MOVIE RATING SCALE:

***** (Spectacular) 10

****1/2 (Excellent) 9

**** (Very Good) 8

***1/2 (Good) 7

*** (Above Average) 6

**1/2 (Average) 5

** (Below Average) 4

*1/2 (Mediocre) 3

* (Awful) 2

1/2 (Abysmal) 1

0 (Worthless) 0


Friday, October 31, 2014

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Well, folks...  we did it.  We're at the end of our "31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN" marathon of horror movies - and we actually reviewed 32 films in 31 days.  And, quite frankly, if we don't watch another horror film for the next year or so, that will be just fine.  I need to watch some Sandra Bullock romantic trifle to cleanse my palate or something.  

Anyhow, I have to get back to my party.  Just took the time to post the last of our Horror Flick Reviews...

Please expect our Winter 2014/2015 reviews to start posting next week with the arrival of Christopher Nolan's INTERSTELLAR.  

Don't do anything I wouldn't do tonight...


CCCCCCCiiiiiaaaaaaaoooooooo!!!!!!!!!

# 592 - HALLOWEEN


HALLOWEEN (1978 - HORROR / SLASHER) **** out of *****  or  8 out of 10

(Trick or Treat, bitches...)



CAST:  Donald Pleasence, Jamie Lee Curtis, Nancy Loomis, P.J. Soles, Charles Cyphers, Nancy Stephens, Brian Andrew, Kyle Richards, John Michael Graham.

DIRECTOR: John Carpenter

(WARNING: Some SPOILERS and compelling reasons to stay indoors on Halloween night - straight ahead)




IT'S LIKE THIS:  It must suck to live in Haddonfield, Illinois.  Actually, to be more specific, it must suck to live in Haddonfield, Illinois... on Halloween night.  You see, 15 years ago, some six-year old brat named Michael Myers killed his sister Judith, and was carted off to some mental institution.  For years after that, Halloween in Haddonfield was synonymous with "buzz kill".  A brutal murder will do that to a place.  

Then, 15 years later, just when Haddonfield was getting over the memory of that heinous act of violence perpetrated on Halloween night, who should bust out of that mental institution, wanting to make up for lost time?  Well, if you answered anyone besides "Michael Myers" then you should go back to watching crappy Jennifer Lopez romantic comedies because the Horror Genre is not for you, buddy.

So, yeah... Mikey M. engineers some sort of breakout from his asylum, catching his visiting psychiatrist, Dr. Sam Loomis (Donald Pleasence), completely unaware when he gets out of the car he's driving to unlock the asylum gate.  With Dr. Loomis is nurse Marion Chambers (Nancy Stephens), whose reaction to the sight of Michael jumping on the roof of their car is... to get out of it and run.  Sweetie, let's talk about survival techniques when you get a chance.  But let's at least clarify for right now that what you did is not one of them.  Stupid cow. 

Anyhow, because of Marian's boneheaded move, Michael Myers is able to commandeer the car that she vacated and guns it out of there.  The next day, the head of the Asylum scoffs at Dr. Loomis' assertion that Michael Myers actually drove off in the car.  "He doesn't even know how to drive!" whines the asshole.  To which Dr. Loomis basically says, "How do you know?  Did you administer a fucking driving test lately?"  Or something like that.

Cut to - you got it - Haddonfield, Illinois, where the town is getting ready to start the Halloween festivities.  We meet our three heroines:  (1) virginal Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis), sweet and smart chick who really needs to get laid; (2) sarcastic Annie Brackett (Nancy Loomis), snarky and mouthy chick who really needs to get gagged; and (3) slutty Linda Van Der Klok, loose and easy chick who really should change her last name to "Van Der Kok".  

Our three lovely lasses are ready for an exciting night of... babysitting.  Wow, from all their chatter and drama earlier, I thought they had a party to go to.  Even a boring one, at least.  Nope.  Turns out Laurie and Annie are babysitting kids at houses on opposite sides of the street.  And Linda, well, let's just say she's living up to her shoulda-been-last-name with her boy-toy Bob (John Michael Graham).  In other words, same ol', same ol'.  

Just when you though this Halloween night couldn't get any more dull, our boy Michael Myers finally shows up, wearing some weird mask that looks like Captain Kirk suffering from that rare condition called "I Need A Fucking Tan".  And he's carrying a knife so big, vegetables probably run screaming from it.  But let me clear up right now that Michael is not back in his hometown to cut up some carrots.  He's got more special plans than that.  And their names are Laurie, Annie, Linda, and Bob.

Ooooooooooooooooo-weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-ooooooooooooooo!

So... why has Michael Myers come all the way back home to Haddonfield after 15 years?  What is his agenda?  And what happens when Dr. Loomis shows up in Haddonfield, correctly surmising that Michael is back for a bloody homecoming?  Will he be able to stop Michael in time?  Who will survive Michael's rampage?  Laurie?  Linda? Annie?  Bob?  Dr. Loomis?  The Great Pumpkin?  Will any of these nitwits make it to Thanksgiving? 

Guess again.


BUT SERIOUSLY:  As we've talked about many times before, the impact that HALLOWEEN has on the horror genre cannot be overstated.  It kicked off the initial wave of American slasher films that started around 1978, intensified in 1980 with the subsequent success of FRIDAY THE 13TH, and continued past the mid-80s with the successes of the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET films and APRIL FOOL'S DAY.  

Of all those films, though, HALLOWEEN remains the best because of one important distinction: it emphasizes suspense, atmosphere, and dread - instead of blood, guts, and gore.  Many people have been tricked into thinking this movie is bloodier than it is.  The reality is, it is almost blood-free.  Carpenter simply fools you into thinking you've seen more than you actually have, through the power of his suggestive filmmaking.  

In fact, it's Carpenter's "technique" that is the real star of this movie, technique which was partly inspired by Dario Argento's Giallo films.  Carpenter's long gliding shots, widescreen angles that make terrifying use of negative space, and judicious use of silence - then sudden sound - are what what make this film as memorable as it is.  Carpenter has often said in interviews that he was at his most passionate and energetic during the making of this film, and that he hasn't had quite the same exact drive and intensity since.  

Personally, my favorite John Carpenter film (and favorite horror film along with ALIEN, INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, and THE STEPFORD WIVES) is THE FOG, which came two years after HALLOWEEN.  It's a more narratively-complex and nuanced film, with one of the best final shots in any horror film ever.  HALLOWEEN, while being a very good film to me, is a tad too simple, plotwise.  Had anyone else besides Carpenter directed this movie, it would've been barely an average film. The difference is Carpenter's talent.  

Carpenter also supplied the iconic music soundtrack, which is instantly recognizable to 9 out of 10 people.  This singularly creepy synthesizer music has been copied in many other films since.  I like it even better in HALLOWEEN 2, where it receives a "gothic" orchestral punch.  Terrific, classic music that elevates the film in many ways.  

Contrary to popular belief, this movie didn't immediately make a star out of Jamie Lee Curtis.  It made her a "Scream Queen" which made it easy to get the lead roles in PROM NIGHT and TERROR TRAIN.  However, it wasn't until she consciously chose to leave the horror genre behind that she got the female lead in TRADING PLACES - and received mainstream recognition.  Nevertheless, HALLOWEEN put her on the map, and it's easy to see why.  Curtis clearly inherited the "charisma" and "acting" genes from her famous parents, Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh.  Leigh, it should be noted, played ill-fated Marion Crane in PSYCHO.  So I guess you could say that "Scream Queens" run in the family.

