(Yeah, right: if that's a chick, then I'm Catherine Zeta-Jones...)
CAST: Barry Watson, Melissa Sagemiller, Michael Rosenbaum, Harland Williams, Heather Matarazzo, Kathryn Stockwood, Yvonne Scio, Brad Beyer.
DIRECTOR: Wallace Wolodarsky
WARNING: SPOILERS and some seriously ugly women right up ahead....
Last week, as part of the "I am Woman - Hear me Roar!!!" celebration that accompanied the release of SALT, I reviewed the 1985 gender-switch classic JUST ONE OF THE GUYS. That film, about a beautiful and intelligent high school senior who goes undercover as a guy to prove gender inequality, was clever and ahead of its time.
Today, I am reviewing it's far less graceful - and much, much more crude - cinematic cousin: SORORITY BOYS. I remember seeing the trailers for this flick in 2001 and simply erupting into gales of laughter over them. I figured if the film was even half as funny as the trailer, then it was possible we had a major hit on our hands. For a film that I was so gung-ho on seeing, I didn't end up catching it until it was out on DVD. Don't remember the reasons why, but turns out that things unfolded as they should have: if i would have ended up paying the full price of a ticket back then for SORORITY BOYS, plus the several million dollars for drinks and popcorn, I think I would bludgeoned someone with a standee.
Paying the much lower price for a DVD rental seems more appropriate for a film that clearly saved all of its best moments for the trailer. Needless to say, I was a bit underwhelmed. If TOOTSIE was at the top of the class of "boys-dressing-as-girls" academy, SORORITY BOYS is the dude who slept in and missed the whole semester. Still, there are some diamonds to be found in this rough - if not many.
Our fable begins at a party at the Kappa Omega Kappa fraternity, which spells - altogether now - KOK. If you think those letters are an accident, then you obviously have an evolved opinion of frat boys and the games they play. One of those games is tying up naked pledges and taunting them with bowls of Crisco and and a gerbil - which is the first lovely scene we see.
Then, thankfully, this would-be Mythbusters episode is interrupted when the rest of the fraternity brothers decide to use the room for a normal frat party and shove aside the dork-ass president of KOK, Spence (Brad Beyer), and his equally dork-ass flunkies who were wielding the Crisco and the gerbil.
By the way, by "normal party" I mean one that doesn't involve anal exploratory surgery involving a small mammal - and only good ol' fashioned misogyny. We are efficiently introduced to our would-be heroines: (1) Dave (Barry Watson), the kind of frat boy who is actually pretty nice - meaning he fucks only one girl instead of three at a party; (2) Doofer (Harland Williams), the kind of frat boy who was a frat boy when Ronald Reagan was President - and will still be a frat boy when Ben Affleck is President; and (3) Adam (Dean), the kind of frat boy who is elected head of the social committee - in other words, the Frat Boy Poster Boy. Life is great for these future nuclear physicists - until the day they are thrown out of KOK for embezzling money from the social fund.
Suddenly homeless and penniless, the trio rack their brains for a plan to prove their innocence. Given that they probably have a collective IQ commensurate to about that of a used coffee filter, this endeavor surprisingly doesn't take that long.
See, Doofer quickly remembers that Adam had set-up a secret video camera to tape him fucking half the co-eds on campus - and the safe that kept the social fund is right next to the bed. Using the logic from a hundred Scooby-Doo cartoons, our heroes deduce that all they have to do is get ahold of the tapes to see if it picked up footage of the theft.
Unfortunately, there's no way in hell they're going to be allowed back into the KOK house, so Doofer (again) comes up with the brilliant idea to sneak into that night's "All Tramp" party - dressed up as, uh, tramps. AKA: Girls. Lo and behold: despite looking like the cast of TO WONG FOO PART 2, our "heroines" manage to get into the KOK house.
Sadly, before they can search for the tapes, three things happen to put a crimp in their plans: (1) Jimmy (Tony Denham), Adam's "little brother," develops a major hard-on for Adam-dressed-like-a-girl, which is like flying Beyond the Valley of the Fucked-Up; (2) their KOK brothers take one look at those broad shoulders, Adam's Apples, nonexistent hips, and lopsided tits - and immediately mistake them for sisters from the Delta Omega Gamma sorority house, also known as - altogether now - DOGs, (3) and toss their flat asses out onto the sidewalk.
Swooping in to save our "girls" is DOG president Leah (Melissa Sagemiller), the kind of sorority sister that passes out flyers to everyone at the student union and generally is a major pain despite being extremely hot. Taking pity on the three, Leah invites them into the DOG house (giggle) and serves them a hot meal - which, at this point, the guys would've gone down on each other for.
