(The United States Navy. It’s not just a job, it’s an adventure. If, by adventure, you really mean a nightmare. Where you’re trapped at the bottom of the ocean. With a raging crustacean the size of a Humvee… Feel free to sign up.)
CAST: Greg Evigan, Nancy Everhard, Taurean Blacque, Marius Weyers, Miguel Ferrer, Cindy Pickett, Nia Peeoples, Elya Baskin, Matt McCoy, Ron Carroll, Thom Bray.
DIRECTOR: Sean Cunningham.
WARNING: SPOILERS and inappapropriate crustacean behavior right up ahead….
As I mentioned in the preceding review for LEVIATHAN, 1989 was the year of the “ALIEN underwater” film. Along with straight-to-video clunker LORDS OF THE DEEP and mega-budget-box-office-disappointment THE ABYSS, two other similarly-plotted films were released that year: the determined-to-rip-off-ALIEN-at-every-turn saga LEVIATHAN, and the lower-budgeted DEEPSTAR SIX.
Perhaps it’s DEEPSTAR SIX’s more humble provenance that prevented it from - thankfully - following LEVIATHAN’s imitation-is-the-sincerest-form-of-flattery-and-surest-method-of-box-office-success approach. Forced to resort to other ways to tell their story, the creators focused instead on believable and engaging character dynamics, appealingly played by a game and likable cast.
By creating a strong rooting interest in the imperiled crewmembers, DEEPSTAR SIX manages to rise above it’s simple set design and not-entirely convincing monster to provide solid entertainment that easily puts it ahead of the bigger-budgeted, but pretentious and posturing LEVIATHAN. And DEEPSTAR SIX is not afraid to subvert expectations by not playing by the rules.
The crew of DeepStar includes: (1) Norris (Cindy Pickett), the base doctor and ranking Naval officer; (2) Van Gelder (Marius Weyers), a cranky Euro-Daddy who thinks his accent and gruff manner make him catnip to the ladies and, well, he’s right; (3) McBride (Greg Evigan), a sub-pilot who fairly oozes “aw-shucks-good-ol’-boy” charm; (4) Collins (Nancy Everhard), a SEAL (not the sea mammal) who is a sucker for McBride’s “aw-shucks-good-ol’-boy” charm; (5) Richardson (Matt McCoy), another sub-pilot and McBride’s best friend who tries to rival him in the “aw-shucks-good-ol’-boy” department but fails; (6) Scarpelli (Nia Peeples), a driven - and smokin’ hot - young marine biologist who believes that there are rare life forms in a cavern below the base - and who rocks Richardson’s world in her off-time; (7) Laidlaw (Taurean Blacque), the senior enlisted chief named probably because of his penchant for “getting laid outside of the law“; (8) and Snyder (Miguel Ferrer), a whiny little biyatch who hates Richardson and McBride for always pointing out that he’s like Hudson from ALIENS - only somehow more irritating. There are several other crew members who provide additional flavor to the proceedings but their names escape me right now. Vodka hangovers will do that to you.
Anyhow, Scarpelli confronts Van Gelder when she learns that he’s planning to blow up some caverns nearby. She warns him that they have no idea what kind of marine life they might be unleashing (Wow! Signs of intelligence this early in the film. I’m impressed!). Van Gelder, being the hot Euro-Daddy that he is, uses his accent and gruff manner to disarm Scarpelli. Scarpelli, being the proto-feminist that she is, soldiers on with her schpiel about letting sea monsters loose being a bad idea.
Finally, Van Gelder - who’s been doing a bang-up job of tolerating Scarpelli’s rant for a borderline-chauvinist asshole - tells her that his mind is made up and she should just go back to either: (1) re-reading her marine biology books for the 137th time, (2) working out and toning that smokin’ hot bod of hers, or (3) fucking the shit out of Richardson. Needless to say, Scarpelli chooses # 2 and # 3 in that order. She and Richardson end up doing the beast-with-two-backs dance in the shower. Savor it guys, because there’s a real beast just around the corner.
