# 601 - THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2: ANGEL OF DEATH

THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2: ANGEL OF DEATH (2015 - HORROR / GHOST / HAUNTED HOUSE) ** out of *****   OR   4 out of 10

(She's baaaaaaaaaaack....)

CAST:  Phoebe Fox, Jeremy Irvine, Helen McCrory, Oaklee Pendergast, Amelia Crouch, Casper Allpress, Adrian Rawlins, Pip Pearce, Leila DeMeza.

DIRECTOR:  Tom Harper

(WARNING: Some SPOILERS and very bad examples of how to wear "basic black" - straight ahead...)

IT'S LIKE THIS:  Proving the old adage that you can't keep a bad girl down, our femme phantom villainess from THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2012 (review # 600) is back to unleash more mayhem - and the four decades she spent in semi-retirement have clearly not made her more forgiving.  More like an even bigger Mega-Biyatch From Beyond The Grave.

Oooooooooo-weeeee-ooooooooo!

By the way, if any of you haven't seen either the excellent 1989 original or it's surprisingly good 2012 remake, you may want to check out of this review because some nasty secrets will be revealed.  Fair warning...

Okay.  You had your shot.  Anyway, THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2: ANGEL OF DEATH (like this bitch could be an angel of anything else) opens 40 years after the first movie ended in 1904.  Which would make it right towards the end of World War II.  We meet our new hero, er, heroine in the form of cute and sweet teacher Eve Parkins (Phoebe Fox).  Phoebe, like the rest of war-torn London, has to hide in the bomb shelters because of the constant mortar rounds the Nazis are dropping on them.  

It gets so bad that Eve and her uptight boss, the unfortunately-named Jean Hogg (Helen McCrory), are ordered by the British War Authorities to take a bunch of kids out of London and deep into the countryside.  There, they will remain in hiding until the war is over.  

Not a bad plan, considering most of the shelling and bombing is aimed at the major cities, especially the capital of London.  Too bad the idiots behind the evacuation of Eve, Jean, and their coterie of tykes chose the least appropriate house in the entire British isles for them to seek refuge in: the haunted house from the first movie.  Good one, guys.  Assholes.  

Anyhow, Eve, Jean, and their little wards travel for what seems like eternity until they arrive at the now-deserted seaside burg of Crythin Gifford and the run-down house commonly known as Eel Marsh House AKA Y'All Are So Fucked Manor.  Those of you who saw the first movie know that this house is basically like the paranormal equivalent of sailing on the Titanic: either way, you're getting off that ship badly.  

Sure enough, it doesn't take long for Eve, Jean, and the little kids to detect that there's something, um, very wrong at Eel Marsh House.  Eve does the Nancy Drew thing and with the aid of hunky displaced Royal Air Force pilot Harry Burnstow (Jeremy Irvine), she follows a trail back to the deserted town of Crythin Gifford.  Apparently, our titular villainess did such a thorough job of wiping out the younger residents in the first film that everyone moved away.  Probably afraid she'd start in on the adults.  

Then, one by one, terrible accidents begin to claim the lives of the kids that Eve and Jean are taking care of.  Seems the sanctuary they escaped to isn't so safe, after all.  Fucking duh.   Soon, it also becomes clear that "the woman in black" has her sights on young Edward (Oakley Pendergast), an orphaned boy whom Eve is very protective of.  Before you know it, our lady ghost and our lady teacher are locked in a battle of wills over the life of young Edward.  

Who will win?  Will Eve be able to save Edward and the rest of the kids?  Will that useless bitch Jean do anything to help?  Or is it all up to Eve?  Will Harry pitch in?  What secrets from his past are haunting him?  For that matter, what secrets from Eve's own past tie her unexpectedly to the woman in black?  How will all this end?

Hard to say.  One thing I know for sure: let's hope those Japanese ghosts from THE GRUDGE don't find out that THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2 stole the tagline of their movie.   See below:  

THE GRUDGE (2004): "It Never Forgives.  It Never Forgets."

THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2 (2015):  "She Never Forgives.  She Never Forgets."

I feel a Ghost Catfight coming, yo.  Outta here...

Oooooooo-weeeeeeee-ooooooooooo!!!


BUT SERIOUSLY:  In our last review for THE WOMAN IN BLACK (review # 600), we discussed how the Japanese horror hit JU-ON (review # 74) and its even better American remake THE GRUDGE (review # 75) were clearly influenced by its source novella's tale of a vengeful ghost who just wants to hurt as many people as possible, without regard to who they are or if they are innocent.   Interestingly, though, as mentioned above, THE WOMAN IN BLACK's recent sequel rips off THE GRUDGE's chilling tagline.  I guess everything comes full circle in Hollywood.  This just underscores how similar these films are with their inversion of the usual Haunted House Movie cliches.  In these movies, unlike many other ghost films, absolutely no one is safe.  I'm looking at you, POLTERGEIST and THE HAUNTING 1999.  

