(Dude, that guy looks like… Sandra Bullock. Only… hotter. And I’m strangely… aroused. Is that… bad?)
CAST: Joyce Hyser, Clayton Rohner, Billy Jacobi, Toni Hudson, William Zabka, Leigh McCloskey, Deborah Goodrich, Sherilyn Fenn, Arye Gross, Kenneth Tighe.
DIRECTOR: Lisa Gottlieb
WARNING: SPOILERS and uncomfortably attractive androgynous men…. er, women…..er, women masquerading as men. Right up ahead.
Oh, the 80's - the Halcyon Days when teen comedies had a naivete and sweetness about them that is sorely absent from the snark-a-thons that pass for post-adolescent fare these days. Of couse, John Hughes was the primary purveyor of teen angst and humor in the 80’s, with PRETTY IN PINK, SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL, and THE BREAKFAST CLUB quickly establishing themselves as instant classics that anyone who grew up in that era remembers by heart. And if they say they don’t, they’re lying through their goddamn teeth.
At any rate, John Hughes wasn’t the only one trafficking in high school drama at that time. While his movies certainly formed the top tier of teen cinema, there were also a handful of others that also placed fairly high in the pantheon and, in some cases, equaled the John Hughes product.
At the top of this quasi-B list is the underrated and overlooked JUST ONE OF THE GUYS, which is about a beautiful high school senior who, feeling thwarted by sexist male teachers, goes undercover at another school to prove a point - disguised as a dude. With its gender-disguise-masquerade plot, JUST ONE OF THE GUYS is very similar to YENTL - but with a much hotter heroine. Sorry, Babs.
The story revolves around high school senior Terry Griffith (Joyce Hyser) who is one of those girls that is smart, beautiful, kind, talented, funny, and - not the least of her attributes - has huge tits. In other words, she’s lightning-in-a-bottle, and possibly only an urban myth in certain isolated locations. Terry wants to be a journalist, and is gunning to win a journalism competition to score an internship at the local paper - which she is certain will catapult her to bigger and better things.
Supporting her in this delusion is best friend Denise (Toni Hudson) who is the type of girl who seems to be clueless as to how fucking gorgeous she is and seems content to live in her larger-mammary-gland-endowed best friend’s shadow. Also, circling around Terry’s orbit are: (1) Kevin (Leigh McCloskey), her college boyfriend who would be your average frat boy douche bag, except he’s pretty smart at Algebra, giving him something approaching nuance; and (2) lovable-annoying younger brother Buddy (Billy Jacobi), who is an expert in the art of the self-induced orgasm, and now would like to try orgasms inflicted by another human - in other words, he’s the last virgin on his block, folks, and he wants to pop that cherry - bad.
Anyhow, our story kicks into high gear when Terry is shocked and chagrined to find out that she has lost the journalism competition. Confronting her teacher, Mr. Raymaker (Kenneth Tighe), she demands to know why he chose someone else for the internship. He smiles politely and explains that: (1) Terry is a very good writer, but (2) she decided to write about the Nutritional Content of the school’s lunch menu, which (3) is just a little bit more intriguing than watching clothes dry in the sun, and (4) she should just basically give up on being a writer - and instead become….. A model.
Obviously having never heard of sexual discrimination - or harassment - Mr. Raymake goes on to say that Terry’s a pretty girl and she could use modeling to have something to fall back on. Obviously having never heard about lawyers and lawsuits, Terry just storms out in a huff. Allowing Mr. Raymaker a choice view of her tight-skirted derriere (ass, to you philistines) as she goes.
Determined to not only win that internship, but also prove that her story about school lunches is compelling reading that would‘ve gotten chosen in a heartbeat if it had been submitted by a guy, Terry whacks her hair off, tapes her tits down, and chucks her skin-tight dresses for button-ups and jeans. Oh, and to maintain the illusion of having a dick larger than a baby carrot, she stuffs a rolled-up sock down the front of her pants. And just like that, Terry turns into…. A butch Sandra Bullock. Our heroine, er, hero, er, you know what I mean….
Anyway, our protagonist decides to enroll at a rival school to prove sexism. Meanwhile, Buddy observes all of this from the sidelines, knowing only three things for certain: (1) this is going to be fun, and (2) this can only end badly, and (3) he’s not going to miss a goddamn second of it.
Terry shows up in all her butch glory at the rival school, which apparently caters to a lower-income crowd judging by the high ratio of bikes to cars. And the shitty clothes. Instantly, she finds herself picked on by local bully Greg (William Zabka). Apparently, Greg spends all the time he’s not in class standing by the parking lot with his friends, flexing his muscles like some sort of hulking peacock for the benefit of his buddies, who must either have a collective IQ of 24 or a same-sex crush on him, to be able to put up with his crap.
