless action/thrillers later on...
IN A NUTSHELL: The first six tracks of the BLACK RAIN soundtrack are songs that play during various scenes of the film. Since many of these scenes take place in Osaka nightclubs, we are treated to a series of pop dittys, some good ("Singing in the Shower", "The Way You Do The Thing You Do"), some merely okay ("I'll be Holding On), and some downright WTF? ("Laserman").
But it's the last four tracks, however, that form the meat of the album. These tracks comprise excerpts from Hans Zimmer's score. I'll discuss each of them separately:
7. SATO
Sinister and ominous, this track is appropriately named after the villain of BLACK RAIN. Combining pulsating techno sounds with Asian hints, this track plays over the scenes of Michael Douglas and Andy Garcia's characters arriving in Japan and realizing the shitstorm they've entered. An unsettling, eerie, yet energetic piece that sets the film's mood perfectly.
8. CHARLIE LOSES HIS HEAD
This track title is a major spoiler, since it pretty much reveals what happens to Andy Garcia's character. Alternately discordant and harmonious, the track succeeds in putting the viewer in a state of suspense as Charlie is terrorized by Sato's henchmen, resulting in... well, you already know if you've seen the film. And if you haven't, well, see it.
But the track goes on from this blaringly unsettling intro, and seques into the quietly mournful passage that sees Nick (Michael Douglas) being comforted by the elusive, mysterious Joyce (Kate Capshaw), who has finally dropped her guard to help him in his his time of need. This is my favorite scene in the whole film (along with the Nick-Masa noodle shop scene), and the accompanying music is unforgettable.
Then the track becomes more focused and deadly, playing over the scene where Nick and Masa raid Sato's hideout for clues - and find the telltale sequins on the table (don't ask, see the movie). This passage is so galvanizing and stirring that it has been used as trailer music for so many action/thrillers.
9. SUGAI
This music is the track that is my favorite in the album. It plays over the scenes where Nick and Masa use the sequins discovery to deduce that Miyuki is Sato's girlfriend - and tail her around Osaka hoping it will lead them to him. The music is a perfect blend of techno and Eastern strains and is perfect for a "chase" sequence.
10. NICK AND MASA
The coda music for the movie that sees Nick and Masa saying their farewells. It also plays over the scene of Nick thanking Joyce for finally choosing a side - his side. Just like the GLADIATOR soundtrack, all the themes and motifs that recurred throughout the album all come together here to form a soaring finale that ends the film on the right note. Just like GLADIATOR.
FINAL ANALYSIS: In my review for GLADIATOR, I likened the music of that movie to its hero, the many-sided Roman general Maximus Decidius Meridius played by can't-take-your-eyes-off-him Russell Crowe. The music was both rough and gentle in equal measure. The same is true with the music from BLACK RAIN. Just like its enigmatic hero Nick Conklin (Michael Douglas), it is multi-faceted - with often surprising layers. The score effectively combines driving action, melancholic understatement, and exotic mystery.
In short, the score is like a movie in itself. It's a ground-breaking album that paved the way for the action/thriller scores of today.
Composer: Hans Zimmer (with vocals by Lisa Gerrard)
Genre of Film: Action/Drama
Track Listing:
1. Progeny
2. The Wheat
3. The Battle
4. Earth
5. Sorrow
6. To Zuccabar
7. Patricide
8. The Emperor Is Dead
9. The Might of Rome
10. Strength and Honor
11. Reunion
12. Slaves to Rome
13. Barbarian Horde
14. Am I Not Merciful
15. Elysium (with vocals by Lisa Gerrard)
16. Honor Him (with vocals by Lisa Gerrard)
17. Now We Are Free (with vocals by Lisa Gerrard)
BACKGROUND: The film GLADIATOR was one of the biggest hits of 2000, and cemented Russell Crowe's stature as not only a formidable acting talent, but also a star to reckon with in the Hollywood firmament. The film went on to win Academy Awards for Best Picture and Best Actor, and has become a modern-day classic that went on to revive the "Swords-And-Sandals" and "Historical Action Film" genres. Let's face it: without GLADIATOR's success, we would not have seen TROY, KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, 300, ROME, or even ROBIN HOOD. To say that this film is influential is like saying Russell Crowe is kind of hot.
Another gift bestowed upon audiences worldwide by GLADIATOR is its wonderful musical score by musical genius Hans Zimmer. Zimmer caught my attention with his propulsive and moody score for BLACK RAIN in 1989 (review coming), and he has gone on to give us such gems as the scores from BEYOND RANGOON, BATMAN BEGINS, GREEN CARD, THE DARK KNIGHT, and THE LAST SAMURAI, among others.
But it is GLADIATOR that almost everyone knows and remembers... read on to find out why:
IN A NUTSHELL: When I think of the music for GLADIATOR, I can't help but think of the hero of the film, the Roman General Maximus Decidius Meridius played by the smoldering Crowe. This is a guy who is tough, yet vulnerable... serious, yet playful... vicious, yet gentle... self-effacing, yet also unforgettable... intense, yet surprisingly mellow... masculine and mature, yet also child-like...
Like the most interesting people, he is a person of contradictions - with many layers waiting to be discovered. There's a reason why Empire Magazine named Maximus one of the most iconic film characters of all time. The more you know him, the more you discover...
The same goes for the music of GLADIATOR, which is all the qualities and contradictions of Maximus listed above. The film is at once a energizing action film, and a melancholy exploration of loss, loyalty, sacrifice, and redemption. It's these twin qualities that the Hans Zimmer's score so ably touches on.
For most of the first fourteen tracks, the action and intrigue of the film is clearly essayed, with ominous and dark tones dominating the album. There are, however, hints of the ethereal last three tracks interwoven here and there - acting as signs of how the story (and score) will end. These first fourteen tracks are bracingly masculine, entirely appropriate to the story of Roman General who loses everything he loves, and is now fighting back with cold-blooded vengeance laced with a quiet mourning for his loss.
While these first fourteen tracks are good (especially AM I NOT MERCIFUL?), it's the last three tracks that make this album. Titled ELYSIUM, HONOR HIM, and - the best one - NOW WE ARE FREE, these tracks are highlighted by Lisa Gerrard's haunting vocals. These last three tracks captured the other side of Maximus - his gentle, human side: Maximus the father and husband of a slain son and wife. The first time I saw GLADIATOR, the ending moved an entire theater audience to tears, and it's just as much to do with the emotionally powerful score, as it does with the beloved character of Maximus.