Susan Hill's 1983 book was turned into an excellent 1989 British TV movie (review # 328) that is the very definition of terrifying.  Just thinking of that ending gives me goosebumps.   With such a great premise, it was inevitable that Hollywood would come-a-calling and give the story the "Big Studio" treatment in 2012.  The result, surprisingly, was quite good.  It wasn't as scary as the 1989 version, but it held its own, anchored by some solid frights and a respectable adult turn by Daniel Radcliffe.

Because THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2012 was a definite box-office hit, it was inevitable that there would be a sequel - even though things were tied up quite succinctly (and bleakly) at the end of the movie.  Leave it to Hollywood to find a way to resurrect the dead - or at least, their ghosts.  Now, along comes THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2: ANGEL OF DEATH to try to continue the tale of the vengeful Jennet Humfrey and her lost son.  

Is the sequel as good as the 2012 remake and the 1989 original?  The answer, quite frankly, is "NO."  There are some good ideas here, and some intriguing atmosphere with the occasionally creepy setpiece - but the overall effect is tired and routine.  And, dare I say, downright boring.  I never thought I'd think that about a movie featuring probably the scariest ghost in horror movie history.  Somehow, the woman in black is just not as frightening here as she was previously.

Much of this has to do with the face that the script doesn't tell us anything new about her.  We found out everything - her past, her heartache, her loss, her rage - in the first film as Arthur Kipps (Radcliffe) investigated.  Here, Phoebe Fox's heroine Eve is put through the same paces, as if we hadn't seen this before.  The result is utter tedium.  I actually fell asleep a couple of times and had to be nudged awake by my buddy.  Again, I honestly never thought that would happen to me while watching a flick with the probably the scariest horror movie ghost ever.  

We mentioned some interesting ideas suggested in the early going of the film, but fumbled or outright dropped in the latter half.  One of the fumbled threads deals with Eve's troubled history that actually dovetails with that of the ghost's.  However, instead of effectively mining this sub-plot, the movie deals with it in the most mundane way possible.  Too bad, because it could've made for an effective narrative spine to rest the film on. 

The cast does their best, but they're short-changed by the script that keeps upstaging character development for yet another "scary" setpiece.  Fox and her male lead Jeremy Irvine have a nice rapport, but we never really get a strong sense of them as a couple.  More scenes of them getting to know one another would've been nice and given the film some depth.  As it is, whenever something interesting begins to happen with the characters, we cut away to another boring shot of a door or shadow moving.  Haven't we seen this all before?  

In the end, THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2: ANGEL OF DEATH is a dull sequel to the strong 2012 remake.   It has an interesting premise that is ultimately led nowhere by the script.  If there is a third film, let's hope that the makers put some energy into it.  Just because a movie is about ghosts and phantoms, doesn't mean it should feel dead.  

# 600 - THE WOMAN IN BLACK

THE WOMAN IN BLACK (2012 - HORROR / GHOST / HAUNTED HOUSE FLICK) ***1/2 out of *****  OR  7 out of 10

(I think I'll be staying behind in London, thank you very much...)

CAST: Daniel Radcliffe, Ciaran Hinds, Janet McTeer, Misha Handley, Sophie Stuckey, Roger Allam, Shaun Dooley, Mary Stockley, Alfie Field, Victor McGuire, Alice Khazanova, Liz White, Lu Cornfield.

DIRECTOR:  James Watkins.

(WARNING: Some SPOILERS and compelling reasons to defy your boss - straight ahead...)

IT'S LIKE THIS:  In 2004, THE GRUDGE came out and basically turned the entire Haunted House Sub-Genre onto its head.  Prior to THE GRUDGE, which was actually a remake of the Japanese horror hit JU-ON (which means, um, 'the grudge' in Japanese), haunted house horror flicks were essentially beset by one major problem:  no matter how bad things got, the characters could solve their problems just by... walking out the fucking door.

Oh, sure, there may be financial reasons keeping them from simply abandoning the house (THE AMITYVILLE HORROR).  Or the ghosts may actually be trying to keep them inside (THE HAUNTING 1999).  Or they may be snowbound and isolated (THE SHINING).  Or they may actually just be fairly stupid (SINISTER).  Bottom line, though, is that if they really, really, REALLY wanted to, these assholes could save their sorry asses just by... leaving the house.

