SKYFALL (2012 - ACTION / THRILLER / ESPIONAGE / BOND FLICK) ****1/2 out of *****
(That's my boy...)
CAST: Daniel Craig, Judi Dench, Javier Bardem, Ralph Fiennes, Naomie Harris, Berenice Lim Marlohe, Ben Whishaw, Rory Kinnear, Ola Rapace, Albert Finney, Helen McCrory.
DIRECTOR: Sam Mendes.
WARNING: Some SERIOUS SPOILERS and seriously kick-ass Bond adventures - straight ahead.
IT'S LIKE THIS: Remember how in our review for GOLDFINGER (review # 31) a couple of year ago I joked about how we really finally needed to have a gay (or gay-ish) villain named Dick Buffet or Schlong Extravaganza? Well, either another one of life's amazing coincidences happened again - or the producers of the Bond franchise owes me some serious money. Because here comes SKYFALL, the 23rd Bond adventure and 50 Year Anniversary Milestone, and its villain is one flaming fucker. He is Raoul Silva (Javier Bardem), and let's just say that there's a scene where Bond is tied up in a chair - and Silva rubs his thighs as if he's getting ready to take those tuxedo pants off and suck Bond dry. Fucking finally...
But before we get to the guy-on-guy action, let's backtrack a bit and do a quick rundown of the problems plaguing 007 and his cronies this time. Seems that M (Judi Dench) has fucked-up a sting operation in Istanbul - and lost a hard drive containing the names of NATO and MI-6 operatives who are embedded as informants/moles in terrorist organizations across the globe. Actually, "lost" would be a bit of misnomer." Hmmm... let's try something else... How about "stolen by a deadly assassin." There, that's much better. I don't have to tell you this is kind of like Heidi Fleiss' little black book being stolen by the National Enquirer.
Predictably, things go south. As in, the following things happen: (1) someone blows up MI-6; (2) someone posts the name of the first five undercover agents on YouTube; and (3) the media pretty much goes apeshit about # 1 and # 2. Oh, and did I mention that Bond has gone missing after the hard drive was stolen? Yep, turns out he was felled by some friendly fire, courtesy of the lovely Eve (Naomie Harris), another MI-6 agent - but presumably one who isn't quite as good a shot as Bond.
Anyhow, Bond eventually resurfaces again and reluctantly goes back to work for "Queen and Country." After some endless physicals and tests, he is finally deemed fit to return to the Spy Game. Thank goodness, too, because it seems like MI-6 has turned into a shambles without him. The trail takes him to Shanghai, where intel has it the thief of the hard drive, Patrice (Ola Rapace), will be making an appearance. Bond tussles with Patrice in a downtown Shanghai highrise - before the latter takes a, um, skyfall out the window. All this is noticed by tall, exotic, Eurasian brunette in an apartment in the highrise across the way. She is Severine (Berenice Lim Marlohe), and let's just say she's a baaaaaaaaaaad girl. Then again, that's how Bond likes 'em.
Sure enough, after a, um, close shave with Eve in his hotel room (don't ask), Bond runs into Severine again at a casino in Macau, where they proceed to exchange what passes for small talk in Bond flicks. Which basically means they pretty much threaten each other. It works, because Severine agrees to take Bond to her boss who is, presumably, the same dickhead who had the hard drive stolen and MI-6 blown to smithereens. After they fuck first, of course.
Which brings us to our homo horndog Silva, who greets Bond and Severine on his hideout island with the same warmth a komodo dragon would greet someone's plump, juicy thigh. Let's just say it doesn't end well for Severine. Bond doesn't fare much better, either, because now he has to put up with Silva basically rubbing up against him like he's the only working space heater left in the middle of Northern Siberia. In other words: "Dude, stop poking me with your boner!"
So... will Silva release the entire list of covert operatives? Or will Bond stop him? And what role does M have in all of this? Is she Silva's true target? Or is she another pawn? Will Eve be able to help? Or will she end up like Severine? A beautiful corpse? And what happens Silva and his goons invade London? How will Bond protect M and MI-6?
Who gives a shit. I just want to know: is there a deleted scene where Bond and Silva fuck the hell out of each other? Because that would be... awesome.
STILLS COMING SOON
BUT, SERIOUSLY: When DR. NO was released 50 years ago in 1962, there was no reason to believe that, 50 years later, in 2012, the James Bond franchise would be going stronger than ever - with the latest adventure (number 23) SKYFALL being one of the very best. SKYFALL is the perfect film to celebrate 50 years of James Bond excitement - and it reinvigorates the franchise in a way that not even CASINO ROYALE did back in 2006. Quite simply, this movie is dynamite: an emotionally-powerful experience that is also an suspenseful action/thriller ride. Everything is near-perfect here.
Part of the pleasure of watching SKYFALL is discovering it for yourself, and so I revised my earlier review from a couple of weeks ago which was more detailed and pared it down. Going in with as clean a slate is possible is the best way to absorb this film, and critics sometimes have a way of inadvertently spoiling a film by praising it. All I will say is this: this is the Bond film we've been waiting for. Oh, and in keeping with the 50th Anniversary Celebration of the franchise, see if you can spot plot references/homages to the 22 other Bond films spread throughout SKYFALL.
Now - go see it. We've seen it three times now. It is amazing.