These three tracks are so good that I will discuss each of them separately:
15. ELYSIUM
At the beginning of the film, Maximus references "Elysium" - the place that dead soldiers go to. This first reference is made jokingly to his troops. After Marcus Aurelius' murder at Commodus' hands, however, the references to "Elysium" become increasingly somber, with flashes to a wheatfield and Maximus hallucinating about his dead wife and son.
Hints of the ELYSIUM play throughout the first fourteen tracks, but only in snippets. Clearly, Zimmer is building up to a full reveal that occurs at the very end - when a mortally-wounded Maximus, having slain Commodus, instructs the senate on how to carry forward and has another, final flash to the wheat field of his dreams. This is when ELYSIUM plays in full. And it is a haunting piece...
16. HONOR HIM
More mournful and heavy than ELYSIUM, this track plays over Lucilla forcing her sorrow to the depths following Maximus's death, and levelly addressing the senate and the colloseum: "Is Rome worth the life of one good man? We believed it once - make us believe it again. He was a soldier of Rome. Honor him."
At which point, the senators and other surviving gladiators carry Maximus' body out of the arena.
NOTE: An earlier draft of the GLADIATOR script actually had Maximus surviving to take care of Lucius, Lucilla's son. Lucilla was the one who perished at the hands of her brother Commodus. She basically sacrificed herself to keep Maximus alive, therefore finally proving her love to him which he doubted. But this was rewritten to the ending that we now see in the film. Personally, I like the idea of Lucilla's taking that step to keep Maximus okay, but Maximus belongs with his family in the afterlife. So the ending in the movie is perfect.
17. NOW WE ARE FREE
This is it, folks. This is the track that even non-film score collectors love and listen to. Vibrant, upbeat, yet also melancholy somehow, this track plays right after Lucilla's commands the men to honor Maximus. Juba (Djimon Honsou), one of Maximus' surviving gladiator friends, buries the clay figures of Maximus' wife and son in the soil of the arena, promising his dead friend that they will see each other again in the afterlife.
This track is the perfect sound to end such an emotionally-rewarding film to. Lisa Gerrard's soulful vocals are a perfect complement to Hans Zimmer's bracing and confident musical narratives. I look forward to these two collaborating again on a future film. Hopefully by Ridley Scott, as well. Hopefully, it will be called... THE ITALIAN STRIKER...
FINAL ANALYSIS: GLADIATOR is beautiful, multi-faceted score that effectively combines potent, driving masculine compositions with softer, more ethereal cues - resulting in a musical experience that's as close as you can get to an emotional journey...
But don't take my word for it. Check out the sounds below:
5. SORROW:
10. STRENGTH AND HONOR & 11. REUNION:
15. ELYSIUM, 16. HONOR HIM, & 17. NOW WE ARE FREE:
WIMBLEDON (2004 - ROMANCE / COMEDY / SPORTS FLICK) ***½ out of *****
(Who knew tennis could be so sexy?)
CAST: Paul Bettany, Kirsten Dunst, Sam Neill, James MacAvoy, Jon Favreau, Bernard Hill, Eleanor Bron, Austin Nichols.
DIRECTOR: Richard Loncraine
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and pretty strong argument for short white shorts and short white skirts - straight ahead…
In our reviews for BASIC INSTINCT (review # 83) and THE PROPOSAL (review # 369), we talked about how screenwriters in Hollywood and elsewhere must deal with one rather annoying occupational hazard: working and slaving on a project for months or even years, then suddenly discovering through a trade magazine or newspaper that a movie with the same story is already shooting or getting ready to start pre-production.
Way back in 1990, I wrote a script called STILETTO about a NYC homicide detective who investigates a series of brutal slayings of Manhattan men involving a stiletto dagger. They all turn out to be the exes of a mysterious photographer whose photos and videos eerily predict the killings. With her as the common link, she is instantly the prime suspect. But the cop doesn’t count on slowly falling for her, despite the fact that she might be the one who committed all the crimes. Sound familiar? It’s pretty much the plot of BASIC INSTINCT - and I wrote it way before BASIC INSTINCT came out.
Then there’s the script a writer/director friend of mine wrote in 2004 called SWITCHING TEAMS, a comedy about two men - one a British straight guy, the other an American gay dude - who are forced to pretend they are married so that the Brit won’t get deported. A suspicious INS investigator digs into their relationship, and they are forced to step up the charade in order to not get in trouble - but they unexpectedly fall for each other. My friend actually had me in my mind for the gay dude (big stretch there) to keep costs down. If this story also sounds familiar, it’s because it’s basically THE PROPOSAL starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds, but with a hetero couple.
Needless to say, my friend and I basically shelved both STILETTO and SWITCHING TEAMS because they were just too similar to BASIC INSTINCT and THE PROPOSAL. And we both moved on. It is what it is.
Then, in 2002, it happened to me again. See, after watching my first World Cup in 1998, I was inspired by the whole spectacle, and started working on a project called THE ITALIAN STRIKER. It was meant to not only tap into my lifelong fascination with soccer, but also my back-then newfound-love for the World Cup. It was meant to be a romantic comedy revolving around the World Cup 2002 about an Italian-American forward (or striker) on the U.S. National Team who’s lost his drive for the game, and intends to retire (even though he’s only in his early thirties) after the tournament.
Then he meets a beautiful half-American/Half-British photojournalist covering the tournament who is fiery and passionate about soccer. Before long, her passion for the sport not only makes him fall for her, but also revives his ardor for the game which fires up his playing. This leads to the U.S. National Team blazing its way up the rosters and into the Quarter Finals. The Italian striker and the photojournalist’s relationship intensifies, as well, which becomes problematic - because she’s the fiancee of the captain of the British National Team. Ooops. And when the U.S. and the British National teams make it into the finals, it leads to all-out war both on the soccer field, and off it. So it's not just professional - it's also personal now. Who will win the World Cup - and the photojournalist’s heart? Her fiancee - or the Italian striker? Oh, and the whole world just happens to be watching...
I had written several drafts of THE ITALIAN STRIKER by the time late 2002 rolled around. By then I’d changed the setting to the World Cup 2006 in Germany, for obvious reasons. Then one day I read in a newspaper about a romantic comedy script called WIMBLEDON that was already undergoing casting and entering pre-production. It was about two tennis players - one on his way down and about to retire, the other on her way up and about to become a star - who meet during the famed Wimbledon tournament in England. They end up falling in love - which is problematic because the female player’s controlling father thinks it will ruin her game. The hero’s game, on the other hand, improves considerably. Which leads him to blaze a trail up the rosters - and into the finals.