In a magnanimous gesture of tolerance and generosity, Greg grabs Terry and tosses her into the bushes while calling her a “pussy!” You have no idea how warm you are, Greggy boy. It’s not all bad, though, because Terry gets to meet the anti-Greg: a guy who’s (1) husky but not overly muscular, and (2) is nice, and (3) doesn’t call effeminate-looking new students “pussies” or tosses them into the bushes.
His name is Rick (Clayton Rohner), and Terry learns that he is a new student, too. Unbeknownst to Terry, though, she is being spied on from across the room by local skank Sandy (Sherilyn Fenn) who coos about how much Terry looks like THE KARATE KID. Presumably, she doesn’t mean Jaden Smith, because that would be just wrong and creepy in equal measure.
At any rate, Terry finally submits her article to her new journalism teacher, Mr. Mendoza, who reads the article and promptly tells her that she’s “a good writer." Terry, not one to discount faint praise, practically does a fist-pump-in-the-air/moonwalk-across-the-room combo. Unfortunately, the “you’re a good writer” intro is quickly followed by “but this shit is fucking boring.” Caught in mid-moonwalk, Terry stares at Mendoza in horror - as if to say, “B-b-but…. It’s about the nutritional content of our school lunch.” Mendoza smiles, as if to say “…. which no one give two shits about.”
Faced with the horrid realization that her story just might, well, really stink Terry mopes for about 2.5 seconds - before realizing that she’s a hot chick masquerading as a gay-looking guy in a school full of low-income kids, and if she can’t get a story out of such rich source material, she probably should just be a model. Terry returns to school the next day, planning to research her new story - which, it should be noted, she has no earthly idea about. If you’re wondering how she can possibly research something she doesn’t know yet, welcome to my world.
Evidently, this “research” involves: (1) trying to find Rick a date for the prom, (2) reluctantly flirting with Sandy, and (3) continuing to court the ire of Greg who - judging by his conflicted expressions - doesn’t know whether to beat the crap out of Terry or ask her out. At any rate, Sandy hears about Rick’s dating travails, and invites him and Terry on a double date with her cousin Jill. “Omigod,” Sandy the Airhead gushes, “Jill’s got, like, Christie Brinkley’s teeth and Joan Collins’ eyes!” Which should give you an idea which celebrities were hot when this film was made. Which would make it, oh, about seventy years ago.
Anyhow, Sandy also conveniently forgets to mention that Jill is all of 13 years old. Yes, folks… 13. “Don’t worry. In five years, Jill will make him very happy,” Sandy says, by way of explaining herself. Right. In the meantime, Jill will just make Rick very tired - because he’ll have to keep running to stay one step ahead of the cops. Thanks, Sandy. Very thoughtful.
Realizing that they have to take drastic measures to improve Rick’s stock at the school, Terry takes him out shopping - and in one afternoon Rick goes from cute-but-dorky-guy to cute-but-annoyingly-hip-looking guy. Not sure if that’s necessarily an improvement, but it seems to work: soon, Deborah (Deborah Goodrich), Greg’s sweet girlfriend is suddenly making googley eyes at Rick. Much to the consternation of Greg, who is taken aback that a little plastic and spare time is all it takes to turn someone into Harrison Ford, Jr.
At any rate, it’s no big secret that Terry has gradually fallen in love with Rick, and is adamantly opposed to him taking Deborah to the prom. If for no other reason than Deborah is just too pretty. I suppose Terry wouldn’t have an issue if Deborah looked like a female Danny DeVito. Then it would be cool.
Not to be outdone, Terry asks Denise to be her date to the prom. Remember, everyone will think Terry’s a guy, so she needs to have a beard. Denise, so hard up for any kind of action, accepts - and voila! - just like that they ascend to the next level of their friendship: not-quite-fuck-buddies.
Everything comes to a head (not that kind, pervs) at the prom, where Greg is so enraged to see his ex-flame Deborah smooching with Rick, that he picks a fight that results in: (1) the buffet table being demolished, (2) Rick getting punched in the face, and (3) Terry defending Rick using the time-honored manly technique of… pulling Greg’s hair and scratching his neck.
To make matters more surreal, evidently Kevin (Terry's boyfriend - remember?) was starting to get suspicious of Terry’s odd behavior (cutting all her hair off, wearing men’s clothes) and is wondering what could be going on. I mean, besides the possibility of Terry crossing over to bat for the other team, that is. Determined to find out the truth, he storms the Griffith residence and demands Buddy take him to Terry.
