GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY (2014 - SCI-FI / ACTION / COMEDY) ***** out of ***** OR 10 out of 10
(Now that's what I'm talking about...)
CAST:
Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Bradley Cooper (voice), Vin
Diesel (voice), Michael Rooker, Lee Pace, Djimon Hounsou, Karen Gillan, Glenn
Close, John C. Reilly.
DIRECTOR:
James Gunn
WARNING:
Some SPOILERS and pretty compelling reasons to go Guardian - straight
ahead...
IT'S LIKE THIS:
In the pantheon of superheroes, we have the stiff-and-noble (Steve
Rogers/Captain America), the arrogant-and-douchey (Tony Stark/Iron Man), the
shy-and-nerdy (Peter Parker/Spiderman), the macho-and-burly (Thor/Thor), the
dashing-and-courtly (Clark Kent/Superman), and the dark-and-brooding (Bruce
Wayne/Batman). I don't think we've ever
had one who is, well, a bit of a doofus, though. Until now.
Our next review is GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, and let's just say its
"hero" is, shall we say, one of a kind.
He is Peter Quill, and just imagine Han Solo from
STARS WARS fused with Cartman, Stan, Kenny, and Kyle from SOUTH PARK - then
maybe you can begin to imagine the, uh, uniqueness of our boy Pete. Like Han Solo, Peter drives a beat-up junker
of a space ship and roams the galaxy doing all sorts of odd-jobs and dirty
work. And like Mr. Solo, Peter travels,
uh, solo and does have a bit of the rogue's charm to him - if a little bit more
on the doofus side. Oh, and like our
boys from SOUTH PARK, Peter is a complete nutball. And I LOVE the guy! LOVE HIM!
Anyhow, turns out Peter was abducted from Planet
Earth when he was, like, 10 and ended up working for an interplanetary thug
named Yondu Udonta (Michael Rooker).
Seems Yondu needs people to work as staff on his ship, so he goes around
taking people from their home planets and subjugating them for his sweat shops
as cheap labor. Or something. So, maybe that partially exlains Peter's
rather unorthodox personality. I should
also add that Peter has a "hero name" that he goes by: Star
Lord. Only problem is he can't get
anyone to call him that - most likely because it's gay as hell. And coming from someone who used to run
around with a glittering cape when he was a kid, and used to call himself
Sparkle Master, I know what I'm talking about.
Anyhow, our story gets started in earnest when
Peter, doing another odd-job, lands on some wasteland planet to retrieve some
special orb. Unfortunately, it turns out
that this orb is kind of like the first photos Baby William: hot property. Sure enough, other factions come-a-callin'
for said orb.
They include: (1) Rocket (voice of Bradley
Cooper), a racoon who is like a skinny version of my cat Guido but with more
attitude; (2) Groot (voice of Vin Diesel), a walking tree who knows only three
words - "I. Am. Groot." - which makes him not the best
conversationalist in the world; (3) Ronan The Accuser (Lee Pace), some blue
dude who obviously wants to give Darth Vader a run for his money; (4) Gamora
(Zoe Saldana), hot-as-lava adopted daughter of Ronan who may or may not be as
evil as her adoptive dad, and who can't decide whether to bitch-slap Peter or
fuck him - or both; (5) Nebula (Karen Gillan), Ronan's natural daughter who is definitely
every bit as evil (and blue) as her natural father, if not more; and last but
certainly the ugliest: (6) Ol' slave
labor guru Yondu Udonta himself - who is just a little bit pissed off that his
"adopted son" Peter has thrown him under the Millenium Falcon. Well, you know what I mean.
At any rate, it becomes clear that Ronan and
Yondu really, really, REALLY want that fucking orb. It becomes even more clear that Peter is
going to have to take on some allies if he wants to (A) keep the orb out of the
wrong hands and (B) deliver it to someone who can pay him a ton of whatever
currency they use in the future for it and (C) stay alive the whole time. Sure enough, he finds himself teaming up with
the aforementioned Rocket, Groot, Gamora, and a goon from a galactic jail house
named Drax (Dave Bautista), who is as big as an ox and almost as smart. Together, this dysfunctional fivesome must
find a way to protect the orb from Ronan and Yondu - and save the universe
somehow?
But can they all get along? Will they cooperate long enough to accomplish
their mission? Will Peter and Gamora
finally succumb to their chemistry and just fuck the shit out of each other
already? Will Rocket and Groot keep from
stealing the orb for themselves? Will
Drax ever get a goddamn sense of humor and stop taking things so
literally? And what master plan does
Ronan and Yondu have for the Orb?
Hard to say.
All I know is that Orb better be able to do some seriously cool shit -
like fix a mean eggplant-and-kale omelet and do laundry and empty out the
kitter litty box and pick up drycleaning.
Saving the universe is just not enough anymore.
BUT, SERIOUSLY:
Put simply, GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY is the best movie of the summer -
and the best film of 2014 so far. Even
better than DIVERGENT, THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2, and THE FAULT IN OUR
STARS. This film is the perfect
combination of action, spectacle, humor, and heart. Equal credit must go to a script that finds
the perfect tone of snarky and sweet, and a cast of game performers to bring
some very vivid roles to life. I predict
it will be the highest-grossing film of the summer. We saw this film on its first night in
release, and you could just feel the audience eat it up, with applause ringing
out at the end. And I have to say I was
probably the one with loudest laughter in a sea of loud laughter.
That's not to say GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY doesn't
have serious tones, though. It does - but it also knows how to deploy gravitas
without weighing down the rhythm of the film.
That's harder than you think.
Fortunately, the stars (no pun intended) aligned with the making of this
movie, as there is never a misstep anywhere in sight. Everyone is in top form, and everything is
pitch-perfect.
I don't want to go too in-depth when discussing
GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY. It's better for
you folks to discover it on your own.
Believe us, it is worth it. In
closing, I must pay kudos to director James Gunn, his writers, and crew for
crafting a film that is one hell of an unforgettably exciting and funny
roller-coaster. Equal praise goes to
Chris Pratt (who finally takes confident hold of a leading man role and aces it
wonderfully), Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Michael Rooker, Lee Pace, Djimon
Hounsou, and Karen Gillan for their spot-on portrayals of sharply-drawn
characters. Bradley Cooper and Vin
Diesel also provide excellent voice support in two of the more memorable roles
in the Superhero Genre.
All that's left to say before urging you to go
see this film is this: we CANNOT WAIT
for the sequel... : )