In the end, HALLOWEEN is an undisputed classic - a nifty little film that bridges the gap between Italian Gialli and American Slasher films.  While I will always choose THE FOG over this film for my own reasons, HALLOWEEN is no slouch by any stretch of the imagination.

# 591 - VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED


VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED (1995 - HORROR / SCI-FI / EVIL CHILD FLICK) *** out of *****  OR  6 out of 10

(Great.  A whole army of "Damiens.")




CAST:  Christopher Reeve, Kirstie Alley, Linda Kozlowski, Michael Pare, Mark Hamill, Meredith Salenger, Pippa Peartree, Constance Forslund, Peter Jason, Karen Kahn, Lindsay Haun, Thomas Dekker.  

DIRECTOR: John Carpenter

(WARNING: Some SPOILERS and pretty strong arguments to get your tubes tied ASAP - straight ahead...)




IT'S LIKE THIS:  Remember how in our recent review of THE OMEN (review # 581), we watched how a nice American family in England was destroyed from within (and without) by demonic forces stemming from their... adopted son named "Damien?"  Well, imagine that devilish tyke - and multiply him by ten.  The product would be our next "31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN" review, so evocatively titled VILLAGE OF THE FUCKED.  Oh, excuse me.... it's actually called...  VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED.  My bad.  Well, same difference, right?  

Anyhow, our story starts in the lovely, remote Northern California town of Midwich.  It starts out like any other day.  We see lovey-dovey couple Alan and Barbara Chaffee (Christopher Reeve, Karen Kahn) getting all lovey-dovey in bed just before dawn.  We see lovey-dovey couple Frank and Jill McGowan (Michael Pare, Linda Kozlowski) getting all lovey-dovey in bed right at dawn.  We see the townspeople all getting lovey-dovey with each other (figuratively, not literally thank god) at the local school later that morning, where some sort of fundraiser is about to start.  

Then we see lovely Jill again, who is apparently the school principal, running around trying to set things up.  We also see, um, sort-of-lovely Reverend George and wife Sarah (Mark Hamill, Pippa Peartree) run around trying to out-do Jill in the event-organizing department.   In short, we see a lot of lovely small town people doing a lot of small town people stuff.

Then, just when you think you can't take anymore "lovey-dovey" or "lovely" smalltown stuff, something decidedly un-lovely and truly awful happens: everyone in Midwich passes out at the same time.  They just all frickin' keel over right then and there where they are standing.  Let me tell you that there is something unexpectedly hilarious about seeing all these yokels passed out all over the place, indoors and outdoors, like their batteries all dried up at the same time. 

Eventually, after a few hours, everyone in Midwich wakes up.  And none of them can remember anything - except they all blacked out at the same time right in the middle of the fucking day.  Trying to understand this creepy phenomenon is chain-smoking Federal epidemiologist Dr. Susan Verner (Kirstie Alley), who came to Midwich as soon as she learned about the mass blackout.  Working with her is Alan,  who turns out to be the town doctor who luckily had to leave Midwich on business when the mass blackout happened.  

Things in Midwich get even weirder (I mean, even weirder than everyone keeling over at the same time like they'd had one Tequila shot too many).  Try this one on for size: 10 local women suddenly find out they're all pregnant - and according to Dr. Alan, all the pregnancies date back to... the day of the mass blackout.  And one of the women had never even had sex before.  And another woman has a husband who's been in Japan for the last year.  And another woman looks about as fertile as me.  Oh, my bad... that was just Reverend George.  He sure does look feminine from certain angles, doesn't he? 

Naturally, the pregnant women of Midwich are terrified that they are impregnated with deformed fetuses and want to abort.  Dr. Susan, however, tells them that their mysterious pregnancies have attracted a gigantic amount of scientific interest (yeah, no shit, lady) and that the Federal Government wants to study their offspring.  Dr. Susan tells them that if they carry their babies to term and successfully download them, the government will pay them a stipend of $3,000 a month.  I don't have to tell you that a collective "Cha-Ching!" goes off in the room as "Jackpot" flashes in the eyes of everyone there.

So, before you know it, our knocked-up-when-they-were-knocked-out ladies (which include Jill, Barbara, and Mrs. Reverend George) are giving birth all at the same time in an abandoned barn converted into a clinic (don't ask).  And from the looks of the babies, they all had the same Papa - someone who has hair as white as snow and eyes as blank as Miley Cyrus.  Inexplicably, though, everyone doesn't question the fact that these tow-headed tykes all look the same.  Just another day in Midwich, I guess.

Until, the first townsperson dies by "accident."  Then the next.  And then the next.  And the next.  Each of these tragedies occurs when the towheaded "Blackout Children" were nearby?  Could they have been behind them?  What special powers do these albino-but-not-really-albino kids have?  Where did they come from, anwyay?  What do they want from the people of MIdwich?  Who can stop them?  Dr. Alan?  Dr. Susan?  Jill?  Reverend George?  Someone else?  Or is Midwich destined to be... damned forever?  

Let's just say I wouldn't swing by there on your next tour of rural Northern California. 


BUT SERIOUSLY:  Quite frankly, VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED is one-half of a terrific movie.  The first 44 minutes of this film are some of John Carpenter's best work.  He does a masterful job of establishing the town of Midwich and its assorted inhabitants.  And when the pivotal "mass blackout" scene occurs, orchestrated by that "whispering cloud" that passes over the town, Carpenter has us firmly in his cinematic clutches.  It's a bravura opening that signals a terrific horror movie to come.  

Just as effective is the "mass revival" scene when everyone wakes up.  This sequence is so vivid that we actually feel the same disorientation the characters do. This entire opening setpiece is very strong and promises a horror film that, if not outright surpassing previous Carpenter hits like HALLOWEEN and THE FOG, then at least matching or coming very close their level.  That's how effective the first half of this movie is.  Everything up to the first scene with the grown-up children in the Midwich clinic (right before the nurse blinds herself under their influence) is practically perfect.

Then the scene where the nurse blinds herself comes along and you can almost feel this movie start to sag, little by little.  It's such a shame because it was moving on such a hypnotic, eerie, and compelling trajectory.  And it's easy to see what caused the story to start to level off instead of continuing to rise:  Carpenter reveals the evil of the children too abruptly and artlessly.  Instead of keeping their powers hidden and covert, he overtly shows them in a way so blatant it kills the powerful sense of mystery this film has been building for the last 44 minutes.  

To be fair, the second half of this film has some interesting moments and a finale that does a good job of keeping you somewhat on the edge.  However, there are, again, too many scenes in between of the "blackout children" wreaking havoc on various townspeople.  Eventually, these "shock" scenes get repetitive and instead of underscoring the mystery and malevolence of the kids, shows how banal and almost silly they are.  

Carpenter is a master of suggestive horror, as he showed in HALLOWEEN and THE FOG, and it is very puzzling as to why he didn't employ the same tactic here.  Perhaps, he felt that since this was a 90s horror flick, he needed to up the ante through explicit violence.  The truth is he could've done that through atmosphere and tension, but unfortunately he goes the wrong way after the midway point. 

