(Oh. Holy. Jesus. It's... Sarcasta)
CAST: Ellen Paige, Michael Cera, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman, Allison Janney, J.K. Simmons Olivia Thirlby.
DIRECTOR: Jason Reitman
WARNING: Minor SPOILERS and snarky teenagers named after Roman goddesses - right up ahead...
The first inkling I had of JUNO was when someone said to me that "the chick in it" could have been "your little sister" or even "your daughter if you miracuously got some woman pregnant when you were barely a teenager." He then threw his head back and laughed like a maniac - which made it easy for me to punch him in the stomach because he never saw it coming. Asshole. At any rate, he was referring to the titular character of Juno McGuff (Ellen {Paige), the terminally sardonic but also unexpectedly sensitive teenager whose world is up-ended by the discovery that she's preggers.
JUNO opens with, um, Juno drinking a shitload of Sunny-D and glowering at an easy chair dumped in the middle of her front lawn. Both the Sunny-D and the easy chair are significant: the latter is where Juno banged her friend-with-benefits, Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera), and the former is so that she can produce enough to urine to pour on at least three pregnancy tests to ascertain if Paulie's, ahem, swimmers are as strong as she fears. After some verbal jousting with a particularly loathsome convenience store clerk - who seems to think his position ringing up people's beer s and cheetos is equal to that of God Almighty - Juno retires to the girl's room for some marathon peeing.
Sure enough, it's three out of three that she's with child. Juno goes to break the news to Paulie, who is appropriately shell-shocked. See, Paulie was a virgin when he banged Juno and let's just say that having a guy lose his virginity and get a girl pregnant at the same time is pretty much the epitome of "Good news, Bad news." No - make that "Great News, Nightmare News." Hell, he may never have sex again. At any rate, Juno reluctantly broaches the idea of, uh, abortion. Paulie agrees, to the disappointment emblazoned on Juno's face. Then again, Paulie is so shell-shocked that if Juno had asked him if he would have sex with Chris Evans and Will Smith while it's video-taped by ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT, he probably would have agreed.
Fortunately, on her way to get the deed done , Juno runs into a geeky classmate who's decided to become a protest march of one right in front of the clinic. Said geeky classmate informs Juno that fetuses have fingernails, which somehow has the effect of making Juno re-think her plans. She ends up fleeing from the waiting room as if she just discovered a bunch of judgemental Catholic nuns sitting there. This decision leads to other decisions: (1) to tell her parents that she's with-child, which goes surprisingly well - considering Mr. McGuff (J.K. Simmons) looks like a Drill Instructor and Mrs. McGuff (Allison Janney) looks like a female version of one; (2) to buck up and endure the harsh and probing stares of her classmates, peers, and teachers; and (3) to give up the baby for adoption when it is born.
This last decision leads Juno and her best pal Leah (Olivia Thirlby) to peruse the local paper's personal ads for (shitting you, I am not) prospective adoptive parents. I had no idea you could do that. I thought the personal ads were reserved for perverts looking for, ahem, Russell Crowe-lookalikes to use for an experimental project involving bondage, whipped cream, and pomegranate-flavored body oil. But I digress yet again... At any rate, this endeavor leads to the doorstep of Vanessa and Mark (Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman), a Ken-and-Barbie couple so fucking perfect that just looking at them makes me drowsy and nauseous in equal measure.
Meeting with the Stepford Couple, Juno and her Pops decide that they are the perfect to raise the baby. Which, frankly, is a bit distressing because having Ken and Barbie raise a kid who is basically the spawn of Sarcasta is either going to result in: (1) Ken and Barbie being murdered in their sleep, or (2) the child turning into a Stepford Brat. Either way, it ain't going to be pretty. Things get further complicated when Juno begins a friendship with Mark that is predicated on their shared taste for Dario Argento film, obscure comics, and left-of-center music. Lest you start thinking that this is leading to some sort of fucked-up love triangle with Vanessa, let me assure you that the story goes to some uncharted places.
Suffice it to say, the rest of JUNO chronicles our sardonic heroine's efforts to sort out: (1) her feelings for Paulie, (2) her agreement with Mark and Vanessa, (3) her relationship with her parents, (4) and - most significantly - her own view of her pregnancy. Let's just say that if Juno was indeed my daughter and got pregnant... she would be grounded for life.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Taking the current snarky hipster tone prevalent in many contemporary teen comedies, but imbuing it with the sweeter and unabashedly romantic flavor of ones from the 80's and 70's, JUNO ends up being that rare film that is both soft and edgy, genuine and ironic, tart yet also dulcet. In other words, it's got the best of both of worlds. The director and writer take the story to places that are both refreshing and surprising. Diablo Cody's Oscar-winning script also deserves special mention for being able to walk that fine line between sincere and sardonic. It's a work of art.
However, the best script is just a pile of paper without a stellar cast to bring it to life - and JUNO's cast is the definition of stellar. As the titular lead, Ellen Paige is perfection - combining a slashing wit, self-deprecating mien, and hidden fragility, she owns the role of JUNO. She doesn't make the mistake of playing the character as too hard or too soft, but rather inhabits a very intriguing amplitude somewhere in between. She deserved her Academy Award nomination. Michael Cera is no Chris Evans in looks, but you see why Juno would fall for his quirky charms and shy-guy demeanor. Their late-budding romantic relationship is the fulcrum around which the film pivots - without it, JUNO wouldn't have been as strong as it is. As Juno's parents, J.K. Simmons and Allison Janney are memorable examples of the "Tough Love School of Parenting," but are always there when Juno needs them. As the couple in line for Juno's baby, Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman do interesting things with their roles: Garner comes off in the beginning as a standoffish ice princess - but gradually thaws to reveal layers of vulnerability and sadness that make her endearing; Jason Bateman, conversely, first presents his character as an affable and quirky gentleman but slowly shows his true - and not so flattering - colors as the story goes on.
Bottom line: JUNO is a treasure. It's that rare film that manages to wear its heart on its sleeve without looking maudlin or corny, and also possess a cool and caustic edge without turning mean or off-putting. The fact that the folks behind the movie blend both these elements so seamlessly and so movingly is a testament to the talent both in front of and behind the camera.