While Doofer, Dave, and Adam tear into the food in a manner about as ladlylike as a pack of velociraptors tearing into a bleeding triceratop, Leah tries to convince them to join DOG. Dave secretly tries to convince Adam and Doofer that they can use the DOG generosity for food and board while they contrive a way to get to those tapes that will surely clear their names.
Well, actually, Adam is the only that needs to be convinced - because Doofer was pretty much convinced by the food. Faced with the thought of possibly having to make a living as transvestite hooker, Adam succumbs to the idea of becoming a DOG - for the meantime.
Before you know it Dave, Adam, and Doofer have become Daisy, Adena, and Roberta. Our three "heroines" quickly blend into the DOG house (ha ha), not so surprising since the major sisters are: (1) Frederique (Yvonne Scio), a French chick who, while reasonably hot, also has a mustache just a little less bushy than Magnum P.I.'S; (2) Patty (Kathryn Stockwood), a girl who is bigger than most NFL linebackers, with a voice deeper than most foghorns; and (3) Katie (Heather Matarazzo), a bookish sister whose voice is probably used a lot by Foley artists to simulate the sound of tires screeching on pavement during car chases - and I'm barely exaggerating.
So, as you can see, their sorority's name isn't exactly unwarranted. At any rate Dave, Adam, and Doofer quickly launch a plan to try to get the tape back, which consists of: (1) Adam taking advantage of Jimmy's raging boner for Adena by (2) meeting him on a date at the KOK house, and then (3) slipping a roofie into Jimmy's drink, before Adam as Adena (4) searches the room from top to bottom for the tape.
Unfortunately, Jimmy's a lot more cunning than his sub-Fred Savage looks would hint at. Basically, he slips his own roofie into Adena's drink which leads to a knock-down drag out fight that ends in: (1) Adam passing out, (2) waking up the next morning and having to (3) do the Walk of Shame in his own frat house, and then (4) discovering a suspicious sticky stain on the seat of his skirt, which (5) leads Doofer and Dave to posit that Adam might have actually gotten butt-fucked by his "little brother." Ouch.
Desperate now for a strategy that doesn't include inadvertent sodomy, our trio of "heroines" convinces the other DOGs (tee-hee) to participate in the Powder Puff Festival, a football game between sororities with the prize being a chance to sail on the KOKtail Cruise with the similarly-named dickheads. Dave sees this as an opportunity to search for the tape, and also sort our his feelings for Leah - whom he has grown close to as Daisy.
It goes without saying that the DOGs win the tournament - and they eventually make it onto the cruise. There, all the various plot threads collide: (1) Jimmy and Adena's "affair", (2) Daisy and Leah's pseudo-lesbian dalliance, (3) the search for the tape, (4) Doofer's desire to, uh, get smashed; and (5) our "heroines" being revealed to have, well, dicks.
Needless to say, it turns out that Crisco-and-gerbil-loving KOK president Spene engineered the theft of the social funds and pays for his transgression by getting tossed off the ship - leading to (1) Adam's coronation as the new, uh, KOK head; (2) Dave and Leah becoming a couple (couple of freaks, that is) and (3) Doofer convincing Frederique to explore the whole new world of depilatories.
And, Jimmy? Well, he and Adam will always have that one night together.... And Adam always has Tequila to forget.
BUT, SERIOUSLY: Like I wrote, I had high hopes for SORORITY BOYS based on its trailer. Unfortunately, the trailer had a self-assurance that somehow doesn't translate to the film itself. A lot of the jokes are just a tad off. Can't really blame the cast because they perform their roles with gusto. Somehow, you can't help but think the direcctor was in a hurry to get the film in the can, because a lot of the scenes feel rushed. Better to have taken the time to get them right. After all, comedy is about timing, right?
As for the cast, they all have moments where they acquit themselves well. Barry Watson is suitable as the nice-guy frat boy who slowly falls for a DOG (ahem). Michael Rosenbaum has a couple of great expressions as the macho frat boy who is literally traumatized by not only his fall from grace, but also his forays behind the female curtain.
The "Zach Galifanakis" award goes to Harland Williams as the eternal frat boy Doofer, who generates the biggest laughs. Whether he's counseling Frederique on how to change her, um, French ways, or sharing with his new sisters the fact that he's addicted to masturbation, Doofer almost always get a smile out of you - at the very least. As the various sisters of the DOG house (chortle), Melissa Sagemiller, Heather Matarazzo, Kathryn Stockwood, and Yvonne Scio are all competent.
In the end, though, the only thing that keeps this from sliding into the "Below Average" swamp is the energy of its three leads. Without them, there'd be no excuse for SORORITY BOYS to exist.