What makes VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED doubly disappointing is that it has a genuinely intriguing and scary premise that could've yielded a modern classic.  It might have even been as good as the British movie of the same title from 1960 that it's a remake of.  VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED 1960 was a masterpiece of simmering tension, subdued horror, and eerie mystery - all because director Wolf Rilla chose to gradually reveal the extent of the "blackout children's" evil as the film unfolded.  In VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED 1995, Carpenter reveals everything all at once, erasing most of the tension.  

At least he has a good cast that keeps everything afloat during this misguided second half.  Sadly, this was Christopher Reeve's last film before his tragic accident that paralyzed him.  He does a solid job as Alan Chaffee, the small town doc who must deal with the death of his wife, possibly at the influence of his child, and also with the child herself.  His daughter Mara, unfortunately, is played by Lindsay Haun with very little menace and too much hamminess - and since she's the "leader" of the evil pack of kids, that neutralizes much of the threat.

Kirstie Alley is amusing and intriguing in equal measure as Dr. Susan Verner, the mysterious Fed who must balance the interests of the government with the welfare of the citizens of Midwich.  Alley manages the neat trick of making Susan both open and secretive at the same time.  And for much of the film, you can't quite tell if she's friend or foe - which is how the character should be played.  Much like Sharon Stone and her femme fatale role in BASIC INSTINCT, Alley never makes the mistake of making Susan either too transparent or too opaque.  Instead, she's like a partially opened book that slams shut when you least expect it, keeping you firmly out.  But then that book also sometimes opens up a little bit more than you'd expect - when you least expect it.  And Alley's cool, distant, yet also dryly funny demeanor is perfect for the role of this woman whose hidden agendas seem to have hidden agendas of their own.  

The most sympathetic and relatable character, though, is Jill McGowan.  She's played by Linda Kozlowski, whom I've adored since her appearance as Sue Charlton in CROCODILE DUNDEE 1 & 2.   Kozlowski nails not only Jill's vulnerability and openness, but also her strength and resilience.  Unlike Susan, Jill is a completely open book with no hidden motives or agendas.  As such, she becomes our "portal" character into the plot - even more so than Alan, actually.  Much of this has to do with how winningly Kozlowski plays the character.  You can't help but be on her side as soon as you meet her - and hope that she makes it past the end credits.  Good job from Kozlowski.   It's a shame that she retired from acting just a few years after this movie.  She is sorely missed.  

The supporting roles are filled by competent players like Mark Hamill, Meredith Salenger, Peter Jason, Constance Forlund, and Michael Pare.  Pare, in particular, is so vivid and effective in his small role as Frank, Jill's husband who dies in the middle of the blackout, that you kind of miss him for the rest of the film.  I guess that's the whole point: so you can feel Jill's loss, as well.  It was shrewd of Carpenter to cast such a charismatic actor as Michael Pare in this small but important part.

In summary, while VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED 1995 is not as strong as VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED 1960, it's still an above average remake that might've been a classic if Carpenter had been able to sustain the wonderfully eerie atmosphere and tension of the first half.  Oh, well....

# 590 - CANDYMAN


CANDYMAN (1992 - HORROR / GHOST FLICK) **** out of *****  OR  8 out of 10

(Well, he sure sounded sweet at first...)




CAST:  Virginia Madsen, Tony Todd, Xander Berkeley, Kasi Lemmons, Vanessa L. Williams, DeJuan Guy, Marianna Elliott, Barbara Alston, Ted Raimi. 

DIRECTOR:  Bernard Rose

(WARNING:  Some SPOILERS and too-brave-for-their-own-good grad students - straight ahead...)




IT'S LIKE THIS:  Sometimes, the qualities that are admirable in real life aren't exactly feasible or desirable in "reel" life.  In the real world, when someone is driven, determined, take-charge, and resourceful, they usually go far in life.  However, in the "reel" world, particularly in Horror Flicks, being driven, determined, take-charge, and resourceful can sometimes get you, um, gutted like a fish. 

Case in point is the heroine of our next "31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN" review, Helen Lyle (Virginia Madsen).  Helen is a graduate student from the University of Chicago who is about to get a doctorate in Folklore Studies.  She's writing her thesis on urban legends, and she is driven (uh-oh) and determined (oh-no) to make her dissertation really scream, er, sing.  Soon, she find what she thinks is the ideal subject: "Candyman."

Ooooooooooooo-weeeeeeeeeeee-ooooooooo!

Yes, folks, our next review is titled CANDYMAN and let's just say that if you're a driven, determined, resourceful, take-charge folklore grad student who is writing your thesis on someone who has the same name as the title of the horror movie you're in, that can't be good.  You see, according to native Chicagoans, Candyman is a killer ghost with a hook for a hand who haunts the local Cabrini Green projects and appears in the mirror behind you - if you turn out the lights and say his name five times.  

Helen's wimpy professor husband, Trevor (Xander Berkeley), and his asshole colleague, Phillip (Michael Culkin), both poo-poo Helen's idea.  Driven (geez) and determined (yikes) to prove them wrong, Helen pretty much forces her fellow grad student and best pal, Bernadette (Kasi Lemmons), to accompany her to Cabrini Green to interview folks about the infamous urban legend in their midst.  Naturally, Bernie isn't exactly over the moon about this.  Helen tells her that this is their chance to really explore how frightened people will attribute the awful things happening in their neighborhood to a mythical ghostly figure, given the right kind of conditions.  In other words, this is Helen's chance to prove how powerful folklore is in daily life!

Well, Helen's very, very persuasive because before you know it, she and Bernie are making like Cagney and Lacey and asking all sorts of questions in Cabrini about Candyman.  They meet Anne-Marie (Vanessa L. Williams), a single mom who's the only semi-friendly face on the block.  She tells Helen and Bernadette that there have been a series of murders at Cabrini - and the latest victim was her neighbor, Ruthie Jean.  

Ooooooooooooooo-weeeeeeeee-oooooooooo!

Intrigued, Helen returns to Cabrini alone a few days later and meets a local kid named Jake (DeJuan Guy).  Jake tells Helen that another person was murdered by Candyman recently in a nearby public restroom.  Helen, being all, you know, driven and determined and shit, says she doesn't scare easily and wants to see where it happened.  After some hesitation, Jake takes her to the crime scene.  I wish I could tell you that Helen finds Candyman there, but instead she uncovers some gang members who aren't happy that this ballsy white chick has intruded on their territory.   She's lucky all she gets is a few smacks to the head with their fists.

When she regains consciousness in the local hospital, she finds out from the Chicago PD that the gangmembers who attacked her were caught - and it appears that they have been the ones behind all the murders at Cabrini Green.  Apparently, they'd been using the legend of Candyman as a smokescreen. Well, you can imagine the residents' relief when they realize they don't have to worry about someone popping up behind their asses in the mirrors at night.  Happy Ending, right?  

Wrong.  You see, unbeknownst to Helen, those gangmember chuckleheads were not responsible for all the murders at Cabrini Green.  Candyman was.   You see, he really does exist.  And now that everyone in Cabrini Green thinks he isn't real, he needs to fix that ASAP.  Because it's their belief that gives him life.  If you don't believe in something, how can it bother you?  I feel the same way about stop lights when I'm driving.  I just plow through those bitches like they don't exist.  Don't believe in them.