Then JU-ON and THE GRUDGE came out, and all that changed.   You see the particular hauntings in these films were like the paranormal version of being targeted by the Mafia: once you have entered the haunted house, you are in the crosshairs of the phantoms - who will follow you wherever you go until they ice your sorry ass.  In short, these ghosts make the ones in THE AMITYVILLE HORROR and THE SHINING look like sedentary book club members.

However, it turns out that while JU-ON and THE GRUDGE were welcome inversions of the Haunted House Sub-Genre, they were not exactly 100% original.  You see, the idea of a vengeful phantom not interested in peace or being laid to rest, but craving relentless and unstoppable revenge, had been first introduced in a 1983 novella by Susan Hill called "The Woman In Black."  A British TV movie was made from the book in 1989 - and in 2012 a Hollywood remake (shoot me now) starring none other than Harry Potter himself was made.

How does THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2012 compare to THE WOMAN IN BLACK 1989?  Well, do a search above because we reviewed the first film back in 2011 (review # 328), and found it to be awesome and pants-wettingly scary.  However, let's save our assessment of the Hollywood remake for the BUT SERIOUSLY portion of our review.

For now, just know that Harry Potter, er, Daniel Radcliffe plays London's Most Baby-Faced Solicitor (Lawyer) Ever, Arthur Kipps..  As the movie starts, Arthur's having a bad day: he's still mourning the death of his wife Stella (Sophie Stuckey) in childbirth years ago, his lovable son Joseph (Misha Handley) is still going around asking where Mommy is (get used to it, kid), and his law firm boss Mr. Bentley (Roger Allam) is kind of being a prick.

You see, it appears that Arthur's endless moping over Stella's death has been distracting him from his work.  As in, shit ain't getting done - and his superiors are losing their patience.  Finally, Mr. Bentley tells Arthur that he needs to get his act together and work on a new project that will redeem him in the eyes of his employers.

This project involves going out of town to some seaside burg in the ass-crack of England called Crythin Gifford.  Turns out some old crone named Alice Drablow (Alisa Kazhanova) passed away, and her legal affairs need to be sorted out.  Oh, and once you see what Crythin Gifford looks like, it'll become painfully clear why none of the partners at Arthur's law firm decided to take on the project themselves - and instead dumped it on poor, morose Arthur: the place is kind of a shithole.

Further adding to the charm of the place are the locals who, not exactly rays-of-sunshine to begin with, turn even more assholish to Arthur when they find out he will be spending time at Drablow Manor going through the dead crone's papers.  The only who's even remotely nice to our hero is Sam Daily (Ciaran Hinds), a country solicitor who takes a paternal shine to Arthur.  Sam is married to Elizabeth (Janet McTeer), who is still mourning the loss of their young son Nicholas (Sidney Johnston) years ago.

Soon, Arthur finds out there have been other horrible deaths involving children over the last few years - and the awful trend is continuing.  What's worse is he starts to realize that it all may be related to Alice Drablow, Drablow Manor, and a mysterious figure named Jennet Humphreys (Liz White) whom no one seems to want to talk about.   Before you know it, Arthur is wishing he basically told Mr. Bentley to ram a fire poker up his own ass back in London and turned in his two-minute notice.

What exactly is going on in Crythin Gifford?  Why are the children of the village dying in terrible ways, one by one?  What role does the Drablow clan have in the terrifying events?  And what part of Jennet Humphreys' past is driving this all?  Is she the mysterious "woman in black" that Arthur starts glimpsing around every corner?  Will he be pulled into the deadly events, as well?  How will this all end?

Let's just say that our boy Arthur better make sure his life insurance coverage is up to date. For his son's sake...


BUT SERIOUSLY:  In 2011, we reviewed THE WOMAN IN BLACK 1989 (review # 328), a made-for-British television movie that was an adaptation of Susan Hill's terrifying novella published in 1983.  THE WOMAN IN BLACK 1989 was a spare, chilling ghost story that boasted some truly frightening images and setpieces - and wasn't afraid to end the story with an uncompromising sucker-punch to the viewer's stomach.  No happy ending here....

When news broke around 2010 that Hollywood had acquired the rights to Hill's novella and were planning a glossy, big-screen, much-bigger-budgeted remake starring Daniel Radcliffe in his first "grown-up" role, we viewed the news with elation and some trepidation.  Elation, because this genuinely scary story was going to reach a larger audience finally - and trepidation, because Hollywood has been known to de-fang and often outright botch classic horror originals with watered-down PG-13 versions meant to snag younger audiences.   In short, there was a very real chance that THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2012 could wind up a misguided re-do - like THE HAUNTING 1999, which was a weak remake of THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE from 1963, despite a strong cast and some otherwise intriguing aspects.

