(Teenager tries the “dress-up-like-a-superhero-and-see-what-happens” number. Gets his ass kicked. A lot. Hence the title...)
CAST: Aaron Johnson, Nicolas Cage, Chloe Moretz, Chistopher Mintz-Plaas, Mark Strong
Director: Matthew Vaughn
WARNING: SPOILERS and violence against teenagers (and barely-teenagers) ahead…
I went into Kick-Ass thinking it was going to be an irreverent, hilarious send-up of the superhero genre. Sort of a loony take on BATMAN, wherein a teenager gets it in his head that he wants to fight back against crime and injustice by… wearing a royal blue scuba suit and swinging a baton. Kind of like SOUTH PARK meets MYSTERY MEN. Well, I was half-right. In some parts, KICK-ASS is indeed what I thought it would be. However, in most other parts - particularly towards the latter part of the film - it is most definitely not. Let’s just say that’s not exactly a pleasant surprise.
The first act follows the typical-teen life of Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) as he does the typical things kids his age do: hang out and argue with his buddies, try to avoid his Dad, and - last but in no way the least - pretend to be gay so that the girl he has a crush on will confide in him. Think that's fucked up? I once had a gay friend who pretended to be straight in order to get close to a construction worker he had a crush on. Trust me - there is nothing funnier (or sad) than a Queen trying to be knowledgeable about football or drooling unconvincingly over Jennifer Love Hewitt. But I digress… Anyhow, there’s a crime problem in Dave’s neighborhood, and after one too many run-ins with the local thugs, Dave decides to become… Kick-Ass. Apparently, Dave’s idea of becoming a superhero involves ordering a royal blue scuba suit over the Internet and then prowling the streets with a baton, as if he were a lost party-goer condemned by fate to never find the party.
While Dave is slowly emerging from his chrysalis of sad adolescence to become Kick-Ass, we switch over to other characters who are busy with their own plotline: Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage) and his daughter, Hit-Girl (Chloe Moretz). Hopefully, the fact that these two don’t have normal names has clued you in to the fact that they are just as fucked in the head as Dave. By “fucked in the head,” I mean “think they can put on a silly costume and be invincible.” Turns out that Big Daddy and Hit-Girl are much further along on the same path that Dave has unwisely put himself on. And if you’re starting to suspect that Kick-Ass’s path will soon intersect with Big Daddy and Hit-Girl’s path, then you’re a goddamn smarty-pants.
Meanwhile, yet another plotline is unfolding with crime boss Frank D’Amico (Mark Strong). Frank is busy with all the typical-mob-boss things: breaking the law, threatening lives, getting rich, and putting up with an alpha-pansy son who is desperate for his attention. Said alpha-pansy is Chris D’Amico (Christopher Mintz-Plaas), a walking beanpole of a kid whose existence will one day cause someone to invent a time machine which will be used to send back a Terminator to kill Chris before he can create more alpha-pansies. But, again, I digress…. Like I said, Chris is so eager for his father’s attention and to be included in the “family business,” that he eventually also puts himself on the silly path that Kick-Ass, Big Daddy, and Hit Girl are also traversing. Except he chooses not to name himself after an act of violence, a pimp, or an assassin. Rather, Chris chooses to name himself after a soda pop drink - “Red Mist.” Red Mist immediately busies himself with the task of ferreting out Kick-Ass, who has actually managed to put a dent in Frank’s operations with his sub-superhero antics. Can’t have that, now can we?
It’s at about the start of the second act where it becomes apparent that KICK-ASS is not going to play out as a simple mash-up of SOUTH PARK and MYSTERY MEN. Nope, it’s apparently a mash-up of SOUTH PARK and MYSTERY MEN and PULP FICTION and LAYER CAKE and any other violent and cliched hipster-crime drama you care to mention that was directed by Guy Ritchie or Matthew Vaughn or Quentin Tarantino. You see, Kick-Ass gets stabbed in the stomach by some thugs he’s trying to stop - very graphically. This act of violence is soon followed by other acts of violence that drastically change the tone of the film, making one wonder if (A) we are traveling through an alternate universe called “The Tarantino Zone,” or (B) the studio’s marketing campaign was an utter cheat, or (C ) the director and screenwriter have gone irreversibly insane. Probably all three. At any rate, the rest of the film deals with Big Daddy and Hit-Girl schooling Kick-Ass in the art of being a faux superhero, as well as Red Mist and the D’Amico mafia’s efforts to destroy the three. This all culminates in an all-out, violently over-the-top battle in the D’Amico penthouse - with Frank beating the tar out of Hit-Girl. Yup, you get to witness a 12-year old get beaten up by a 40-year old man in a fashion that leaves very little to the imagination. If that’s your kind of thing, then this scene will have you on the cloud nine. Needless to say, Frank gets his comeuppance by finding himself flying coach on a bazooka missile.
The movie ends on a decidedly unfinished note, unfortunately leaving the door open for a sequel. Apparently called KICK-ASS 2: BALLS TO THE WALL, the next film will no doubt be more violent than its predecessor. One can only guess as to what special treatment Hit-Girl will get in that one. Probably forced to watch LAYER CAKE over and over again at gunpoint.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: I wanted to like KICK-ASS, and was sure I would. The marketing campaign and posters promised a wild, irreverent, and profane take on the superhero genre. What it didn’t tell us was how violent it would be. After Kick-Ass’s stabbing, the film begins its grim slide down the hill. While the film is technically well-made and entertaining in the moment, it suffers from a schizophrenic tone that veers wildly from spoofy send-up to unpleasant, dead-serious violence. What started out as a good-natured romp turns into a sour and smug slog with an increasingly unsettling tone. In trying to combine the two opposite ends of the entertainment spectrum (light-hearted, loony humor with unpleasant, bone-crunching violence - involving a child, no less), the film ends up falling short overall. And this seems to be reflected in audience reaction to this film. KICK-ASS had been positioned as a potential blockbuster, but it opened soft and ultimately fell very short of its envisioned trajectory. To my relief, other friends - younger than me - echoed my feelings about this film’s schizophrenic tone. I was starting to feel like a fuddy-duddy. In the end, KICK-ASS reminds me of an ancient Chinese proverb: “He who chases two rabbits, ultimately loses both.”
Needless to say, I’ll wait for the sequel on DVD, thank you.