Anyhow, Candyman (Tony Todd) finally makes an appearance to Helen to teach her a lesson in believing.  Pretty soon, she finds herself stalked by him, and suddely there's nowhere she can go that is safe.  I mean, he is a ghost, after all.  And last I checked they can go anywhere.  What's even worse is he appears to have killed someone - and pinned it on Helen.  Now, she can't even go to the police.  

Will Helen be able to escape Candyman?   Or will he haunt her steps forever?  Will Trevor and Bernadette be safe?  How can you stop something or someone that is already dead?  Will our dear Helen finally believe in Candyman?  And the most important question of all: how will Helen's thesis turn out?  

Presumably, covered in blood.



BUT SERIOUSLY:  In our review for SCREAM, we discussed how the early-to-mid-90s were a real dry spell for horror movies at the box office.   That isn't to say there weren't any good ones.  For some reason, there just wasn't a huge audience for them during that time.  Of course, we all know that SCREAM made the Horror Genre extremely viable again with its resounding success in 1996, and audiences soon returned to horror movies in droves.  

One of the few hits during the "Horror Dry Spell" of the first half of the 1990s was CANDYMAN.  Like the similarly-themed A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET from 1984, CANDYMAN was a surprise hit that combined slasher and ghost elements to create an effectively eerie chiller about a hard-nosed grad student who investigates a notorious urban legend, completely disbelieving it, only to find it is horrifyingly real.

Virginia Madsen hits all the right notes of chilly efficiency, no-nonsense directness, and surprising vulnerability as Helen Lyle.  Tony Todd is menacing and seductive at the same time as Candyman, giving him a sexy, dangerous air about him that almost resembles that of Dracula.  Like Freddy Krueger before him in A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, Candyman is scary because we rarely see him - and when we do he is largely silent.   This makes him more enigmatic, and therefore more frightening.  And like Freddy Krueger, Candyman is now considered a classic Horror Movie Villain.  

Xander Berkeley, Kasi Lemmons, Michael Culkin, and Vanessa Williams are all on target in their vital supporting roles.  In the end, though, much like THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS and HANNIBAL were a sinister dance between Clarice Starling and Hannibal Lecter, so too is CANDYMAN a dark romance between Helen Lyle, the disbelieving scholarly investigator - and the legend she discovers to be all too true.  Madsen and Todd are great - and this movie is as strong as it is because of them.  

Director Bernard Rose builds an effectively offbeat atmosphere of slowly-encroaching doom.  The musical score by Phillip Glass is marvelously gothic in a way that almost recalls the music from Italian Gialli with its over-the-top organ and choral elements.  On its own, Glass' music would seem bombastic, but coupled with the film, it produces the perfect effect.

All in all, CANDYMAN is a modern classic that is becoming increasingly popular as time goes by.  

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

# 589 - THE DEAD


THE DEAD (HORROR / ZOMBIE FLICK) ***1/2 out of *****  OR  7 out of 10

(So much for that African safari I had planned....)



CAST: Rob Freeman, Prince David Osei, Gaal Hama, Leela Tall.

DIRECTOR:  Howard Ford & Jonathan Ford

(WARNING: Some SPOILERS and some refreshingly slow-moving zombies - straight ahead)



IT'S LIKE THIS:  Ever since George Romero's NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD gave birth to the Zombie Sub-Genre of the Horror Genre in 1968, these walking sacks of pus and gangrene have basically gone international.  Fuck, these guys probably have more stamps in their passports than James Bond.  Let's follow their worldwide exploits since NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, shall we?

In the early 70s they hopped over the Atlantic and sunned themselves in Spain (TOMBS OF THE LIVING DEAD), then headed up to dampy, soggy ol' England (THE LIVING DEAD AT THE MANCHESTER MORGUE).  Then they wised up and decided the eye candy, locale and people-wise, was in Italy - and they moved to Bella Italia (HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD, THE BEYOND, CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD, BURIAL GROUND, NIGHTMARE CITY, etc.)  Yes, I know all those purported to be set in the States, but come on, I know a Spaghetti Horror Flick when I see one.  

Recent years have even shown our mobile corpses in such places as Mexico (JUAN OF THE DEAD) and India (THE DEAD 2).  Before there was a movie called THE DEAD 2, though, there was naturally a movie called THE DEAD 1.  Actually, it was just called THE DEAD, and it was set in a place where zombies hadn't really been seen before: Africa.  

Now, I'm not sure what the reason is for this long delay in Africa joining the dubious worldwide club of countries that have played host to a bunch of moving maggot farms.  Presumably, the zombies were afraid of the lions on the Serengeti whom they feared might rip them apart.  Let me assure you undead assholes that you've absolutely nothing to worry about - lions would rather eat themselves than rotting pus-bags like you.  

Evidently, zombies got over their fear of the wild beasts of the Dark Continent because they are the stars of our next "31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN" review, which is very appropriately titled...  THE DEAD.  Yes, before these decomposing clowns overran the Taj Mahal in India in THE DEAD 2, they basically but the kibosh on a thousands safaris in this movie.  

As our story opens, we are on what is apparently the last military aid flight out of zombie-overrun West Africa.  Our hero is cute-in-a-grizzled-way U.S. Air Force flight engineer Lieutenant Brian Murphy (Rob Freeman).  He's seated amidst an international group of aid workers who have apparently just avoided being eaten by an army of the undead on the runway - and barely made it on the plane itself when it took of.  So why doesn't he look relieved?  Brad Pitt did in WORLD WAR Z when he got his ass on the last plane out of Jerusalem in the nick of time.  

Well, you see, Brian is the flight engineer and he happens to know that the pilot was so eager to get the fuck off the ground that he took of with the tanks still half-empty.  Maybe more.  Sure enough, the plane basically soon falls out of the sky and plunges into waters of the West African coast.  All before they even get to start the inflight movie.  Now, that sucks...

Anyhow, it's hard not to think of the zombie plague in this movie as God's way of thinning the herd and weeding out the fucking idiots.  In other words, "Natural Selection" of the most fucked-up order.  Case in Point # 1:  after the plane crashes into the water, Brian miraculously finds himself outside of the sinking aircraft (well, maybe not so miraculous, seeing as he's, you know, the hero and all) and spots a woman floundering in the water about, oh, four feet away from him.  Just out of his reach.  "Swim to me!  Grab my hand!" he basically yells at her.  Incredibly, the stupid bitch can't manage this simple task and so, yes, she drowns.  Would't worry about it Bri.  She looked like a Class-A Whiner who would've just slowed you down.  If she can't even manage a goddamn dog paddle across one foot of water to safety, do you really want her as a sidekick?  

Case in Point # 2: after Brian finally reaches the shore the next morning (floating on a crate of all things), he sees another survivor - a military guy like him - struggling in the shallow waves about a hundred feet away.  Meanwhile, a bunch of zombies fifty feet away are sloooooooooooooooooooooowly shambling towards the other dude.  This dumb shit, instead of hopping to his clearly-functional legs and running towards Brian like his life, you know, depended on it, just flails on the sand even worse than the stupid cow who drowned the night before.  Yes, folks...  it ends up just as you imagined: Dumb Shit turns into Dumb Dinner when the zombies finally reach him after, oh, seven years.  