At any rate, Van Gelder proceeds with his genius plan - which ultimately releases the creature. This results in a couple of attacks on the DeepStar’s submarine transport, claiming some lives. Including Captain Laidlaw, which causes McBride to swear that if he ever gets someone pregnant and actually wants to keep the baby, he’ll name it after Laidlaw.
Hearing this, Collins perks up and tells him that’s great because she’s pregnant. The ensuing look of doom masking as pained joy on McBride is one for the books. Or in the words of Mrs. Bobrowski from SOUTH PARK: “Wh-Wha-WHAT!??”
Meanwhile, Norris and Van Gelder confer and they decide it’s best to get the fuck out of dodge (Yes! More intelligent decisions! THANK YOU!) while they can. Unfortunately, all the right moves they’ve been following are promptly flushed down the toilet when Snyder - ever the fuck-up extraordinaire - knowingly detonates some of the DeepStar’s nearby missiles, which results in a severely damaged facility - and a severely pissed-off Van Gelder.
Trust me, there is just something utterly compelling - and strangely erotic - about hearing “You… ASSHOLE!” delivered in a gruff accent by a raging Euro-Daddy. Not that Snyder appreciates this, because it’s been established that he has a hard-on for Norris. For her part, Norris tries to turn the situation into a positive (ha-ha, good luck with that, lady) by marshaling the remaining crew to conduct repairs so they can stick to their aforementioned original plan of getting the fuck out of dodge.
Unfortunately, the monster’s been waiting in the wings and impatiently decides it’s had enough of getting a pedicure - and wants to earn it’s pay, big-time. The beast crashes into the facility through an airlock, chomps down on Richardson and Scarpelli in a shocking and tragic Romeo-and-Juliet-turned-into-mincemeat sequence - then pirouettes in the air to have the surviving crew members admire it‘s not-quite-smokin' bod.
Trust me - in the looks department, this thing is definitely no Scarpelli. Or even Norris. Let’s just say the monster looks like the bastard child of a giant snow crab and a giant lobster with a hint of giant prawn, and if it hadn’t just killed half of their crew, I’m sure Norris and co. would try to capture it in a net and serve it up for dinner with corn, lemon, and drawn butter. Say, I’m getting hungry….
Focus, focus. Anyhow, in an attempt to try to stop the killer crustacean, Snyder-the-fuck-up accidentally stabs Van Gelder with a harpoon. Or it could have been on purpose. Hard to tell with the passive-aggressive dipshit that is Snyder. At any rate, this leaves only McBride, Collins, Norris, and - yes - our friend Snyder, who really is Hudson from ALIENS but a lot less cute and lot more annoying. You’ll be glad to know that he finally flips out and commandeers the escape shuttle - which would be fine except for the fact that (1) he leaves the others behind, (2) now McBride and his two babes have no other way to get back to the surface, and (3) Snyder forgot to decompress first - which means that he’s about to give a ripe watermelon dropped from a tall building a run for its money, looks-wise. On second thought, maybe # 3 is a good thing. Buh-bye, Snyder…
Unfortunately, this leaves our likable trio of survivors marooned on DeepStar with a damaged decompression chamber. This moment of desperation forces McBride to forget his genetic male coding and makes him propose to Collins. Norris quietly watches this, probably thinking: “Yeah, right. Men all say that when they’re trapped in an undersea base with a killer crustacean the size of a Humvee. Pshaw!” After Collins fall for it and says “hells, yeah!” (like there was ever any doubt - she‘s pregnant with his kid, for crying out loud), McBride suddenly thinks of a way that they might be able to repair the decompression chamber.
Leaving the two women behind, McBride does the Aqua-Man routine and swims through the flooded base to the engineering bay - where he promptly switches to the MacGyver routine and starts fixing the pipes with some chewing gum and one of Collin’s tampons (since she obviously doesn’t need them now, ha-ha).