Happily, though, THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2012 is a stronger remake that can stand proudly next to the earlier, but admittedly still more superior, version.  While this remake boasts some solid scares and creepy atmosphere, it still lags behind those of the 1989 original - mainly because the titular "woman in black" was far more horrifying in the first film.  However, this was always going to be the case.  The best the folks behind this film could hope for was to not damage the original story the way THE HAUNTING 1999 did with its premise - and simply tell it again with enough conviction.  They largely succeed: THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2012 is a solid horror film.

Much has been made of the young Daniel Radcliffe being cast (or miscast, as some have said) in the role of up-and-coming lawyer Arthur Kipps.   In the original, Kipps was played by the clearly-much older Adrian Rawlins.  It's obvious why Radcliffe was cast: to draw in younger crowds.  The good news is that Radcliffe actually passes for much older than he really is, and acquits himself quite well.  The movie could've easily failed if he didn't have the gravitas to pulls off the role - fortunately, he does.

Ciaran Hinds and Janet McTeer are similarly-good as Sam and Elizabeth Daily, the local couple who befriend Kipps.  They themselves are also victims of the "woman in black" - and the subplot involving Elizabeth and her lost son Nicholas gives this film some welcome depth and pathos.  Sam also plays a bigger role here than he did in the 1989 version, and it's always nice to see the handsome and talented Hinds get more screen time.

Ultimately, THE WOMAN IN BLACK 2012 is a good horror remake that may not be as scary as the original, but has enough chills and frights of its own to recommend it.  Unlike the recent sequel, which trotted out the same ghost tropes - to significantly less effect.   But more on that in our next review....

# 599 - THE PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR

THE PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR (2014 - ANIMATED / ADVENTURE / FAMILY) ***1/2 out of *****  OR  7 out of 10  

(More like FACEPLANT OF THE PENGUINS...)

CAST:  Voices of Tom McGrath, Chris Miller, Christopher Knights, Conrad Vernon, John Malkovich, Benedict Cumberbatch, Annet Mahendru, Peter Stormare, Ken Jeong.

DIRECTORS:  Eric Darnell, Simon J. Smith.

(WARNING:  Some SPOILERS and compelling reasons to doubt any documentaries narrated by Morgan Freeman - straight ahead)

IT'S LIKE THIS:  If Morgan Freeman and that popular documentary he loaned his voice to (MARCH OF THE PENGUINS) are to be believed, penguins are majestic, quirky, intelligent, adorable creatures who are much-needed pockets of cuteness to offset all the other utterly inhospitable elements of the North and South Poles.  You would be forgiven if, by the end of MARCH OF THE PENGUINS, you were ready to volunteer on an Arctic-or Antarctic-bound ship to observe the tuxedoed-fowl in their natural (and colder-than-a-witches'-tit) environment.  

Our next review, the much-anticipated THE PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR, begs to differ.  This flick showcases a quartet of popular supporting characters of the MADAGASCAR series:  four penguins who are, shall we say, about three ice cubes shy of a full tray.  They are Skipper (Tom McGrath), Kowalski (Chris Miller), Private (Christopher Knights), and Rico (Conrad Vernon).   Ostensibly, there four are supposed to have different personalities, but they are all essentially variations on the same sensibly-challenged doofus, so let's not waste our time, shall we?

We meet our quartet of feathered fuck-tards as juvenile penguins in the South (or is it North - oh, who gives a fuck) Pole.  They are engaging in one of those awesome-to-behold pilgrimages where the penguins march, single-file, throughout the frozen tundra - as if they heard the local Macy's was passing out free Calvin Klein wool coats.  Fuck, I'd fall in step, too.

Anyhow, through a turn-of-events so utterly stupid and contrived it could only exist in a MADAGASCAR spin-off, Skipper, Kowalski, Private, and Rico wind up getting separated from the pack.  After a near-death encounter with a pack of shipwrecked walruses (don't even ask), our four "heroes" find themselves adrift on a glacier and eventually wind up in Venice, Italy (!) where it becomes very convenient that they look like they are wearing tuxedoes.  

You see, it's at this point that THE PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR turns into a parody of one of the goofier Bond movies (think anything with Roger Moore in it, except FOR YOUR EYES ONLY), with our four black-and-white-clad protagonists encountering a super-villain who wants to unleash some spectacular evil plan on the unsuspecting world.  A super-villain named...  Dave.