I remember thinking: “Oh, goddamnit. Not again.” In the end, though, I didn’t shelve THE ITALIAN STRIKER the way I did STILETTO. Why? Because after I saw WIMBLEDON in 2004, I realized that once you get past the superficial similarities between the two stories (two people unexpectedly fall in love while a world-famous sporting event unfolds around them), the movies are really quite different. THE ITALIAN STRIKER is not just about a love between two people, but also about their love for the game of soccer and how universal it is - and how it transforms them both. What better place to demonstrate that passion than at the World Cup itself?
In other words, there was hope left for THE ITALIAN STRIKER, after all. Currently, I’m turning the screenplay into a novel, with the setting changed to the World Cup 2018. My trip to the Brazil World Cup 2014 won’t be just to cover the games - but also to do research for the novel. The story began its life in 1998, so it’s been almost 13 years in the making - but I don’t mind waiting a few more years if it means getting the World Cup details right. How else can you write about the World Cup without attending it first? I’d always planned to go to the World Cup to do research. The opportunity never really presented itself until now. Let’s keep our fingers crossed for THE ITALIAN STRIKER. If the book ever gets published, maybe it’ll get turned into a movie. We’ll see…
Back to WIMBLEDON, which as I mentioned before follows the same template of two folks who fall for each other in the middle of a famed tournament race. Our lovebirds are not an Italian-American forward and British-American photojournalist, but a British tennis ace player and an up-and-coming American star player. He is Peter Cort (Paul Bettany), and she is Lizzie Bradbury (Kirsten Dunst). And they couldn’t be more mismatched.
You see, Peter used to be the # 11 in the world rankings, but is now something like # 119. Which even an idiot like me who knows diddly-squat about tennis can tell you is not a good thing. Lizzie, on the other hand, is the polar opposite: she’s what in the military we call a “fast-burner”. Meaning, she looks as young as Kirsten Dunst, but she’s already gained more stature and mileage than any of her more experienced, veteran peers. Like, you know, Peter.
This being a romantic comedy, our couple has to have a “meet-cute” - meaning a scene where they first meet that isn’t the way any real-life couple would ever meet. In the movies, you can’t something as lame as, oh, running into each other repeatedly in the elevator and making chit-chat. Ya gotta make things more interesting. In WIMBLEDON’s case, Peter and Lizzie’s meet-cute involves: (1) the incompetent staff of their hotel giving Peter the wrong room, which (2) turns out to be Lizzie’s, where Peter finds her (3) showering. To her credit, Lizzie doesn’t even bat an eyelash when he spots her in her dripping-wet birthday suit. More like gives him some serious “bedroom eyes”.
Even though Peter leaves the room red-faced and with a boner, you know it’s just a matter of time before they meet up again to consummate that attraction. Sure enough, after scarfing down some fish-and-chips (which would not be my food of choice before a sex marathon) Peter and Lizzie proceed to have themselves a, um, love match of their own.
Unfortunately, Lizzie’s dad (Sam Neill) is not exactly over the moon about his daughter’s new romance. He’s your basic over-protective worry wart who’s sure that Lizzie’s going to fluch her game down the toilet because of our boy Peter. Before you know it, Mr. Bradbury basically declares Lizzie and about a hundred feet around her a “Peter-free” zone. At least until the tournament is over.
Can Peter and Lizzie wait that long? Or will they find a way to make it all work out? What happens when Lizzie’s game does get affected for the worse? Will she hold it against Peter? Or will she understand and cut him some slack? Does Peter actually have a chance at winning Wimbledon and moving out of the # 119 slot? Or will Lizzie beat him at it? And the most important question of all: will their sex life suffer if Lizzie wins Wimbledon?
That’s why a player should never get involved with another player. They should just go for us photojournalists. I’m just saying…
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Soccer is a sport that is rough, graceful, gritty, elegant, intense, and smooth in equal measure. If THE ITALIAN STRIKER ever gets published or turned into a movie, I’d love to see a director like Ridley Scott (GLADIATOR, BLACK HAWK DOWN) brings it to the screen. He’s a director gifted at scenes that are both kinetic and emotional at the same time. Think of the action scenes in GLADIATOR. That’s the kind of intensity the World Cup soccer scenes would need. Scott could also bring his quiet sense of style and grace for the more character-driven, intimate scenes off the field.
WIMBLEDON, on the other hand, revolves around tennis. I’ve always thought of tennis as a “lighter” sport. No rough stuff, practically the opposite of soccer. As such, the film needs a similarly light touch. There a few moments of intensity throughout the film, but the overall tones is airy and breezy, much like the way I view tennis. This is not a dis on the sport, as some are as passionate as some of us are for soccer. But tennis is simply not something I’ve followed.
It’s a credit to director Richard Loncraine and his gifted cast that the tennis matches comes to life and engaged me. I expected to be a little bored by them, but I was actually leaning forward to catch the action. Loncraine films the tennis scenes in gliding, flowing manner that never becomes dull, but rather keeps your attention. Considering I’ve never been able to watch a tennis game on TV for more than 30 seconds, that’s saying something.
It helps considerably that Loncraine has a group of remarkable actors playing roles that are vivid and well-defined. Of special note is Paul Bettany as Peter Cort, who is easily one of the most likable protagonists to star in any film. As written, Peter is the scion of wealthy family - but you’d never know it from looking at him. Self-mocking, humble, mellow, thoughtful, and always gracious, he basically gives us a very strong rooting interest. Bettany makes it abundantly clear why a firecracker like Lizzie, who has her pick of men, would fall for this unglamorous guy. It’s a nice, low-key performance with the right amounts of intensity here and there. The fact that the final match between Peter and his opponent is so suspenseful can be attributed to how much we’ve come to like the character.
In the pivotal role of the woman who catches his fancy, Kirsten Dunst does very well. Lizzie Bradbury is obviously modeled as the “Fun-Loving American Amidst Reserved Brits” in the tradition of Anna Scott (Julia Roberts) from NOTTING HILL and Carrie (Andie MacDowell) from FOUR WEDDING AND A FUNERAL. In her hands, Lizzie is a potent mix of fiery talent, steely determination, spicy playfulness, and tender uncertainty. Plus, she has great chemistry with Bettany. Lizzie and Peter are a screen couple you automatically want to see make it because their interactions are so solid and believable.
In pivotal supporting roles, Sam Neill, Austin Nichols, and Jon Favreau are pretty good, themselves. Favreau, in particular, is hilarious as Peter’s opportunistic American agent. He gets the best laughs in the movie.
