MOVIE RATING SCALE:

***** (Spectacular) 10

****1/2 (Excellent) 9

**** (Very Good) 8

***1/2 (Good) 7

*** (Above Average) 6

**1/2 (Average) 5

** (Below Average) 4

*1/2 (Mediocre) 3

* (Awful) 2

1/2 (Abysmal) 1

0 (Worthless) 0


Sunday, May 8, 2011

# 325 - SHOCK (1977)

SHOCK (1977 - HORROR / HAUNTED HOUSE FLICK) *** out of *****

(Why does that kid talk like someone is crushing his nuts?)

Okay, lady… very slooooooooowly put down the box-cutter.

CAST: Daria Nicolodi, John Steiner, David Colin Jr., Ivan Rassimov.

DIRECTOR: Mario Bava

WARNING: Some SPOILERS and one really great drinking game - straight ahead…




IT’S LIKE THIS: Glamorous Italian couple Dora and Bruno Baldini (Daria Nicolodi and John Steiner) return to the house that she used to live in with her first husband, along with her young son from that first marriage, Marco (David Colin Jr.). Before long, Marco starts doing bizarre shite like: (1) glaring at his Mom, (2) shredding her clothes, (3) telling her he wants to kill her, and (4) setting all kinds of traps around the house to injure her. Such as turning out the lights when she’s going down some steps, or leaving razor blades in between piano keys so when she plays she’ll… well, it ain’t pretty. All in all, not exactly typical eight-year-old behavior. As if that’s not bad enough, Dora starts having nightmares about her first husband, who disappeared at sea and was presumed dead. It doesn’t help that Bruno is always away doing the airline pilot thang. Soon, Dora begins to suspect that the ghost of her dead husband is haunting the house - and possessing her son. Ya fuckin’ think?

THE DUDE (OR DUDETTE) MOST LIKELY TO SAVE THE DAY: No one. Unlike THE HEARSE and WHAT LIES BENEATH, which had vulnerable but strong heroines, Dora’s about as tough as an over-boiled spaghetti noodle. And the men around her are even worse.

EYE CANDY MOST LIKELY TO FIRE UP A WOODY: Daria Nicolodi. It’s easy to see why Dario Argento decided to hook up with her. Lucky bastard.

MOST INTENTIONALLY SCARY SCENE: Marco running up to Dora in the hallway - and then metamorphing into her dead husband. If you’re a dude watching this scene with your new girlfriend, try not to scream at this point. It won’t help your chances of getting a “hot and cold” blowjob later on in the evening.

MOST UNINTENTIONALLY SCARY SCENE: Pretty much anytime that goddamned kid is onscreen - especially in the American version. In the original Italian version of SHOCK, Marco sounds like a normal kid. In the American DVD, he sounds just like - I shit you not - a 35-year old trying to sound like an 8-year old. Think about that for a second. Fucking freaky, right? Here’s a great drinking game for you and your buddies: do a shot every single time Marco does something bizarre, scary, or unintentionally funny. Trust me - you will all be trashed before the half-way mark.

HOTTEST SCENE: There’s a sex scene between Bruno and Dora that is about as exciting as watching a loaf of bread bake. The closest thing to hotness we get are shots of Daria Nicolodi walking around a party wearing a really elegant dress. Hey, she’s Italian. That’s good enough.

INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW: So what the hell is going on in the Baldini household? Is Dora’s dead first husband pissed off that she remarried? Is he possessing Marco to get back at her? Why the hell doesn’t Bruno take Dora seriously even after she’s nearly killed by a falling window shade? Is he somehow involved? Or is Dora just, you know, bat-shit crazy? Can their psychiatrist friend, Dr. Aldo Spidini, cure Marco? Can this family be saved? And the most important question of all: what clown dubbed Marco’s voice in English? Seriously - that shit alone is scarier than everything else in the whole movie put together.

WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH “SHOCK”: If you’re a fan of Italian auteur Mario Bava, or others like Dario Argento and Lucio Fulci. And if you don’t mind your horror/thrillers to be colorful, arty, and a little, well, strange.

WHY YOU MAY NOT ENJOY “SHOCK”: If you’re not familiar with or not a fan of Italian auteurs Mario Bava, Dario Argento, or Lucio Fulci. And if you like your horror/thrillers to be straight, predictable, and not at all batshit-crazy. If that’s the case, you may want to rename this movie as SCHLOCK.

FINAL ANALYSIS: SHOCK was celebrated Italian horror director Mario Bava’s last film. While his stamp is all over this movir, it ultimately isn’t as strong as others in his oeuvre such as SEI DONNE PER L’ASSASSINO, BARON BLOOD, and THE GIRL WHO KNEW TOO MUCH. Still, Mario Bava is incapable of making an uninteresting film, and even with its imperfections SHOCK is still an above average experience. The saving graces of this film are its atmosphere (par for the course for Bava) and the lovely Daria Nicolodi’s performance as Dora. Nicolodi was romantically involved with Bava’s fellow auteur Dario Argento, and she featured prominently in the latter’s movies from as early as DEEP RED in 1975 to MOTHER OF TEARS in 2006. It’s not hard to see why Bava and Argento would want to use Nicolodi as a leading lady: the woman is beautiful, talented, and effortlessly holds the screen. She certainly does in SHOCK, where she is required to pretty much carry the whole film on her shoulders - and she does so very gracefully. Nicolodi’s skill in keeping us on Dora’s corner is critical for SHOCK’s effectiveness, since we see the whole thing through her eyes. For much of the movie’s running time, we’re not sure if Dora is cracking - or if her dead husband’s ghost really has returned. And it's all thanks to Daria Nicolodi’s abilities.

In the end, SHOCK may be too offbeat for most Americans, but those willing to give it a try will find a decent movie that isn’t afraid to be eerie and even downbeat. In this day of cookie-cutter horror flicks, that is often a plus. Also, it is the late Mario Bava’s last film - something that gives the film added distinction.