Somehow, I don't think Elektra King or Blofeld are too worried about losing their status are Best Villains Ever.  I mean, seriously:  Dave?  

At least Dave sounds a lot like John Malkovich, which is always a plus when you need a voice for a villain. I should also add that Dave is an octopus and he has a shared history with our four birds (Are penguins birds?  Again - who gives a fuck) - and a serious grudge against them.  You see, it turns out Dave used to live in the same zoo that Skipper, Kowalski, Private, and Rico wound up in, between their escape from the frozen tundra - and landing in Venice, Italy.  

It turns out that Dave is a little miffed that our four idiots stole all the limelight from him at the zoo, which led management to send to some third-rate aquarium somewhere.  This, apparently, is Dave's deep motivation for unleashing... well, whatever the fuck he's unleashing onto the unsuspecting world.  

So... will Rico, Private, Kowalski, and Skipper be able to stop Dave from whatever the hell he's planning?   Can a secret society of animal secret agents called The North Wind (again - don't even ask) help them?  Or is the world doomed from Dave... and, well, what the fuck he's got up his sleeve?  

Time will tell.  In the meantime, never underestimate the power of stupid creatures in groups of four.  

BUT SERIOUSLY:  The MADAGASCAR trilogy is one of the best-loved animated series in recent memory, and one of the reasons it's so memorable isn't just because of its quartet of crazy-funny leads voiced by Ben Stiller, Jada Pinkett Smith, David Schwimmer, and Chris Rock - but also because of a colorful supporting cast led by the wonderfully loony King Julian (Sacha Baron Cohen), his practical advisor Maurice (Cedric The Entertainer), the meek & put-upon Mort ( Andy Richter), and last, but certainly not the least, the quartet of hilariously insane penguins, Skipper, Kowalski, Private, and Rico (Tom McGrath, Chris Miller, Christopher Knights, and Conrad Vernon).  

It was only a matter of time before those four nutty penguins got their own movie.   How well do they do with a lion's share (no pun intended) of the limelight?  Well, let's just say that the results are mixed.  As part of the MADAGASCAR ensemble, these four are a welcome addition and provide a bizarro touch to the already-ribald goings-ons.  However, given center stage in THE PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR, our four feathered tuxedo birds are somehow not quite as funny as they were in the MADAGASCAR movies.  

That's not to say that the movie is weak, or that these guys don't deserve their own film.  THE PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR is actually a solid film, and has many hilarious lines (including a surprisingly-raunchy quip about "wet kabooms" aimed at all the adults in the audience that was apparently only appreciated by me as I seemed to be the only who one who laughed). However, it somehow fails to catch that "wave" that elevates a solid film into the ranks of very good movies - and higher ( 8 or **** and above).  As it is, it is a respectable, enjoyable entry into the MADAGASCAR franchise.  

The voice actors are all good, with the likes of Benedict Cumberbatch, Ken Jeong, Peter Stormare, and - best of all - John Malkovich joining MADAGASCAR veterans like Tom McGrath, Chris Miller, Christopher Knights, and Conrad Vernon.  As good as the voice cast is, they are somehow a bit better than the script.  Had they been given something truly inspired (instead of another James Bond send-up) THE PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR might've been more than a merely "good" movie.  

In the end, it's a decent addition to the MADAGASCAR universe.  Somehow, we just feel these four nutjobs would have a far loonier showcase.   Oh, well....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Sorry for the belated greeting folks.  It was a tremendously busy Holiday season.  : )   With that in mind, please note that our reviews for 2015 will post intermittently and if time is available.  It promises to be a very active year, creatively, and so some juggling must be done.  Let's just say that we have to be very flexible with our movie review schedule for 2015.

For now, please accept our apologies and expect the following film reviews to post by this weekend.  Also, take a sneak peek at some of the Winter and Spring 2015 films that we have our eyes on...

# 599 - THE PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR (2014)

# 600 - THE WOMAN IN BLACK (2012)

# 601 - THE WOMAN IN BLACK: ANGEL OF DEATH (2015)

# 602 - PADDINGTON (2015)

# 603 - THE BOY NEXT DOOR (2015)

# 604 - MORTDECAI (2015)

# 605 - THE VOICES (2015)

# 606 - FIFTY SHADES OF GREY (2015)

# 607- KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE (2015)

# 608- HOT TUB TIME MACHINE 2 (2015)

# 609- CINDERELLA (2015)

# 610 - INSURGENT (2015)

# 611 - IT FOLLOWS (2015)

# 612 - THE AGE OF ADALINE (2015)

Happy, happy, happy New Year, folks!  Once again, sorry for the delay.  Have a wonderful 2015!