In the end, WIMBLEDON is a nice love story set in the middle of the most famous tennis tournament in the world. It’s refreshingly tart and sweet in the right proportions. In the end, it’s different enough from THE ITALIAN STRIKER for me to hold on to the project and continue working on it - as I have been on and off since 1998. Hopefully, it'll hit the printed page and the silver screen one day...
THE QUICK AND DEAD (1995 - ACTION / WESTERN / GIRL POWER FLICK) *** out of *****
(Sharon Stone as a gunslinger. Right. And I’m Calamity Jane)
CAST: Sharon Stone, Gene Hackman, Russell Crowe, Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobin Bell, Roberts Blossom, Keith David, Olivia Burnette.
DIRECTOR: Sam Raimi
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and rather unbelievable gunslinging heroines straight ahead…
Ellen, the heroine of our next review THE QUICK AND THE DEAD played by Sharon Stone, is one grumpy bitch. Seriously - I would not want to be stuck in a car with this chick for hours on a road trip. Or, given that THE QUICK AND THE DEAD is a western, I wouldn’t want to be saddled with her on the same horseback. She just might kill me. Or I might kill her first. I don’t care how much she looks like Sharon Stone.
Of course, to be fair, Ellen does have good reason to be grumpy. To wit, the following has happened to her: (1) an evil dude named Herod (Gene Hackman) killed her marshal father (Gary Sinise) when she was just a little girl; (2) this has scarred her for the rest of her life and now she wants revenge; and (3) Pantente Pro-V Hair Conditioner has not been invented yet and so Ellen must walk around with her hair looking like a dusty mophead. Trust me - you’d be pissed off, too.
Anyhow, our story kicks off when Ellen rides into town, scowling like a champ of course. The town is called Redemption, and apparently it has a yearly event called “The Quick Draw” contest. This is basically similar to the gun duels you’ve seen on the Looney Tunes Cartoon where Elmer, Bugs, Daffy, Sylvester, Tweety, or any two cartoon characters basically try to see who is the fastest at, uh, blowing their wad. And I don’t mean in that “That’s alright, dude, we can try again in fifteen minutes” way.
Whatever. The point is, this is an interesting time to be in Redemption, and before you know it, Ellen has entered the contest. Basically all the players will shoot each other off - until only one person is left standing to claim the prize: a whopping….$123,000. Hmmmmm. Thank god this is the Wild Wild West, because $123,000 is barely enough money to have a killer block party these days.
Again, whatever. So the other contestants in the, uh, contest are: (1) The Kid (Leonardo DiCaprio), Herod’s ultra-cocky son who is convinced of his greatness, obviously being prescient enough to know he will one day star in a movie called INCEPTION; (2) Cantrell (Keith David), spiffy dude with a hidden agenda; (3) Cort (Russell Crowe), smokin’ hot dude who is apparently both a preacher and a killer, making him the perfect guy - good boy and bad boy rolled into one; and or course: (4) Herod himself, who basically sponsors this contest. Kind of like the way Microsoft sponsors the Sounders. You know how Kasey K. and the rest of his gang wear jerseys that read “X-BOX 360”? Well, The Kid, Ellen, Cort, Cantrell, and the rest of the gunslingers should wear ponchos that read “HEROD INC.”
Anyway, there are a bunch of other contestants but none of them are as hot as the five mentioned above. Pretty soon, people are challenging each other to duels that wind up leaving the street of Redemption littered with corpse. Not for long, though, because apparently the people of Redemption just love to strip down corpses of all their valuables. Nice place to live, Redemption…
Before you know it, only four players are left: (1) Ellen, (2) Cort, (3) The Kid, and (5) Big Daddy Herod. Who will survive the semi-finals? Will Ellen bust a hole in Cort’s chest? Or will Cort beat her to it? Will they even try to kill each other considering they clearly look like they want to fuck each other’s brains out? What about The Kid and Herod? Will The Kid kill his own father? And will Herod cap his own son? Are they even really related?
And the most important question of all: will Ellen get her revenge on Herod? Wait… the real question is this: will Ellen finally get some fucking conditioner for that hair. Seriously, it’s starting to bug me.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: In the wake of BASIC INSTINCT, SLIVER, INTERSECTION, and THE SPECIALIST in the early 90’s, Sharon Stone was in danger of being permanently typecast as either: (1) the cool, calculating femme fatale with hidden depths who may or may not be evil; or (2) the strong but emotionally vulnerable career gal who may or may not be in serious danger from the man she loves. Stone was quite good playing # 1 in both BASIC INSTINCT and THE SPECIALIST, and was just as compelling as # 2 in both SLIVER and INTERSECTION.
Still, she must have felt that she needed to broaden her range and play other kinds of women. Which is probably why she chose to do THE QUICK AND THE DEAD. The decision is not entirely without merit. After all, there’s no better way to leave behind the sleek, polished, glamorous bombshells Stone played in the past, than to don some leather chaps, cowboy boots. duster and hat, and cover it all in grime. In theory, anyway. The result, unfortunately, is underwhelming despite the initial novelty of having the soigne Stone play a Wild West Woman.
I adore Sharon Stone, and think that is a very underrated talent, but the fact remains she is simply not believable as gunslinger. She does her best, and tries to invest Ellen with the emotional intensity needed for us to keep our eyes on her, even when she spends most of the movie silent and keeping to herself. Sadly, Stone doesn’t quite manage it.
It’s not entirely her fault. Blame for this weak central performance must also go to writer Simon Moore and director Sam Raimi. The way the script is written, Ellen spends far too much time on the sidelines watching the action. Moore concentrates on the trio of Herod, Cort, and The Kid - supporting male characters who end up driving the action and plot more than Ellen does. Of course, it doesn’t help that these guys are played by three of the most charismatic actors out there. They basically steal the show from the star.
Gene Hackman is a delight as Herod, and he actually makes his villainy seem playful and sexy. His performance here is one of his best, chiefly because he knows how to act with our without words. Matching him in the charisma department is Russell Crowe, who made his American film debut in this movie. The guy is simply a wonder of the acting world, and has more potent masculine screen presence in one little finger, than the majority of Hollywood’s male acting contingent combined.
Then there’s Leonardo DiCaprio, whom I have slowly grown to appreciate over the years. I could never understand the TITANIC hoopla (which came after this movie), but after BLOOD DIAMOND and INCEPTION, my eyes have seen the light. This guy may be no Russell Crowe (who is but Rusty himself?), but he is up there in the intensity department. And watching him in his youth in THE QUICK AND THE DEAD you can see the simmering talent just waiting to bloom. He hold every scene he’s in - and matches his much more experienced co-stars.