Remember what I wrote before about Buddy not wanting to miss a goddamn thing? Well, I wasn’t kidding. Buddy, obviously the most loyal brother ever, not only takes Kevin to the prom - but also dresses for the occasion. This leads to a confrontation with Rick wherein Kevin introduces himself as “Terry’s boyfriend! Who are you?”
"Just a friend!" Rick replies in horror, realizing that without really trying he's found himself in the middle of a particularly fucked-up love triangle. Can’t say that Rick looks all that surprised, though, since depending on which way you cut it, Terry looks like either a butch Sandra Bullock or a more delicate (if that’s possible) Ralph Macchio.
Aghast, Terry pulls Rick into a corner and tries to explain. Rick assures her that he’s totally cool with her being gay - except he doesn’t know "he" is really she. Terry tries to tell Rick that she’s not a gay boy - but a smokin' hot girl. At which point Rick begins to look at his watch as an excuse to get away from what he’s sure is a delusional psycho that would put Buffalo Bill to shame.
Here’s comes the money shot of JUST ONE OF THE GUYS: in order to prove to this doofus that she's a smokin' hot girl, Terry rips her shirt open to reveal…. An awesome pair of tits. Now it’s clear why she’s the popular one between her and Denise.
Rick, to his credit, manages to stare for only about thirty seconds before pulling his tongue back into his mouth and acting all outraged because Terry wasn’t honest with him. Excuse me? You discover that your best guy friend is really a hot chick with a stupendous rack who is also crazy about you... and you’re pissed? Most guys I know would call that a godsend. Which can only mean that Rick is either (1) principled, or (2) gay as a bird.
We don’t really know for sure until about a month later, when we find Terry has not only gone back to being a girl, but also won the journalism competition that has landed her an internship at the local paper that she would’ve screwed Don King for. Setting aside the fact that she won it under false pretenses (by false pretenses, I mean pretending she has a dick), it turns out that her story was about her experiences masquerading as a boy and how she came to fall in love with a dork named Rick, and how she learned that it’s who you are inside that matters.
Evidently, Rick read her published story and - having turned out to be your average red-blooded hetero American boy, after all - wastes no time in tracking Terry down to ask her if she still feels that way about him. Terry, wanting to play hard-to-get after his rejection of her at the prom, falls on her knees and bellows, “YES! YES I DO! TAKE ME NOW.” Which Rick does, throwing her into her car and driving off into the sunset. Can’t wait to hear them tell their future kids the story of how they met….
And, yes…. Buddy does finally lose his virginity. To Sandy, the Airhead. Which is very much the sexual equivalent of shooting tuna in a barrel. Wouldn't brag about it, Bud...
BUT, SERIOUSLY: I first watched this film as a kid and found it to be smart, sharp, and entertaining. However, as a kid I also found HOWARD THE DUCK smart, sharp, and entertaining - and look how that went down in the annals of film history. However, watching JUST ONE OF THE GUYS now as an (arguable) adult, I still find it smart, sharp, entertaining, and - I see this now - ahead of its time. Taking a potentially hoary premise (girl with an agenda dresses up as boy) and making it fresh, exciting, and funny. Much credit should be given to the director and writer for creating characters that all entertaining and eccentric, spouting dialogue that is attractively - rather than off-puttingly - sardonic.
Of course, the most entertaining cast of characters would be adrift without the perfect cast of actors. In this department lies JUSTONE OF THE GUYS’ secret weapon: every single one of the roles is perfectly cast - so much so that you can’t imagine anyone else playing these roles. The actors bring such energy and enthusiasm to their parts, that you can’t help but get pulled into the fun. Joyce Hyser is stunningly gorgeous, like a hybrid of Rachel Ward and Sandra Bullock, and knocks the role of Terry out of the park with a blend of confidence and vulnerability. Clayton Rohner as Rick brings a charming and quirky presence to Rick - perfect for someone who is a bit of an artistic loner. You could see why Terry would fall for him. The show is almost stolen by Billy Jacoby as Buddy, who is horny and funny and clever in equal measure. Toni Hudson, William Zabka, Deborah Goodrich, and Kenneth Tighe all breath vibrant life into their characters, as well, and lend able to support to the main players. And the soundtrack is probably one of the best to come out of an 80’s film.
In the end, this is one of those movies that I hope will never get remade so the memory of the original will never be tarnished. But then again, part of me wishes that it would get remade, so that a new generation of cinema-goers will discover its charms, if only by default. Of course, it goes without saying that the remake would suck ass to the nth degree. But we’ll always have the 1985 classic.
And in closing, my favorite song from JUST ONE OF THE GUYS' soundtrack: the enchanting "Tonight You're Mine, Baby" by Ronnie Spector - with scenes from the movie:
