(This is why I don’t go out for walks at night. So I don’t hear fucked-up shite I don’t want to hear.)
CAST: Karl Malden, James Franciscus, Catherine Spaak, Cinzia De Carolis, Pier Paolo Capponi, Horst Frank, Rada Rassimov, Carlo Alighiero, Aldo Reggiani, Emilio Marchesini, Tom Felleghny.
DIRECTOR: Dario Argento
WARNING: SPOILERS and chromosomal insanity right up ahead….
The last review covered THE BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE, Italian suspense auteur Dario Argento’s fledgling - but mighty effort - at the kind of suspense film that Alfred Hitchcock gave birth to. Except Argento took the Master’s motifs - and ran buck-wild with them, giving his films a fiery Italian flavor and baroque identity of their own. Following the worldwide success of his first film, Argento was under pressure to deliver a similar type of product for his second outing.
But, as we know, auteurs do not like to be told what to do. So Argento struck off on his own path, melding the suspense and twisty plot of the previous movie - and imbuing it with a slightly odd and cooler atmosphere, which is in direct contrast with THE BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE’s assertive tone and brisk pace.
Echoing but also changing that film’s “eyewitness” thread, THE CAT O’NINE TAILS this time centers around a blind man who unwittingly hears a sinister conversation during a nocturnal walk with his young niece - and soon both of them are plunged into serpentine web of blackmail, mystery and murder.
Franco Arno (Karl Malden) is a blind, retired newspaper man who’s only solace in life now is his niece, Lori (Cinzia De Carolis). The two often go on late night walks together during which the most unexpected occurrence is usually an unseen curb that Lori fails to warn Franco about. On one particular night, however, the duo happens to pass a parked car in which two men are heatedly arguing. The blind Franco's ears immediately perk up like a dog's.
As you know, blindness heightens the other senses. In fact, when you are tied up and blindfolded to a bed, a tongue flicking across your abdomen can literally make you scream like a hyena. And, oh my God, don‘t get me started about your nipples. And when you can’t see, the sensation of warm body oil (I prefer Neutrogena Body Oil) dribbling on your neck can only be described as phantasmagorical. And don‘t even get me started about edible body oil because then someone‘s tongue is totally… um… wait a minute… what was I… oh, right. The review for CAT O’NINE TAILS… Ahem... My bad. So back to the movie…
Anyhow, Franco and Lori happen to walk by that parked car with the two men arguing. And being blind, Franco’s hearing is extraordinarily acute, allowing him to hear a snippet of the conversation, which goes something like this: MAN # 1: “You have to choose between me and your wife. Why did you marry that cow, anyway?” MAN # 2: “For the money that I use to finance your goddamn trips to Madrid and Zurich every year, you whiny little fairy. If I divorce her, we‘ll have to go back to working at Marco’s Pizzeria. How would you like that?”
Kidding. That was BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN.
Seriously now: what Franco actually hears is this: MAN #1: “I’m sorry, but I have to come forward with what I found. I know it doesn‘t look good for you.” MAN # 2: Dead silence - which is not a good reaction in a Dario Argento movie because it signifies: (1) rage, (2) dementia, and (3) murderous intent.
Curious about what he just heard, Franco walks about ten feet in front of the car then pretends to tie his shoes. He surreptitiously instructs Lori to describe the two men in the car. She describes the one who was talking as “brown-haired” which, when used to describe an Italian, is about as helpful as describing a Korean as “black-haired.”
Thanks for the specifics, you little brat. Throw me a goddamn bone here, would you? As for the other passenger, the silent one, he remains in the shadows and away from Lori‘s secretly prying eyes. Then the car peels off. And Franco and Lori head down the street to eavesdrop on other people.
The next day, Franco bumps into eager-beaver cub reporter Carlo Giordani (James Franciscus) in front of Franco’s building. Carlo tells the older man that there was a robbery the night before at the Terzi Institute, a laboratory/genetics company right across the street from Franco’s house.
Intrigued, Franco decides to follow the story in the papers. Which is going to be some sort of miracle because he’s blind as a proverbial bat, but this is a Dario Argento movie after all: you just smile, nod, and ogle the eye candy.
And speaking of eye candy, Carlo Giordani is one prime piece of it. Ostensibly Italian, he looks more like Kevin Costner’s blonder, leaner, and more metrosexual brother. I guess he’s one of ‘em fair-haired Northern Italians. I know I’m on record for saying that Italians - men, women, and some four-legged mammals - are the most beautiful creatures in the world, but Carlo Giordani (or, James Franciscus, the actor that plays him) takes that shit to a whole new stratosphere. I want a Carlo Giordani for Christmas, Santa. With a Monica Belluci on the side. Thanx.
So… we switch to the Terzi Institute, where the executives are rushing about like the bigwigs of a certain oil company right about now. Only they’re freaking out about a robbery, and not an oil spill. Evidently, the higher-ups are busy having the staff do an inventory of the company’s equipment, data, and snack bar to discover if anything was taken. After several hours, the answer is “NOPE.” Much to the relief of the board, who were sweating not so much bullets, but veritable cannonballs.
Unfortunately, at least one unit manager was lying through his fucking teeth: we glimpse, ahem, a brown-haired dude with a familiar voice cooing into his phone: “The files are missing. And I know you took them. Let’s meet and talk about this. Meet you at the train station.” If you’re guessing that this brown-haired dude is the same as the one that Lori described for Franco the night before, then you win an all-expense paid trip to Scarecrow Video. Not really, but it sounded good.
Anyhow, the brown-haired dude is Dr. Calabresi (Carlo Alighiero), and is some sort of scientist at the institute. Not long after hanging up with the mysterious other person, Calabresi’s girlfriend Bianca (Rada Rassimov) shows up. Salivating like a dog, Calabresi tells Bianca that he may have found a way to get ahead in the company, leading the sharp-witted among us to surmise that: (1) he’s talking about blackmail, (2) the person he’s blackmailing is someone with power in the Terzi Institute, (3) that person obviously has a lot to lose if it gets out that (4) he/she was the mystery burglar from the night before, and (5) Calabresi is a dumb shit who is (6) also a fucking dead man and is (7) never going to get ahead, not in life, much less in the institute.
Well, that’s not exactly true. Calabresi does get ahead - ahead of an oncoming train when his mystery date pushes him onto the tracks. In the ensuing panic, the killer beats a hasty departure. Naturally, this makes the newspapers, and Lori recognizes Calabresi’s picture on the front page. She tells Franco as much, and as you can imagine Franco snaps to attention like a bloodhound. A blind bloodhound that is. He is even more intrigued when he discovers that the writer of the article is none other than… Carlo “Pimp Daddy” Giordani.
Franco and Lori pay a visit to the young and sizzlin’ hot reporter, trying to get more information on Calabresi’s death. Using intuition that can only exist in the minds of blind people (or crazy Italian writer/directors), Franco deduces that the picture must have been cropped, and the edges of the photograph might hold a clue.
Sure enough, when Carlo calls his photographer pal at the lab, his pal confirms that a hand can be seen at the edge of the picture - giving Calabresi the old “heave-ho” onto the train tracks. Franco, Carlo, and Lori rush to the photo lab - but when they get there they discover that the killer was faster and has strangled and sliced the photographer. And the negatives are all gone. Of course.
Franco is now convinced that the following elements are all connected: (1) the conversation he overheard that night of the break-in, (2) the break-in itself, (3) the murder of Calabresi, (4) and the murder of the photographer, and (5) a maniac may be on the loose. Obviously, someone wants to keep a secret buried - and deep. Having journalism as a common ground, Franco bonds with Carlo and invites the younger man to join him in unraveling the mystery.
Carlo, knowing a good story when he sees one, jumps all over that shit. He even likens the mystery to a cat - with nine tails, each tail representing a lead or suspect in the puzzle. His interest might also have something to do with his growing attraction to Anna Terzi (Catherine Spaak), the icy and aloof daughter of the CEO of the company.
Carlo first glimpses Anna at the Institute while he’s snooping for some leads. Wearing an early-70’s dress that looks like it was designed by someone on ‘shrooms, and sporting a ‘do that looks like one, Anna clearly is confident about her charms. Otherwise she’d wear clothing designed by sober people and comb her hair. Carlo is definitely interested. Oh, sure… he acts like he couldn’t give a fuck about her, but the tent he’s got permanently pitched in his pants states otherwise.
Anna, for her part, knows how to dazzle a man, and she draws Carlo in by: (1) driving like a madwoman through the streets of Rome, with (2) Carlo practically freaking out next to her; (3) cleverly eluding the cops that are somehow tailing her, and (3) taking Carlo for a drink on a rooftop bar where she shares with him some highly confidential information about the Terzi Institute’s top executives - and the explosively controversial research they are doing.
Obviously, Anna fails to realize that the phrases “highly confidential” and “explosively controversial” and “blood-thirsty reporter” should not be used in the same sentence. Then again, being a femme fatale, she may have something up her sleeve. You think?
Sure enough, Carlo uses this info to interrogate some of the execs, specifically Dr. Cassoni (Aldo Reggiano). Cassoni elaborates on the info shared by Anna, telling Carlo that the Terzi Institute is currently working on a Top Secret program to identify the chromosomal make-up that leads to murderous behavior. Evidently, they’ve discovered that murderers and other violent criminals have a common chromosome that the Terzi scientists believe predicts their deadly behavior.
Amazing how everyone describes this stuff as “highly confidential” and “top secret” - right before spilling the beans to someone for whom “highly confidential” and “top secret” basically mean the same as “big promotion” and “front page byline.” Then again, this is Italy where everyone, despite being fucking gorgeous, is laid back and nonchalant to the point of hilarity. Something tells me that this controversial research isn’t going to be so “top secret” for long - and that things are about to get even more interesting.
Meanwhile, Carlo continues his seduction of Anna when she shows up at his flat. He does this by offering her milk (yes, milk - would I make this shit up) and using the following now-legendary number on her:
CARLO: Do you know how many people are making love right now?