In the end, THE QUICK AND THE DEAD might have been more than just an above-average western if Ellen’s role had been rewritten to be more dynamic and present. As it is, she seems to be a supporting player in her own showcase. Stone does what she can with the role, but she facing an uphill slog. Even Meryl Streep might have had a hard time making Ellen register, considering how much she’s absent from the action.
Still, it’s a decent western, and considering I abhor westerns, that’s saying something. Of course, it’s a western with Russell Crowe in it…
Well, the weekend was going great until I found out that my favorite soccer player, the Italian defender Fabio Cannavaro, is retiring from the Beautiful Game at the age of 38.
I can't tell you folks how much this saddens me. I've followed Cannavaro's career since 1998 when I first moved to Europe and started my immersion into European football. The guy is not just a handsome face - he's an actual dynamo of a defender. He has a stellar track record with Inter-Milan, Parma, Real Madrid, Juventus, and now Al Alhi in Dubai. And, of course, he led the Italian National team to World Cup Victory in 2006 as the team captain. And he's from Naples, where I lived for 3 years. Part of the reason I was happy when I got my assignment to Naples was because I knew I'd be going to Fabio's home town.
Well... This is pretty much a huge bummer for anyone who loves the game. But we have to have faith that this move will be better for him in the long run. His knee must be pretty bad if he has to retire early. Of course, he's had a great run, and that's what we need to focus on.
Anyhow... please find below a collage/slide show of Fabio's career. Sigh...
Fabio, ci mancherà . Il mondo del calcio non sarà la stessa.
CAST: Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, Craig T. Nelson, Mary Steenburgen, Betty White, Malin Akerman, Denis O‘Hare.
DIRECTOR: Anne Fletcher
WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one rather extreme version of an arranged marriage - straight ahead…
Ah, the life of an aspiring screenwriter… Is there a more awful form of torture? I’m thinking, no. Let’s count all the levels on which that particular existence sucks donkey balls. Ready? Here we go: (1) you spend most of your available time writing, with just enough hours left over to watch a soccer game, go diving, or slam back a few with friends during happy hour; (2) you have to deal with over-competitive, paranoid peers who are convinced you are out to steal their ideas when you have enough of your own; (3) even if you are somehow lucky enough to catch lightning-in-a-bottle and make a sale, your “vision” will likely get ass-fucked relentlessly until it no longer resembles anything you would ever deign to write; and, last but not certainly the least: (4) no matter how brilliant or original you think your idea is, you can bet your ass that someone else already has a similar concept already in production, basically ensuring you wasted countless hours on your project.
So, it was a great load off my shoulders when I made the decision to walk away from screenwriting in January 2010. Life’s just too damn short, and boy what a difference that made. I felt like I was reborn, and finally given the freedom to more actively pursue my other passions. I know a lot of other friends who are still in the screenwriting game, and I wish them well. I have no doubt they’ll eventually make it. And they deserve to, given the crap they have to put up with. Out of all the bullshit enumerated above, the most grating (to me, anyway) is # 4: putting a lot of work into something, only to discover that someone else already has the very same idea, ready to roll.
In our review for BASIC INSTINCT (review #83), we talked about how I wrote a script called STILETTO when I was just a teenager. It was about an New York City homicide detective who finds himself attracted to the beautiful prime suspect in a serial murder case. The chick is a music video director/photographer whose three ex-boyfriends whom she kicked to the curb have all been murdered in the same fashion: tied to a bed and stabbed with a stiletto dagger. What’s worse is her photographs and videos echo certain elements of the murders - and they were taken waaaay before the crimes. The woman’s defense: “Would I kill all my exes in the same way as the models are posed in my photographs and videos? That would make no sense. I’d be incriminating myself since I’m the common link between them…”
Is she right? Is someone setting her up and using her work as a template? Is she actually the killer’s main target? Or is she the killer herself? And has come up with an ingenious way to make herself look innocent? Those are the questions the cop must try to answer, as he finds himself falling in love with her against his will. Will he wind up the next victim? Or will he solve the mystery before then? Or will he fall under the photographer’s spell and somehow become her accomplice? Let’s just say that someone crosses over to the dark side at the very end…
Anyhow, I was living in Asia at the time, and discovered that a script called BASIC INSTINCT has sold for a cool $3 million bucks. Penned by a veteran screenwriter Joe Eszterhas, the plot revolves around a San Francisco homicide detective who finds himself attracted to the beautiful prime suspect in a brutal murder of a retired rock-and-roll star with an ice-pick. The chick is a novelist with a background in psychology who was dating the murder victim. What’s worse is the murder follows the same description of a murder in one of her novels - which was published waaay before the crime. Her defense: “Would I write a book about killing and then kill someone exactly as I described in my book? I’d be announcing myself as the killer. That would be stupid.”
Hmmmmmmm…. As you can see BASIC INSTINCT and STILETTO bore many resemblances. But, sadly, this kind of thing happens all the time in Hollywood. I have no doubt that Joe Eszterhas was working from his own original idea, just as I was working from my own. There is simply no way we could’ve known about each other’s scripts. Me, being a nobody, and he, being a top screenwriter. When I found out what BASIC INSTINCT was all about, I was understandably pissed off because I thought I had an original idea. Turns out someone else on the other side of the world had beaten me to it. More power to him.
And when I finally saw BASIC INSTINCT, it was almost exactly the way I envisioned STILETTO (with the exception of the prime suspect being raven-haired, not blonde like Sharon Stone), all the way to the dark, ambiguous ending. I liked the movie a lot. And then I promptly buried STILETTO and tried to forget about it. In other words: whatever.
But I’m not the only in my circle this whammy has happened to. There’s also the comedy script a writer/director friend of mine wrote called SWITCHING TEAMS, in which two executives in a company have to fake a marriage so that one of them won’t get deported back to England. The problem? They’re both men. The Brit is a homophobic straight guy and the American is gay. The straight guy is so desperate not to be deported, he bribes the gay dude to marry him in a civil union to keep him from being booted out of the country. The problem is they hate each other, as you can imagine. On top of that, they have to deal with an INS investigator who is suspicious of their “union”. Then the craziest thing happens: amidst all that bickering and fighting and punching and trying to act like a married gay couple to satisfy the investigator and other people, they unexpectedly fall in love. Most unexpectedly for the straight guy. Hence, that title.