Grossed out, Brian flees for the safety of the jungle.  At this point, he finds himself in a Good News/Bad News scenario.  The good news is these zombie are, thankfully, not the sprinting zombies we've seen ad-fucking-nauseam since 28 DAYS LATER.  They're pretty slow, which makes that other guy's death at their hands confusing but also somehow wonderfully hilarious.  The bad news is... there's, like, a bazillion of them everywhere.  Too bad Stupid Bitch Who Drowned Because She Didn't Know The Dog Paddle and Dumb Shit Who Basically Just Lay There And Waited To Get Eaten didn't survive, because Brian could sure use a sidekick to act as eyes in the back of his head.

Fortunately, the Universe is smiling on Big Bri, because he crosses paths with African soldier Daniel Dembele (Prince David Osei).  Daniel fled his regiment and headed back to his village to save his wife and son (Leela Tall, Gaal Hama).  Unfortunately, by the time he got there, his wife had been torn apart - and his son had fled himself.  Now, Daniel is trying to make his way to an airbase on the other side of country where refugees are rumored to have gone.  Brian, deciding he has nothing better to do, decides to tag along.  

Will Brian and Daniel make it to the airbase safely?  What about all the zombies who are constantly on the prowl around them?  Will one or both of them get bitten?  And did Daniel's son actually go to the airbase?  What is actually waiting for them there?   Will Daniel be able to hold his son in his arms again?  

Hard to say.  Just don't underestimate these slower-than-a-drunk-turtle shambling pus-bags.  



BUT SERIOUSLY:  In our recent review for WILLOW CREEK (review #587) we discussed how sometimes a movie can trot out a well-worn premise without actually breaking any new ground, but do it so well that it becomes a solidly-good film.  In that film, we had the same "filmmakers-go-into-the-woods-to-seek-out-a-legend" scenario that we saw in THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (review # 562).  In WILLOW CREEK's case, very likable and engaging leads in the form of Bryce Johnson and Alexie Gilmore, and an outstandingly creepy 20-minute unbroken setpiece towards the end of the film help elevate it well above THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, which didn't come close to living up to its promise or hype.  

In our next "31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN" review, we have the same situation of a film taking a hoary premise - and doing something refreshingly different with it.  The film is the micro-budgeted zombie flick THE DEAD, and it takes the over-used set-up of a worldwide zombie pandemic - and makes it feel fresh, intimate, and compelling.  Due to its low-budget, indie director Howard and Jonathan Ford tell their story in a way that emphasizes character, mood, and imagery.  It's a slow-burn build that, while not paying off completely at the end, still concludes in an oddly satisfying way.  

Also, despite it's small budget, this is one handsome-looking film.  Shot on location in Africa, the film has an authentic look that you can't duplicate in a Hollywood back lot or other Stateside setting.  This is unmistakably the Dark Continent, and the movie's atmosphere is greatly enhanced by its genuine milieu.  The crisp photography also goes a long way in showing off the bold colors that form a constantly-changing tapestry against which this bleak, but also somewhat hopeful, story unfolds.  

As the lead, Rob Freeman is summarily okay as Brian Murphy.  He's a bit stiff in some scenes, but he's got such a warm, likable face and presence that you can't help but automatically root for him.  In any case, much of his role is silent anyway and dependent on expressions of anxiety, fear, and suppressed hope, and he nails these "unspoken" elements, even if some of his spoken soliloquys sound a bit flat occasionally.  As his unlikely and unexpected traveling partner, Prince David Osei is a slightly more commanding presence, and he meshes well with Freeman in their scenes together.  

And as far as the "Shamblers Vs. Sprinters" debate, I will always side with the slow-moving zombies versus the ballistic-running ones.  There's something infinitely more unsettling about an army of slow zombies, relentlessly coming after you, even at a glacial pace.  Running zombies create excitement, not fear or dread, and they belong more to the "actiony" zombie flicks like DAWN OF THE DEAD 2004 and WORLD WAR Z.  For a more moody, brooding outing like THE DEAD, the Shamblers are perfect.  

In the end, THE DEAD may not be as flamboyant as recent zombie flicks with a hundred times its micro-budget, but it is a great example of what you can do when you use your imagination rather than follow well-worn sub-genre cliches.  

We will review THE DEAD 2: INDIA sometime after the New Year.  It's got a different "feel" and "vibe" than its predecessor, but it's still just as solidly-good in its own way.  

Monday, October 27, 2014

# 588 - SILENT HILL


SILENT HILL (2006 - HORROR / VIDEOGAME ADAPTATION) **1/2 out of *****  OR  5 out of 10

(Yep.  I'm still staying in the city....)



CAST:  Radha Mitchell, Sean Bean, Jodelle Ferland, Deborah Kara Unger, Laurie Holden, Alice Krige, Kim Coates, Tanya Allen.

DIRECTOR:  Christophe Gans

(WARNING: Some SPOILERS and urgent reasons to avoid any town with a name that's more suited to a cemetery - straight ahead...)




IT'S LIKE THIS:  In our recent review of THE OMEN (review # 581), we saw the perils of adopting a kid whose background you have barely any inkling of.  In that movie, we saw what happened when powerful American diplomat Robert Thorn (Gregory Peck) and his wife Katherine (Lee Remick) found themselves grappling with none other than.... the son of Satan himself.  

Then, in our even more recent review of IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS (review # 584), we explored the dangers of seeking out and investigating a mysterious town that no one has even heard of.  In that flick, we observed as hard-nosed insurance investigator John Trent (Sam Neill) and sleek, sardonic book editor Linda Styles (Julie Carmen) traveled to the eerie, remote town of Hobb's End in what appeared to be the ass-end of New Hampshire - only to discover that they may have crossed over into another dimension... of evil.  

Oooooooooo-weeeeeee-oooooooo!

Well, in our next "31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN" review, the perils of THE OMEN (devil child) and the dangers of IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS (evil town) collide spectacularly (and, well, bloodily).  It is called SILENT HILL, and it's based on the popular PlayStation video game of the same name which made it abundantly clear that that it was not about PacMan or Donkey Kong.  Unless they mutated into something that H.P. Lovecraft would've splooged over.

Our heroine is plucky housewife Rose Da Silva (Radha Mitchell).  Rose is married to hunky Christopher, who looks an awful lot like Sean Bean, which is why he's, you know, hunky.  They also have a daughter named Sharon (Jodelle Ferland), who seems kind of sweet.  Anyhow, Rose and Christopher and Sharon, like Robert and Katherine and Damien from THE OMEN, seem to be the perfect family.  Unfortunately, if you'll recall, Damien turned out to have some, ah, issues (which is putting it extremely fucking mildly, folks).  Sure enough, it turns out that Sharon has got some problems, too.  And just like Damien, she was... adopted.

Ooooooo-weeeeee-oooooooooo!

Now, folks, obviously I'm not implying that all adopted kids are creepy.  Just these particular two.  And just like Robert and Katherine in THE OMEN, Rose and Christopher decide to look into Sharon's true lineage to find out why she's, you know, so fucked up.  Through a turn of events that would only make sense in a movie based on a video game, Rose determines that Sharon's true parents must be from a town called... "Silent Hill" - and she decides to go there to investigate with Sharon in tow.  Despite Christopher's warning to not go without him.  