Meanwhile, our brave ladies, Norris and Collins, have a nice heart-to-heart wherein Norris invites the younger woman to visit her at her farm when they get back topside. This request pretty much assures us that Norris will never make it back topside, and that the planned reunion has just as much chance of happening as a sequel to HOWARD THE DUCK getting made in this day and age.
Sure enough, the crustacean senses that McBride has left the ladies alone - and tricks them into thinking that he has returned by knocking coyly on the hatch. Collins, making her first wrong move, eagerly opens the hatch. Mr. Crustacean promptly backstrokes in, spitting water out of his mouth (or whatever crustaceans have), and bellows: “TRICK OR TREAT, BITCHES!!!!”
Norris, ever the gallant mentor, orders Collins to escape into the decompression chamber, while she attempts a re-enactment of the Ripley-Queen Alien showdown from ALIENS - only with a fully-charged defibrillator kit and a roomful of water. You can pretty much tell where this is going. Suffice it to say, both Norris and Mr. C. end up being fish chowder in a touching act of sacrifice - touching on Norris’ part that is. The killer crustacean obviously had other plans for that afternoon and was not as willing to die.
Anyhow, McBride shows up in time to decompress with Collins. Afterwards, they board the last remaining mini-sub and pilot their way back to the surface - just in time to watch DeepStar explode below them. On the surface, the sun is shining and the world peaceful.
They barely have time, however, for a celebratory quickie before - you guessed it - Mr. Crustacean pops up inexplicably and asks if he can join them in a threesome. McBride says “thank you, but NO” and blows up the Red Lobster-reject along with the mini-sub. The movie ends with McBride and Collins drifting away from the burning wreck. Obviously, McBride is thinking up ways to get out of that marriage proposal now….
BUT, SERIOUSLY: If ALIEN was the star pupil of the class, and LEVIATHAN the desperate wanna-be trying to ape the star pupil, then I guess you could say that DEEPSTAR SIX is the low-income student who has real talent but not the means to do something with it. Instead, it decides to get around it’s limitations by being clever and subversive. There’s no getting around the fact that DEEPSTAR SIX’s sets are less elaborate and the monster less convincing than LEVIATHANS’s.
What makes DEEPSTAR SIX a better film, though, is the fact that the characters feel like real human beings and interact with one another in a way that doesn’t scream “acting!” the way the crew from LEVIATHAN did. The cast of DEEPSTAR SIX is comprised of an interesting mix of young and old faces, from both the big screen and TV. But the important thing is that they mesh well together - which creates a strong rooting interest in whether they live or die. You actually believe that these people work together - and are not just a bunch of actors thrown together for a couple of months.
The entire cast fills out their roles well: Greg Evigan is a likable reluctant hero, while Matt McCoy is very appealing as his best bud, and Nancy Everhard as Collins is simply perfect at showing the steel under the nice-girl façade. Miguel Ferrer manages to show the vulnerable side of this potentially one-dimensional character, and Cindy Pickett as the top dog of DeepStar radiates humanity and strength in a way that makes her very sympathetic.
Nia Peeples as the driven Scarpelli gets across the character’s passion but also her kindness. Marius Weyers commands the screen as the authoritative but also gentle Van Gelder, and his scenes with Nia Peeples as Scarpelli have an undercurrent of paternal affection that may not have necessarily been in the script.
And that’s what I like so much about the DEEPSTAR SIX cast of characters - they infuse their interactions and relationships with the smallest things that ring true, hint at deeper layers, and make us see them as real people instead of a writer’s constructs. And that’s something that LEVIATHAN never came close to pulling off with it’s big budget and A-list cast and writer.
I often wonder how DEEPSTAR SIX would have turned out if it had LEVIATHAN’s budget. On one had, it could’ve been a stronger film with better effects, a more complicated plot, and more convincing monster. But my fear is also that with all those upgrades, the studio would have insisted on a less quirky cast of characters and something more generic…. Something like… LEVIATHAN. So, in other words, never mind. Let’s just be thankful for the way things are.