Sound familiar? SWITCHING TEAMS might as well be a gay version of the Sandra Bullock-Ryan Reynolds smash hit THE PROPOSAL. Take out the straight guy-gay dude angle and this is basically the same movie. Especially the trailer for THE PROPOSAL, which could be a preview for SWITCHING TEAMS, but with Bullock and Reynolds instead of, say, Daniel Craig and, well, me (my friend said he’d hired me as an actor if he could get independent financing for the project to keep costs low - that should‘ve been me and Daniel Craig pretend-kissing-then-for-real-kissing in front of the party in the trailer).
Anyhow, when my friend found out about THE PROPOSAL going into production in 2008, he basically did to SWITCHING TEAMS what I did to STILETTO when I found out about BASIC INSTINCT: used the script as a beer coaster, because that’s about all it was good for at that point - besides mulch, that is. Just another example of the conundrum that screenwriters face every day: what do you do when your “brilliant and original” idea is already green-lit by a studio with someone else’s name on it?
Answer: you cut your losses and slam back as many shots of Cuervo Gold as you can. Then you move on. That’s what I did with STILETTO. And that’s what my friend did with SWITCHING TEAMS. I guess I’ll have to wait longer for my movie debut.
In THE PROPOSAL, instead of a bickering British homophobe and American fruit, we have a bickering Canadian publishing executive (Sandra Bullock) and American executive assistant (Ryan Reynolds). Bullock is Margaret Tate, and she obviously graduated from the Miranda Priestly School of Ice Princess Leadership. Reynolds is Andrew Paxton, and he obviously graduated from the Andrea Sachs School of Mousy Wuss Assistanceship. In other words, Margaret makes his life a living hell - and he has no choice but to take it.
We know Margaret is kind of well, difficult, by the way Andrew messages everyone in the office when she arrives by saying: “The Witch Is On Her Broom.” Cue the entrance of our Ice Princess, and cue the ducking of the staff like she’s a tactical fission device heading for its target. Yes, folks. The only differences between Margaret and Miranda Priestley are: (1) Miranda is silver-haired, Margaret is brunette; and (2) well, that’s about it, really…
Just like Miranda and Andrea from THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA, Andrew and Margaret pretty much have that kind of love/hate relationship that you know would led to some seriously hot sex if they let it. And that chance comes when the INS denies Margaret a visa, leading to the threat of deportation. Yes, folks… unless our Dragon Lady in Pumps can come up with a plan, her ass is headed back to the Land of French Fries Served With Cheese Curds And Gravy and Guys With Funny Hats On Horseback.
It doesn’t come as much of a surprise that Margaret does have a plan. Too bad it’s a colossally fucked-up one. To wit, she contrives to do the following: (1) browbeat Andrew into marrying her to keep her from being deported; (2) bribe him with the chance to advance along the corporate ladder and get his novel published, and (3) force him to join her in trying to thwart a suspicious INS investigator (Denis O’Hare) who correctly surmises that there’s a greater chance of a homophobic straight British dude and an American gay guy falling in love than Margaret and Andrew ever hooking up.
And so off to Alaska our crafty “lovebirds” go to try to snowball Andrew’s family into thinking they’re actually a couple. But what happens when Mom and Dad (Craig T. Nelson, Mary Steenburgen) tell Margaret and Andrew that they should get married that weekend so that Grandma (Betty White) can witness it before she croaks? Will they go through with it? Or will they blow the whole act with their constant arguing? Or will all that sexual tension finally erupt and consume them and turn them into a real couple? What happens when that pesky INS investigator shows up in Alaska to check on our “lovebirds”? Will he ruin their plans? Or help them along somehow?
See for yourselves. But I still wish my friend’s script for SWITCHING TEAMS had beaten THE PROPOSAL to the multiplex. Just imagine: Daniel Craig and I bickering the hell out of each other for two hours before finally falling into the sack together. Let’s see that shit in 3-D!
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Okay, folks, it’s like this: THE PROPOSAL is a somewhat formulaic flick that would’ve been stale had it not been for two things: (1) the great chemistry between Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds, and (2) wonderful support from Betty White and the rest of the supporting cast.
We’ve seen this type of film before, even before SWITCHING TEAMS and THE PROPOSAL: two mismatched people meet, hate each other upon first sight, fight relentlessly, then gradually warm to each other, before finally being forced to admit the unthinkable: they’ve fallen in love. This concept has been going since IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT way back in the 1930s. They say that arguing and bickering is sometimes a sign of sexual tension and attraction, and that trope is certainly put to good use in THE PROPOSAL.
But there’s a fine line between timeless and tired, and THE PROPOSAL sidesteps the pitfall of being stale by highlighting the electric connection between its leads. Ryan Reynolds is approximately 13 years younger than Sandra Bullock, and it’s nice to see this kind of age difference between a leading man and a leading woman for a change. It’s just the right kind of age gap. The fact that Bullock is 13 years older than Reynolds actually works well for the story, as well as their interactions.
Margaret and Andrew’s relationship arc from hostile and combative, to reconciling and appreciative happens by degrees, and it’s a testament to Bullock and Reynold’s skills that it all seems reasonably fresh. Even though you know these two, as dictated by formula, will eventually fall for each other and see one another in a different light, you still enjoy the ride getting there.
In the end, THE PROPOSAL doesn’t go anywhere new. But the sheer star power and chemistry between Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds makes you feel as if it does…
In closing, please groove to the tunes of Katy Perry's song "Hot N' Cold" from THE PROPOSAL. To my writer/director friend out there reading this: if it makes any difference, I think SWITCHING TEAMS would've been an even better flick. Thanks for thinking of me for the role of the American fruit. You know I can channel my inner Sandra Bullock like no one's business..."
THE HANGOVER PART II (2011 - COMEDY) ***½ out of *****
(Boys, boys, boys, are you ever going to fucking learn?)
CAST: Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifanakis, Justin Bartha, Jaime Chung, Sasha Barrese, Ken Jeong.
DIRECTOR: Todd Phillips
WARNING: Some rather unfortunate cases of history repeating itself - straight ahead…
Recently, one of my friends whom we have referred to in the past as “Liam Neeson” because of his resemblance to said actor, called me and asked if I wanted to do the “dinner-and-a-movie” thing. The flick he had in mind was THE HANGOVER PART II. The first thing I asked “Liam” was “Have you seen THE HANGOVER PART I?” His response: “No.” My response: silence.