This is where SILENT HILL begins to try to one-up IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS.  Remember how, in the latter film, Trent and Linda arrived in the town of Hobb's End and found it to be abandoned save for a bunch of decay-faced kids and one really batty old chick named Mrs. Pickman?   Well, SILENT HILL decides to go the "more over the top, more frightening" route and basically give us a town that seems like the birthplace of the Jigsaw from the SAW movies - mixed in with what looks like a never-ending nuclear winter.  

Rose finds herself trapped in Silent Hill when her car careens out of control and crashes as they are entering the city limits.  When she comes to, she discovers that Sharon is missing.  Before you know it, Mama Rose is trekking into the ghost town to find her adopted daughter.  Problem is, pretty much everyone - and everything - else in Silent Hill doesn't want her to find Sharon.  Yes, folks... the fun is just beginning for our dear, brave Rose.

What the hell is going on in Silent Hill?  What secrets is it hiding within its misty confines?  And what link does Sharon have to the town?  Will Rose find out in time to save her?  And what happens when Christopher decides to try to follow Rose to Silent Hill?  Will he get swept up in the chaos, too?  Can this family be saved?

Put it this way: if you saw what happened to Robert and Katherine in THE OMEN, and to Trent and Linda in IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS, then you have your answer.

Oooooooo-weeeeeeeeeee-fucking-ooooooooooo....


BUT SERIOUSLY:  In past reviews of films like RESIDENT EVIL and TOMB RAIDER, we've talked about how tricky it can be to adapt popular video games into movies.  On one hand, you have to capture the entertaining spirit of the game and please its fans.  On the other, however, you have to remember that you're also telling a story - and any good story needs a solid human center that rings true.  Given the facile nature of most video games, this is a hard combo to achieve.  You either lose the "flavor" of that game that made it appeal to the masses - or you end up with a story that is empty and hollow.  

Our latest Halloween review, SILENT HILL, is based on a very popular PlayStation game that spawned an entire franchise.  The game is actually one of the few I've ever finished all the way through, and at the time of its release (1998 or so), it was probably the scariest survival horror game out there - even more than the "Resident Evil" games.  The game of "Silent Hill" oozed with atmosphere, dread, and utter foreboding.  One of the many positive comments from gamers and critics was: "This would make a great movie!"

Well, more like an average one, in this case.  Whether or not the game would have made a great film remains to be seen, but the execution in SILENT HILL is lacking.  It is by no means a bad movie.  It's competently-acted and well-shot - with some strikingly-nightmarish images and sequences that transfer well from the game.  The problem is what I cited in the opening: the story has no believable, relatable human center.  Rose's quest to save Sharon should tap into a mother's primal instinct to protect and fight for her child, but it just doesn't ring true here.  It feels artificial and perfunctory - rather than compelling and genuine.  In shorts, it feels more like a game than a movie.  

Radha Mitchell and Sean Bean are given little to do but look scared and the characters they play are sketchy, at best.  Rose and Christopher feel like plastic chess pieces being moved around a board.  Mitchell and Bean are good actors and do what they can, but they are better than the material and they know it.  Ultimately, the real stars here are the special effects, but after awhile those get repetitive, too.  It's also puzzling why director Christophe Gans and his writers chose to constantly switch back and forth between Rose being trapped in alternate reality of Silent Hill, and Christopher doing some detective work in the real world.  This endless switching undercuts whatever tension is built up by Rose's predicament.  

What made the game so effective was its sense of claustrophobia and mounting doom because the characters were constantly in the ghost town of Silent Hill.  In the movie, that atmosphere is snuffed out before it can build sufficiently because we keep changing back to Christopher's point of view back home and elsewhere.  To be fair, though, this splintered approach at least sets up a somewhat creepy ending where both viewpoints dovetail in an unexpected way.  Unfortunately, to set up that ending, the movie itself is weakened.  I'm not sure the trade-off was worth it.

Ultimately, this movie should please the hardcore fans of the game, who may give it a higher than average rating.  However, for fans of the game who are also fans of good, well-told cinematic stories, SILENT HILL is merely passable.  


# 587 - WILLOW CREEK


WILLOW CREEK (2014 - HORROR / MONSTER / FOUND FOOTAGE MOVIE) ***1/2 out of *****  OR  7 out of 10

(Yep.  I'm staying in the city...)

                          

CAST: Bryce Johnson, Alexie Gilmore, Peter Jason, Bucky Sinister, Laura Montagna, Shaun White Guy Sr., Timmy Red, Nita Rowley, Steven Streufert.

DIRECTOR: Bobcat Goldthwait

(WARNING: Some SPOILERS and very sensible reasons to leave woodland critters of all shapes and sizes the hell alone - straight ahead...)





IT'S LIKE THIS:  Man, the trouble horror movie characters could save themselves if they would just, you know, watch some goddamned horror movies.  Case in point: the lead couple of our next "31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN" review, Jim and Kelly (Bryce Johnson, Alexie Gilmore).  Jim is your basic sexy nerd, kind of like Andrew Garfield but with blonde hair, while Kelly is beautiful in haughty, aristocratic way (think a young Sigourney Weaver).  Not only are they fairly cute, they also seem pretty funny, given how they talk to each other.  In other words, this is a couple that I could have a beer with.  Or a threesome.   They're cool, man.

They're just not very smart.  I mean, why-oh-fucking-why do they decide to traipse deep into the Northern California redwoods without a map or a compass or a GPS or a sat phone - and nothing but their rucksacks and movie camera?  Well, it's my sad duty to inform you that our cutie-pie couple are trying to catch a glimpse of the elusive...   Bigfoot.  Yes, folks: Sas-fucking-quatch.  Apparently, these dorks haven't seen THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (review # 562) like the rest of the world; otherwise, they'd reconsider their plans and just go back to San Francisco and do something more productive like tongue each other under the Bay Bridge or something.  Not that I would know anything about that.  And anyone who says I do... might be right.  

But I digress.  Anyway, our cute-but-not-exactly-the-brightest-bulbs-on-the-Christmas-tree couple plan to interview locals in the town of Willow Creek, CA, which is apparently some sort of "Bigfoot Mecca."  Yep.  You want Bigfoot - this place has him in spades.  Bigfoot statues.  Bigfoot T-shirts.  Bigfoot stickers.  Even a "Bigfoot Burger" that would give pause even to a bottomless pit like me who's use to shoving huge things in his mouth.  Wait...  that came out wrong somehow...

Whatever.  The point is Jim is on Cloud Nueve, he's so happy.  Evidently, he's a huge Bigfoot Nerd and it's been his dream since even before his balls dropped to visit Willow Creek - as well as the site deep in the nearby woods where the famed "Patterson-Gimlin Footage" was shot.  Remember those grainy, blurry film reels showing what looked like giant furry brown turd running along a river and into the woods that is widely-said to be the only known footage of Bigfoot?  Well, a couple of real-life yokels named Patterson and Gimlin shot it near Willow Creek back in 1968 or something.  Of course, I won't even go into the equally widely-held notion that the whole thing was just an elaborate hoax.  Jim is adorable and I don't want to burst his bubble.  Neither does Kelly, apparently.