ANNA: No.
CARLO: 786. On average. Give or take.
ANNA: (silence)
CARLO: In case you missed it, that was an invitation.
ANNA: Thanks for the clarification, Carlo. For a minute there, I thought you were a perverted census taker.
Okay, that last line was my invention (and how I would’ve responded - before going to bed with Carlo, natch). But the rest of it is pretty much verbatim. As I said, you can only get away with this routine if you look like Carlo Giordani. Or the actor that plays him. Anyhow, the mystery heats up even further when: (1) Bianca is attacked and murdered for knowing too much, (2) Carlo’s milk is poisoned and he nearly drinks it, (3) Lori gets kidnapped, (4) Carlo accuses Anna of being Sharon Stone from BASIC INSTINCT and being the mastermind behind the murders, (5) Anna tells Carlo to go get proof or otherwise go fuck himself, and (6) Franco and Carlo forcing the cops to earn their paychecks by searching the Terzi Insitute.
This search leads to the discovery that the killer is actually - wow, shocker - Dr. Cassoni. Evidently, Calabresi discovered that Cassoni had the “murderer chromosome” and was about to release the information to the company - which would have ruined Cassoni’s career. Or at least his game with the ladies. After all, nothing ruins a first date more than trying to break the ice with, “I’m a Capricorn, I love manicotti, I’m a big opera fan, and I have the freak chromosome that predicts violent and murderous behavior in people - and ensures that if we get married I might be genetically predisposed to strangling you. Do you want to order an appetizer first, or should we go right for the entrees?”
Anyhow, Carlo proves what a stud muffin he is by preventing Cassoni from killing the bound and gagged Lori. After a bravura fist fight on the roof of the Terzi Institute, Cassoni manages to get away - but not for long. He runs headlong into Franco, and let’s just say that what he lacks in eyesight, Franco makes up for in sheer bad-assery. Meaning he basically hands Cassoni’s ass to him and tosses the fucker through a skylight - where the killer plunges to his death. Not long after that, we hear Lori’s voice calling out to Franco, eager to get back to going on night walks with him where they can overhear more crazy shit that will endanger both of them.
THE END. At least until FOUR FLIES ON GREY VELVET. Which is even more of a hoot.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Virtually following on the heels of THE BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE, Dario Argento’s second film takes the “eyewitness” thread of the previous movie - and goes to some interesting places with it. With a story rooted in industrial espionage, shadowy scientific research, and corporate skullduggery, THE CAT O’NINE TAILS is markedly different in tone and look from its predecessor. While THE BIRD WITH THE CRYTAL PLUMAGE was rooted in art and aesthetics and - despite its grim serial murder plot - has a warm and sunny look to it, Argento’s sophomore effort is a chillier and more austere affair - with an atmosphere that can best be described as clinical, which is entirely appropriate considering what the story revolves around: murderous chromosomes.
Also interesting is how the simple act of overhearing a snippet of conversation turns into a rapidly escalating series of events that imperils the protagonists. Indeed, this premise would be echoed in Francis Ford Coppola's THE CONVERSATION just a few years later, and THE INTERPRETER with Nicole Kidman many, many years later - further proof of Argento’s widespread influence.
As the two heroes, Karl Malden and James Franciscus bring class and gravity (and, on Franciscus’s part, smashing good looks) to their roles. They make a great investigative team and play off well with one another, establishing something approaching a “father-son” relationship.
Also good is Catherine Spaak as Anna Terzi, who brings the right doses of cool intelligence, wry humor, and seductive mystery to her “femme fatale” role. In fact, I’m always surprised as to how “modern” her character comes across: Anna’s playful exchanges and verbal jousting with Carlo have the same flavor and tone as the scenes between Michael Douglas and Sharon Stone in BASIC INSTINCT, and Pierce Brosnan and Sophie Marceau in THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH - movies that would come much, much later. I don’t know if Argento intentionally wrote Anna Terzi this way, or if Catherine Spaak colored the role on her own, but the result is a female lead who is way ahead of her time and a definite improvement over Julia from THE BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE. Anna is more than equal to Carlo and the male executives of the Institute, and is even smarter because she knows how to use her feminine wiles to overtake them. It’s too bad that Argento deleted a final scene after Lori’s rescue that showed Carlo and Anna reconciling. But I guess Argento was really wanting to keep this movie’s atmosphere less inviting than that of THE BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE, and got rid of what could have been a romantic ending that would’ve undermined the chilly tone of this new story.
Speaking of Lori, Cinzia De Carolis is adorable and winning, and her imperiled situation in the third act generates a great deal of suspense. Like Franco’s relationship with Carlo, her connection to the blind hero further grounds THE CAT O’NINE TAILS in a strong emotional foundation, which pays off in the end.
Bottom line: THE CAT O’NINE TAILS is every bit as good as THE BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE. I suppose you could say that BIRD and CAT are like two sides of the same house. BIRD is the side that gets more sun, while CAT is the side that get less light - and is therefore chillier. They complement one another, similar yet also very different. But both very interesting.