What I was quietly mulling over is whether his not seeing the first film would impair his understanding of the second one. Then I realized THE HANGOVER PART II is essentially THE HANGOVER PART I - but set in Bangkok. And Thailand just happens to be “Liam’s” most favorite country in the whole world. I knew that was his prime reason for wanting to see the movie. Can’t say I blame him, though, because I do the same with movies set in Italy: no matter how bad they may be, at least I know I’ll be looking at some serious eye candy, both in terms of people and geography.
In other words, all “Liam” needed was cursory (very cursory) description of the first film to set the stage for the second one. And that description goes a little something like this: “Four lovable dipshits head on down to Vegas for a Bachelor’s party - only to wake up the next morning with no memory of the night before, and the discovery that the groom is missing. Now they must race against time to reconstruct what happened and save the wedding.”
Essentially, this is the same plot breakdown for THE HANGOVER PART II, except the setting is Bangkok, Thailand. Our quartet of lovable dipshits from the THE HANGOVER are back and even more lovable (and dipshitty) than before. They are: (1) Phil (Bradley Cooper), hunky ringleader of the group; (2) Doug (Justin Bartha), mild-mannered peacekeeper of the group who was the missing groom the last time around; (3) Alan (Zach Galifanakis), bizarro extraordinaire of the group; and (4) Stu, primo whiner of the group who is also the groom this time around. His bride-to-be is the lovely, exotic Lauren (Jaime Chung), a Thai-American chick who is about to make an honest man out of Stu. Or try to, anyway.
Anyhow, the wedding is going to be on one of Thailand’s offshore islands. A couple days before the nuptials, though, our boys decide to have a drink on the beach which includes Teddy (Mason Lee), Lauren’s nerdy little brother who could use a little adventure in his life. Needless to say, you don’t have to have seen the first movie to surmise that this “harmless” drink on the beach is going to lead to some rather fucked-up stuff.
Sure enough, the next morning Phil, Alan, and Stu wake up in a dingy (really dingy) flat in Bangkok. Needless to say, this is quite the step down from the luxury suite that they came to in during the first movie. The good news is, unlike last time, there is no Bengal tiger lurking in the bathroom. Nor does Stu have a tooth missing. The bad news? There’s a monkey jumping around the room like he mainlined a cocktail of crack, blow, heroine, and a triple-Venti espresso. And let me just say that when you’re nursing a hangover that NASA could detect from space, the last thing you need is a monkey ricocheting around the room.
Oh, and further bad news? While Stu may not be missing any teeth, he does have a rather… interesting… tatoo around his left eye. And doesn’t remember how it got there. Personally, I thought the tatoo made Stu look sexy as fuck, and made me consider whether I would tell Phil to take a hike and choose him for a fuck buddy instead. Unfortunately, Stu doesn’t think the tattoo is all that hot, and freaks the hell out. I guess it doesn’t go with the tux he’ll be wearing at the altar.
Oh, and even further bad new? Teddy, Stu’s future brother-in-law, is missing. If you thought Stu was having a mega-conniption fit over the tattoo, imagine his reaction to the discovery that he’s lost his bride-to-be’s baby brother. If that’s not a sure way to not get any nookie on your honeymoon, I don’t know what is…
So… once again into the breach our boys go, trying to piece together what the hell happened the night before? What kind of clues do they have this time around? The monkey on crack? The sexy-as-fuck tattoo on Stu’s face? What role does a monastery outside Bangkok have to do with their crazy allnighter? What about a mysterious American wheeler-dealer named Kingsley? What happens when that mega-dork Chou (Ken Jeong) from the first movie turns up in Bangkok? Will he help our boys? Or throw them under the bus? And the most important question of all: why does Stu’s ass keep hurting? What happened to him the night before? Ahem?
Find out for yourselves, bitches. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…
BUT, SERIOUSLY: There are some contingents that think very lowly of THE HANGOVER PART II. They state that this film doesn’t do anything to try to differ from the first movie. Instead, they say, it recycles all the elements of the previous adventure and tweaks them a little without offering anything truly new.
They are right. However, that’s as far as I agree with them. While THE HANGOVER PART II truly does copy the template of THE HANGOVER with some alterations here and there, it is essentially the same film as the first one. Why, then, does it rate fairly high (***½, good) in my book? For two reasons: (1) the characters are as likable as the first time around, and (2) the movie is hilarious as all get out.
THE HANGOVER is a modern comedy classic that caught lightning in a bottle. It took a concept that is universally relatable, and mined it for endless comic gold. Just when you thought it couldn’t possibly tap into the mother lode of yuks any more, THE HANGOVER constantly surprised you by pulling more tricks out of its hat. That is the sign of a well-written script.
THE HANGOVER PART II suffers a little from two things: (1) a less elegant set-up than the first one, and (2) a sense of familiarity because it’s following in the steps of its trailblazing predecessor. Fortunately, as I mentioned before, the movie is so funny and its characters are so engaging that we’re too busy laughing to mind too much. At least I was.
Bradley Cooper once again turns Phil into a nice mix of level-headed charm and no-nonsense directness, easily showing why the character is the leader of the group. He keeps it together for everyone by knowing when to be calm and mellow, and when to be a stone-cold asshole. Justin Bartha is once again the voice-of-reason of the group as Doug, who doesn’t get to go on the adventure this time around, but acts as sort of a “mission control” for the boys back at the island. Zach Galifanakis as Alan is once again a loony delight. This time around, though, he’s not the funniest character walking around. That would be Chou, whom Ken Jeong brings to life with unapologetic political-incorrectness. The guy is a genius comedian. He nails the movie’s biggest laughs, and is easily THE HANGOVER PART II’s MVP.
Finally, Ed Helms gets some good screen time as Stu, the shy dentist who finds his inner backbone and surprises everyone with it. Just as in the first movie, Helms manages to be both attractive and dorky at the same time, and it suits the character of Stu very well. And that tattoo looks damn hot on him. There’s no way I’d ask for him to remove it. In supporting roles, Mason Lee, Jaime Chung, and Sasha Barrese are all solid and memorable. Barrese, in particular, is great mix of exasperation and strength. Watch the scene at the very beginning where Phil calls her and says “Tracy, it happened again…” Her reaction is priceless…
So… bottom line: THE HANGOVER PART II may not be quite as fresh or great as the first movie, but it is definitely a good flick worthy of your attention. See it now. But watch out for those Thai go-go girls. You’ll see….
TRANSFORMERS 3 (2011 - ACTION FLICK) *** out of *****
(Megan Fox, we miss you, but Rosie H-W has got better DSLs - Dick Sucking Lips…)
CAST: Shia LeBouef, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Josh Duhamel, John Turturro, Frances McDormand, Patrick Dempsey.