Even when some of the locals warn Jim and Kelly that the Bigfoot legend is not to be trifled with, they still press ahead with their plans to find the place where Patterson and Gimlin shot his footage.   I guess Jim is hoping for a repeat performance from Sasquatch.  Ahem.  He's so determined to realize his childhood dream that even when a creepy dude played by someone named Bucky Sinister explicitly tells them to forget their plans and go back to the city, they just laugh in his face.  Well, quite honestly, if someone named "Bucky Sinister" approached me and warned me against doing something, I would probably laugh in his face, too.  I mean, you can't really take someone seriously when they have a name that sounds like it belongs to psychotic porn star.

At any rate, Jim and Kelly eventually leave Willow Creek and all the naysaying locals behind and venture deep into the Northern California redwoods.  They are given one last chance to get the hell out of dodge by a scary redneck (Steven Streufert) who makes Bucky Sinister look like Buzz Lightyear - and Jim seemingly finally sees the light and decides to turn around.  Oh, wait, nope... there goes Jim driving down another logging road to secretly circle around Scary Redneck.  Yup, like I said: cute but not long to this Earth.  I should also add that Kelly basically does a fist pump in support of her man's craftiness in outwitting that redneck who, while freaky as fuck, just might have had a valid reason to keep them from going deeper in them thar woods. 

Eventually, Jim and Kelly reach the end of the logging road and begin their trek deep in them thar woods to find the Patterson-Gimlin site.   Soon, we are treated to a nice shot of Jim's fine ass while he skinny-dips gleefully in a mountain pool, while Kelly watches on, clearly congratulating herself on her excellent choice in Boy Toys.  Their buzz doesn't last long, though, because as soon as they return to their campsite, Jim discovers that someone - or something - has trashed their tent and hung some of his clothes up in some high tree branches.  

Ooooooooo-weeeeeeeeee-ooooooooooo!

Sure enough, later that night after Jim proposes to Kelly (don't even ask how that turned out), they are awakened abruptly in their tent - and start hearing strange whooooping noises in the distance, as well as some eerie knocking sounds that seem to be getting closer and closer.  Jim tells Kelly that the whoooooooping sounds are "vocalizations" that Bigfoots, er, Bigfeet, er, Sasquatches use to communicate with one another.   So are the knocking sounds that are likely stones or branches being knocked together.  At which point, Kelly just basically glares at him and is all like, "This is not the kind of shit I need to be hearing from you right now."  Or something like that.  

Ooooooooooo-weeeeeeeee-oooooooooo!

So... have Jim and Kelly found Bigfoot?  What is making all those whoooooping noises and knocking sounds?  Is it a Sasquatch?  Or something else?  Why were Bucky Sinister, Scary Redneck, and all the other locals trying to scare them off?  And what happens the next day when Jim and Kelly decide they've had enough and try to hike back to their car - but can't find it?  Will they find their way back before it gets dark again?  Will they ever get back to the city where they should've stayed in the first place?  Why-oh-why didn't these cute-but-dense chuckleheads plan better?

Have fun with them, Sasquatch.  They're all yours.  



BUT SERIOUSLY:  In our recent reviews for THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (review # 562) and PARANORMAL ACTIVITY (review # 578), we discussed how the former may have started the Found Footage Sub-Genre, but the latter is the one that set the bar for sheer Scare Factor.  THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT also benefited from a sleight-of-hand marketing that was borderline-dishonest, despite being a fairly average film.  PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, on the other hand, was genuinely scary and truly earned its success.

In between those two films, quality-wise, is our latest "31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN" review, director (and former actor) Bobcat Goldthwait's WILLOW CREEK.  Plot-wise, this film is closer to THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT in its tale of two people trekking deep into the wilderness to investigate and document an rural legend.  Execution-wise, though, it's more similar to PARANORMAL ACTIVITY in that it is an engaging, entertaining, and - eventually - quite scary film.  The terror in WILLOW CREEK occurs mainly in the last part of the movie, but because we have been anticipating it throughout the first two acts, it's all the more effective when it is finally unleashed.  

Jim and Kelly are very likably and believably played by Bryce Johnson and Alexie Gilmore.  The rapport that Johnson and Gilmore give this couple is instrumental in keeping us hooked throughout the first two acts that follow them as they explore the town of Willow Creek and its inhabitants.  Johnson, in particular, is so good as the eager, child-like Jim that we easily understand why he could be over-optimistic in his ability to hike the woods without a compass or a map.  Gilmore also makes Kelly so believably supportive of Jim that she wouldn't question him too much.  These long sequences where nothing "scary" happens, and we just get to know Jim and Kelly, could've been the kiss of death if Goldthwait had cast leads who didn't click with each other and the audience.  Fortunately, Johnson and Gilmore are so amiable that we often forget we are watching a horror film.  And when the plot kicks off the terror mechanics in the third act, we genuinely care what happens to them.  You couldn't really say that about the kids in THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT.  

The central setpiece of WILLOW CREEK is a bravura extended sequence in Jim and Kelly's tent where they film themselves listening to the mysterious sounds outside their tent that come and go, rise and fade, and eventually get uncomfortably close.  This long, unbroken take goes on for nearly twenty minutes and charts Jim and Kelly's growing terror as they listen to a variety of chilling sounds that signal they have definitely bitten off more than they can chew - and are now in over their heads.  This very same kind of scene exists in THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, but it was fumbled royally in that movie, with the actors over-reacting to sounds we could barely make out.  In WILLOW CREEK, Goldthwait and his leads do it right: each time we hear a sound, we register it exactly the same way Jim and Kelly do.  Essentially, we feel their fear.  I dare you to watch this sequence on a bigscreen TV at home with the lights all out and the sound cranked up.  It is a triumph of terrifying sound design and the power of suggestion, reminding us that the unseen and unknown is far more frightening than anything we could ever see.  

WILLOW CREEK, ultimately, may revisit the well-worn path of THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, but it does it well.  It is a much better film because of more engaging, sympathetic leads and a director who, despite his comedy past as an director/actor, apparently knows how to scare you.   It may not be quite as effective as PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, but WILLOW CREEK is still one of the better Found Footage Flicks to come out in awhile.  

Sunday, October 26, 2014

# 586 - STAGEFRIGHT


STAGEFRIGHT (1988 - HORROR / SLASHER / GIALLO) ***1/2 out of *****  OR  7 out of 10

(Now, that's one cutthroat cast of characters...)



CAST:  David Brandon, Barbara Cupisti, Giovanni Lombardo Radice, Joann Smith, Mary Sellers, Loredana Parrella, Martin Phillips, James Sampson, Ulrike Schwerk, Piero Vida, Robert Gligorov.  

DIRECTOR:  Michele Soavi

(WARNING:  Some SPOILERS and compelling reasons to stay out of the acting/dancing business - straight ahead)




IT'S LIKE THIS:  In our review for the awesome Slasher/Giallo CURTAINS (review # 230), we saw what happened when seven actresses up for the same role gathered in an isolated, snowbound mansion deep in the Canadian woods for a, shall we say, very unconventional casting call with the film's pervo director.  Unfortunately, it turned out one of the lovely ladies wanted the part so bad she put on an "Old Hag/Witch" mask and proceeded to bump off the competition and make mincemeat out of them with a variety of sharp instruments.  Sweetie, is that role really worth getting blood in your hair and breaking your nails over?   Methinks not...