DIRECTOR: Michael Bay
WARNING: Some seriously guilty pleasures straight ahead - enough to make you feel so… dirty.
Folks, I’m a terminally honest person, and I’m going to come out and be straight-up with y’all: I have not seen TRANSFORMERS 1 and 2. Yes, I think Shia LeBoeuf is cool as fuck. Yes, I was the first kid on my block to own a Transformer Toy. Yes, I think Megan Fox is an ultra-hottie and if I swung more her way than Chris Evans‘, she would be in soooooooo much trouble. No, I don’t mind Michael Bay as much as you would think. Despite being an unapologetically commercial director, the man does have an undeniable visual style and acid humor that never fails to engage me.
So, no. I don’t have an excuse. Except that maybe I need to take my ass down to the local Blockbuster (yes, I am an old fart who needs to get with the Netflix generation) and rent them. Anyhow, this is the reason I was a bit reluctant to see TRANSFORMERS 3 when my pal “Nia Vardalos” (because she looks like said actress) chose the flick as our latest spectacle. “Nia”, however, assured me that I would not be lost, and she could fill in any blanks, if needed. So, being an easy person (in more ways than one), I relented and accepted.
And she was right. I didn’t have a problem following the plot, which goes a little something like this, apparently: two races of shockingly-flexible space robots called Autobots and Decepticons have escaped their dying planet called Metatron, and have decided to duke it out on Earth, with her inhabitants being caught in the crossfire. Chief among the inhabitants who are about to either becomes heroes or Transformer-fodder were (1) Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBoeuf), a dude who seems remarkably well-adjusted considering his name sounds too much like “Wet Wicky”; (2) Mikaela Barnes (Megan Fox), the smoking’-hot chick who knows more about cars than Sam, and gets pulled into the fray because of it; and (3) a shitload of other folks including a couple of hot military dudes (Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson).
However, as anyone who has an even passing awareness of movie news knows, Megan Fox left the production of TRANSFORMERS 3 because she called director Michael Bay, ahem, something rather unflattering. Not my business, so I’m not even going to go there. You want to find out what she called him, go find back-issues of Entertainment Weekly. Anyhow, realizing that Shia LeBoeuf is going to need another love interest, otherwise people might think he and Josh Duhamel secretly have the hots for each other, the producers of this flicks scoured every catalog of Victoria’s Secret they could find - and settled on British model Rosie Huntington-Whitely.
Not hard to see why: (1) she’s tall, (2) gorgeous, and (3) has lips the size of a sectional sofa. Megan Fox’s puckers ain’t got nothing on those babies. Oh, and Ms. Huntington-Whitely has an awesome British accent that just makes you want her to say anything to you, even if it’s only “You could stand to lose some weight, you tosser.” Nothing makes an insult sound sexier than a British accent.
Anyhow, our story opens with Sam having survived the events of the previous two movies, including graduating from college. He’s moved to Washington DC, where the following have occurred: (1) he received a medal from President Obama, (2) he has pretty much been given the runaround as far as job searches are concerned, and (3) has landed a nuclear-hot girlfriend in Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whitely), a British-embassy-attached-turned-car-museum-hostess (or something). Carly works for a smarmy prick named Dylan (Patrick Dempsey) who you just know is going to turn out to be a baddie.
Sure enough, the Autobots and Decepticons rear their metallic heads again and decide to throw down once more. This time, it involves reviving the lost planet of Megatron (or something) and using the Earth’s resources to accomplish that. Before you know it, Chicago becomes the focal point of internecine warfare between the walking metal heaps in a ferocious battle to the death - with Sam, Carly, and our military hotties once again caught in the crossfire.
Will the Decepticons triumph over the Autobots this time? Or will the good guys win yet again? Will Sam pitch in and do his share in saving the Earth yet again? Or will he just say “Fuck this” and go on vacation with Carly and lay out (and lay each other) on a Philippine beach?
You know what I would do. Break out the sunblock and edible body oil…
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Like I mentioned above, I haven’t seen either the first or second installment of the TRANSFORMER series. Fortunately, that didn’t really stop me from enjoying the action spectacle that is TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON. What I like about Michael Bay’s movies (even ARMAGEDDON and THE ROCK) is how loose and fun they are. They may be too loud and action-oriented, but their common denominator is always the warm rapport between the characters. One of my mottos in life is “Laughter is the Best Medicine” and “Always Smile”, and I think the best way to get an audience to warm to film characters is through humor and kindness. The strengths of Bay’s films are their hidden humanity and sly comic sensibility, and this film’s best moments emphasize that just as much as it does the impressive (and eventually numbing) action.
Shia LeBoeuf is rapidly shaping up to be a formidable lead actor. He’s only 25 - practically a baby - but he has the gravity and confidence of a much older actor. In fact, I’ve started to think of him as a younger, American version of Russell Crowe. Or “Baby Crowe.” LeBoeuf just owns the screen with a potent combo of raw masculinity, goofy humor, and brash charisma. If he plays his cards right, and I hope he does, he could very well mirror Russell Crowe’s career.
The biggest question is whether model-turned-actress Rosie Huntington-Whitely makes us forget Megan Fox. Well, not having seen the first two TRANSFORMERS or Fox’s performances in them, I can’t really say or compare Huntington-Whitely’s work to hers. I can only judge it in terms of this film, and considering H-W has never acted before, she does reasonably well. Of course, the role of Carly doesn’t really call for more than H-W to be beautiful, sweet, and feisty, but she does it in a natural way that doesn’t draw any negative attention. She doesn’t embarrass herself, and manages to hold her own against LeBoeuf and the rest of the more experienced cast.
John Turturro, Frances McDormand, Josh Duhamel, Patrick Dempsey, and Tyrese Gibson all provide vivid support to LeBoeuf and Huntington-Whitely. Most engaging is Frances McDormand, whose driven, impatient character appears to be modeled off Miranda Priestley (Meryl Streep) in THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA. McDormand is a hoot, especially in her scenes with Turturro as a returning scientist from the first two flicks. I’d like to see more of these two in future sequels…
In the end, I enjoyed TRANSFORMERS 3. If it has a flaw that keeps it from rating higher than above-average, it’s that the climactic battle in Chicago between the warring Transformers and the humans caught between them, goes on a little too long. Other than that, though, it’s guilty pleasure of a good time…
Now, I must remind myself to get TRANSFORMERS 1 and 2 to get caught up…