In our latest "31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN" review, we revisit CURTAINS' fucked-up premise of showbiz people offing one another to get ahead - but with a twist.  The flick is the fabulous Italian Giallo/Slasher hybrid called STAGEFRIGHT (one word? those crazy Italians...) and it's even nuttier than CURTAINS, if possible.  Then again, this movie is from Italy, so all bets are off.  Anyhow, STAGEFRIGHT puts us smackdab among a group of actors/dancers rehearsing a musical in an isolated theater that seems to have only one functioning door (not a good sign) and not even a single working phone (an even worse sign).  

The musical they're hard at work over is about (and please note that I am not making this crap up) a serial killer who wears a giant Owl Head mask and goes around killing prostitutes in the red-light district - in between dance numbers where he abruptly forgets he's there to cut bitches up and suddenly makes like a gyrating, feathered Michael Jackson, only much less graceful and coordinated.  Trust me, you will never laugh at Bollywood movies again after seeing this surreal shit.  

First, though, let's meet our "talented" actors/dancers/crew.  First, we have stupendous asshole Peter (David Brandon), arrogant British director whose gigantic ego is obviously inversely proportionate to the size of dick.  Then, we have lovely actress/dancer Alicia (Barbara Cupisti), who sprained her ankle because of Peter's demanding practice schedule and is thisclose to kicking him in the face.  Then there's Brett (Giovanni Lombardo Radice), bitchy gay dude with a tongue sharper than a Santoku knife who plays the Owl Head killer.  And who can forget trampy Sybil (Joanne Smith), a starlet so slutty she fucks her fellow performers right there on the stage in-between takes, to the delight of Brett who never fails to call her out on it.  Meow, Sybil...

Oh, and we also have Laurel (Mary Sellers), dingy chick who gives blondes a bad name.  Also kind of dopey is Betty (Ulrike Schwerk), redhead costume manager who really should learn not to forget things in her car.   Not exactly a great role model for brunettes, either, is Corinne (Loredana Parella), a cock-tease chick who goes around looking like a mousy librarian but is obviously draining Peter's nutsac on a daily basis.   Then there's Ferrari (Piero Vida), sleazy producer who clearly wants to spank Alicia's ass on a regular basis.  Finally, we have Mark and Danny (Martin Phillips, James Sampson), two guys with about as much personality as a wet mop so let's just move on, shall we?

Our story gets off to a shitty start when Alicia finally decides she can't ignore her work-related ankle sprain any longer.  She asks Betty to drive her to a hospital nearby so that a doctor can take a quick look at it before they continue with the all-night rehearsals being perpetrated on them by Peter The DoucheLord.  Great idea, Alicia.  Too bad that hospital turns out to be... a mental hospital for the criminally insane.  Fortunately, even psychiatrists must know how to handle sprained ankles, because the one on duty agrees to help Alicia and Betty.  Unfortunately, while he is treating Alicia, a vicious killer who's being kept in the hospital manages to escape and hide in the trunk of Betty's car.   Long story short, Alicia and Betty bring back with them a little stowaway who sneaks into the theater - full of malice aforethought.  

Next thing you know, Alicia and her pals are trapped in the theater - with a psycho killer who is eager to make up for lost time.  I should also add that, just to make things more fucked-up and confusing, our killer kills Brett and steals the Owl Head mask and uses it to terrorize the others.  Soon, it's looking like none of them will make it through the night - to say nothing of making it to opening night.  

Who is the killer that escaped from the asylum and hitched a ride back to the theater with Alicia and Betty?  Why is he targeting these "talented" actor/dancers".  Who will be the last one standing to fight him to the death?  Alicia?  Peter?  Laurel? Sybil?  Corinne? Betty? Ferrari? Mark?  Or will this actually be the Crazy Italian Giallo version of AND THEN THERE WERE NONE?  Will anyone survive?  

Who cares.  I just want to hear Brett rip into Sybil again for being such a dirty whore.  Fucking priceless....


BUT SERIOUSLY:  In our Giallo Retrospective last year wherein we reviewed 51 Italian and North American thrillers, we discussed how the Italian Giallo Sub-Genre influenced American thrillers and horror films.  Essentially, these colorful, stylish, operatic Italian thrillers paved the way for how thriller and horror films are made in the United States to this day.  They also gave rise to the American Slasher Sub-Genre that started with HALLOWEEN and was furthered by FRIDAY THE 13TH - two American films that were significantly influenced by Italian Gialli.  

What's interesting about STAGEFRIGHT, our next "31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN" review, is that it is a Giallo that came out after American Slasher films exploded and made their mark in the early 80s.  It appears that director Michele Soavi (who was a protege of Gialli master Dario Argento) has purposefully mixed in some newer American Slasher tropes with the more baroque, traditional Giallo trappings.  The result is an interesting hybrid of "old" and "new".   On one hand, we still have the elaborate, stylized setpieces marked by colorful, arty violence that characterize the older Italian Gialli; on the other hand, we also have a much faster pace with the story unfolding in a single confined location over one night - which is exactly like the later American flicks like FRIDAY THE 13TH, HALLOWEEN, PROM NIGHT, TERROR TRAIN, and MY BLOODY VALENTINE.

As with any Giallo, STAGEFRIGHT's setpieces are appropriately over-the-top and grandiose.  But there's less lag time in between these sequences than in more traditional Gialli.  Largely because this movie has the faster pace that is common in American slashers.  The result is an engaging mash-up that blends the best of each sub-genre.  We get both the flamboyance of the Giallo and the no-nonsense pace of the American Slasher.  The best of both worlds, as it were.

With most Gialli and Slashers, the acting is usually hit or miss.  It's more "hit" than "miss" here, with most of the performers turning in vivid, entertaining performances that keep us engaged.  British actor David Brandon is spot-on as Peter, the stereotypically demanding director.  Brandon is enough of a pro, though, to give Peter some tiny shadings to keep him from turning completely into an asshole cliche.  Italian actress Barbara Cupisti appeared in Dario Argento's near-masterpiece OPERA that same year, and she has a considerably larger role in STAGEFRIGHT.  Essentially, she's the star - and she does a reasonable job carrying the film on her shoulders.  

Speaking of OPERA, it's interesting to note that this film also deals with murders committed or centered around a theater environment - and also has nearly the same double-reversal ending wherein we get a final jump scare after a false conclusion.  It must be Soavi's homage to his accomplished mentor.   Like OPERA, STAGEFRIGHT also uses pounding rock music in many of its chase scenes, and the incongruity somehow works.  

Speaking of chase scenes, STAGEFRIGHT boasts some solid ones - like any good Giallo or Slasher.   The best one is a long sequence at the climax wherein Alicia, whose presence was overlooked by the killer, tries to retrieve the front door key from its position right next to the killer's feet as he lounges on the stage surrounded by the corpses of his victims (and Alicia's friends).  It's a sequence that both Argento and Hitchcock would've been proud of - and Soavi makes it sing.  Soavi would go on to make the interesting and impressive THE CHURCH and THE SECT, which further proved that he not only learned a lot from his mentor, but also has talent of his own to stand apart.  

Quite simply, STAGEFRIGHT is a good mash-up of an Italian Giallo and an American Slasher - and ends up with the strong points of each sub-genre.  The biggest compliment I can give this film is that Dario Argento could've made it.  That's solid praise, indeed.